I Don't Concern Myself With Their Age

I haven't seen my parents since Christmas, so my mom decided they would come spend her Birthday with me.

"Do you know how old Mom is?" Dad asked.

  

"I don't know.  I don't know how old you are either! Does it bother you that I don't know how old you are?  Is that weird?"

It's Tradition

Most of the bodies are concentrated in the food aisle at the top right

Work was a complete ghost town today.  I didn't get the memo about taking the day after The 4th of July off like everyone else, so I was one of the few butts in chairs at the office, and I was fighting sleep the minute I got there.  It was terrible.   I just wanted to be home with my husband!

I get this pizza every year.  It's tradition and so delicious.

We can handle the Ferris Wheel just fine

The Rents

It always goes way too fast, but you have to work with what you get so I made the most of that three day weekend. 

The highlight of the weekend was the fair.  At this point, it may be more about nostalgia than anything else, but I love the fair and even better when I get to go with mom and dad because I've been going to this very same fair with them since I was a baby. We don't even do much, but eat and walk around looking at exhibits but there is something about the fair that keeps me coming back every year.  This year we skipped the animals, and went on the Ferris Wheel.  That's about all any of us could handle.  My mom never liked them, but MJ and I have completely aged out of rides like Mach 1, Mega Drop and the Zipper.  My stomach sinks just thinking about riding those again, and I don't know how I ever did it before.  There were so many bodies crammed into this place.  1,609,481 guests total and 96,501 on the busiest day (July 3rd) made it to the fair this year.  That's A LOT of people.  Traffic getting in and out was terrible, but it was worth it for me.  The the weather was perfect and we had a really nice  day.   

One last breakfast out before they go

There never seems to be enough time.  My parents got here on Tuesday and left on Sunday morning.  We had the fair on Saturday, but I worked every other day throughout the week.  They used to live here and they have a walking addiction so they don't require much in the way of entertaining when they visit.  My mom makes sure to get the Wi-Fi password, and they get a house key to come and go as they please.  They disappear for hours at a time on long walks or visiting with friends.  My dad drinks no less than two gallons of milk, won't let us pay for anything, and is happy as a clam upstairs in their room watching YouTube on his tablet.  They buy food which we cram into the fridge, and they always leave something behind.  This time it was  plums, green onion, plus an extra gallon of milk.  I still don't know why mom bought green onions.  We hang out for whatever time I have left in the evenings after work and before bedtime.  We watch TV and movies on the weekends until nobody can keep their eyes open.  My mom likes to do laundry before they hit the road so we fold clothes together the night before they leave. 

I always tear up a little bit when I hug them good-bye, but we've got some fun things this year and I look forward to seeing them again soon.

 
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Our Yearly Jaunt to the Fair

I wasn't going to mention this because it's actually kind of embarrassing.  A few months ago I sent a text message to my mom on a Saturday afternoon.  I had just received a call from our hotel confirming our reservation and I realized that we had a 1,200 square foot two-bedroom, two-bathroom for just the two of us.  We don't normally have that much space and MJ had just mentioned that his mom has never had a real vacation and he'd like to take her along some day so I thought this was the perfect opportunity to invite our parents.  I sent a text message to my mom to see what she thought.

The next morning, I still hadn't heard from my mom which is unusual, so I texted her again in the afternoon.  Still no response.  I realized that I hadn't heard from my mom in about a week so, I texted my sister to find out when the last time she heard from mom.  Friday, she replied.  I called my mom's cell and it went straight to voice mail.  I called my dad's cell and got voice mail.  I called their land line and got voice mail.  By this time I was really, really worried and had convinced myself within a time span of 30 minutes that my parents had been kidnapped or that something equally terrible had happened to them.  There was no evidence that my parents had met with some unfortunate incident, and it had only been 24 hours since trying to reach them, but that didn't stop me from being  irrationally upset.  I stewed in my own thoughts for a little bit longer feeling panicked, when my cell phone rang.  As soon as I heard my mom's voice I was so relieved that I burst into tears.  "Mooooommmmmm, I was so worried. You didn't call me back.  I thought something bad happened to you!!"  I was so glad they were okay.  Not that they ever weren't.  She never got my text message from the day before and then had accidentally shut off her phone.  I'm sure my mom thought I had lost it and I'm glad MJ was tucked away in his room and didn't witness this meltdown.  I still don't know  why I freaked out like that. Perhaps I was suffering some kind of latent separation anxiety from my parents.  Maybe I was just emotional that day.  Who knows, but for whatever reasons my thoughts ran away with themselves to a very dark place making me think the worst and realize how devastated I would be if something bad ever happened to them.  It's not a good feeling, so hopefully I've learned my lesson on overreacting.  Since then, mom has been quite careful to return each and every text promptly to ensure that I don't have a nervous breakdown.

