Love and Glasses

When I first met my husband I had just finished a modeling job so I was in heavy full on make up.  I'm talking totally airbrushed and with hair styled to perfection.  After that there is really nowhere else to go but down!  I remember hoping that he would still think I looked okay when he saw me on our next date in my usual minimalist make up look.  He did.  I've always hated my toes and I remember not really wanting him to see them.  Will he still like me after he sees my toes?  He did.  I remember feeling nervous the first time he ever saw me in my glasses and with my hair all wrapped up for bed.  There is that moment where you are like, okay it's about to get real right now and if he really likes you nothing will change.  And it didn't.  So why is it that four years later after he's seen me at my best AND absolute worst did I ever doubt him?

The Glasses

I got new glasses August.  It's probably been about 3 years since I had a new pair.  I mostly wear contacts when I'm going out and keep the glasses at home so it's not something I want to spend money on every year.   Typically I end up with a pair that looks exactly like the ones before so this time I really tried to get something different.  I found some with Brown square just slightly larger frames instead of the usual Black.  They looked really cute when I tried them on at the optometrist that day but when MY pair came in MY prescription it was another story.  I've been wearing glasses since 4th grade and my eyes are really bad.  I'm talking -10 Rx bad; and if you wear glasses or contacts then you probably know just how bad that is.  I had a detached retina in my right eye that occurred out of the blue for no apparent reason other then poor vision.  It normally takes a blow to the eye to detach a retina so that should give you some idea of how terrible my vision is.  Nothing ever seems to look too cute in my prescription even with the super high index lenses to thin them out.  As I've gotten older I am not as self conscious about wearing my glasses in public now and then but when I saw myself in these new glasses it set me back about 15 years.  They looked awful, I felt hideous and I just wanted to hide.  Mj was out of the country and when I skyped with him I refused to wear them.  Even though the suckers cost me about $300 bucks I put them back in the case and refused to wear them for about a week.  I came to my senses and realized I can't waste money like that and started wearing them again but I brought my old glasses when I met Mj in Europe for our vacation.  I couldn't bear to have him see me in the new ones until we got back.  All these irrational thoughts ran through my head about how Mj would take one look at me and wonder how it is that he ended up married to such an unsightly woman.  Just one look and he'd be ready to file for divorce.  I know, I know; very extreme conclusions to jump to over a pair of glasses but when you are feeling really down on yourself and insecure sometimes you can't help such irrational thoughts from crossing your mind and when they do you even start to believe them no matter how crazy they may seem.

Mj and I were relaxing on the couch over the weekend and he said "See...you're wearing the new ones.  You look cute in your glasses.  And I like it that I can look at you first thing in the morning when you wake up and still think you're cute."  I smiled and got all warm and glowy inside.  It was one of those moments that I said to my self, God I love this man.  My heart even melted just a little because somehow he knew that I needed to hear those words and not only did he say them to me on that night but he's said it to me before.  Sometimes I still have to pinch myself to believe that I have such a wonderful husband but it's true and I should have known that he loves me enough to see beyond a pair of nerdy glasses. 

And that's the goal ladies when it comes to relationships; or at least one of them.  Not to be cute in the morning or look good in glasses necessarily, but to have a man who believes that you do and makes you feel good about yourself no matter what.  Someone with whom you can truly be yourself without judgement or fear of rejection and still feel loved and wanted.  Bump around the house with messy hair and wear the same comfy pajamas all week.  Say what you think, act how you are and look like yourself.  If he is the "one" you can be who you are it won't matter and he will love you for it because you are YOU.   I hear about women who have husbands that have never seen them without make up or without their hair fully "done".  They probably feel about being bare faced and natural the way I initially felt in those new glasses but ultimately I couldn't keep them hidden forever no matter how unattractive I felt.  Our relationship is way more then the sum of my glasses wearing, sloppy T-shirt, messy haired no make up days and I should never have thought anything different.