The Dress

My fitting room. One of these is MY dress!

When I walked into David's Bridal Saturday it was a madhouse. There were women everywhere trying on all kinds of dresses. Babe, my bridal consultant could barely find me a room. When I looked at these bridal dresses in the plastic garment bag they all looked ugly. It is so hard to tell what the darn dress is going to look like. There is just so much fabric there and it's just so massive that you really can't tell what's what until you see it on a body.

I scanned the aisle with my size on it and there were only about 2 that looked decent to me. Babe started pulling dresses from my list of favorites that I brought in and dress hunting was in full swing. My mom and three friends were there to help me make this important decision and I must say I really did feel special being the center of attention as I put on these gorgeous dresses. I felt like I was on "Say Yes to The Dress" except there were no cameras and I was not trying on thousand dollar dresses. All I knew going into this is that I wanted to try strapless and that I did like the pick up style on the bottom. This is not my first marriage so I was considering Ivory but there is just something about a pristine white dress that I couldn't resist.

The first dress I put on was perfect. It made me feel like a princess and it hung beautifully on me. I think it was one of the two I just randomly grabbed at the beginning. It wasn't on my favorites list and I'm not exactly sure where it came from but there it was and I liked it. The second dress was a corset style that showed off my shape a little and I kept it on my list as a possibility. Every other dress thereafter was measured against those two.

Dress after dress I tried on. Still sticking with my 2 favorites but just wanting to make sure there was nothing I liked better. The #2 fav dress with it's lace up style may have eliminated my need (and the cost) of alterations but they only had it in a size 6. I tried on a similar one in a 2 and it fit perfectly but I went in there to buy a dress that day and didn't want to order one from another state without knowing if it would for sure work or not.

I kept going back to that first dress in my mind anyways. I love the silver beading on the bodice and the pick up style ruching down the skirt. It probably didn't make it onto my favorites because it was priced at $499. Ideally, I was trying to keep my dress around $300-$450. But, I did get $50 off due to the sale and I feel pretty good about staying under $500. In fact, there was NO WAY IN HELL I was going to go above that anyhow!! I think I must be between a size 2 and 4 which sucks. It's a strapless and I want it to feel secure around my body. It will have to be taken in a bit at the waist and shortened at an additional cost but bottom line is it's my dress.

It's an exhausting process. Those dresses are big and heavy. They can practically stand up on their own and you can't really get into and out of them by yourself. It took about 2 1/2 hours to make a decision on the bridal dress and I found a bridesmaid dress in about 30 minutes.

My Bridesmaid dresses

Some of those bridesmaid dresses are downright ugly and look a heck of a lot better in the catalog then they do in person. I wanted something cute and re wearable for my bridesmaids and I was afraid I wasn't going to find it in Pink but I did!! It is a beautiful soft pastel pink (although it doesn't quite look like it online) and will be perfect for a Summer wedding. It is sateen and has a matte finish and not some gaudy satin shiny thing. It even has pockets! They will wear a black pin on flower at the waist to complete the look and incorporate my 2nd color. This is a chic not overly formal look that I was going for. They will get $20 off their dresses because I bought my bridal dress there and my out of state bridesmaid will have no problem getting it.

I put my dress on layaway so I could spread out the payments. It will stay at the store for 60 days when I will make my final payment. I can either take it home that day and come back later or send it straight into alterations.

I kinda felt like part of the David's Bridal wedding machine while I was in there but I think going there was the right choice for me. They have great dresses for reasonable prices. That penny pincher inside of me says I should have just stuck to the $99 dresses and called it a day. I am very frugal and don't have extravagent taste, but I simply would not have been satisfied with a simple plain dress-not that one like that could not have been pretty. This is a BIG party afterall, so give me just one day to do it up big for a change. I wanted the dress to be unlike anything I would ever wear again. I wanted an amazing dress not just an OK dress. Don't I deserve that for once? I am thinking that maybe I do.

I just bought the most expensive and elaborate dress I will ever own in my lifetime. Never mind that I will only wear it for about 10 hours. Mission accomplished.

Photographer: Check

It's no wonder that you don't usually see too much of the wedding reception dancing shenanigans in wedding pictures. Unless you hire a photographer for 8 hours there is only so many events you can fit in and it seems the standard time frame that is offered is 6 hours and it's usually a couple hundred extra per hour over that. Couple shots, bridal party shots, family shots. I want detail shots and candid shots too. I want them to be good and I don't want to rush through dinner and cake cutting just so we can get to the bouquet toss before the photographer has to leave.

I got the sign that I was looking for to help me make my photographer decision. Patrick called and left a very nice follow up message and also offered to add an extra hour onto his services. His portfolio originally caught my eye first and then I kept going back and forth second guessing myself. He captured some really great moments in his pictures. He has a photojournalism style that I was looking for. Very artistic and candid. I will get the basic posed group shots but everything else should be candid. That extra hour will help us to fit more shots in with hopefully less rushing. This is a special day and I don't want to motor through it.

For $1495 the package includes 2 photographers which will be great for maximizing time. We get four 8 x10's, ten 5x7's and a DVD of all images with reproduction rights. I don't even want to buy an album because I think it will be way fun to do my own with Walmart or Snapfish. I created one already as a gift to Mj that documented our first nine months together before he fled the country. I had a great time doing it although it took me forever because I wanted to get everything just right.

I don't really think "engagement" photos are necessary. I have tons of pictures with Mj. None professional, but we are about to have a bunch of professional pics so maybe it's something we can save for a year when we are not already spending thousands of dollars on a wedding. Do we really have to have that poster size shot engagement shot of us sitting on an easel at our reception? I think it might be just as nice to have some candid shot of us during the time we were dating and falling in love with each other. I have such fond memories of that time so why not?