My very much alive and well parents were here over the weekend.  We went to the fair and nearly got attacked by a dog.  It was fabulous.  Last year the whole family went.  This year I was happy to have the 'rents.  I scored two $4.00 fair tickets and my dad got the senior discount so we got in for cheap.  The regular price has gone up to $15 bucks.  We weren't there long before I wanted to eat, because when I'm at the fair I want to eat everything the entire time I'm there.  Everywhere you look there is someone shoving food in their face and the delicious food smells never stop.  This year one of the new foods was deep fried slim fast bars, which makes perfect sense.  Don't you think? I went straight for Papa Gino's pizza like I do every year.  It's always in the same spot.  The price has gone up to $9.72, but it's worth every bite.  I also managed to pack in a soft serve ice cream cone and half a cinnamon roll on top of that.  I've been going since I was kid and have developed a sentimental attachment to the place.  We eat, we hang out in the paddock, we never miss the free wine tasting and we walk around looking at exhibits and animals.  I don't step foot in the fun zone for rides anymore and we don't really do a whole lot, but it's fun and I love going. 

On Sunday we went for a five mile walk first thing in the morning.  It was nice having company because I usually walk alone and thank goodness I did.  About half way through the walk I saw this woman walking towards us holding a large white dog around the collar.  I thought she looked nervous, and was curious about why she was holding him by the collar and not a leash, but I didn't think anything of it until I heard loud barking and yelling behind me. I turned around and saw this lady rolling around on the ground trying to keep hold of her dog.  I definitely can't say she didn't try.  The dog escaped and was lunging and barking aggressively at my mom.  I'm terrified of dogs but I wasn't going to throw her to the wolves so I ran over to her and grabbed her arm.  I've heard that you aren't supposed to run, so we didn't do that.  We huddled together and edged away as we could slowly until the dog backed off a little and the owner was able to grab it.  I think they live on that street.  The dog probably got out and she rushed to retrieve him without grabbing a leash.  I've walked that route many times and never seen it, but now I'm traumatized.  I won't be walking that way for a while.  Nothing like a five mile walk and a run in with an aggressive dog to feed your appetite.  We stopped for lunch at Nicky Rotten's then spent the rest of the day running errands, watching movies, and drinking wine.

I did not have any extra days off work so the weekend went way too fast, but we have additional visits planned.  My mom said YES and booked her airline ticket right away, so we will see her and my mother-in law in Kauai very soon. 

 
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Fun While it Lasted

Picnic at Balboa Park

You will never guess what he was actually doing

This odd looking maneuver is the end of MJ's cartwheel!  He claimed he could do one, but I kept forgetting to make him show me.  I can't believe that it has taken me (a former gymnast) seven years to get around to seeing this man's cartwheel.  I have no idea how he ended up in that position at the end of a cartwheel but technically, he can do it.  He needs to work on his form but I promised to help.

 

After my parents moved to Vegas I was happy to find out that they had decided to come back every four months for my Dad's Doctor's appointments at UCSD Medical Center.  My dad can see a doctor there who knows about kidney's but not one who does kidney transplants and is used to seeing patients that have had one, so they decided it was worth it for that reason alone to make the drive three times a year.  Plus, they get to see me.  The timing for this appointment couldn't have been better since I had Friday and Monday off for President's Day.  The weather couldn't have been any better either so we decided to take advantage of it and do a Picnic at Balboa Park.  Valentine's Day was a footnote.  We went to dinner that night just to go, but we are not big Valentine's Day people so despite the parade of Red and Pink on social media and the random gift shops that popped up in gas station parking lots selling tacky stuffed animals and garish balloons it was just another date night for us.  I didn't even get a picture, and MJ forgot his wallet!

