11.14.2009

Calgon Take Me Away

I eagerly climbed onto the cozy chair like bed and pulled the covers over my legs and up to my chest. I allow my body to form to the contours of the chair, close my eyes and let out a sigh of relief. I have been waiting for this facial all week and oh how I need it.

The last two weeks have been stressful for me to say the least. Buying a car set off a domino effect of other expenses and with Christmas, travel, house hunting, and wedding planning looming there is no end in sight. It has been extremely overwhelming to say the least. My stomach churns and anxious thoughts race through my mind. I am easily irritated, impatient, tearful and feeling out of sorts. But the moment I shut my eyes and my facial begins I am determined to put it out of my mind so that I can enjoy the experience. As she massages my neck and shoulders I visualize her rubbing out my stress and worries too. I focus on my breathing and the pressure of her fingers on my temples and will all negative thoughts to disappear. Even if just for this moment. I leave the spa feeling refreshed and determined to start anew.

It is to be weekend of taking care of business. Friday started with errands. Getting the new car washed and finally dropping off my recycling. Later, I finally turned in my leased Jeep to the dealership. Out with the old and in with the new.

It's Saturday. Time to clean and do laundry. I de clutter, scrub, organize, and throw things out hoping that these actions are also a metaphor for my life. Change and anything I can't exactly plan for is terrifying for me. The uncertainty of it all has caused me to spiral backwards a bit. Back to a dark place that I have long since left and have no intention of going back to. Trying to figure out how to squeeze water out of a rock is no easy task and thinking about it causes that uneasy lump to rise in the back of my throat. Why can't money grow on trees? I distract myself with my list of things to buy and head off to the grocery store. Feeling productive makes me feel in control of at least something.

Instead of coming home to an empty condo as I have been for going on five years soon I will come home to another person and everything else that goes along with it. I want to enjoy that. I can't let my fears take that away from me. My stress and worries have taken me over but I want to take myself back. I don't want this anxiety to rule me. I have to believe that everything will be OK.



No comments :

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...