Three Days Four Nights

Wow.  This is officially the longest I've ever gone without posting.  In eight years.  I've been tired, and haven't felt inspired.  I almost re-wrote that sentence because I didn't mean for it to rhyme, but really, that's what it was.  Tired and uninspired. Why am I not surprised that the first post in a month is about none other than my handsome husband?

Three days.  That's all we had.  Well, five if you want to get technical, but I don't because a Sunday night arrival, and a pre-noon departure does not a day make.  It took me at least a day to believe that he was really here.  This was a surprise visit that came out of nowhere because he had to make a trip to Arizona, so I wasn't expecting to see him any time soon.  I didn't believe it when he told me he was coming two weeks prior.  I didn't believe it when, I got his flight itinerary.  I didn't believe it when I picked him up from the airport, and wrapped my arms around his neck.  I still didn't believe it the next morning when we were laying under clear blue skies at our favorite picnic spot in Balboa Park watching airplanes roar above our heads.

It was a perfect day.  The weather warmed into the 80's just in time for his arrival, and neither one of us had eaten those juicy Italian Subs from Capriotti's in a while.  The next day I took him on a date to The Lot.  It didn't bother us that our showtime was cancelled due to technical difficulties and that we would be seeing Get Out at 3:30pm instead of 2:00 because we had nowhere to be except right there with each other.  Instead of eating inside the theater we ordered another drink, and ate burgers at outdoor the bar all the while soaking up the ambiance.  We were refunded the cost of the tickets for our trouble, which really wasn't any trouble at all.

Just when I fully and truly believed my husband was really home, is also about when it started to hit me that he would soon leave.  On Monday, Thursday seemed so far away, and I refused to acknowledge that his presence was temporary, but by Tuesday night, I couldn't help it.  One day left.  We met his co-workers for lunch, and sat outside eating Mexican food.  Then we stopped for yogurt, before heading to Best Buy for a new Blue Ray player, because I had to get in at least one Honey Do while the getting was good. 
 

He was jet lagged the whole time.  Early to rise, and early to get tired.  He managed to stay awake those first two night, just because he didn't want me waking him up and marching him to bed, and he knows I would.  With only so few nights home I wouldn't allow him to spend a single one of them sleeping on the couch.  It was enough that I could watch him sleep, so on the fourth night I let him doze off, and he didn't complain when I woke him up after two hours and marched him up to bed.

It was so nice doing even the little things we always do together.  I held off on watching The Walking Dead on Sunday so we could watch it together on Monday.  I got to watch him dart around the kitchen cooking our Blue Apron meal in half the time it would take me, using proper cutting technique I will never master, and then swoop in to finish off the dishes while he started the movie.  We did that spur of the moment run to Mary's for the best donuts in town.  When it was time to eat them he want straight for the milk.  He doesn't believe in eating donuts without milk, but he saved a little bit for me because I don't need my own glass; just a big sip after my last bite.

I couldn't believe he was here, and then I couldn't believe I was at work.

I dropped him off at the airport, and was slogging through emails by 10:30am.  It was surreal.  Almost as if the last 3 days had never happened.  Getting to see him at all was great, but another airport drop, and another good-bye smacked me in the face with the reality that even though we've been living separately for seven months (!!), he's been gone long enough to be moving into a second apartment in two weeks, and we still have another nine months to go. 

He'll be in Arizona this week, before he heads back to Germany, and I thought I'd like it that we could at least share the same time zone for a while, but oddly enough, I don't think I do.  I've grown accustomed to counting ahead nine hours to figure out what he might be doing, and I'm used to not doing things here at the same time that he does them there.  When I'm on my way to work in the morning, he's on his way home.  When I'm powering through the middle of my work day, he's winding down for bed.  When I'm winding down for bed, he's getting in that last hour of sleep.  It might not make any sense, but when he's nine hours ahead, and our days are so out of sync it somehow makes the distance between us feel less real.  He's doing his thing in his time zone and I'm doing my thing in mine.

I don't like it that we are doing the same things at the same time, but can't do them together.  I don't like it that we are both going to sleep at the same time, but can't sleep together or watching the same TV shows at the same time, but not watching them together.  I don't like it that he's gone, period, but this is how it is right now and I'm so grateful for these visits in between that break up the time.

Seven months down, nine months to go...

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They Don't Pay Me Enough

There is no other way to say it. International airline travel sucks.  I had two flights each way.  There, it was 5 hours plus another 8. On the way home it was 10 hours plus 6.  I splurged on a pricier neck pillow, and the recline angle was pretty decent, but sleeping while sitting up is no fun.  It's just not natural to sit in such tight quarters for that long. Ridiculous even. Like how? But if you want to walk the cobblestone streets of Paris it's what you have to do. When your husband is living overseas it's what you have to do. 

Rome, Italy

This trip wasn't planned, but if I was a regular wife it would have been. You know, the kind of wife who says, "Sure I'd love to honey! When do I leave?" when her husband asks her to come to Germany and stay at a romantic lodge in the mountains of outer Bavaria.  Who wouldn't want to get away and enjoy that with their husband?

Well not me, because I'm not a regular wife.  We talked about it in August. Well, texted about it, because sometimes you just don't get around to talking about all the things you mean to when your husband lives nine hours ahead.

"Impossible," I said. 

Because it was. There isn't any possible way that I can get away for that long during that time of year.  I have one job! And it's showtime. The work floods in on the 18th, and I have a hard deadline on December 2nd.  Like really hard, as in the most important and biggest deadline of the year.  We lose 2 days for the holidays, but if I went to Germany when he wanted I'd have exactly 4 days (Tuesday to Friday) to do five times the amount of work that I would normally have 10 days to complete.   Impossible.  I could swing an extra 2 days max, but who spends 15 hours and a cool G on a flight for a 6 day visit? I really wanted to, but it was impractical, and I am nothing if not practical.  

I would see him two weeks later for Christmas and that was that because that's life and you simply don't always get what you want.

We didn't talk about it again until much later. We had a nice week together in Hawaii, but as Thanksgiving approached I knew something was wrong.  We don't argue, but for two months I had an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach I couldn't shake. Hawaii was weird. Something was wrong, and when I flat out asked him what it was, I found out he had stronger feelings about the situation than he let on.  Election day was hyper emotionally charged for more reasons than one.

"Well, it's too late now," he said.

"Probably, but it wouldn't hurt to look."

So I looked, and my heat sank, because the cost was $600 more than when I was "just browsing" in August.  Yes, there was a total breakdown in communication.  We should have had that conversation a heck of a lot earlier, but the bottom line is that I should have known. I should have known that it was not okay leave him alone for Thanksgiving, and I had to fix it.

