That Time I Got Ditched on Valentine's Day

I could have skipped this post altogether.  I mean, this isn't exactly the Valentine's Day post I expected to write but this is how it went down so I'm sharing it anyways.

My husband hates Valentine's Day.  I knew he hated this so called fake Hallmark holiday but for the last four years he's played along.  Special deliveries at work, a specially baked dessert, a dinner out.  It's always been very low key but we have acknowledged the holiday for my sake, but this year I got ditched.  He finally had enough and boycotted the whole thing altogether.  We didn't have plans together, but I certainly didn't expect him to leave me at home alone and go out to dinner with anyone else.  I find out that he's going to dinner with the guys for burgers after work.  Half the guys that went are married.  Sounds like the ultimate F you Valentine's Day if you ask me.

Am I hurt?  I have to be honest and say yes, but not mortally wounded since I was never really all that crazy about Valentine's anyways.  I've never placed much importance on what I got or what we did, but I did enjoy it.  I don't see anything wrong with an extra day to celebrate love.  He doesn't like the idea that there is a certain arbitrary date on which men specifically, receive a lot of extra pressure to do something that will show love.  My husband's tolerance for this day has clearly run it's course.  He wasn't having it this year, and while it's a little bit of a bummer, I'm okay with it.  And here's why.  I love my husband and I know he loves me.  I don't need Valentine's day to know this.  I don't want him feeling roped into doing something he really doesn't want to on my account.  If it's not genuine, there's no point and we didn't get married so we could force each other to do things we really don't want to do.  Sometimes we do things we don't want to in marriage for our partner, but Valentine's Day is just not important enough to me that it should qualify as one of those things he does anyway.  I see no need to force it upon my husband if he doesn't want to partake.  Marriage is about give and take, and it looks like it's my turn to be the one to give on this one.

It was like a parade of sweets, flowers, love notes and special dinners on Instagram, but I didn't have a thing to show off except these little conversation hearts I bought myself at Big Lots.  The upside is that I didn't get the chance to OD on sweets or gorge myself at a restaurant.  I spent the evening alone watching a movie on Netflix and eating Cheese Quesadilla's with carb stopper tortillas.  It was a little bit of a let down to be shut out of the V day festivities, but I realize that my marriage is more then what I did or didn't get on Valentine's day.

A tiny part of me wanted to pout and throw a little hissy fit over it, but I put on my big girl panties and sucked it up.  We didn't make plans, so in his mind Valentine's Day was a non thing, however it still meant something to me so I thought we'd just spend a cozy night at home.  I didn't realize we weren't acknowledging it all, since we'd always done so in the past.  Whelp.  I certainly know now.  I told him I felt sad and hurt that he went out, but that's it.  No point in getting super offended over something like this, when I have such a wonderful husband.  He's kind, generous, and he puts up with all of my crazy ways.  We do fun things together all the time, and show our love for each other on other days in other ways.  I felt pretty spoiled on my Birthday and Christmas.  Not getting this one day is no big deal in the grand scheme of things.  After you've been together for a while there comes a point where it just doesn't matter that much anyways.  He loves me for who I am, and I have to return the favor even if it means Valentine's Day is a thing of the past. 

And yes, I did get him something.  Just some football attire he needed.  It was not romantic in any way, but I did put a sweet handwritten note with it.  I can't really say I got nothing in return though, because I got him.


Kara said...

Hm. I don't mean to be disrespectful, I hope it's ok if I express my opinion. I think what your husband did was wrong and disrespectful of you. If he doesn't think V-day should be a big deal, then that's fine. I get that and I think it's ok for him to say he's going to do something as a "token" for your sake - a card is fine.

But to totally blow you off and go out for burgers with the guys really is a big "f you" to your feelings and I don't think that's something that a loving caring partner should do.

Yes, you should respect that he doesn't like the big hoopla, but he should equally respect that it means something to you (even if it's not the whole shebang) and that at least a sweet card and an extra "i love you" would be something you'd appreciate.

Deidre said...

I think my favourite part about valentine's day is seeing men in suits buying their partners flowers after work or seeing all the sweet things other people did for each other more than I like participating in the 'hoopla' myself.

I hope you gave your self a bit of extra love on valentine's day - a few sweets perhaps? Because it's not all about the other person you know? :)

Devon said...

I think you were being a good wife for sucking it up and not pouting. I love the detail about the carb stopper tortillas. That made me laugh even though I feel for you! I think you actually showed quite a lot of love on Valentine's day because you put your husband first by allowing him to skip something he doesn't feel right about. At least it will be your turn next year ;)

Mrs JK said...

Perfect wife alert :). My hubs HATES valentines day too. Honestly I think I wouldn't be too upset either if he chose not to get me anything.

Andiepants said...

Hi sweets!
I have come to the realization I will never be able to convince hubby to have a Valentine's Day anything with me. Although, he was the one that reminded me of Vday in the am. We had agreed to celebrate it over the weekend, because, let's face it, its too expensive and pointless to do anything on Vday. So the fact that he gave me an extra big hug that morning did it for me. I ended up going to the gym that evening since he had some school work to finish as well. All in all, we spend the long weekend together :)

I'm pretty sure hubby will show you his love the other 364 days out of the year ;)
Andie's Traveling Pants

Ameena said...

I'm not a big Valentine's Day person either...not sure what it is about the day that drives me crazy. SO I agree with your hubby on that point.

I do think that you should get a medal for being so understanding about it!

Whitney said...

I think as long as you are ok with MJ not celebrating Valentine's Day with you, then that's all that matters. If you were left at home crying and wanting to celebrate it, that would be one thing, but it sounds like you had a good night to yourself and were perfectly fine with that. I think it's nice of you to not force him into celebrating. He seems to show you on a daily basis that he loves you anyways!

Tallia said...

awww I am sorry to hear that you got ditched! But you acted very mature abou the situation! Next time you should get all fancy and go out with your friends too!

Janna Renee said...

We pretty much have the same feelings about V-day according to this post! It's not that Will is against the holiday, but he thought that we lumped it in with our anniversary, and I was We finally talked about it last night, and I am happy to say that he just misunderstood. I told him that we didn't have to celebrate it next year and he said that I do so much for him all the time that I deserve all that he can do and special days like Valentines too. We do stuff for each other all the time, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to celebrate V-day, even if it is a commercial holiday. I hope that MJ decides to do something next year. It's not fair to see all the fun stuff on Instagram when you didn't even get to spend it with him.
I am proud of us for not throwing fits about it, though, and remembering that our guys love us no matter what and they are still better than most husbands out there ;)

Newlyweds on a Budget said...

Well, you know that I am not a fan of V-day either and Eric has had to work the past two years on Valentine's Day, so this year, I just wanted to do something together. I am not big on going out to dinner, but just spending the evening together is good. Although I admit I would be kind of hurt if my husband went out with the guys instead of with me on Valentine's day of all days. Why can't he just look at it as another Thursday? But you two seem to have it figured out, so I guess he has three more years of forgoing the holiday before it's back to you? ; )

Kim Jackson said...

Awww! Great honest post. You're entitled to feel a little disappointed that something changed when you weren't expecting it, but it's great that you were able to have some perspective around it. And next year you know to schedule a little love time with your girlfriends, right? ;-). When we were in our 20s my friends and I were each other's valentine's and it was so much fun celebrating and giving each other little gifts!