My mom and I spent an entire day running errands and we were in Kohl's so long that by the time we came out we were shocked to see that the sun had gone down but we knew exactly what happened.  We are REALLY slow shoppers! By the time we finished we were starving.  I made a Chipotle run while my mom ran into the Grocery store to get Ice cream sandwiches for my dad.  I was sitting in my car waiting for her.  She sent me a text message asking me what kind of Girl Scout cookies I wanted.  I knew I wanted the Peanut Butter Patties not to be confused with Peanut Butter Sandwich but I couldn't remember the exact name so I checked.  A Girl Scout asked me if I would like some cookies and I said, "My mom is coming to buy them, I just wasn't sure what kind."  Tagalongs, I texted her back.  When she got into the car with the cookies she told me as soon she said she wanted Tagalongs one of the girl scouts said, "Oh, your daughter was here, asking about these."  We laughed when I told her I felt about 12 years old saying that my mom is buying them.   No matter how old I get have to admit that sometimes I like that.  When you are an adult ensconced in bill paying, laundry, doing and fitting it all in when you are not at work it's nice to feel like a kid again sometimes.  Up to and including your dad driving you nuts because that is what he does, but loving him anyway. 

We shopped.  We went to the movies.  We cooked spaghetti and meatballs for dinner.  And then sooner then you can believe it the weekend is over and you are back at work, but it was so much fun while it lasted.

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From Diapers to Double Dates

My parents are retired now and California 'aint cheap so they started house hunting in August.   I was fine with it, as if I have any say so in the matter. When they got back, they told me they found a house.  Okay, so their really gonna move.  I knew it was happening and I was still fine with it.  I was at work when I got a text message that the new house would finish being built in December.  I was no longer fine with it, and I cried because it wasn't until then that the move felt real to me.  Like, really, real as in I will no longer be able to see my parents whenever I want to.  My sisters' moved a way a long time ago so they already know what it's like not to have mom and dad nearby, but I don't.  I moved out six months after I graduated from college so I really didn't expect to be crying about mom and dad moving in my thirties.  They sold my childhood home last year.  It was sad, but they were still here.  I knew this was coming, but it feels different when it's happening next month.  When I say next month that's next week.  November is all but done and they are moving the week after Thanksgiving.  Las Vegas isn't far.  I've been going there at least once a year already, but it's not here.  It's not forty five minutes away, and that is going to take some getting used to.

They spent their 43rd wedding anniversary knee deep in packing and fielding inquiries on Craigslist about five drawer dressers and sofa tables.  Does anyone remember the Penny Saver?  Well, my parents sure do and that's where they put an add to sell a bunch of stuff, but us young whipper snappers know that Craigslist is everything.  My mom is learning, but not quite computer savvy enough for Craigslist so I posting their stuff and oh, my gosh is it crazy!  I have to forward all e-mails to my mom and I've only seen a portion of the interaction she's getting, but she says keeping up with it is a part time job.  They got two calls out of Penny Saver. 

We are trying to squeeze in as much as we can with them while they are still here.  My mom and I did mother daughter facials and lunch a few weeks ago and on Saturday we met at  The Cottage in La Jolla for a double date.  It looks like a house that's been turned into a restaurant and I've never had food come out so fast.  I'm always on a quest for the best french toast in San Diego and this place takes the #1 spot away from DZ Akins. 

My parents used to change my diapers and now we go out on double dates.  They have been through a hell of a lot in their 43 years of marriage and yet here they are stronger than ever, sitting across from MJ and I who have barely just begun.  It was one of those days that I stood there tilting my face into the sun and smiling, just because it felt so good to be where I was in that moment.  My beautiful parents.  My amazing husband.  The weather was 75 degrees because San Diego still has no clue it's not Summer.  Sitting outside chowing down on french toast and sipping on mimosas was a really nice way to spend a Saturday afternoon.

This is the last Thanksgiving with my parents, and I don't even want to talk about Christmas.  I'm grown and married.  Why am I taking this so hard?  Just thinking about it gets the tears rolling but, we're making the most of the time we have left.  

