RSVP Angst

I have to admit I am feeling pretty outdone by this whole RSVP process right now. It was so delightful when the first batch started rolling in.  It made it real that we were actually having a wedding.  We had guests!!  But now it's become a source of angst.  A couple weeks ago I came home and saw that someone RSVP’d for 4 when I sent the invitation out clearly indicating two names. They decided they wanted to bring their 12 year old daughter and someone else. I don’t even know who that someone else is because they didn’t write in the name to inform me who was coming to my party.   I’m not sure why someone would assume they can bring whoever they want.  

Any party cost money and people invite not only who they want to be there but also who they can afford to be there. Not to mention space limitations.  Imagine if everyone just brought even one more person to a Bar B Q without telling the host? Then imagine it’s a wedding where the cost per person is counted and a lot higher then any other party you will ever throw in your life.

I don’t see anyone offering to pay for additional guests. Even if they did the answer would be no.  If your name was written on the invitation come and if not don’t come.  If you feel you must bring an additional guest please ask.  End of story.   Some have weddings where they invite everyone to the ceremony and then exclude a bunch for the Reception. The ceremony is really what its all about but the reception is where the money is. I'd feel totally uncomfortable doing this because it just seems so exclusive and those not invited must feel a bit like a B list D list celebrity who couldn’t get into the VIP party. Way harsh.  I couldn’t do it but I understand the concept and those that do. The bottom line is that weddings are not cheap and sometimes you have to make those kinds of tough decisions.

Since it is her friend I am enlisting mom to inform the 2 invited/4 RSVP group that there is only room at the Inn for 2. When I got an RSVP from my cousin, husband, and little girl I was like uh, oh.  This is gonna be awkward.  Mj and I for the most part invited friends/family + their significant other if they had one but decided on no children. This is partly for budget reasons. When you count up all the potential kids it adds up and we didn’t want to open the flood gates on that. Our reception is preceded by a cocktail hour. To me that means screams adult party and chances are that a child won’t appreciate or enjoy it so it doesn't make sense to pay to have them attend.  Even if we could afford it.  The ceremony starts at 4:00pm, dinner doesn’t start until 6 ish and people aren’t likely going to hit the dance floor until around 8:00pm. It takes about 4 hours just to make it through ceremony, dinner and cake.  It’s a long time for a kid and it’s a party. With alcohol. There will probably be drunken people there at some point. I just don’t see why anyone would plan on bringing a child but then again I don’t have children myself so perhaps I just don’t understand. Anyhow, very politely I sent her a message that we had decided no children would be at the reception and she promptly responded that her and her husband would only be able to attend the ceremony then. I love my cousin. She is the sweetest and most wonderful girl and I want her to be there. I am not here to be mean and create hard feelings among family so I took the higher road and told her that if she didn’t feel comfortable leaving her daughter with someone then it would be OK to bring her and meant it.

Looking down to next year and years to come she is always going to be my cousin and this is just one day. It’s just not worth it to me to take a hard line like that and risk hurt feelings. When it comes down to it it’s really not going to matter that much. Even so I am annoyed because it IS just one day. My day and it kind of bums me out that I can’t make a decision and have that be respected by others. I don’t enjoy being in this position one bit. It bothers me that I have to play guest police and that I feel like the bad guy here when in reality I am just trying to have the kind of atmosphere that I want and keep it in the price range that I need.

It's probably not over yet.  As it gets closer I will inevitably have to track people down to get them to reply at all or be irritated by those rude enough to say they will come and then not show up or not RSVP and be right there as if they did. Sigh. Whatever. That’s really all I can say for right now. I can’t let it get to me. This is supposed to be fun and it’s about family and good things so I won't let these petty little issues get me down for too long.

Meet Me At El Torito

I am always so flattered when Mj wants to hang out with me. I just think it's so sweet that he wants me around.  I know that husbands, fiances, and boyfriends are supposed to want to hang out with their significant other. It should come naturally. I know this but from what I have observed and from past experience I know that isn't always the case.

I've heard about men who can't seem to wait to get away from their significant other. I even experienced it first hand in my prior relationship. Well, if you could call it that. I was mostly uninvited to get togethers with his friends or co workers. He didn't plan outings for us and in general the most time I spent with him was down the street from my house at a nearby restaurant and at my house. He didn't really invite me out too much and I suppose being married was part of the problem. I should've known better, but considering it was only my 2nd relationship experience lets just say I was a little naive stupid. I was technically the other woman but just too blind to see it. Due to the whole having a secret wife that everyone knew about except me thing, he had other priorities and I was not one of them. I spent way too long in that relationship situation. The years prior to that were spent in an all wrong dysfunctional and slowly deteriorating relationship sinking ship that finally met its inevitable demise after 10 years. We did spend time together but towards the end it was more obligatory then anything else. On both sides. I do feel lucky that I didn't have to kiss too many frogs to get to my prince. They say 3rd time's a charm and in this case it certainly was.

