Dear Diary

Even after you get the kids out you are still stuck with their stuff.  Thank goodness mom hasn't been charging storage all of these years.  Thirteen years later I have finally been reunited with many precious mementos that I just didn't have space for until now.  How crazy is it that so many childhood memories fit into two plastic bins?  It's like my own personal time capsule.

My first two Diaries

Among the treasures, most prized are my journals.  All 16 of 'em dating back to 1986 when I was in elementary school.  The Cabbage Patch Kids Diary was my first and the last spiral bound ends in 2003.  That's 17 years.  Half of my life is documented between those pages.  As I skimmed a journal from 1990 my Freshman year high school schedule fell out.  It's all there.  Every dream, every hope and every fear.  The tears I shed and the joys I felt are all documented in my bubbly cursive writing which actually hasn't change all that much.  I lived for Pizza, slumber parties, reading books, cheerleading, and gymnastics.  I believed that having a boyfriend and getting asked to homecoming would somehow change my life.  There are so many things I'd forgotten about.  I had a pen pal from Michigan and I used to sleep with my little sister when she was two years old to make sure she got to sleep.  We had Pizza for dinner a lot, I went to a million slumber parties, and there always seemed to be some big to do between my parents about if I would be allowed to go camping again with Beth or go to Chelsea's house. 

17 years worth of written journals

Oddly enough, as much as I've changed over the years I also haven't.  I can see plenty of thoughts of today reflected in my childhood musings of yesterday.  I'm still terrified of spiders, always my own worst critic, and enjoy being physically active.  I have however, discovered there are other things aside from Burger and Fries on restaurant menus, and acquired a greater sense of confidence and love for myself, that I didn't have as a child.  It's almost painful to read how harshly I berated myself for not being skinny enough, popular enough or pretty enough.  Having documented everything all of these years has really allowed me to recover long forgotten memories and keep them forever.  It's like reading a book except it's the story of my life written with my own hand.  I've had so much fun getting re acquainted with my adolescent self.  Here are some word for word quotes taken from my journals. 

May 19, 1986 
Dear Diary, Today was ok.  I got in trouble because I didn't want Jennifer to ride my bike.  My mom made me go to my room and I went upstairs and listened to music and I felt like running away.  Bye.

April 5, 1987 
Dear Diary, For my birthday I got a pound puppy, doll, Cabbage Patch clothes, Uno game, school kit, barbie clothes, two pencils, a ball and perfume.  My party was fun.  We played games.

January 2, 1990
In Family Life we're studying Human Sexuality.  It's kind of embarrassing.

January 13, 1990
Mommy and Daddy got doughnuts when they went grocery shopping.  Yum!  I want to have a slumber party for my birthday.  I worked the whole thing out on paper.

November 25, 1990
The things I want most for Christmas is a bedspread set for my day bed, head phones, overnight bag, Caboodle, Gymnast series books and my own room.  

May 20th 1991 
I MADE IT!! I'M A CHEERLEADER.  I have been waiting all year for this.  I'm a JV Cheerleader!  I'm so happy.  

September 19, 1992 
We had to pull over at a gas station so that Ryan could finish throwing up.  I'm never getting drunk.  NO WAY!! It is not worth it.

September 24, 1992
I want him to ask me to dance sooooooo bad.  Then maybe he'll like me.

April 21, 1993 
I'm a major teacher's pet in History.  It's embarrassing.  Today he said everyone had to put away their news paper but me because I could do whatever I want.

April 26, 1993
It's probably going to be too scary for me to ever kiss a boy.    

March 9, 1994
What's the point of me having my license if mom's too afraid to let me drive anywhere?

May 22, 1994 
My body was hurting so much.  It was an awesome gymnastics meet though.   It was sad when they called all the Seniors walk out.  I almost cried.  This was my last meet.  It felt so good to go up there and get medals.  Then to be CIF Champ is amazing.  I can't believe it really happened.  I worked so hard for this.

I never stopped writing.  I just stopped doing it on paper and started doing it online because it has always been something I wanted and needed to do.  In 2003 where the paper journals end I started a private online Diary.  I skipped over to My Space in 2005 and started blogging there before it was even called blogging.  In 2009 I discovered Blogger and have been happily settled over here ever since.  I migrated all of my old Diaryland and My Space entries into a private blog over here so all of my thoughts are now in one place.  I have my public blog that is open to the public, but I still have a private blog for my eyes only where I continue to record my thoughts.  It's amazing to read how far I've come and almost scary that there are so many things that I simply would have forgotten about had I not written it all down. 

I think I missed my calling.  I should've been a writer.  Or, maybe I already am.