The Fair & Father's Day

I love the County Fair.  I've been going every year since I can remember...  well, except last year.   We skipped it because I was broke but this year it was on!!

I LOVE THIS PIZZA

The first thing we did when we got there was eat.  Because of all the traffic it took us 1 1/2 hours to get there and park when normally it only takes 30 minutes so by the time we got there I was irritable...and starving.   At the fair everywhere you look there are people shoving food in their mouths and I couldn't wait to join in.  You pretty much sit down and eat anywhere you can so we sat in the grass and chowed down.  Every year Papa Gino's Pizza is set up in the same place and I always get the same delicious French Bread Pizza.  Mj got Chicken & Rice in a Pineapple.  Really.  Too bad I didn't get a picture of it.  Considering that they have things like deep fried cereal and deep fried peanut butter and jelly sandwiches I think our choices were pretty good. 

KETTLE CORN POPCORN

We did a free wine tasting in the infield and then on our way over to BODIES The Exhibition we split a giant sugar twist doughnut.  I've always wanted to see this exhibit and it was there for just $7 extra.  They don't allow cameras or video inside so I couldn't take any pictures which is fine because I would feel really weird taking pictures of what is essentially a dead person.  The tissues and muscles are preserved in a way to prevent decay that allows real human bodies and skeletons to be dissected and displayed.  One man was literally cut in half and opened up so you could see a cross section of the internal organs and bones and what actually exists underneath our skin.   It's so strange that those are real people who were once alive.  I have no idea why they were selected but all the whole bodies are people from China who died of natural causes.  They also had individual organs and body parts like a legs and arms with sections cut out so you can see down to the tissue and bone.  They had half of the head of a baby with encephalitis on display and you could still see the eye lashes.  It sounds super disgusting but it's not.  I mean, it is a little icky but in a scientific way and it was really fascinating.

Then we walked around and looked at exhibits.  You can buy everything from rug cleaner to, a spa to an on the spot teeth whitening treatment at the fair.  I settled for some pretty sterling silver earrings.  No rides this year.  I now go to the fair and don't go on rides when I can still remember the days I used to live in the Fun Zone and the exhibits were sooo boring.  If I wasn't officially old before I am now!  We had a good time.  I'm so glad we got to go.

Big Sis, Dad and Me

Sunday we woke up super early so we could go to breakfast with my family for Father's Day before my dad went off to work.  It takes us about 45 minutes to get up there so we had to leave by 7:15am.   Rough for a Sunday but it was worth it.  Eight months after his kidney transplant my dad is doing so amazingly well.  It was worrisome at first because his kidney was slow to get to working but now it's fully functioning, he's handling all of his medications well and he's feeling good.  Instead of going to dialysis all the time he goes to the gym and he's back to working full time as a barber.  He really did get a 2nd chance at life and we're all so glad.  My dad went off to work and then we spent the rest of the afternoon at mom's house.

DJ

Here is my nephew.  He is the cutest thing ever!!  He's going on 2 years old now so he's not driving just yet but knows how to turn the wheel.

40 Years

Me and the rents on my wedding day

I don't know the origins of it but there are designated traditional wedding gifts for every anniversary year from 1-75.  I don't think I'll live long enough to be with my husband for 75 years but if by some miracle I did, then I know that our gift to each other that year is supposed to be diamonds.  Year 3 is leather, year 6 is candy, year 15 is crystal and year 30 is pearls.  According to the list year 40 is a Ruby.  My parents just celebrated their 40th anniversary and a month ago my mom was thisclose to giving my dad a kidney.  Now that is off the charts awesome in terms of a gift right?  An organ from your very own body is way more precious then diamonds.  It is the ultimate gift of life and health.  My mom was a match and right in the middle of the testing process.  It turns out she didn't have to donate but she was willing and ready to do it.  