Meeting Mj was a breath of fresh air. Everything just came so naturally. He wanted to spend time with me. He wanted me to come over. He wanted to plan things for us to do together. And he still does. He makes me feel special and wanted. He wants to meet up for lunch dates during the work week and have date nights on weekends.  Frankly, I had just sort of forgotten what that felt like as I had learned to expect nothing from my partner. If Mj didn't want to spend time with me then there would definitely be something wrong with the relationship.  It really should be a given but it's something I don't take for granted. I know what it's like to be treated like a leftover. It's just another reason why I love him so much. It's almost odd to even mention Mj and my other two situations in the same breath considering that I am in such a new place in my life and with such a wonderful man that I rarely reflect on those old days anymore. Considering that Mj is in such a league of his own in terms of being my Mr Right that anything and anyone else totally pales to smithereens in comparison.

Mj e mailed me to ask if I wanted to meet him at a restaurant after work for a happy hour with his co workers for some professional organization he's joined .  My contacts are bugging me, I'm having a bad hair day and the last thing I need is to consume devour the inevitable tortilla chips, quesadilla and beer that I know I'm going to want as soon as I walk in the joint. But, I am going to go because I love spending time with him just as much as he does with me. I love it that he wants me to hang out and have me meet his co workers. And more then anything else, I'm going because it means so much to me just that he wants me to.

Meanwhile...Back At The Ranch

It's so fun to go by the house each week to see what changes have been made from week to week.  They have been building since February 13th and it has come so far.  I can't believe that NEXT MONTH we will finally be moving into that place!!  I stressed out so much about getting the loan and now we have two offers.  We found out about two weeks ago that the builder preferred lender WAS going to offer us the loan we wanted after all.  They really put us through the ringer asking for letters and documentation and paperwork over and over.  Talk about exhausting especially considering we were working with two at the same time so we'd have a back up just in case. It was never ending.  After all that stress it was a relief to finally know for sure that we will be getting that much needed $6,700 towards closing costs.   I have stressed about each and every step in this process because that's just what I do.  I can't help it.  Thank goodness everything has worked out so far.  I wish I could just save myself some heartache, be more like Mj and stop being such a worry wart all the time.  

OK.  I'm going to start now.  Do NOT worry about not getting a tenant for the condo by the time we move out.  DARN DAMN....It's not working!

April 17:  Counter tops  & Driveway Paving

April 24th:  Flooring, Appliances, Garage Door & Landscaping

House building progress con't

Out and About Saturday

Mj jumped right out of bed this morning and into the pile of laundry that was beginning to take on a life of it's own in our overflowing laundry basket. Bless his heart because I just didn't have the strength to tackle it. My mind is already on the luxury of an upstairs laundry room that we are going to have in our new house and after years and years of lugging laundry back and forth to laundry rooms I just didn't have the heart to do it again. I am all for teamwork so I was right there to help with the folding.

We stopped by our ever changing new house then it was off to the rec center. As Mj played basketball and I set out for my walk the conditions couldn't be more perfect. The air was crisp and cool with a nice breeze, the sky was a clear blue, and I was full of energy. All of the little lizards that dart back and forth across the pavement really started to freak me out. I saw some really big ones which startled me and got me running. Once I got started it felt good so I just kept on going. The moment I got tired those little lizards were right there to get me running again too! I got in some good stretching after that.

Luckily I am a a fairly low maintenance kind of gal because by the time we got home I only had about 40 minutes to shower, get dressed and be out the door for our little outing that Mj planned for us. We went to the Science Center Museum in this beautiful park close to downtown to watch "The Greatest Places" in IMAX. It's kind of a tourist thing to do but those are the things you sometimes forget about just because you live nearby and miss out on. It's this amazing theatre with a huge screen that surrounds you so that it made me actually feel like I was right there in Greenland and paddling down the Amazon River myself. It's basically a total immersion with sound and sight all around you and was pretty cool to see.

This park was bustling with people and activity every where you looked. There were probably about 4 quinceaneras, and at least two weddings going on. I saw brides in white and teenagers in elaborate bright princess dresses with their well dressed entourages and waiting limos. There was a puppet show going on somewhere, kids running around with newly won medals around their necks from who knows what, random people in various medieval costumes, and girls in dance wear. It made you feel alive just to be in the middle of it all.

