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4.20.2014
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So Ready for Retirement
4.17.2014
This has been some kind of week; a bad one. Last week flew by but this week I can't believe it's only Thursday. Time is moving incredibly slow. That's what happens when you spend your day in a fog.
There is no pattern that I can figure out but every now and then I get insomnia. MJ will usually tell me that I was asleep but it doesn't feel like it. I feel like I'm laying in bed all night waiting for the alarm to go off. I can only guess that I'm just not getting into that deep REM sleep that makes you feel like you are sleeping and rested when you wake up. So that happened last Monday. I couldn't fall asleep and was exhausted all day. I took OTC sleeping pills for the rest of the week to make sure it wouldn't happen again and I was okay for the rest of the week but this week I had a new problem. I'm waking up hours before my alarm clock for no reason. The sleeping pill gets me to sleep but then I wake up too early so I'm still not getting enough.
There is no pattern that I can figure out but every now and then I get insomnia. MJ will usually tell me that I was asleep but it doesn't feel like it. I feel like I'm laying in bed all night waiting for the alarm to go off. I can only guess that I'm just not getting into that deep REM sleep that makes you feel like you are sleeping and rested when you wake up. So that happened last Monday. I couldn't fall asleep and was exhausted all day. I took OTC sleeping pills for the rest of the week to make sure it wouldn't happen again and I was okay for the rest of the week but this week I had a new problem. I'm waking up hours before my alarm clock for no reason. The sleeping pill gets me to sleep but then I wake up too early so I'm still not getting enough.
 |
| My happily retired parents
Speaking of being tired I am so ready to be retired. It makes total sense that the word tired is in the word retired because after working for so many years you have got to be straight up tired. I know I am and I am not even half way there. People in their 30's have no business even thinking about retirement. I'm thinking about it because I'm having a really bad week and my mom is having a really good one because she just retired. After 28 years of working at the post office my mom is finally a free woman. 28 freaking years! That is a really long time to work at one place. My Dad retired last year but they still couldn't travel freely or be flexible with their plans because my mom was still tied down to a job. She might have worked a little
longer but after seeing my Dad enjoy the retired lifestyle she was ready
to be done with it. I'm glad it's happening while they can still enjoy it. I hate hearing about people who spend their life working only to retire so old and/or ill that they aren't healthy enough to really enjoy their life once they finally can. Or worse; that they never even make it. My parents are gym rats and are in good health. My Dad is doing really
well since his Kidney transplant so now they'll get to enjoy life together. It's a pretty exciting time for them. California isn't exactly a retirement friendly state so they have some big decisions to make about where they want to move and settle down. This is their time to live life on their terms. It makes me happy to know they will have comfortable retirement. Things have fallen into place. They've worked hard and they deserve it. I'll have to do the same.
If I can't retire I'll settle for independently wealthy but either one feels like an impossible far off dream. I love thinking about getting there one day but I also hate thinking about it because who knows if I'll actually be able to. I have a long way to go before I am age eligible but realistically, I'll probably end up working for several years beyond that. It's overwhelming (and depressing) to think about working well into my 60's. Sigh. Pensions are a thing of the past. How do regular folks do it? I contributed to a 401(k) with a company match for 6 years at my old job. I rolled that into a 403 (b) where I contribute what I can monthly since 2008. I also contribute 7% of my pay to a state retirement account. I always forget about that one because they make us do it. I've been paying into social security since I was 16 and I have multiple savings accounts but I still have no idea if it will be enough. I don't think I'll ever feel like I'm doing enough. What do people who don't work rely on? MJ has a 401(k) with a employer match and he plans to stay in the Army reserves long enough to collect retirement from that so his chances are better then mine. I hate thinking about going to work every day while he lives the retired life. Call me selfish, but it would really suck. If only my actual life was one big vacation with days and days stretched out ahead of me with which to do whatever I want whenever I want. Wouldn't it be awesome though if you could retire in your prime when you are still young, hot and full of energy? Not that I can barely stay up past 10 or that my parents aren't hot or anything. I won't wish these years away. There is plenty of life to be lived and good times to be had but there will also be years and years of weekends that are never long enough, many Monday's I will dread and vacations that I wish would last forever. |
It's All About the Writing
4.14.2014
My weekend was so boring. Definitely boring in a good way but also nothing to write home about since I'm sure you don't want to hear about how I didn't leave the house once, ate chicken, watched movies, did laundry, got rid of some junk, finally exercised and sat at my dining room table in my pajamas writing. The only person I "saw" was MJ and that was over FaceTime. This can't be a weekend post because I basically just summed it up in 3 sentences and there are no pictures so I'm going to talk about something else now.