 

"It's way too much money," he said.

"I know.  Way too much, but I'm tempted to do it anyway."   

I mulled it over.  I talked to my mom.  I called my boss at home.  What would the lead girl in the Rom-Com do in this situation? She would cancel her airline ticket to Vegas and book the damn ticket to Stuttgart. She would do whatever it took to get to her man.

I'm not the type to say screw them, they'll figure it out.  That's not me.  I'm the girl who tried to come back to work 2 weeks post op, but stretched it to 3 because I was told to stay home, and then worked in pain all week because of the very same deadline that was keeping me from my husband.  I offered to work from home while I was in Germany, and I still didn't know how I'd get all the work done, but it was the only option I could come up with.  Mind you, it doesn't really work like that in our office, but desperate times called for desperate measures.  I had to make this happen.  I booked the flight on Friday and one week later, I was on a long ass flight to Stuttgart.  No easy task for someone who suffers from travel induced anxiety.

At least they keep you occupied on international flights. Plenty of movies to choose from.  I watched four on the way there, and five on the way back.  Five!  High Strung has to be one of the most cliche dance movies that ever lived.  Dance battles in the subway station, spontaneous dancing on table tops, a scholarship at stake, and a love that depends on winning it all in a dance competition.  Loved it! I was ready to try for a nap until I saw that and it passed another 1 1/2 of time.  

My meal after I demolished the chicken

You get hot towels before meals, and there were two (plus dessert) sandwiched between 3 beverage services giving me the opportunity for two glasses of wine plus coffee. I had three on the way home, and those flight attendants are not nearly as stingy with their pours as bartenders.  The food is good and perfectly designed to fill you up.  They offered it, and I ate it.  Eating is something to do.  They feed you on short flights too.  We had quiche on the way to Rome.  They make you feel so cared for, and then you get on a domestic flight and feel like a squatter who is lucky to have a bag of peanuts tossed in your direction.

Stuttgart, Germany

I imagine that in the movies the girl would have surprised her man. She would have booked the flight without a word and showed up at her husbands apartment triumphantly, suitcases in hand, and a loving smile on her face.  But this is me we're talking about, and as romantic as the idea of a surprise trip across the country is, I live in reality.  I needed his input just to get the flight booked.  The sappy music montage cutting between me navigating the transportation system of Stuttgart and my lonely husband on the couch drinking hard alcohol straight out of the bottle, would never happen.  It turns out that his apartment is pretty secure.  You can't get past the outer door without a pass key.  Also, I am so directionally challenged that I would have been lost and stranded somewhere in Stuttgart, and if by some miracle I managed to find his apartment he wouldn't be around.  My husband isn't one to sit idly or drown his sorrows in alcohol.  He would have made other plans and been long gone. 

It was still pretty perfect.  I headed through customs, then into baggage claim and looked for him in the crowd standing behind the glass.  He waved.  You guys, my husband is so cute.  I waited for my luggage and when I saw him in new cold weather active wear I'd never seen before I knew I made the right decision and that whatever I had to deal with to make it happen was well worth it.  He made a similar sacrifice for me, because he knew how important it was to me that he be in Hawaii, and I needed to do the same for him.

The price of that last minute ticket was utterly outrageous, and totally impractical, but the most practical choice isn't always the right one. Once I decided I needed to get to Stuttgart, the price didn't matter.  What mattered is that I was there for my husband, and we got to be together.  I got a chance to see what his life is like in Germany.  We ate Italian food in Italy, drank beer in Germany, and got to sleep in the same bed for nine nights.  You can't put a price tag on that, and when it comes down to it, they don't pay me enough to put work before my marriage.

Since He's Been Gone

Throw Back Thursday:  Pics from
 Roaring 20's Holiday Party in January

Today is Thursday and not Friday like I wish it was but it's still a GREAT day because I'm finally getting my husband back.  I'm picking him up from the airport after work and I cannot wait to finally see him for real and not via FaceTime. 

Since he's been gone....

I am a major homebody.  I know this about myself but I'm not allowed to be as much of a homebody when MJ is around.  He's just the opposite.  We do things together and because I am in go mode I also do more things with others.  I did a few things but didn't make that much of an effort to get out especially towards the end.  I like being at home.  

Cooking has gone out the window even more so then it normally is.  I don't have to try to cook or feel guilty for not doing it.  I was actually impressed with myself because I did make Chicken Breast for the first three weeks.  It was boring but my grocery list never changed and it was easy.  After that I was over it.  As easy as it is to make chicken breast it's even easier to make Cheese Casadilla's so I've been eating that for the last two weeks.  I spiced it up this week by adding green onions.  I also made beans.  Just plain old fresh beans and I ate that with my casadilla's.  MJ looks down on my dinner.  I know he does.  So you are eating fat and carbs? Well, not exactly.  Cheese has a ton of protein and I weigh it.  1 oz per casadilla keeps the fat count reasonable and I use whole wheat tortillas.  BAM! Healthy cheap easy dinner and no dishes.

I go to bed earlier.  Some weekends I was tired but not really, really tired but I'd just go to bed because I was bored.  I wish that meant I was getting more sleep but lately I'm still waking up super early for no good reason.

My life becomes a lot more predictable and routine.  I eat the same things and do the same things every day.  This is just one reason why MJ is my better half.  He gets me out and about more then I'd be on my own and that's a good thing.

When I'm just there with myself I'm more likely to get productive with extra time.  I rarely clean house on Sunday's.  If it doesn't get done on Saturday it doesn't happen but one Sunday I was just sitting there so I cleaned the microwave and the stove top.  Then I watched some TV.  Then I decided to dust the floating shelves that are a pain in the butt because I have to take everything off and stand up on the counter tops to reach them all.  I usually do my writing in the mornings but there were a few nights that I was just sitting there so I got on my laptop and spent a few hours writing. 

I don't have to clean as often.  Things just don't get as messy when it's just me.  There is also a lot less laundry.

I dominate the Netflix Queue.  I put all my chick flicks and random movies at the top.  I like discovering new movies and sometimes that means no name independent or foreign films.  If there is an actor in it that I like or if the story line looks interesting I'm willing to give it a try.  A lot of them suck but I have found some hidden gems.  MJ is not interested in spending his Saturday night watching a movie that's probably going to suck so when he travels I get as many of those in as I can.
 