I thought I had already earned my dinner with all my running from lizards earlier but apparently not. We aren't afraid to get out there and walk so with me in my Uggs and Mj in his flip flops we left our car where it was and walked about 40 minutes on foot to get downtown. Not sure how many miles that was but after my run earlier I was really feeling it in my thighs by the time we reached our destination. We just sort of wandered around until I found a restaurant that looked good and we went in. They get bonus points for having a Saturday happy hour. My Filet Mignon Quesadilla and Signature Cocktail were only $5 each. I am such a cheap date!! It's the Earn then Burn diet program. Earn your calories then burn them off!!

Mj was literally dragging me along by my hand by the time we made it back to the car. We walked in the door at home and were both in our jammies faster then you can say pajamas. We had such a fun day just going to that hour long IMAX movie and hoofing it to dinner. Mj has ants in his pants and doesn't like to spend too much time sitting in the house. This is good because I am liable to let life pass me by while sitting in the house and it gets my homebody self out too. We had a great time but it feels so good to be home and warm and ever so cozy in my plaid flannel Joe Boxers.

Next we plan to cuddle up and watch whatever cheesy horror movie we find in On Demand. It will be the perfect end to an already quite perfect Saturday.

Let Them Eat Cake

Cake tasting yesterday! I made back to back appointments for us at two different places.  Bakery #1 had some really tasty cakes all lined up for us to dig into.

We both like butter cream instead of whip cream for the frosting. I like the smoothness and rounded edges that you get with a fondant frost but that is more expensive and apparently it's very very sweet.

Our favorites were:

*Chocolate Peanut Butter: Chocolate peanut butter cake with peanut butter folded into the mousse, and a layer of fudge to top it off.

*Chocolate Mousse: Amazingly light chocolate cake with an airy chocolate mousse.

*Pudding Chiffon: Our moist yellow cake with our light Bavarian cream, one thin layer of raspberry & one thin layer of lemon, cherry or strawberry jam.

As we started to get into looking at Cake Designs Mj turned into a YES man which I hate. He felt he got shot down on his ideas so just started saying yes to everything I asked about. I want his opinion even if I don't always agree. This is OUR cake and I want us to both like it so I told him he better stop it. The cakes there would run us about $393 for a 3 layer that feeds 75 or $443 if we need to add an extra sheet cake to feed an extra 25. The delivery fee is $40 and they charge a $50 deposit for the cake supports which we have to give back in order to get refunded for it.

At bakery #2 the prices were certainly right but we did not like the cake flavors as much. They were only charging $275 for a 3 layer that serves 100. They add $25 if we want to make our cake pink and there is a $35 delivery fee. For tasting they gave us the cake and the fillings separately. They were not actually pre made with all of the layers and fillings put together like the first place. I fell in love with their Peanut Butter Mousse and it tasted really good with their marble cake. We also liked their lemon cake. I don't remember with what filling. We only want to offer two different flavors to guests.

They had some really great designs.We both prefer simplicity and elegance. I really like the first one. We'd do pink with black decoration and black ribbon around the bottom. Mj likes the bottom one in pink using black ribbons around the bottom and pink flowers branching down the cake. He likes how each layer is off center.

I haven't decided if I want to freeze the top layer for a year later. It's traditional but unless we come up with an airtight freezing method it really doesn't sound all that appetizing to me. I'm not really sure what we are going to do. We didn't book either one. There is still one more place I am going to visit on my way home next week. I can get prices and he will send me home with some cakes to try and then I guess we will just have to make a decision from there. Ideally we need to decide by the end of this month. And yes, you really can have too much cake. We were both "caked out" by the end but it was fun.

Meanwhile, the RSVP's have been trickling in.  It makes it so real that we are really having a wedding.  And pretty soon too.  We have guests!  And we definitely plan to let them eat cake.

Take Me Out To The Ballgame

Date night this month was a Baseball game last night. Mj is an Atlanta Braves fan and has been looking forward to this for a while. It took me about 20 minutes to devour my hot dog and finish sucking down my bud light with lime. That first sip of beer was cold, refreshing, and perfect. I'd been thinking about it all day at work and it was even better then I imagined. Then, it took me about 25 minutes to get out my gloves and beanie. It was a night game so it got pretty chilly.

I have a really bad habit of burning my mouth because I can't wait so Mj was in charge of holding onto the hot chocolate and letting me know when I could have a sip. We had some mini donuts with it. It was actually more fun watching the crowd act crazy on the jumbo tron and scramble for the foul balls as it was watching the game but I made an effort to follow along with what was going on and enjoyed it. We had great seats. Neither one of us had been so close to the action before. I don't know what it is about baseball players but most of them looked old and portly. Is it their baggy uniforms or all of the standing around? I don't know but they just don't seem as athletic and fit as the NBA NFL set. We had a good time, his team won and we left around the 8Th inning.

We took the trolley back to where we parked our cars and got home around 11:30 pm which way late for a work night. I can barely keep my eyes open and Mj has already fallen asleep. Guess we're going to bed early tonight.