A Kidney For My Dad

Great news today from my mom. They found a donor kidney for my dad. It is supposed to arrive around 3pm today and he is scheduled for surgery around 5pm. My dad started Dialysis earlier this year. His kidneys finally shut down on him after many years of poor eating and exercise habits that ultimately led to Diabetes. He was on insulin for a while before the kidney's finally quit altogether. He is AB+ so they didn't expect the wait to be long and it wasn't. Thank goodness.

He is so happy and I am so happy for him. He's been doing Dialysis 3 days a week for four hours at a time. It is time consuming and can be painful. Ultimately, Dialysis simply can't do what a real kidney can. He sees people walking into the Dialysis center looking progressively sicker and more worn down then the week before. On more then one occasion a patient has been taken from the Dialysis center to the hospital due to complications and he doesn't want to be next. He receives his Dialysis through a surgically created fistula connecting two of his veins together. It left some scarring and when touched you can literally feel the blood rushing beneath his skin. I still don't understand the actual mechanics of it all. It's been hard to see him looking so thin and weak. Dialysis takes its toll on the body after a while but thanks to this transplant he can leave all of that behind.

My eyes welled up with tears when my mom told me. I am happy that this is finally happening but it is also very scary. That kidney HAS to work. I am just hoping that everything goes well and that my dad can be on the road to better health again very soon.

• Bad news. My mom called me around 3 pm and said the transplant is off. Apparently, my dad was the 2nd one offered the kidney. The first couldn't accept it due to some medical reason and so by the time they got it prepped for my dad they felt the kidney was not fresh enough. What a roller coaster. My poor dad is so disappointed. They were at the hospital and getting prepped for the surgery. I can only hope that another comes up for him very soon.

Diet Fanatic

My fav "Lasagna Classico" at Olive Garden. I order it EVERY time I go.

I don't care about the rumors that it comes from a microwave.

I was talking to my big sis over the weekend and she was telling me about these insane new exercise video's that she bought that are in fact called the Shaun T "Insanity" workout and rightfully so based on what she told me. They are boot camp style drills and exercises where even the hard bodies in the background can't finish it and have to quit and take breaks. How often do you see that in work out videos? Not in any I've ever done. Apparently the work out is impossible and Shaun T himself is the only one on the planet who might be able to get through it.

Anyhow, she has been on a mission to loose weight for a while now. She was successful with Weight Watchers some years ago but since then the weight has crept back on and she has been almost powerless to stop it. She can and does exercise with the best of them but the problem that always stops her from reaching her goal is that she can't control her eating habits. She is somewhat of an emotional eater and like so many people, just loves food. She struggles with having the willpower she needs to get where she wants to to be.

It struck me that while she and so many in this world seem to be addicted to food I find that I have the opposite problem. People who know me also know that I am "weird" about food. It's something that has kind of followed me over the years and seems to be a part of who I am. My addiction is to dieting and like it or not I seem to be pretty good at it. It is a strange realization but based on my past it must be true. Some people might say they wish they had my problem and while it may sound desirable it comes with it's own set of negative pitfalls and consequences that are undesirable.

I have some kind of "fat phobia" and I have a love hate relationship with food. Its delicious, fun, and nourishes my body but it is also sometimes my enemy for reasons that I have not fully ever understood. I tend to be a picky eater to begin with but on top of that I really have a strong aversion to eating too many calories. Make no mistake about it. I love candy, Chocolate Molten lava cake with hot fudge and vanilla ice cream dessert, pizza, [light] beer and cheesy fried appetizers. There are days where this little fixation flies out the window and I eat mindlessly but the majority of the time I am annoyingly and acutely aware of everything I put into my mouth. It is natural to eat when you are hungry. The symptoms of hunger such as growling stomach or headache ensue and we eat right? Well, for me there is some kind of disconnect. In my case, I either don't fully recognize these cues or I ignore them altogether.

I do not have an eating disorder. You have only to look at me to see that I am of "normal" size proportions. I haven't been to the gym in a long time (though I need to). I have my weaknesses like cheese and bread. I am not "afraid" of food or eating in public. I just don't like eating too much of it and I do fixate on weight. I have to be very careful to ensure that I get enough nutritional value out of what I do eat. I must admit that more often then not I fail miserably particularly when I am alone to the point where I am under eating. I've lost some weight as a result. When Mj comes home I am hoping that he can help me to get back on track with better eating habits. I want to be healthy and I am not so sure that I am doing such a good job of that on my own.