Does absence make the heart grow fonder or is it out of sight out of mind?  Our first separation in 2009 was the longest.  We had 7 months apart, 1 week together then 4 more months apart.  Eleven months!  I remember feeling happy but also nervous when it was time for him to come back.  What if he doesn't love me anymore?  What if things aren't the same?  I don't worry about that anymore.  We've done this so many times.  There is always an adjustment period when he leaves and then again when he comes back but in our case absence makes the heart grow fonder.  That's how it should be.

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He's Not Here But He Is

My actual Birthday turned out better than expected.  I decided to leave work an hour early just because.  I stopped and picked up a donut on the way home just because.  I drank wine while eating said donut just because.  Then later on that night my mom called to say that they were in the area so they stopped by for a few hours.

I was off Friday and I slept in until an alarming 10am.  I can't remember the last time I did that so I think I just really needed it.  I knew what I was planning to wear to dinner that night but as soon as I put it on the negative thoughts started in.  I texted MJ.  I look fat.  He has got to be way more tired of hearing this then I am of saying it since I've only said it about a million and one times but instead of just telling me to get over it he FaceTimed me which was perfect because not only was I hating the way I looked in my dress, I wasn't sure what boots to wear.  I showed him my outfit and we decided on the black boots.  He told me I looked great and that's just one way he wasn't actually there but somehow still was that night.

I chose the Chocolate Peanut Butter mousse.  Of course!

I chose Season's 52.  I was immediately intrigued by the concept that nothing on their menu is over 475 calories.  Not everyone cares about that kind of thing but I do, plus it looked like a really nice.

A lot of times we end up in really loud bars for happy hour but there was a piano player and it was really quiet so we were able to chat and catch up without yelling at each other.  We all ordered flat breads which were pretty thin and crispy.  Not a lot of cheese.   I wasn't surprised because what can you really expect for less then 475 calories?  But it was enough and it was really good.  After dinner our waitress brought out this giant tower of mousse and we each got to pick one for dessert.  She also took a group shot and gave me the hard copy for free.

When she came back to refill our waters she said the bill had already been taken care of.  My eyes got really big.  How?  I look at my friends in confusion and we were all looking around the restaurant.  Are we such a hot bunch that somebody decided to pay for our meal?  Or is this place just so awesome that they pick up the tab on your Birthday and if so how did I not know this?

She asked me if I have a boyfriend in Germany and I almost started to cry.  I don't have have a boyfriend in Germany but I have an awesome amazing sweet husband there who woke up at 4am to treat me and my friends to dinner.  One of them said she felt like she was in a Lifetime movie and I totally agreed.  Not the part where the woman tries to kill her best friend so she can steal her husband but the part when the friend doesn't die and makes her way back to her grieving husband where they live happily ever after.

And that's just how he is.  Romantic, thoughtful and so great that 6 years later I still can't believe that I'm lucky enough to be able to call him my husband.

Tri-Tip Sandwich // Mac and Cheese // Greens

Saturday I went to my parent's house.  It was the first time spending the night since they sold my childhood home.  It was weird at first but if my parents live there; it's home.  We went to dinner that night  at a Soul Food restaurant called Felix's.  I will go there for the Macaroni and Cheese alone.  It takes the #1 spot for best restaurant mac and cheese but everything else was really good too.  We spent the rest of our time together hanging out and watching movies.

MJ and I FaceTimed twice on Saturday and once on Sunday while I was still at my parent's house.  I  miss him more every day that he's gone but even when he's not here he is.  I'm always thinking about him.  He's still a big part of my life and we stay connected.  We text, we e mail, we FaceTime.  He fixes airline ticket disasters and treats me to dinner.  He's not here and yet he is. 

When he comes back I definitely want us to go to Season's 52 together.  He's  never been, I still want to try their happy hour and it will be my turn to pick up the tab.

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More Apple Stuff

I don't read nearly as much as I used to.  Months ago Mj was showing me all these free books I could get on Amazon.  I found one I liked and then he didn't save it so he went searching for it and found it again.  I don't know what the point was.  I don't have a Kindle and chances are I wasn't going to go out and buy the book in the store.  I should have known that he would make sure I'd get to read that book.

I posted this pic on Instagram and got 17 likes. That's a lot of likes for me.  I normally don't get enough likes to group it together so that it says 17 likes.  You know what I mean?  I usually only have enough so that each one is listed individually.  Anyways.   I may not be very popular but Apple is.  They make stuff that people really like.  Yes, it's expensive.  Yes, they piss people off the way they dole out their new release functions piece by piece to induce customers to shell out money to upgrade to the next best thing.   They are innovative and they make quality products so people line up for everything they have to sell. 

I wasn't always an Apple person.  When Mj met me I had a broke down desk top PC on it's last legs and a $40 cell phone bill from T-Mobile.  I actually really liked that phone.  It was not a smart phone but it was my first cell phone with color on the screen and I liked the way it slid up and down to talk and access the keyboard.  My three years old desktop was slowing down on me and I was stressing out about the cost to renew my anti virus protection.  I renewed it that year but I didn't have to the next because Mj knocked my socks off and sent me a MacBook for my Birthday while he was deployed in Kosovo.  I still remember how exciting and revolutionary it felt to sit on my bed and compute at the same time.  I would have never bought a Mac.  They are too expensive and I am resistant to change.  With an Apple head for a  husband it definitely helped make the transition easier and I found using a Mac is actually pretty simple.

That year my slider phone stopped working and Mj found me a cheapo hot pink razor phone on e Bay to replace it.  Oh, how I despised that phone.  I hated it so much I smashed it to bits with a hammer when I got a new one.  You can see that here.  It was totally non functional and I can't believe how many people had been chomping at the bit to get it in their hot little hands when they first came out.  Why?  It was the worst phone ever.  People used to laugh because Mj had an i phone and I had a crap phone.  That year he surprised me with an iPhone for Christmas.  I said good bye to my crappy razor phone, hello to the smart phone world of Apple and never looked back.  It's the only kind I've ever owned since and it's been perfect for me.

I'm cheap frugal, especially when it comes to technology.  I'm just not willing to spend a lot of money on things I barely understand how to operate anyways.  I'd rather shop.  I probably would have never invested in a Mac and it would have taken me a lot longer to give up that cheap cell phone bill and finally get a smart phone.  I was just thinking that every Apple thing I've ever owned came from Mj and then I remembered my iPod.  That was my first Apple purchase.  Figures it's the one thing I don't use anymore.

Me, with an iPad mini?  It sure is cute but, I don't NEED an iPad.  And that's where Mj comes in.  He's so thoughtful about making sure I have what I need and want even if I won't do it for myself.  He has one and he wanted me to have one too.  He decided to make it an early Christmas present so I can use it when we go on vacation after Thanksgiving.  The day he decides to bring it home just so happens to be the one fluke of a day I got off early and beat him home so it kind of threw off his plans to have it all set up for me.

