Just Say Yes

I stumbled upon Yes Man on Cinemax this morning. Due to an error with Blockbuster online I ended up with zero movies for my long 3 day weekend. I look forward to having a movie to watch on weekends I stay in alone and so I'd been channel surfing trying to find something good to watch that I haven't already seen. Although, not a first round draft pick it turned out that I had really missed out because this movie was good and funny. It had a great message and it came at a time when I needed to hear it.

Zooey Deschanel's character Allison makes a comment that "life is a playground but as we grow up we forget about that along the way." Well, true but there is a reason for that. Children don't have responsibilities so life is essentially their playground. As we grow up we no longer have that luxury. We don't so much as forget we just have no choice but to grow up. Life can't be a playground when there is work, bills, and other such annoying distractions to take us away from the things we really want to do. It was never explained how Allison pays her bills by teaching a running photography class and playing in a band called Munchhausen By Proxy.


Jim Carrey's character Carl has a bank job where he's been for years without promotion. We know how he pays his bills but we also know he isn't happy. A devastating break up had caused him to sort of check out of life. He avoided friends and frequents the movie rental store so he can go home and watch movies alone instead of getting out and living life. Well, he went to a seminar and started saying yes to things he normally wouldn't and suddenly a whole new world opens up for him. One that he'd been hiding from. He meets a fun, offbeat woman (Allison) who he would have never dated at a band performance he would have never gone to. He learns to speak a new language, takes up flying lessons, and starts volunteering at homeless shelters just because. Each yes led him down a path he wouldn't have normally been on but which ultimately landed him a promotion, the ability to get over his ex, a new girlfriend, and a reconnection with friends who he had shut out. He got his life back.


I am definitely guilty of coming from a place of no. No, I can't go out downtown because the drinks are expensive and I don't want to pay for parking. No, I can't get together that night because it's a work night and I have to get home so I can get to bed. No, I can't eat that incredibly delicious looking dessert because if I go over a certain amount of calories then the world will end. Ha!! A lot of times it's simply because I am so caught up in my daily routine and feel so trapped by my limitations that I won't let myself venture out. I mean, what is the worse that could happen really? What might I be missing out on that I don't even know about?


I've been guilty of shutting the world out in the past. Choosing instead to isolate myself because it felt easier then venturing out and facing things and people that I didn't feel equipped or even willing to handle. Thankfully, my mind set has improved and along with it so have I, however there are times when I find myself slipping back and sticking to routine just because it's safe. Ultimately, I can only do what I can do. I can't quit my job in favor of traveling across Europe just because it's something I've always wanted to do but even if it's just being more open minded, less fearful and more positive that's a step in the right direction.

The Time Change Agrees With Me

It's only been a full week since the time change and I have noticed a change in my sleep patterns already. I don't know for certain that it's because of the time change but it literally just started this week so I suspect it just might have something to do with it. And I am so glad! I have been getting to sleep in a timely manner AND waking up feeling rested. Instead of darkness I wake to sunshine seeping through the slats in my mini blinds. Instead of not sleeping at all or waking up hours before my alarm and feeling totally wrecked I am waking up at or just a little before my alarm and feeling like a person that actually got some sleep. I am still taking the sleeping pills. There is a good chance that I no longer need them but I am afraid to go without. I am enjoying this whole getting a good night's sleep thing way too much to risk it.

In other news....Mj comes home NEXT WEEK!! We will be in the same time zone by Sunday and in the same zip code by Thursday or Friday at the latest. It really snuck up on me because it literally wasn't until this week that I knew this for sure. As a coping mechanism I have learned to not really think about it too much when all I have is a general timeframe that can get changed at any moment by the powers that be. Somehow not really conceptualizing it allows me to long for it a little less which is helpful now because he's been gone for so darn long. At the beginning the end was all I thought about but eventually my aching heart got worn out. It already felt like there was no end in sight and not ever really knowing the date didn't help. So, not thinking about that actual end has kept me in the here and now which is where I needed to be to cope.

There are so many emotions coming at me all at the same time. We have been away from each other more then we have been together during our relationship seeing as how we had 8 months together before he left and he's been gone for about 11. This is our first time living together and actually getting to really BE together. It's almost surreal that he is actually going to come home and he won't be leaving again. No more way too short weekends together or missing him like crazy for months on end. I have so much faith in our love and our relationship that I doubt anything can shake it but I can't help but feel a little nervous. I've been waiting and dreaming about my future with this man and next week it will finally be real.