On October 24th they got the call.  My mom picked up the phone and the lady said, "Does your husband still want a kidney?"  My mom said, "YES."  A donor kidney had finally became available and by 7:00am they were at the hospital and my dad was getting tested and prepped for transplant surgery.  It took longer then we thought it would; about 5 hours.  My dad pulled through with flying colors.  He was in ICU for a day then got moved to his regular room.  Just one week after surgery he got to go home.  The doctors said the kidney was "lazy."  My dad was really disappointed to still have to do dialysis even after the long awaited healthy kidney but we hoped that it would start doing it's job very soon and it did.  On November 9th he was taken off of dialysis.  No more would he have to spent 4 hours a day 3 days a week hooked up to a machine to do what his kidneys no longer would.  He actually has three kidneys now.  Turns out they actually leave the non working ones in and just add the new one. 

Now there are doctors appointments several days a week and a stock pile of pills that need to be taken in addition to his insulin.  My mom took off work and has been right there by his side taking care of him and helping him manage just as she has been through this entire process.  Just as she has been for the last 40 years.  In sickness and in health, through good times and bad.  I can't count how many times I shook my head in anger over things that were going on in that relationship but my mom's love for him has never wavered; and despite actions that may speak to the contrary neither has his for her.  My mom is as forgiving as she is generous and my dad is as loveable as he is stubborn.  When you love someone like that you will do anything to save their life.  You are selfless if a little selfish because not only will you do what it takes to make sure that person is okay but you also can't bear to imagine a world in which they do not exist and want to keep them with you.  My dad feels healthier and more energetic then he has in a long while.  He needs to keep up the exercise and eating right.  This is a new lease on life and he need not waste it.  Not only for himself but for the people who love him.  I don't like to think of my parents getting older.  For my whole life they've just always been there and that's how I want it to stay.   I'd like to think that they will be here forever.  Just as I'd like to think that my husband and my sisters and anybody else I care about will be too.   

Forty years with Mj.  I'm all signed up...I just don't want it to fly by too fast.  The 40 year anniversary traditional gift is Ruby, the modern day gift is a Garnet and if he needed an organ I would give it to him.  What will we look like in 40 years?  What kind of twists and turns will our relationship have taken?  How many date nights, weekend getaways and movie nights will there have been?  How many disagreements?  Life is just so precious.  And so is love.  We are not promised tomorrow so while we are here we need to be thankful for what we have, live and love as hard as we can, while we still can.  

Good Family News

Originally my big sister was supposed to be in my wedding but instead she decided to get pregnant.  I mean really, how could she do this to me?  Only joking!   My sister is in her late 30's and she really wanted a child but was having a heck of a time getting pregnant and staying pregnant so I was really happy for her that it finally happened but crushed that she wouldn't be at my wedding. Not just because I want her there but because she already misses out on so much being far away from the family since moving away four years ago and this was just one more thing. A big thing at that. As it got closer and closer to the wedding things started happening that gave us hope that she would make it but always the pessimist I didn't count on it.  About a month ago she booked her flight and made it official! Not only will she be here on Sunday in time to come to the wedding but she will be staying out here until after she delivers her baby next month. My big sis is finally coming home and I can't wait to see her. Next challenge. Finding this very pregnant mama a dress!  Mom, Dad, Big Sis, Middle Sis (me) and Lil sis have not all been together in one place in about two years so it's going to be great to all be together again.

The other bit of good news came Wednesday. I got a message from my mom saying that she had news and to call her when I could. "News" is such a cryptic word.  It could really mean anything good or bad. My mom got her lab results back and she is a match for my dad. We really weren't expecting this because they don't have the same blood type.  I actually do and we all figured that if there was one person in the family that might be able to donate it would be me.  This is only the first step in a long series of testing that needs to happen prior to any kidney donation but it's a really good sign. My dad is #1 on the kidney donor list now and after two false alarms and a year on dialysis he is READY.   One could become available any day now but if that doesn't happen it's good to know that my mom can give him hers.

I am so looking forward to this nice long three day weekend. Tomorrow Mj and I are going to the fair-which I do every year and have always loved.  We pick up Mj's mom tomorrow night after that.  Then, I pick up my big sis on Sunday morning and then we will all head up to my mom's house for the 4th of July.  I don't know if we'll see fireworks but I know I'll be having lots of fun. 

I only have to work two days next week which is absolutely wonderful and then I get married!!