I love this man to pieces and I am thankful for him every day of my life.  Not just when he's buying me stuff from Apple. 

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Happy Hour or Bust

Most of the time a chair is just a chair and a table is just a table.  It's there.  You sit in it.  You eat at it.  You don't really think about it all that much.  But when you are in a club or a bar setting a chair is not just a chair and a table is not just a table.  It's turf.  And the competition to control them is fierce.

When the husband told me he wanted to go to Truluck's Seafood, Steaks & Crab House for his Birthday dinner my first thought was damn!  That place is really expensive and he wants to go there again?  They don't even have a parking lot so right off the top that's $8 for valet.  My second thought was if that's what my sweet husband wants then that's what he will get.  My third thought was that we had better make happy hour.   Happy hour is from 5-7 and we got there at 6pm.  I had a back up reservation for 7:15pm if the unthinkable happened and we didn't get a seat in the bar area but I was determined not to need it.  When I walked in I was on a mission.  Happy hour or bust.

It was Friday so the bar area was jam packed.  We joined the ranks of the lost souls floating around without tables.  On my way back from the bathroom I saw 3 people swoop in and grab seats on Mj's watch.  Mj, you gottta be on the look out!  So I'm standing there cutting my eyes left and right looking to see if anyone was wrapping up their meal or if a waitress was bringing anyone their bill.  Another couple happened to be standing near a table where people were leaving and they swooped in and stole that one.  Darn.

A girl walks in glued to her cell phone.  She stalks around scouting for a spot.  She was in the right place at the right time and even though we were there before her she snags two seats at the bar.  Timing  and location is everything when you are competing for bar real estate.  We stand around some more.  By this time it's 6:35pm.

We were standing behind this couple at the bar that looked like they'd been there for a while but she looked a little too cozy and he had barely made a dent in his beer.  They weren't going anywhere.  Another couple wearing black walked in and started trolling the bar.  I'm not the pushy type but I  couldn't let them snatch the next table from us.  My wallet was depending on it.  The couple behind us seemed to be wrapping it up so even though I could see the guy in the black suit pretty close to the table with the same idea I spoke up before he could and asked if they were leaving.  Black suit didn't go away so the girl pointed at us and said she thought we were there first.  His wife did not look happy that they didn't get the table but I told him.  Sorry, we've been looking for a spot since 6.  That table was ours.  And just in time because we had 25 minutes left of happy hour.  The waitress has seen physical fights break out over tables.  I believe it.  I've seen similar situations at other places and my friends and I have been known to be very possessive of "our" chairs.  I'm so glad I didn't have to fight.  Not that I would have.

I cancelled my 7:15 pm reservation on Open Table and ordered sliders, sweet potato fries and two glasses of champagne at 50% off bar menu happy hour prices.  Those are literally the only things I even liked on the whole menu.  Everything else was seafood.  Mj can have his $39 seafood trio in Bearnaise sauce off the dinner menu.  I'm a cheap date.  He's not.  His taste is expensive.  He claims he just likes "good" food and I guess I don't.  I have the palate of a 10 year old.  I don't need a $25 fillet when I'm just as happy with bar food, a simple grilled chicken or a good Cobb salad.  I enjoy eating out I just don't need anything fancy which usually means expensive.  But I don't like chain restaurants either.  The prices are good there are just too many other fun restaurants to explore in our city.

Once we got settled into prime real estate we had a really nice dinner.  I love the ambiance at this place.  When I'm not stalking people for their table that is.  The mouthwash dispenser in the bathroom is pretty cool but they also have a live singer and really great decor.  And they have the best sliders AND sweet potato fries I've ever had.   I took my husband out on a date.  He got his "good" food, I got my budget friendly eats and a good time was had by all.

 

You Know How I am

My husband is so...I guess a good word would be unaffected. He doesn't stress. He doesn't worry.  He is like, whatever about most things.  So when it comes to his Birthday I'm usually at a loss as to what to do for him. He wants to treat his Birthday just like any other day but I think he is special and therefore his Birthday is most definitely not any other day.  What do you want?  I don't know, I don't really need anything.  Do you want cake? No.  Do you want anything special for dinner? No as long as it's low carb and healthy I don't care.  Do you want to go out to dinner? No, it's a Thursday.   He want's nothing and wants to do nothing.  Am I just supposed to ignore my husbands Birthday and act like it's not happening just because he tells me he doesn't care?  Well, luckily his tennis shoes are on their last legs.  They broke this week so a gift card to get new ones was the obvious perfect gift.  Birthday Present-check.

Wine // Meatloaf muffins // Bundtini's

I briefly contemplated picking up KFC on the way home for dinner.  It was a long busy week and we all know I'm not the cook in this operation but it felt wrong to allow my husband to eat KFC on his birthday when I technically had time to make something.  I surfed the interwebs and decided that he was having meatloaf for his Birthday dinner.  Yes, meatloaf but I impressed even myself with how I got creative with it.  I came home, I cooked and I conquered because I made the meatloaf into muffins and he loved them so much that he had 4.  They are only 85 calories each so why not.  Birthday dinner-check.  I've never made him a Birthday cake.  It just feels lame because I would go Duncan Hines and he makes cakes from scratch.  On my lunch break I picked up bundtinis in five different flavors from Nothing Bundt Cakes.  This cake is really amazing.  It literally melts in your mouth and we both love it.  Birthday Cake-check.  We spent the evening drinking wine with dinner, eating cake and watching a movie.

My husband may not care about his Birthday but I do.  I've already established just how awesome I think he is and I would feel like the crappiest wife ever if I didn't at least try to make it a little special for him even if it was a Thursday and he could really care less.  What to do for a man who wants nothing to do with his Birthday.  I mean, you can't do nothing.  A thoughtful gift, a tasty dinner and something sweet and indulgent.  That about covers it.  When we went to bed that night I told him that I hoped he had a good day.  His response.  You know how I am.  And I do.  Which is how I knew he would say that he didn't care and that I would take it upon myself to care for him and do what I could to make it special anyways.

