Why I haven't Been Blogging

Do you ever feel like you've run out of things to say? Lately I've been feeling like either I've said it already or someone else is already saying it. Then I wonder, what's the point? There are 50 billion blogs on the internet. Nobody cares!!

I'm not kidding when I say that I've been documenting my life since I was 9 years old. I have an extremely heavy plastic bin of diaries and spiral bound college ruled notebooks to prove it. They are currently being stored in the overhead storage in our garage and the older I get the more I wonder about the fate of those journals after I'm gone. I should probably go ahead and burn them. So many secrets, so many emotions, so many words. Every heartbreak, internal struggle, and joy painstakingly handwritten not only to look back on and remember later, but also as a means of therapy. Writing has always been so therapeutic for me. A way to release the raw and often times jumbled thoughts in my brain and arrange them into organized rows of words that help me exercise the pain and make sense of my feelings. I always feel better after writing it out, and I've always taken such joy in writing down words I don't want to say or that don't need to be said at all.

There were small spurts in my life where I didn't write things down, but consistently and mostly without fail I've kept a written journal from the age of nine until well after college. The age of the internet dawned and along with it online journaling forums like Live Journal and Diaryland. Young people across the world bared their soul sometimes anonymously, and sometimes not  for everyone to see on the world wide web and eagerly followed the journey of others. This is about the time when I switched from pen and paper to online and keyboard. Not only did it save space, but it protected my privacy in a way that a bin of journals doesn't with the added bonus of saving space. I know, I know, there are online breaches of information all the time, but I'm fairly certain that nobody cares about my old journal entries from 2003. I chose to journal online anonymously, maintaining my privacy while also having an orderly collection of journal entries chronologically arranged by time, date and year. Later on, I deleted all of those old profiles and moved my e-journal to one place only visible to me.

Then blogging came along.

I continued to journal privately, but blogging offered a fun and exciting way to write about things I care about, document my life for myself, and share it with others. Blogger had been around since1999, but I didn't discover it until 2009. I was hooked. Blogging was an amazing way to connect with like minded individuals and take a peek into the lives of others. We posted journal style entries, with no real rhyme or reason, followed other bloggers and commented on each others posts. Most of us were just doing it for fun. It was a great outlet for people who enjoyed writing, sharing, and engaging with people online they might never have met in person. It was so interesting to find out how other people spent precious weekend time and to find out that some of your weird thoughts were not actually so weird or unusual. We were all in it together.

Then monetized blogging came along.

Blogs with a lot of traffic had probably been making money off of ads for a while, but I didn't see a real change in the blogosphere until around 2010-2011. I started noticing things like guest posting, blog awards, blog link ups, and blog sponsors. Back in those days a sponsor was when you paid a popular blogger to host your blog button on their page, promote your posts, and feature you on their blog. As the blogosphere became more saturated the add money dried up. Small brands and business's started reaching out to more and more bloggers offering free product in exchange for reviews. Then there were blog giveaways for days. Usually in exchange for follows, which had suddenly become very important because that's how you got companies to send you free stuff. It started out with giving away stuff received for free, but it was such a good way to get followers bloggers started using their own money, and grouping together with other bloggers to give away more expensive items. Yes, I'm an OG blogger. I remember all of it.

Then social media came along. Now most of the giveaways happen there.

Social media existed before blogging, but hadn't quite found it's footing in the blogosphere. Twitter was founded in 2006. MySpace was passe by 2008, and Facebook took it's place. Instagram and Pinterest were born in 2010, but I don't think it was until a few years later that blogging exploded into what it more closely resembles today aided by social media. As social media became more popular and widely used it became an additional platform for bloggers to market their blogs, and the race for a social media following ensued. Late to the party as always, I didn't make my first Instagram post until 2011, but back then I just used it for filters. I didn't start using it for anything else until the end of 2012.