How often do you go back and read your old blog posts? I don't do it all the time but now and then I randomly skip around from post to post reading things I wrote two months or two years ago. It's really fun to take a walk down memory lane. It's super annoying if I find a typo after so much time has passed. I guess reading it a million times isn't always enough. My earlier blog posts are very long winded, overly wordy and way too uptight. I changed my writing style when I realized that other people were actually reading it. I had to work on loosening up to make it more conversational and not worrying so much about using proper English so that my personality would come through and it wouldn't read like a boring college essay.
When I write posts I have a tendency to obsess. I cut and paste entire sections from one place to another, add words, delete words. I read it over and over looking for typos and making sure that everything is just the way I want it. Some posts flow easier, but with others I have a harder time translating my thoughts and feelings into words. The editing process never ends. After I read it for the millionth time I can't look at it anymore because if I do I'll probably find yet another thing I want to change and I'm just over it by then.
By the time I hit publish I don't even know what I'm looking at any more so reading it later allows me to look at it with a fresh eye so it's like reading it for the first time. I finally get get to "see" what I wrote in a way that I couldn't when I originallywrote obsessed over it. I don't know how people blog every day! I really don't have that much to say but I also have this problem where I hesitate because I'm not sure if something is "blog worthy" then the more I look at it the worse it seems to get. I'll throw some words down one day and then finish it the next with a fresh brain or I just abandon the post all together. I have the same issue with writing my novel. One day it's the worst thing ever written, but if I don't look at it for a few days I start to like it again. I'm a perfectionist when it comes to writing even though it's never going to be perfect. I over think everything and it's really annoying! I'm still trying to be more okay with blogging just for the sake of blogging without worrying too much if it will be one of the best things I've ever written.
The sharing and the interaction with readers is a big bonus but it's really is all about the writing for me. And the preservation of memories. It's the whole reason I blog in the first place so even if I look back and think oh my gosh why did I even write that, I'll still be okay with how I wrote it and love that it's there to look back on. That being said, I really do need to learn how to let go a little bit. Write what I want to say and move on just like I would if no one was reading. It's just a blog.
Have you changed your writing style from when you first started blogging to now?
How long does it take you to write a post?
How important is it to you to blog every day?
How often do you go back and read your old blog posts? I don't do it all the time but now and then I randomly skip around from post to post reading things I wrote two months or two years ago. It's really fun to take a walk down memory lane. It's super annoying if I find a typo after so much time has passed. I guess reading it a million times isn't always enough. My earlier blog posts are very long winded, overly wordy and way too uptight. I changed my writing style when I realized that other people were actually reading it. I had to work on loosening up to make it more conversational and not worrying so much about using proper English so that my personality would come through and it wouldn't read like a boring college essay.
When I write posts I have a tendency to obsess. I cut and paste entire sections from one place to another, add words, delete words. I read it over and over looking for typos and making sure that everything is just the way I want it. Some posts flow easier, but with others I have a harder time translating my thoughts and feelings into words. The editing process never ends. After I read it for the millionth time I can't look at it anymore because if I do I'll probably find yet another thing I want to change and I'm just over it by then.
By the time I hit publish I don't even know what I'm looking at any more so reading it later allows me to look at it with a fresh eye so it's like reading it for the first time. I finally get get to "see" what I wrote in a way that I couldn't when I originally
The sharing and the interaction with readers is a big bonus but it's really is all about the writing for me. And the preservation of memories. It's the whole reason I blog in the first place so even if I look back and think oh my gosh why did I even write that, I'll still be okay with how I wrote it and love that it's there to look back on. That being said, I really do need to learn how to let go a little bit. Write what I want to say and move on just like I would if no one was reading. It's just a blog.
Have you changed your writing style from when you first started blogging to now?
How long does it take you to write a post?
How important is it to you to blog every day?
He's Not Here But He Is
4.07.2014
My actual Birthday turned out better than expected. I decided to leave work an hour early just because. I stopped and picked up a donut on the way home just because. I drank wine while eating said donut just because. Then later on that night my mom called to say that they were in the area so they stopped by for a few hours.
I was off Friday and I slept in until an alarming 10am. I can't remember the last time I did that so I think I just really needed it. I knew what I was planning to wear to dinner that night but as soon as I put it on the negative thoughts started in. I texted MJ. I look fat. He has got to be way more tired of hearing this then I am of saying it since I've only said it about a million and one times but instead of just telling me to get over it he FaceTimed me which was perfect because not only was I hating the way I looked in my dress, I wasn't sure what boots to wear. I showed him my outfit and we decided on the black boots. He told me I looked great and that's just one way he wasn't actually there but somehow still was that night.
I chose Season's 52.