Clubbin' With Mom & Dad

"Hey Dad, I want skittles," I yelled out the window as my dad got out of the car and went into the convenience liquor store.  There is something about sitting in the back seat of the car with mom and dad in the front that reminds me of being a kid again.  I constantly hounded my dad for candy and barbies as a child so I thought it would be funny to ask for skittles which was always my favorite.  My dad comes back and tosses in a bag of skittles and one of those cute little mini alcohol bottles of  Gin with lime.  I didn't used to get liquor with my candy as a child but well, I'm not a kid anymore.  It's 10:15 pm and to celebrate Father's day mom, dad and I are going out clubbing.  "Drink up," he says as he hands one to my mom.

There is nothing traditional about my father.  He makes no apologies.  He thinks, says, and does whatever he wants to and could care less about who's looking or what anybody thinks about it.    "Dad, what do you want to do for Father's Day?"  

"Nothing.  Don't buy me anything because you know I'm not into that and don't go out of your way to come up here or spend any money." Then he went into his usual rant about commercial holidays and how it's just about making money and he doesn't need one day to celebrate anything.  My dad always tries to act so rough and gruff but we all know there is a softie in there somewhere.

I was going to be up there Saturday and was thinking I could spent the night and do breakfast in the morning so he could get to work and I could get home to take care of the millions of things I have to do. He said that all he wants is for his girls to be happy.  He doesn't want or need anything else for Dad's day.  He has his routine on Sunday's.  He gets up, goes to the gym, then goes to the barber shop for work and normally doesn't get back until evening.  He really didn't really feel the need to interrupt his schedule and with everything going on with wedding planning and buying a house he didn't want me to have to do anything else.  I have learned over the years that it is almost useless to argue with him.  He is more set in his ways and stubborn then anybody I know.  So when mom suggested that we just spend time together on Saturday because I was already going to be up there I agreed.  We would eat dinner together then go out.  Mom and I had a make up consultation for my wedding so we would already be glammed up.  Perfect!

So, that's what we did.  The consult took longer then expected so we didn't have time to cook but we did pick up some delicious food from a local Soul Food restaurant and ate that at home.  Dad doesn't drink anymore since he's been on dialysis but mom and I had some wine.  I was already getting tired.  I don't go out at night much because most of the time I find that I'd just rather be at home in my pajamas at that hour but we said we'd go out so go out we did.  It's a small town and there aren't too many any hot spots to choose from unless you want to head south about 40 minutes closer to where I live.  The Flying Bridge seems to be the only game in town so that's where we went.  The ONE night my parents and I decide do go out it's closed so we ended up at a dive bar called McCabe's.  I used to go there in my single days long ago and hang out mostly because there wasn't anyplace else but I never expected I'd find myself there ever again let alone with my parents.  Not much had changed.  It's still a dive bar with lots of random weird people inside but dad new the guy at the door so at least we didn't have to pay a cover.  We chatted, people watched.  My mom and I were being shy but dad put an end to that by dragging us on the dance floor and we had fun out there. 

I thought to myself for a moment how bizarre it is that I am out dancing with my parents on a Saturday night at a bar but that's something I love about my family.  We just are who we are.  My parents are on the other side of 50 but they still like to get out and have their fun and I can go right along with them  and there is nothing weird about it at all.  I was probably more tired then both of my parents and I'm supposed to be the young one!  We had a really fun time hanging out and doing something different together.  It was NOT the traditional Father's day outing but we certainly enjoyed it and that's really what it's all about.

A Kidney For My Dad

Great news today from my mom. They found a donor kidney for my dad. It is supposed to arrive around 3pm today and he is scheduled for surgery around 5pm. My dad started Dialysis earlier this year. His kidneys finally shut down on him after many years of poor eating and exercise habits that ultimately led to Diabetes. He was on insulin for a while before the kidney's finally quit altogether. He is AB+ so they didn't expect the wait to be long and it wasn't. Thank goodness.

