3.16.2015

That Daily Grind

About four weeks ago things at work started to get really, really busy as they do every year at this time.  I know it's coming but when it hits it REALLY hits hard and I end up stressed out and wiped out every time.  I work frantically and furiously from the moment my butt hits my ergonomic chair at 8am to the minute I leave at 5pm. I barely have time to get up to go to the bathroom.  I sit there waiting for that elusive stopping point even though I know it's really bad for me because there is so much work to do.  There is no way I can do it all at once but I heap a ton of pressure on myself to get it done fast and not make any mistakes.  By the end of the day my brain is fried and I'm so annoyed by all the crap I've had to muck through.  On the drive home I am just outdone.  I don't even want to listen to the radio.  My neck and back are tight.  I have been sucked dry and now that I'm free I have nothing left to give what's left of my day.  By the time I get home I am emotionally drained and physically exhausted.  When my tired head hits the pillow at night I am so tired and so ready to go to sleep and then the nagging thoughts about what I didn't finish and what I need to remember to do the next day start creeping in creating a ball of anxiety in the pit of my stomach because I am so overwhelmed.  When I get to work in the morning it feels like I never left and the days start blending into each other.  Am I really here again doing the same thing?  Get up, work, eat, sleep, repeat and live for the weekends to  break the never ending cycle of that daily grind.

This time of year always makes me reflect on my days as a claims adjuster.  Worst job ever.  I seriously don't know how I survived for so long doing a job that made me so miserable.  Two weeks later, things have started to slow down a bit at work.  Still crazy busy but not enough that I have work dreams anymore. Two weeks of that kind of stress is doable.  Especially considering a lot of it is self induced stress that I put on myself but as a claims adjuster I felt that pressure and that stress every single day and it was more than self induced.  There were people on my ass every day on the phones pressuring me to do the impossible yesterday and it never ended.  I dreaded work so much that it wasn't uncommon for me to cry on the drive there or cry on the way home.  It went on for years and years like that until I finally couldn't take it anymore and quit.  I didn't even have a job lined up.  I just knew that I could not go on like that and I didn't care what the consequences were.  I couldn't do it anymore.

I remember when I first started working where I do now I was so afraid of finding myself in the same position.  Every time things got busy I had flash backs to the horror of being a claims adjuster and how it felt to have a ridiculous amount of time sensitive work,  deal with angry people all day long and feel like the world was crashing down on my chest every day.  I was so afraid that this job would turn out to be like that job and I freaked out a little bit but every time I felt overwhelmed.  I'd start to panic but it always blew over.  It always became manageable.  Now I can tell myself to calm down, it will pass and that I won't wake up tomorrow living the nightmare of hating my job.  It took me a few years to get over the post traumatic stress or whatever you want to call it of being trapped and miserable at work for so many years.  Yes, my job seriously stresses me out for about a month every year and a handful of times in between but I am so grateful that it's only temporary and not the day to day norm.  Most of the time I go to work, put in my time and leave it there.  It doesn't keep me up at night and it doesn't make me feel like I want to end it all.  Nobody should ever feel like that about their job.  Life is just too short to be that unhappy at a place that you depend on for your livelihood where you have to spend a huge chunk of your life.  I really feel for people who hate their jobs.  Having lived it for longer than I should have, I know how debilitating that can be.  You can almost feel the years being taken off your life.  Not good.

As a claims adjuster my best day was five time worse then even my worst day now.  That's pretty bad.  I'm so glad I don't have to deal with that anymore so even though I still haven't figured out how to quit my job and spend my days sitting coffee shop, traveling the world, and staging Instagram pics I'll take it and consider myself lucky.
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17 comments :

Tami @ Friday Morning Buzz said...

Wow. I am so sorry you had to go through that as a claims adjustor! I definitely know that feeling you described of "years being taken off your life." Nothing is worth that kind of stress. I really believe it would eventually cause you to meet your early demise. Glad to hear things are calming down at work for you now too!

Mrs. Pancakes said...

Gosh I understand what you are Saying...glad the crazy comes only a few weeks a year...I wonder what the world would be like if we all were doing what we loved every single day!! A happy one I conclude!!

Faith said...

I love that I enjoy my job too! I can't imagine getting up everyday to go to a place I hate.

And seriously, when you find out how we can stage pictures for Instagram and drink coffee at different cafes everyday and travel the world on other's dime, you let me know! It seems like everyone is doing it but me, haha.

That Blue House said...

I hated an old job of mine simply because of a boss I had who made my life miserable. It was the kind of job where I would fantasize about what I would say to this man when I finally quit. These days, I'm at a comfortable place with my job. It is not my dream-because like you I would love to just travel and sip wine all day--but it allows me to afford other parts of my life that bring me much joy, like our home, our vacations, and our lifestyle in general.

Nicole | Pharr Away said...

I totally hated my last job as well so I often have to keep that in perspective when I start to feel overwhelmed at my current job. I actually enjoy the job I have, for once, but there are still days that get to me and I imagine that will always be the case when working in corporate America.

cashanamusings said...

I worked for an attorney who was abusive and I remember dreading going to work and always having to listen to the door to determine if it was going to be a good day. I know the feeling and when I left, it was like the sun shined brighter and the weight of the world had been lifted and I didn't have a job lined up, but I needed my peace and my health back.

Renae said...

I've been blessed enough to not have had any horrible jobs, granted I've only had 3 jobs in my life but nonetheless all have been manageable and for the most part stress free. I can't imagine having to go to a job every day that was that stressful and that I hated. Thank God you have a better job now I'm sure it helps you to keep things in perspective when those busy "seasons" do come.

Jessica said...

I can totally relate. I had a job a few years ago that was so terrible. I never cried at the office but many days I did after I left at the end of the day. This job is much better but right now at the end of the day I am so exhausted and I feel so drained. The daily grind is really getting to me.

Kurlylicious said...

I totally can relate to hating a job, been there, done that and got a t-shirt! You are right, life is too short to be unhappy! What is your current profession?

A Life Less Traveled said...

I am starting to think that miserable jobs are sometimes needed to remind us of what is important. Life is too short to waste on a job that you hate.

Ashley R said...

Glad you got out of that job! I would LOVE to find a way to do hang out and travel 24/7 and not work. At the very least- retirement should be like that! ;)

Susannah said...

Goodness, I'm SO glad you got out of that job! I worked a job that made me physically sick too and it's SO not worth it!

jackie jade said...

hating your job is the worst thing ever. so good that your new job is so much better!

Food, Booze, & Baggage said...

I've been in that situation before, and can totally relate! I wasn't 100% happy with my last job either, though it was not the worst by far...it was just frustrating. That is why P has pushed for me to take time to figure it all out before jumping into something else. It is really hard to enjoy the other parts of your life when half + of your day is so dreaded! Glad you aren't in that situation anymore.

Law_Fal said...

I have definitely been in your position before. Although some days are stressful for me at work, like yesterday I'm so happy that I'm not where I previously worked at when I was constantly stressed miserable and in tears! We spend more time at work than home it seems so being happy is so important!

Janna Renee said...

I've been offered several jobs here, but Will won't let me take them because they would be high stress and he says it's not worth the money. I'm glad your new job is better!

Catherine Gacad said...

i totally feel you on this post! 4x a year i work insane hours, weekends, up at the crack of dawn... but it's never that bad because, like you, i once was in a job so miserable that i quit without anything else lined up either. i also quit right before my bonus was due because i hated the job that much! no amount of money is worth that kind of stress.

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