I was immediately intrigued by the concept that nothing on their menu
is over 475 calories. Not everyone cares
about that kind of thing but I do, plus it looked like a really nice.
A lot of times we end up in really loud bars for happy hour but there was a piano player and it was really quiet so we were able to chat and catch up without yelling at each other. We all ordered flat breads which were pretty thin and crispy. Not a lot of cheese. I wasn't surprised because what can you really expect for less then 475 calories? But it was enough and it was really good. After dinner our waitress brought out this giant tower of mousse and we each got to pick one for dessert. She also took a group shot and gave me the hard copy for free.
When she came back to refill our waters she said the bill had already been taken care of. My eyes got really big. How? I look at my friends in confusion and we were all looking around the restaurant. Are we such a hot bunch that somebody decided to pay for our meal? Or is this place just so awesome that they pick up the tab on your Birthday and if so how did I not know this?
She asked me if I have a boyfriend in Germany and I almost started to cry. I don't have have a boyfriend in Germany but I have an awesome amazing sweet husband there who woke up at 4am to treat me and my friends to dinner. One of them said she felt like she was in a Lifetime movie and I totally agreed. Not the part where the woman tries to kill her best friend so she can steal her husband but the part when the friend doesn't die and makes her way back to her grieving husband where they live happily ever after.
And that's just how he is. Romantic, thoughtful and so great that 6 years later I still can't believe that I'm lucky enough to be able to call him my husband.
Saturday I went to my parent's house. It was the first time spending the night since they sold my childhood home. It was weird at first but if my parents live there; it's home. We went to dinner that night at a Soul Food restaurant called Felix's. I will go there for the Macaroni and Cheese alone. It takes the #1 spot for best restaurant mac and cheese but everything else was really good too. We spent the rest of our time together hanging out and watching movies.
MJ and I FaceTimed twice on Saturday and once on Sunday while I was still at my parent's house. I miss him more every day that he's gone but even when he's not here he is. I'm always thinking about him. He's still a big part of my life and we stay connected. We text, we e mail, we FaceTime. He fixes airline ticket disasters and treats me to dinner. He's not here and yet he is.
When he comes back I definitely want us to go to Season's 52 together. He's never been, I still want to try their happy hour and it will be my turn to pick up the tab.
I was off Friday and I slept in until an alarming 10am. I can't remember the last time I did that so I think I just really needed it. I knew what I was planning to wear to dinner that night but as soon as I put it on the negative thoughts started in. I texted MJ. I look fat. He has got to be way more tired of hearing this then I am of saying it since I've only said it about a million and one times but instead of just telling me to get over it he FaceTimed me which was perfect because not only was I hating the way I looked in my dress, I wasn't sure what boots to wear. I showed him my outfit and we decided on the black boots. He told me I looked great and that's just one way he wasn't actually there but somehow still was that night.
 |
| I chose the Chocolate Peanut Butter mousse. Of course! |
A lot of times we end up in really loud bars for happy hour but there was a piano player and it was really quiet so we were able to chat and catch up without yelling at each other. We all ordered flat breads which were pretty thin and crispy. Not a lot of cheese. I wasn't surprised because what can you really expect for less then 475 calories? But it was enough and it was really good. After dinner our waitress brought out this giant tower of mousse and we each got to pick one for dessert. She also took a group shot and gave me the hard copy for free.
When she came back to refill our waters she said the bill had already been taken care of. My eyes got really big. How? I look at my friends in confusion and we were all looking around the restaurant. Are we such a hot bunch that somebody decided to pay for our meal? Or is this place just so awesome that they pick up the tab on your Birthday and if so how did I not know this?
She asked me if I have a boyfriend in Germany and I almost started to cry. I don't have have a boyfriend in Germany but I have an awesome amazing sweet husband there who woke up at 4am to treat me and my friends to dinner. One of them said she felt like she was in a Lifetime movie and I totally agreed. Not the part where the woman tries to kill her best friend so she can steal her husband but the part when the friend doesn't die and makes her way back to her grieving husband where they live happily ever after.
And that's just how he is. Romantic, thoughtful and so great that 6 years later I still can't believe that I'm lucky enough to be able to call him my husband.
 |
| Tri-Tip Sandwich // Mac and Cheese // Greens |
MJ and I FaceTimed twice on Saturday and once on Sunday while I was still at my parent's house. I miss him more every day that he's gone but even when he's not here he is. I'm always thinking about him. He's still a big part of my life and we stay connected. We text, we e mail, we FaceTime. He fixes airline ticket disasters and treats me to dinner. He's not here and yet he is.
When he comes back I definitely want us to go to Season's 52 together. He's never been, I still want to try their happy hour and it will be my turn to pick up the tab.
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