I think it's just a quirk of my personality. I mean, I obsess over finances too!! So, my all time ultimate splurge meal is a McDonald's #2 (If that's still it's assigned number...it's been so long). It's the value meal with 2 cheeseburgers, french fries, and a soda. My freshman year in college I used to eat that meal super sized along with an overabundance of Domino's Pizza and Cup O Noodles. And yes, that is where my freshman 15 came from! Thankfully, it is long gone and then some. I'm going to order that #2 again some day just to say "to hell with it" and when I do, I'll be sure to write about every greasy delicious bite.

Home Alone For Halloween

Well, some of the car purchase stress has subsided and I am actually starting to feel more excited about my new little car. I went back today to buy the warranty. No amount of badgering could have convinced me to buy it yesterday on top of everything else but after sleeping on it I decided I had better go ahead and do it. Mj offered to pay for it but I think I've already taken enough money from him so I put it on one of my low interest credit cards. So doing the numbers it has basically cost me close to 20K to get into this car and out of my lease. Ouch!!! That includes the cost and warranty for the new car, the return to dealer fee and cost to fix the front windshield for the Liberty. Incidentally, that windshield crack showed up only about 3 weeks ago.  I had to replace the whole thing just last year. This is all quite shocking for a budget minded frugalista such as myself.

So, I picked up Subway for dinner and one pack of Mike & Ike's in honor of Halloween. I will watch a movie-The Proposal. Then thanks to Universal Sports which is broadcasting my favorite sport that is only popular during the Olympics, I'll get to watch World Championships (Gymnastics).  Super exciting I know!!

My New Ride

My cute little fully loaded gas guzzling Liberty

My new fuel efficient, dependable yet sporty Civic

Oh my what an exhausting week it's been. Running to car dealerships on my lunch break and after work. Getting home late. Carting stacks and stacks of papers with different car listings on them and fielding calls from car dealerships all day. The haggling, the negotiating. It's awful. After working my 9 hour days I got my Friday off today and it felt so good. I really needed it. So, I didn't like the Sebring. It just didn't do it for me. It had some of the bells and whistles that I wanted but I just didn't like it. So, the search continued and after test driving a Honda on Tuesday I decided that I would let go of my Jeep and try to get into a Civic.

Mj and I agreed that 17K out the door is the most that we would spend when it quickly became obvious that I was not likely to get a low mileage EX for anything less. I almost gave up after yesterday when a dealership would not accept my offer. Then, silly me I realize that I had a 39 and not a 36 month lease like I assumed. My lease isn't due Halloween...it's due in February 2010!! Well, that really took the pressure off so I decided that I'd keep searching anyways and if I didn't find anything today then I'd just wait for Mj to come back so I don't have to do it alone.

I hate it that I am putting so much money into a car but this is it. I wanted something dependable with good gas mileage that appeals to me and that I can keep forever. And, I got it. The first place I went to wouldn't take 17k but they countered with 17,800 which is $16,100 plus tax, title, license. An amazing bargain for an 07 Honda Civic EX with navigation.

I almost had a nervous breakdown and Mj had to talk me "down" numerous times. I am soooo grateful to him that he helped me get this car. He is so sweet. He said he was actually proud of me for handling the whole thing as well as I did. So, I felt a little sick to my stomach for a while but that feeling is slowly subsiding. I found out that my credit scores from the big 3 are 831, 788, and 819. My frugality and fiscal discipline have paid off in some way.

I am excited that I will no longer be held hostage by my poor gas mileage. I literally would avoid leaving home sometimes just because I didn't want to use up my precious gas that didn't last for very long in my Jeep. It almost feels frivolous what with house hunting, Christmas and wedding planning approaching. Really, that money could have been used towards so many other things. I am still going to have to face the $425 turn in fee and any other charges from Chrysler when I turn in the lease. In the long run I think it's a good decision though and ideally, I won't be in the market for a car for a long time to come. I am so glad it's over.

Lease Up Decision Time

I'm tired of dating. Although I am ready to settle down I have come to a point where I still want to explore my options. Just to make sure. I am engaged to be married and we plan on setting the big date very soon but I'm not talking about men I'm talking about cars. My 3 year lease is up and I will not be leasing again. I love everything about my adorable little Jeep Liberty. Everything that is, except the gas mileage. The car before this was also a Jeep with poor gas mileage and so was the car before it. Bad gas mileage that is, but not a Jeep. I have had horrible gas mileage on every car I've ever owned. So, before I buy out my lease I've decided to see what I could get that is comparable to what it will cost me to buy out my Jeep AND has a lot of the features I love about it, but with better gas mileage. Practically impossible. In fact, I wasn't even considering it at all and had long ago made up my mind about buying my lease until this week.