By 2012-2013 successful bloggers had their own .com domain, a professionally designed blog, an editorial calendar, a boatload of free stuff, and a large social media following. The standard was set for what blogging was, and what it was to become. As blogs gained a wider audience, larger brands came a knocking, and no longer would a big blogger accept a product in exchange for a review. Now they wanted (and could demand) cash money. Bigger blogs could command a set fee, while smaller blogs might have to settle for pay per click.  As bloggers grew their social media platforms companies began to take notice of the audience these popular bloggers commanded on and off the blog. The connection between shopping (also known as spending money), and a large following of adoring fans wanting to copy their every move got businesses to take notice of the marketing potential popular bloggers and social media personalities offered. Then the media marketing partner networks started popping up to connect bloggers with brands, rather than bloggers reaching out randomly and vice versa. These days, an individual can become a brand independent of any type of talent, or platform. You don't even have to bother writing a blog anymore. Celebrities have always been influencers, we just didn't call them that. Now, "regular" people with social media fame are getting a piece of the advertising pie in  a very big way. Thus, the social media influencer was born. Initially these partner networks were centered around blogging, but now a lot of them only want Instagram posts. I got an email the other day for a campaign. The only requirement to apply was over 50,000 followers on Instagram. No, I don't have 50,000 followers, and no I don't want to talk about feminine products. Nothing against feminine products. I just wouldn't be interested in talking about it on Instagram. But that's the thing. Money talks. People are talking about all kinds of things they might not have before.

So what does any of this have to do with why I haven't been blogging?

I've been sharing a lot more on my Instagram, and so have many other bloggers I've followed for a long time. Some of them quit blogging, altogether, but still hung out on social media. Some of those bloggers have since come back to blogging, and some haven't, but we can still stay in touch on Instagram. In many ways the Instagram community feels closer to what the blogging community used to feel like, and satisfies the urge to document my life. When I post on Instagram I still have a neat little time stamped time capsule, and after sharing there, sometimes blogging about it doesn't seem as important. Instagram is turning into a bit of a monster also, with follower scams, and so many people hell bent on beating the mysterious algorithm, but I really enjoy it. Everyone is on their phones now, and it has become the easier way to post and engage.

Blogging used to be about the journey, and connecting but so many of the "blog" designs of today say otherwise. Many blogs that used to have archives, and a clear chronological order based upon most recent posts now have static home pages. That's not a blog. That's a website! Websites lack the personality of a blog. Sponsored posts are numerous and tend to feel a bit like a sales pitch.  Everyone seems to be out for self promotion, and the community is just not there like it used to be. Even the larger blogs have a lot less comments than they used to. As blogging continues to evolve I'm increasingly turned off by the sheer level of consumerism and materialism entrenched in the blogging world. Some bloggers literally affiliate link their entire lives. The push to buy more things, and the constant shopping for more things is a bit much for me. I'm trying to be a minimalist over here. I can't relate. In my mind blogging is not blogging anymore and I'm finding the less that blogging is about blogging the less interested I've become. This new era of blogging is nothing new. I've continued and enjoyed blogging regardless, but I'm finding that the longer I blog, the less I have to say, and the less I blog the less I want to.

Guys. It's been almost ten years! No, I haven't been as consistent as I used to, but this blog turns ten this year, and prior to that, I've been writing about myself since I was 9 years old and I still keep a private journal. Could there possibly be anything left to say? How much documenting of one's life and thoughts and things can a person do? I still love writing, but I'm just not finding the joy in coming here and posting like I used to. I don't feel motivated to post, and when I'm not posting, it's hard for me to read other posts, because it makes me feel like I should be posting...and like I want to be posting, but then I don't. When I read from my phone, I feel bad about not commenting, so therefore, I've not written a post or read a blog in two months.

I'm also just really tired. My sleeping has improved over the last 6 months, but I am one chronically fatigued woman and have been for a long time. I am always tired. I wake up tired. I go to work tired, and I got to bed tired. I have no children, and I work an average workweek. This is neither normal, or conducive to blog motivation...or anything else really. Sometimes it takes a lot of time for me to do a single post, and I just don't feel like it. One of my goals for the year is to get some more energy in my life, because this is not okay.

I haven't given up on wanting to blog. I haven't turned my back on blogging. I'm not ready to shut it down, but in the meantime I'm not pushing myself one way or the other. This blog has always been a reflection of my life, and when I'm ready to do it more often I will. A big thanks to anyone still following along or that read this post! I appreciate you still reading, even though I haven't been around.