He is so happy and I am so happy for him. He's been doing Dialysis 3 days a week for four hours at a time. It is time consuming and can be painful. Ultimately, Dialysis simply can't do what a real kidney can. He sees people walking into the Dialysis center looking progressively sicker and more worn down then the week before. On more then one occasion a patient has been taken from the Dialysis center to the hospital due to complications and he doesn't want to be next. He receives his Dialysis through a surgically created fistula connecting two of his veins together. It left some scarring and when touched you can literally feel the blood rushing beneath his skin. I still don't understand the actual mechanics of it all. It's been hard to see him looking so thin and weak. Dialysis takes its toll on the body after a while but thanks to this transplant he can leave all of that behind.

My eyes welled up with tears when my mom told me. I am happy that this is finally happening but it is also very scary. That kidney HAS to work. I am just hoping that everything goes well and that my dad can be on the road to better health again very soon.

• Bad news. My mom called me around 3 pm and said the transplant is off. Apparently, my dad was the 2nd one offered the kidney. The first couldn't accept it due to some medical reason and so by the time they got it prepped for my dad they felt the kidney was not fresh enough. What a roller coaster. My poor dad is so disappointed. They were at the hospital and getting prepped for the surgery. I can only hope that another comes up for him very soon.

We Are Family

I load my bags into the back seat of my car and get in. I honk once like I always do as I make my U turn. They watch from the doorway. Two dark silhouettes outlined by the bright lights coming from inside the house. They wave and then close the door against the dark chilly night. There is a lump in my throat but it isn’t caused by sadness. I round the corner as I have done so many times before and the shadow of my childhood home rushes by me on the left and disappears behind me into the darkness. I set off on my drive home and quietly reflect on just how lucky I am. Those two people waving at me from the doorway are my parents and I have never once had reason to question their love for me or mine for them. It’s always been that way and the notion that I am very fortunate to have that is not lost on me. My two sisters are pretty great too. One is a creative fashionista going to College in the North and the other my beautiful and kind big sis who has re located to the South. I grew up with my big sister and her moving out of state has not shaken our closeness one bit. I take delight in seeing the poised and responsible young woman that my little sister has become. The painfully shy little gymnast flipping around the house is all grown up. I can’t wait to see what amazing things she is going to accomplish in her life. We are so very different and yet our parents girls and therefore the same. No matter how much space and time comes between us we will always have that sisterly bond.


My parents don’t live too far and I try to make sure to go up there regularly to visit. I am the only one of their girls who still can. My mom and I spend time together as any two best friends might. There was happy hour and the movies Saturday, shopping on Sunday, and plenty of just hanging out and talking in between. I couldn't ask for a better mother or friend. I am not sure why it never occurred to me before to ask but just before I left on Sunday night I wanted my parents to tell me the story of how they met. I could tell my dad was trying to fight the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as he re counted the story of meeting my mom at a club in Detroit. His gruff exterior melts away as they take me along with them down memory lane. I can see how much they love each other in their exchanged glances as they smile at each other and chime in with their version of the events as they unfolded over 35 years ago. I try to picture my dad as the cool "older man." The handsome fit military man my mom describes him as and my mom as a young mother barely 20 years old. I should be so lucky to have so many years of marriage and shared experiences with my husband. There are so many secrets and history that I could never begin to understand that has kept their bond strong through the ups and downs of life and marriage. I know it hasn't been easy. My dad has not always been the easiest man to love. He is his own person. With time comes acceptance and understanding. His heart has always been in the right place and we love him as he is. As they speak of their early days my memory is jogged as fragmented and vague images of my childhood dart in and out of my mind so fast that they never fully materialize. A huge gold Oldsmobile with vinyl quilted seats, long cramped family road trips all the way to Michigan. A faded red door with peeling paint from a long ago house we used to live in. Just bits and pieces here and there but enough for me to know that I had a good childhood. I wish I could remember more. They were so very young when they started this family. I am grateful for all of the years of work and love that went into making a home for my sister’s and me.

My family is imperfect as all families and people are but we love each other and want the best for each other. That is what family is all about. There are people all over the world who were beaten, neglected, forgotten or otherwise unloved by the people that you most expect to love you unconditionally and I feel lucky that I haven’t ever had to experience that kind of pain. My parents have watched me grow over the years from a girl scout in pigtails with missing front teeth into the woman I am today. I’d like to think that I have made them proud. My parents and my sisters have always been there for me and I am comforted by the certainty that no matter what, they always will be. Just as I will always be there for them.