Used is fine. I won't go lower then 06 or higher then 40,000 miles. Considering my price range I know I might loose out on some of the features I love about my jeep. The leather seats, sun roof, 6 CD changer, and the little thingy that tells me what temperature it is and how many miles there are until my next oil change. And, I'll have to go sedan when I really love sitting up high in my little compact SUV. I've always thought a Honda would be a dependable solid choice of car that I would want to keep forever so I've priced those. I also found a Chrysler Sebring with super low mileage and a dynamite price from the same dealer I leased my car from so I stopped by after work. However, when I showed up the car was nowhere to be found.

The manager wanted me to wait because the car was due to arrive in an hour, but I wasn't having it. It was 6 by now, it had been a long day and I was ready to go home. He basically tried to threaten me into staying by saying that another person was interested in the car and that it may no longer be available if I wait until tomorrow. He tries to get me to "start paperwork" and sell me a car that wasn't even there. The thing he doesn't understand, is that I love my jeep. I really do. It was the first car that had everything I wanted and I've been really happy driving it ever since. I will not be devastated if that Sebring is gone tomorrow. I have a feeling that he may have fabricated that phantom buyer anyhow because when I refused to stick around he said he'd see me tomorrow. I hold the cards here. In fact, I am going to try to negotiate the price even lower then it already is. I have some cash and I am more then happy to stick with my Jeep so he can't scare me into making an on the spot decision.

He underestimates how much I really love my jeep. I am so over spending money on cars. I need to have one and it needs to be dependable but as everyone knows they are not a good investment. Leasing is not considered the most economical thing to do but the first time I did it I really needed security. My first car had gave me such problems then died inexplicably one day forcing me to make a quick decision. I fell in love with the jeep and I couldn't afford it any other way. I planned to buy it but didn't because the 2nd time they offered me such a dynamite deal that leasing and then buying it would only put me about $600 over the actual sticker price. I couldn't have done better if I'd straight out financed it.

Whatever car I go with will hopefully be with me for a long time to come. I will need to keep it until it dies. I need to see how I feel when I first lay eyes on that Sebring and what it's like to sit behind the wheel. If there is no wow factor, no connection then I will keep my Jeep. Not caring is really the best negotiation tool there is and I plan to use it to my advantage. The lease is up on Halloween so I should have my answer very very soon. Thank goodness because I hate having decisions like this to make.

I Don't Wanna Commute

When I started my first job out of college I had to commute. I was still living in N. County and my job was in SD so I commuted about 45 miles each way for 6 months and I hated it. Since then the longest commute I've had is right now at about 30 minutes. Definitely doable. But going back to an hour? Grrrrrr. I am not happy about that at all. I've known for a while that there would be a possibility of me having to commute again and now that it is upon me I am already dreading it. When Mj comes back we are planning to start house hunting and because Mj's job is in LA we need to pick some place in between for us to live. Mj's commute will actually be even worse then mine but he has a really good job there. It would be perfect if he could find one down here but I am kind of thinking that won't happen with the job market the way it is.

I think I'm tired now? I can only imagine how I'm going to feel after adding 1 1/2 hours to my day on each end sitting in traffic. Not to mention the expense. I can only drive about 280 miles on a 16 gallon tank of gas before hitting empty. 80 miles a day means I will have to get gas about every other day and it's costing me about $55 to fill up at the current gas prices so I would end up spending about $450 minimum a month on gas. More than twice what I have to spend now. I really don't know if I can afford that. Not only will I be worn out but I will be really broke too!! I know there are people that commute even farther but so what. I don't want to do it at all.

Which leads me to my other fear. Having to rent out my condo that I absolutely can't sell because of the horrible market. My condo is a studio which is obviously too small for two people to live in long term so I am going to have to become a landlord. Which is something I never wanted to do. This is a very expensive city to live in. After my divorce I didn't want to move back home or rent out a room from a stranger. I wanted to live alone but not in another crappy apartment where the rent could go up at any time causing me to have to move. The price was right so I bought it after my divorce pretty much planning to live here alone for the rest of my life. Well, those plans have changed and I am going to have to change right along with it but I am scared. I worry about having to pay two mortgages. What if I can't get a renter? What if the renter trashes my place? How do I handle repairs? I don't have a huge amount of cash flow so this is a very scary venture for me to take on but I don't see any other option.

I've known that all of these things were going to have to happen since Mj and I got engaged, but now it's getting closer to actually happening. I am kind of freaking out about all of this already but hey, that's what I do.

The silver lining in this of course is that I get to live in a house which I haven't had the pleasure of doing since I moved out of the parents house after College. And I get to live with Mj. I have to try to focus on that instead.