My Husband is Awesome

I don't think working full time and going to school is for everybody.  Lots of people are doing it but I seriously don't know how they survive it.   I am weak.  I'm a baby when I don't get enough sleep and I get stressed out when I have a lot on my plate.  I did two semesters part time at community college and it just about killed me.  I came home from class in tears because I was so exhausted and so tired and had no idea where I would find the time or energy to get everything done.  My husband is a lot stronger then I am.  I already knew that.   WE already knew that, but doing what he did is just one more example of how much stronger.  For the past three years Mj has been a fixture at the dining room table doing homework for hours and hours on end.  I come home from work and there he is posted up in front of his laptops.  I'm chilling on the couch on Sunday catching up on the old DVR and there he is doing homework all. day. long.  I really did feel sorry for him slaving away while I dozed in and out of sleep on the couch.  Some week nights we'd hardly even talk because he'd be doing homework from when I got home until we went to bed. 

He's been counting it down month by month, week by week and day by day.  Literally.  I got an update every week.  I "used" him as motivation to get some writing done and got him to come with me to my favorite coffee shop to work.  I wish I'd started it sooner because I got a lot done with him and it was fun.  He spent all Sunday working on his final project and now after years of hard work he finally has his degree and is so happy to be getting his life back.   Not that he ever really stopped living it.  My husband is a busy body.  He still hung out with his friends.  He cooked and went through all kinds of random baking phases.  He did his Army Drills.  We went on vacations.  We had date nights and DVD nights at home.  He went biking.  He did two cycles of P90X last year.  He did kick ball, dodge ball and is in his second flag football league in a row right now.  In fact, he's in two different leagues.  He just does not stop.  Needless to say he's really good at multi tasking while I'm tired just thinking about it. I'm such a slacker. He says he doesn't know what he's going to do with all this extra time and I'm thinking he may not want to tell me that because I'm sure I can think of a few things to help fill the void.

I'm so very proud of him.  When we met he told me that getting his Bachelor's degree had been a goal that he set out for himself a long time ago.  He did active duty Army, traveled the world then once he went to part time Army the degree was next on his list.  He had some setbacks.  It took him longer then he planned.  Army reserve training, deployments and life in general got in the way but he buckled down and got it done.  And what's really awesome aside from the whole getting your college degree thing is that between the GI Bill and his job benefits he hasn't paid a dime out of his pocket.  How freaking amazing is that in a time where most college graduates are drowning in student loan debt?  He even has a new job position lined up for next month.  He's a smart one alright, and he's cute. I'm just glad I snatched him up when I did.
 
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Tiffany Blue

My Tiffany's collection//This year's Christmas present on the left and the necklace he gave me four years ago

I was not expecting jewelry this year based on what I saw under the tree. All the boxes were way too big but he tricked me!  I saved the largest box for last and it ended up holding the smallest present.  I unwrapped one large box only to find another smaller wrapped box. I unwrapped that box to find an oddly shaped package and inside that was a Tiffany Bag.  Inside the bag was the distinctive box in Tiffany Blue that every girl fantasizes about.  There is just something about that color and that box.  That pretty little box tied with a satin ribbon is sure to hold a beautiful treasure.  Inside was a silver necklace with a pink ballet slipper charm.  

Please return to Tiffany & Co New York

He told me right away we could take it back if I didn't like it but it's always hard to tell someone that you want to exchange their gift. The way I see it you might as well be honest about those things.  Tiffany's is not cheap and I would hate to keep something he spent his hard earned money on that hadn't totally captured my heart.  While we were getting dressed Christmas morning I told him that I liked the charm and I can see why he picked it for me.  I love how thoughtful he was in picking it out but that it just wasn't me. He was fine with it and said I could get something else which I didn't expect.  He'd gotten me other gifts so I thought we'd just return it.  When I tried this bracelet on I knew right away that it was perfect.  I'm no glamour girl.  I can't be bothered with full on make up or accessorizing every single day.  I love jewelry that is pretty but also functional and durable so I can wear it to work, to the gym, in the shower and sleep in it without even having to spend time taking it off.  Jewelry I can live in and wear every day with everything; like my wedding rings.  Both my Tiffany's pieces allow me to do that.  I was giddy with excitement before the guy even wrapped it up and I gave Mj a big kiss on the cheek and told him how much I loved it.  It worked out for him because I actually saved him some money on the deal!  He said I could pick out another thing but the bracelet was perfect and it was enough so I didn't.  It worked out for me because I have a bracelet I love from a man I love.  I can wear it every day and be reminded of what a sweet husband I have.  

So what is it about Tiffany & Co?  Well, it's only been around for 175 years.  They've even trademarked the color Tiffany Blue.  It can't be used to advertise or package anything else that is associated with or might be in direct competition.  They specialize in Silver which has always been my favorite.  Tiffany's is luxury and their jewelry is not only beautiful but very well made.  It represents the finer things in life wrapped up with a pretty bow and even us regular folks enjoy having a piece of it.  Having something from Tiffany's makes me feel special yes, but it's having something from Tiffany's that my husband bought me that means the most.

 

Love and Glasses

When I first met my husband I had just finished a modeling job so I was in heavy full on make up.  I'm talking totally airbrushed and with hair styled to perfection.  After that there is really nowhere else to go but down!  I remember hoping that he would still think I looked okay when he saw me on our next date in my usual minimalist make up look.  He did.  I've always hated my toes and I remember not really wanting him to see them.  Will he still like me after he sees my toes?  He did.  I remember feeling nervous the first time he ever saw me in my glasses and with my hair all wrapped up for bed.  There is that moment where you are like, okay it's about to get real right now and if he really likes you nothing will change.  And it didn't.  So why is it that four years later after he's seen me at my best AND absolute worst did I ever doubt him?

The Glasses

I got new glasses August.  It's probably been about 3 years since I had a new pair.  I mostly wear contacts when I'm going out and keep the glasses at home so it's not something I want to spend money on every year.   Typically I end up with a pair that looks exactly like the ones before so this time I really tried to get something different.  I found some with Brown square just slightly larger frames instead of the usual Black.  They looked really cute when I tried them on at the optometrist that day but when MY pair came in MY prescription it was another story.  I've been wearing glasses since 4th grade and my eyes are really bad.  I'm talking -10 Rx bad; and if you wear glasses or contacts then you probably know just how bad that is.  I had a detached retina in my right eye that occurred out of the blue for no apparent reason other then poor vision.  It normally takes a blow to the eye to detach a retina so that should give you some idea of how terrible my vision is.  Nothing ever seems to look too cute in my prescription even with the super high index lenses to thin them out.  As I've gotten older I am not as self conscious about wearing my glasses in public now and then but when I saw myself in these new glasses it set me back about 15 years.  They looked awful, I felt hideous and I just wanted to hide.  Mj was out of the country and when I skyped with him I refused to wear them.  Even though the suckers cost me about $300 bucks I put them back in the case and refused to wear them for about a week.  I came to my senses and realized I can't waste money like that and started wearing them again but I brought my old glasses when I met Mj in Europe for our vacation.  I couldn't bear to have him see me in the new ones until we got back.  All these irrational thoughts ran through my head about how Mj would take one look at me and wonder how it is that he ended up married to such an unsightly woman.  Just one look and he'd be ready to file for divorce.  I know, I know; very extreme conclusions to jump to over a pair of glasses but when you are feeling really down on yourself and insecure sometimes you can't help such irrational thoughts from crossing your mind and when they do you even start to believe them no matter how crazy they may seem.