They Think She's Chunky?

Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders "Making The Team Season 4" on the CMT channel
photo credit

Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders are for the most part gorgeous. There is no pretense about the fact that in order to be on the team you have to look good. Sure, they are talented dancers but NFL cheerleader's are also meant to be eye candy. Your appearance counts equally as much as your actual dancing ability and the DCC director Kelli and Judy the choreographer make no bones about it. That tiny uniform will not be extended to fit the girl. The girl must fit the uniform and you will not make the team without passing Kelli and Judy's physical inspection.

The girls dance and gyrate in their tiny little boy shorts and sports bra's during each intense rehearsal. Rookies in pink and vets in Navy. Full hair and make up. These girls are not just pretty Barbie Dolls though. They sweat on top of that hair and make up because dancing your heart out in front of Kelli and Judy is no walk in the park. Their eagle eyes see everything. There are standards. Which, I think is great and what makes DCC the amazing organization that it is. They have a great reputation and the competition to be a part of the squad is probably the fiercest out of any NFL cheer squad.

I was really surprised when Grace, who is one of the rookie DCC training camp candidates, was singled out as "looking big." She seems to be a petite girl. Likely 5'3" or less. She appears athletic with a flat belly and toned legs. At the end of every practice the girls on the chopping block are called into the office to either be cut or given more time to improve. Grace was told that most of the other girls her size are 112 lbs or so and that at 123 lbs she needs to slim down a little. She eagerly accepted the criticism and agreed that she would hit the cardio hard to try to loose some weight.

Every season there always seem to be a couple girls that are singled out as having "weight problems." Usually, I can kind of see what they mean. Though in great shape for normal standards you have to consider that the uniform is quite unforgiving and it does take a small very close to perfect figure to make it look good. They aren't necessarily looking for skinnie minnies either though. Most of the girls while slim still look healthy and fit. I was shocked to see a girl that looks as fit as Grace actually referred to as looking "chunky."  I can only imagine what kind of message it might send to young girls watching to see a tiny girl like this referred to as overweight.

I love the show as I do all things dance and cheerleading related.  I enjoy seeing the process of what it takes to be a DCC from auditions all the way to the first game.    

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  Link to video of the girls dancing where Grace supposedly looks "big."
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  Link to video where Grace is called into the office and told she can look "chunky."

A Kidney For My Dad

Great news today from my mom. They found a donor kidney for my dad. It is supposed to arrive around 3pm today and he is scheduled for surgery around 5pm. My dad started Dialysis earlier this year. His kidneys finally shut down on him after many years of poor eating and exercise habits that ultimately led to Diabetes. He was on insulin for a while before the kidney's finally quit altogether. He is AB+ so they didn't expect the wait to be long and it wasn't. Thank goodness.

He is so happy and I am so happy for him. He's been doing Dialysis 3 days a week for four hours at a time. It is time consuming and can be painful. Ultimately, Dialysis simply can't do what a real kidney can. He sees people walking into the Dialysis center looking progressively sicker and more worn down then the week before. On more then one occasion a patient has been taken from the Dialysis center to the hospital due to complications and he doesn't want to be next. He receives his Dialysis through a surgically created fistula connecting two of his veins together. It left some scarring and when touched you can literally feel the blood rushing beneath his skin. I still don't understand the actual mechanics of it all. It's been hard to see him looking so thin and weak. Dialysis takes its toll on the body after a while but thanks to this transplant he can leave all of that behind.

My eyes welled up with tears when my mom told me. I am happy that this is finally happening but it is also very scary. That kidney HAS to work. I am just hoping that everything goes well and that my dad can be on the road to better health again very soon.

• Bad news. My mom called me around 3 pm and said the transplant is off. Apparently, my dad was the 2nd one offered the kidney. The first couldn't accept it due to some medical reason and so by the time they got it prepped for my dad they felt the kidney was not fresh enough. What a roller coaster. My poor dad is so disappointed. They were at the hospital and getting prepped for the surgery. I can only hope that another comes up for him very soon.