Mj and I were relaxing on the couch over the weekend and he said "See...you're wearing the new ones.  You look cute in your glasses.  And I like it that I can look at you first thing in the morning when you wake up and still think you're cute."  I smiled and got all warm and glowy inside.  It was one of those moments that I said to my self, God I love this man.  My heart even melted just a little because somehow he knew that I needed to hear those words and not only did he say them to me on that night but he's said it to me before.  Sometimes I still have to pinch myself to believe that I have such a wonderful husband but it's true and I should have known that he loves me enough to see beyond a pair of nerdy glasses. 

And that's the goal ladies when it comes to relationships; or at least one of them.  Not to be cute in the morning or look good in glasses necessarily, but to have a man who believes that you do and makes you feel good about yourself no matter what.  Someone with whom you can truly be yourself without judgement or fear of rejection and still feel loved and wanted.  Bump around the house with messy hair and wear the same comfy pajamas all week.  Say what you think, act how you are and look like yourself.  If he is the "one" you can be who you are it won't matter and he will love you for it because you are YOU.   I hear about women who have husbands that have never seen them without make up or without their hair fully "done".  They probably feel about being bare faced and natural the way I initially felt in those new glasses but ultimately I couldn't keep them hidden forever no matter how unattractive I felt.  Our relationship is way more then the sum of my glasses wearing, sloppy T-shirt, messy haired no make up days and I should never have thought anything different.

Meet you in Barcelona

Things were a little different around here with the husband gone. For starters, there was no cooking so the kitchen did not see much use. If I had to make a stop after work it didn't bother me much because it didn't feel like there was anything to rush home to. There's nobody home but me so what difference does it make? The AC was off way more then it was on and there was nothing out of place. As much as I  loved our clutter free house I would rather trip over 5 pairs of shoes a day and wear sweaters and blankets so I don't freeze to death then to have him be so far away for too long. I miss him. I miss us watching movies and cuddling. I miss seeing his cute face when I get home from work and acting silly together. It was only 6 weeks this time.  I can say only because a couple of years ago it was 11. Months.  When he was in Germany we still got to talk and Skype but for the last three weeks he was in Croatia.  I've been feeling totally cut off and it's kind of frustrating.  There are things I want to tell him but can't get across via text.  I have really important things to ask him like whether we should go to Marseilles or Aix En Provence and why or if he could tell me just one more time how to start his new car with the block for a key.  Should I be offended that he reminded me to open the garage door before I ran the engine or just find it sweet that he doesn't want me to die?

Months of research and anticipation have come down to this.  I have a folder full of boarding passes, train tickets, hotel confirmations, self written tour guides and itineraries.  I am nothing if not organized and prepared.  It's funny because Mj has almost no idea of what we're doing on this trip because I planned it all and haven't been able to discuss any of the final details with him.  It'll be a nice surprise for him.  I still cannot believe that I am going to Europe.  Like a wedding, an awesome honeymoon and buying a house it's one more thing that I just figured I would never get to do but like all those others it has become reality.  Mj has been by my side for all of it.  I don't know what I would do without him in my life.

Dropping him off at the airport not only began the six week countdown until I'd get to see him again but also to our vacation. Saying good bye at the airport that morning sucked but it was so cool to be able to say "Meet you in Barcelona" and actually mean it. I felt like I was in a movie.  A really cool romantic comedy; until I drove home, went to back to sleep and nothing all that exciting happened when I woke up. The only good thing about being separated are the heart swooning reunions and I think this might be our best one yet. The only thing that would make it more romantic is if we were reuniting in the romantic city of Paris instead of Barcelona but that's okay because we'll be there just a week later.  I can totally picture it my head.  We'll be hand in hand staring up at the Eiffel Tower.  Together.

Hot New Camera

'aint she a beauty?
[Photo source & reviews]

Mj finally decided to buy another camera.  Do you know what this means?  It means that when we go places together and look back on our pictures you will actually be able to tell that I was there too.  Normally, I can barely even get him to take a picture of me but I have a feeling he'll want to use this one.  Anyone ever hear of a Canon Rebel T3i?  I hadn't.  This sucker is big and it 'aint cheap.  He bought an extra lens to go with it too that zooms in really close. 

So what suddenly made him decide to spend hundreds on a camera after four years of not owning a one at all or barely taking any pictures?  Europe that's what.  He wants us to have a really good camera while we're on vacation which is pretty cool but then I got sort of sad.  I'm the picture taker not him.  I'm the unofficial historian in this marriage and I'm the blogger.  I take pictures of EVERYTHING yet he has a really nice camera and I don't?  Since I was looking all pathetic and sad he said it'll be ours, which is sweet, but then he jetted off to Germany with it and I haven't seen it since.  As soon as that camera and I are in the same country again and I figure out how to use it you might see some better pictures around these parts.  Our vacation pictures should be awesome and maybe I can finally get my food pics to look as good as they taste. 

Four Years Later.....

July 10, 2010.  Right after saying "I Do."

Our wedding day was July 10, 2010 and Two years later....

We're enjoying our first home together that we moved into just 1 1/2 months before our wedding.
I still feel honored to be his wife and call him my husband.
I am still dazzled by my three ring bling and catch myself staring down at them.  
My heart still swells when I recall our wonderful wedding day filled with friends, family and celebration.  I'll always remember it as one of the happiest days of my life.
I still remember that magical feeling of being a princess Queen for a day.
I know I picked the right wedding recessional song because it still brings tears to my eyes when I hear it and reminds me of how lucky I am to have found him.
I still love my wedding dress and know it was perfect for me.
I still plan on preserving said wedding dress (still hanging in my closet) in a box so it'll take up less space and I can have it to look at it forever.
I'm still wearing my wedding shoes.  Silver gladiator flats from Macy's for only $32 bucks thank you very much!
I'm still obsessed with my wedding pictures.  I love, love, LOVE them!
I've finally accepted the passing of my joyful and exciting bride to be days and no longer ache with a yearning to do it all over again.
I still can't believe that I managed to pull off such an awesome wedding for only $11,275.
We still have not popped open that bottle of Dom Perignon.  I'm still waiting for the perfect time...yes, two years later.  It's expensive stuff!
I still feel so fortunate that I got to have a wedding at all.  It truly was a fairytale moment for me.
I have the best memories of our perfect Oahu honeymoon and am looking forward to our next big vacation later this year.

A wedding gift not yet opened

Vegas 2008

Vegas 2008

We met on March 15, 2008 and Four years later......

He still makes my heart happy.
I'm still excited to see him when I get home.
We're still dating and the romance is alive and well.
He is still the most handsome man in the world.
I still crave his touch, hugs and kisses.
I still look at him with love in my eyes.
He still means the world to me.
I still miss him when we are apart.
I still think of him randomly throughout the day and it makes me smile.
He is still my best friend and we have so much fun together.
He still makes me want to be a better person.
I am still amazed by his overall awesomeness and thrilled that I managed to snag such a good guy.
I finally believe that I deserve this love and that I give to him almost as much as I get back.

Wedding Day Recaps & Pics

New Car

Audi A4

We have a new car in the family.  Not mine of course.  I'm sticking with my fully paid for no nonsense 07 Honda Civic.  Mj has been enjoying no car payments for the last two years but it was finally time to take the leap and trade in his eight year old Murano.  There are SUV's with way worse gas mileage; it actually wasn't all that bad but the new car has even better gas mileage and that's mainly what he was after.   Why do you have to get such an expensive car? I asked.  Don't you like anything else?  His answer was no.  Well, then he's gonna have to pay for it.  My stomach dropped  when I found out what his car payment would be.  I told him he better pay off this car and then drive it until the wheels fall off, put them back on and then drive it some more.  The car doesn't even have an actual key.  It's this square thing that you sort of plug in.  And you better not lose them.  A replacement is about $400 bucks.  Audi's retain their value and may even appreciate which is something you don't find on too many cars.  He would have been fine with a pre-owned one but it's impossible to find a 1-2 year old used Audi.  They just don't exist.  I guess nobody ever sells them that soon.  It's his first new car and he loves it so I'm happy for him.

I didn't even know for sure if he was going to buy it on Thursday.  He sure didn't take me along.  He took his friend who knows how to negotiate and got a good deal.  The car came from a different dealership so I did get to go with him to pick it up on Saturday morning.  I definitely don't ever need a car like that because I probably couldn't ever figure out how to use it.  You can actually talk to this car and it talks back.  I was so confused listening to the salesman go over all of the features with him that I just started tuning it out.  I will probably never drive it anyways.  I'm too scared.

Award winner

  No, Mj doesn't just run around town in Army fatigues for the hell of it.  Right after that we had to go to an award ceremony so that he could receive a military award.  He's switched over to a new unit and his old unit awarded him a medal for his service with them.  He has a Raspberry beret (yes, like the one in the Prince song) that goes with it but I didn't get a pic of him in it.  I love a man in a uniform and I am very proud of him.

When My Husband is Away

I'm not one of those women who has never spent a night away from her husband.  Mj was gone for eleven months in 2008 (now that was awful) and he did a ton of traveling in 2011.  I actually consider myself lucky if he has to go somewhere and it's for a month or less because it's nothing compared to 11 months.  Back when I still watched it there was a couple on Real Housewives of Orange County who claimed to have never spent a night apart and even refused to go on any overnight trips without the other and I thought that was ridiculous.  If it's a trust issue then that seriously needs to be addressed.  I think that couple is divorced now.  Just because you are married doesn't mean that you should be joined at the hip.  Everyone needs their own space even if it's just spending a day or evening with your friends.  Even if you think you don't chances are that you actually do.  Codependency is not healthy and absence can make the heart grow fonder.  If  it's Europe, Hawaii or something big I want that trip to be with Mj and if he thinks he's going somewhere like that without me he's got another think coming.  He and his friends do long weekend biking or Vegas trips.  I miss him and I might get a little jealous about being left behind, but I think it's great to see him get out and have fun with his friends.  He wants the same thing for me.  In fact he wishes I would! I hardly ever go anywhere overnight and the one time that I did he said how cool it was having the house to himself.  I know he loves me and doesn't want me to go away forever so there is no point getting my feelings hurt about it. 

This time he was gone for a week.  I love him to pieces but there are some perks when he's gone. 

• I get to park in the middle of our two car garage and have plenty of room to get in and out on all sides.  My backing up skills are questionable and having that extra space means I don't have to worry about knocking my side view mirror off or backing over the lawn.
• The house is neat as a pin.  There isn't random stuff laying about everywhere I look.  There are no clothes on the floor, shoes strewn about or dishes piled up in the kitchen to stress me out.    
• I don't have to cook or feel bad about not cooking. I can eat whatever I want for dinner and not have to answer to anyone.  
• I get way more much needed sleep! I've been in bed by 10:00 pm every work night he's been gone because I'm not trying to stay up longer then I should waiting for him to go to bed.
• I'm willing to spend the night at my mom's.  I stayed there Saturday night and got in some good quality family time.  I do go to Mom's house without him but it's really hard for me to stay the night when I know he's at home. 

The downside:

• I have to push the trash bin out onto the street and sometimes water the plants. 
• If there are any technical difficulties with the TV or my computer I'm on my own.   Usually, I just whine to him that my computer or the TV is not doing such and such and then he'll fix it for me.
• If there is a spider I'm forced to kill it myself, trap it under a cup (yes, I really did this one time) or live in fear.  He is the designated spider killer due to phobias which are beyond my control.   
• I don't have my cuddle bear to watch TV with and sleep with.   
• I come home to an empty lonely house and I don't get to see his smiling face at the end of a long and tiring work day.  We don't do much of anything on weeknights but I love it that we are together.
• I MISS HIM!!!!! He energizes me and lifts my spirits.  Life just isn't the same without him around and I'm always glad to have him back.

Just because we enjoy time apart doesn't mean we don't love each other.  I could totally just be saying this because we had no choice in the matter which kind of forced me to get used to the idea of him being gone, but I do think it can be a good thing to have that feeling of missing your partner now and then.  I wouldn't choose it, but it does reinforce just how much I love him and makes me appreciate him that much more when he gets back.

Good Old Fashioned Diet & Exercise

Photo Source:  Grosvenor and Smolin; Visualizing Nutrition.  

I'm a big one for TV munching!! Behavior modification is ongoing

Isn't it funny how we know exactly what we should do but often find it so hard to do it? The formula is simple and yet we search for all kinds of gimmicks, extreme diets and other ways to get out of it.  Eat less, exercise more.  Eat anything in moderation.  Do not overindulge in high sugar and high fat foods.   That's it.  That pic is from my Nutrition book but it doesn't take a nutrition class to figure this out.

Mj lost 20 lbs in 90 days on his Beach Body Challenge doing just that.  Plain old fashioned diet and exercise.  The first three months it was mainly about eating healthy, drinking Shakeology for breakfast and doing P90X2.   There were times when he was so exhausted and sore but he kept up with his work out plan.  I felt bad because I didn't really notice the results so much; probably because I see him everyday.  I couldn't figure out where this 20 lbs even came from because I didn't think he needed to lose any weight in the first place.  Then he showed me his before and after pics.  I was shocked!!  How did this happen right before my eyes without me noticing?  Bad wife.  He lost inches all over his body but the most improved area is his chest, stomach and upper body.    He looks great but he wants to keep going.  I thought he'd about lost his mind when he decided to do another cycle for 60 days.  He had a splurge week after his first 90 days but then he started right back in on his regimen.  Now that he's just trying to maintain and continue toning he's started mixing in other exercise with the P90X2.  He is increasing his protein intake and he does allow himself more splurges then before.  I'm so proud of him for sticking to it.  He's busy going to school full time and working but he made time for this and didn't make any excuses.  Loosing weight is hard but he set his mind to it and he did it.  My husband was already hot but now he's even hotter!  Lucky me.

I've been sticking with my work outs too.  I discovered that (surprise surprise) I can actually live without carbs when I experimented with an extreme Low Carb Diet.   It made me more aware of just how much carbs and sugar I typically eat and I've actually cut down on both a lot.  Not that I'm ever gonna give 'em up altogether.  No way.

It's so much easier to work on being fit and healthy when both partners are on board.  There are times when I don't really plan on going to the gym but Mj will get up and go on one of his 8:30am 40 mile bike rides on Saturday or go play basketball Sunday morning.  I'll just be laying there in bed not doing much of anything except feeling like a lazy slug so I think to myself; I might as well go to the gym or do a work out video.  When he's good, he's very good but when he's bad he's very, very bad and he corrupts me with donuts and pizza when I'm trying to be good but for the most part we are both really into eating healthy.  We've been eating chicken breast and veggies for dinner like it's going out of style and we haven't cooked any dinners at home involving pasta all year.  If I constantly had someone waving fast food french fries or cookies in front of my face all the time and laying around on the couch all day it would make it so much harder to maintain a healthy lifestyle.  I was so stubborn before.  I refused to work out.  I didn't need to lose weight and I watch what I eat so I felt like I could get away with it but our bodies always need exercise.  Fitting exercise into my life felt impossible and I didn't have the motivation to even try but I'm so glad I changed my ways so we can be fit and healthy together.  It's important that we do it for ourselves AND each other.

Flaws and All

Four years ago today I stood on the sidewalk outside of the downtown convention center on a cold rainy day huddled under an umbrella.  When the Silver SUV pulled up to the hotel parking lot next door I peered through the rain and paused for a second before dashing over to the car and getting in.  Hello's were exchanged and then we decided where to go for dinner.   Two weeks prior my friend gave him my number and texted me a pic she took with her cell phone so this was not only our first date but our first time ever meeting each other.  Afterward, I was asked how the date went.   I shrugged my shoulders.  It was fun.  I don't know.  He made me laugh and he was cute but I was highly independent and skeptical.  We'll see.  Four years later that man in the silver SUV is my husband and we are settling into married life.  We are adapting to each others quirks.  Learning of our strengths and weaknesses together and as individuals is an ongoing process.  The so called "honeymoon phase" of dating is different then married life.  It's the natural progression of a relationship and I embrace it just as I took delight in those early getting to know you dates.  

Four years later there are moments when I can't believe that he loves me.  I mean, I know he does it's just that some days I don't feel so lovable.  There are days when I come home from work and an exhausting work out at the gym.  I am tired.  The day has been long and I am agitated for no reason at all.  I walk in and see his wonderful face without really seeing it.  I am so caught up in my need to get in the house and begin my nightly ritual that gets me unwound and ready for bed within the next few hours.  I have had zero time to myself all day and with the night half over I know I won't be getting very much before bedtime.  I am distracted and annoyed that there aren't more hours in the day.  My husband asks me if I will cut up the strawberries and I give him the look.  Are you kidding me?  I just got home and I still have yesterday's laundry to fold.  In that moment I don't like myself.  I love my husband more then anything  but I am just too tired and sore to be bothered with Strawberries.  Cooking under the best of circumstances is a chore for me.  Martha Stewart I am not and  I have yet to unlock my Joy of Cooking so if the way to a man's heart is only through his stomach I'm in big trouble.  Sometimes I feel so undeserving.  I am the wicked witch of the west and he has a heart of gold.  I wish that I had the wherewithal to be anything and everything he needs me to be at all times and at the same time I know that it's not possible.  I am hopelessly flawed but I really do want to be better then I am.  He makes me want to be better but that is an ever evolving work in progress and I have to realize that better isn't likely to ever be perfection. I look at him and hope against hope that this wonderful love we have will survive my flaws because to not have him would be worse then anything else I could ever imagine.

At the end of the night when we cuddle together on the couch and watch a bit of TV before bed.  Not only do I see his wonderful face but I feel it resting on my cheek.  I am struck once again by just how lucky I am.  I have this wonderful person by my side.  I don't have to walk through this world alone.  He loves me when I don't even like myself.  He forgives me for my mistakes and has shown me so much love and compassion even when I am critical and selfish.  When I refuse to cut strawberries or I ask him two five times too many to do something. This realization renews my resolve to be better and do better so that I can be the best wife that I can be...flaws and all.

"Flaws and All" by Beyonce 

I'm a train wreck in the morning
I'm a bitch in the afternoon
Every now and then without warning
I can be really mean towards you
I'm a puzzle yes in deed
Ever complex in every way
And all the pieces aren't even in the box
And yet, you see the picture clear as day.
[Chorus]
I don't know why you love me
And that's why I love you
You catch me when I fall
Accept me flaws and all
And that's why I love you [3x]

I neglect you when I'm working
When I need attention I tend to nag
I'm a host of imperfection
And you see past all that
I'm a peasant by some standards
But in your eyes I'm a queen
You see potential in all my flaws
and that's exactly what I mean.
[Chorus]
I don't know why you love me
And that's why I love you
You catch me when I fall
Accept me flaws and all
and that's why I love you [3x]
[Repeat Chorus]