I am thinking of doing our couple shots before the ceremony starts. It means that he will see me before I walk down the aisle. I am not sure that I like that idea but I think we might get better shots if we have the chance to do those without all eyes on us . We will feel more comfortable and relaxed. This way we can go straight into bridal party and family shots right after the ceremony and hopefully make at least some of our cocktail hour. That's when the drinks are free and unlimited [well, we are paying for it but you know what I mean] and I would like to mingle and enjoy it.

Huge sigh of relief that this decision is made. I was about ready to lose my mind. I am still on track budget wise too! Now that the DJ and photographer are booked I can relax a little bit.

All that is left cake and It won't be too hard for me to decide on that. I want to order and get the invitations out and THEN deal with that. I am hoping that a co worker can do the bridal party flowers. We probably will not be using flowers elsewhere as they are just too expensive. If I can come up with something creative for centerpieces that involve flowers I will but I will likely be buying them wholesale and just kinda doing it myself. We shall see. I have decided not to hire an officiant. Instead I will enlist the services of one of our friends for that. I think it will be more special that way and of course save us about $200-300 dollars.

Dress shopping tomorrow! One of my bridesmaids will be there and my mom is coming down to help me decide.

Choosing A Photographer Is Rough

The only thing worse so far then agonizing over location is agonizing over a photographer. I am literally paralyzed with indecision over who to go with. Originally, I was going to use Studio Blue. It seems to be a fairly new company but is the little less expensive sister of Bella Pictures. Bella's packages start around $1800 for bare bones. When Studio Blue is having a sale you can get a 6 hour package with 1 photographer(no prints) for about 1k. They basically work as a photography agent and assign you a photographer about 60 days prior to your wedding. You do get an opportunity to review the portfolio and the pictures on this website look good but the more I thought about it the less sure I was of going that route. I guess I just didn't like the idea of not really getting to pick. It could be hit and miss. I was just about ready to book them when I decided not to. I can't find any information on them and can't seem to find any reviews on the net from anyone who has used them. I'm all about saving a buck but this is one area that I really dont' want to take any chances with.

When I started looking elsewhere I found that for about $500 more I could get 2 photographers and some prints included.

Aside from venue the pictures are the most important thing for me in this wedding planning process. When all is said and done aside from your memories and your actual marriage that is what will linger the longest. My photography budget is $1,500. I found two local ones in that range with great portfolio's and similar package pricing but am having a super hard time making a decision. I have e mailed a couple of friends asking their opinion and it is literally split 50/50.

Hubby got tired of hearing me wine about it last night and he looked at both portfolios one more time and has stuck with his original opinion. He is leaving this decision in my trusty hands and says it's up to me. I guess the problem I am having is that he liked Fritz and I liked Patrick. Part of me wants to just go with my gut and pick the one that appealed to me most but the other part of me wants to pick the one he liked because I really do like them both and actually he does too! I don't want to make the wrong choice!! These photos are going to be precious to us both and I want to get it right.

I have looked at their portfolios over and over and over. Not helping. I spoke to both photographers and have got an idea of how they work but I am still stuck. Help! What do I do?

Getting Pre Approved

You'd better not have any secrets from your significant other when you go into a meeting to discuss a home loan. If there was anything about your credit, income, debts, bank accounts or finances that you were keeping on the down low it will be exposed with a quickness to your significant other and some random stranger who will punch your digits into a computer and decide your fate.

In our case, there are no secrets but it is kind of odd to be sitting there so exposed. Things that you may not normally talk about even with people you are very close to is fodder for discussion. Nothing is off limits. Income, job title, bank account balances, who you owe, and what you owe. You can't run and you can't hide.

You may have an idea about what kind of house you want but as you divulge all of your financial matters you are about to find out what kind of house you can get.

Gone are the days where you could walk in there unemployed and be approved for $500,000. The banks actually seem to care about whether or not you can actually make your mortgage payment or not now. We went in there hoping for a certain amount and it turns out we may not quite get that but we are hopefully still going to be in a good position to find something decent within our budget. That is actually OK by me. I am fine with being "forced" into a house that we can afford rather then being ushered into something that may overextend us. From the get go that has always been my primary concern. I want a nice house but I am not willing to push the limits of our monthly income to get it. If that means we get a little bit less house then so be it. We will make it our own, be together, and be much better off in the long run by playing it safe.

We actually got pre approved already by our bank for exactly what we wanted but this home lending service works with the real estate agent we are hoping can get us into a foreclosure and he requires that we at least get pre approved with his preferred lender.

We have great credit and few debts. I wish I earned more money. Don't we all? There is no point in playing the blame game but I know that would help A LOT. I regret that I already own a property which will count against me with a lender.

What I regret even more then that is an old student loan debt that I co signed on for my Ex Husband. It's this black cloud over my head that won't go away. I hate it that even in divorce he is still dragging me down. I take pride in my credit and I hate that what happens to it is not 100% in my control. I paid my student loan debts off but I still have his lurking in the shadows of my credit report. If I had been smart I would have insisted on him figuring out a way to refinance and get my name off before finalizing the divorce. Lesson learned the hard way on that one. Don't EVER co-sign for anyone on anything. Just don't.

We won't have any problem getting a home loan. It's just a matter of how much.

Cont'd: We Are Officially House Hunters

We Don't Have to Commute

It's a darn good thing the fate of where we intend to buy a house and live for the next chunk of our lives didn't depend on me getting a new job. If it did I am not exactly sure how that would have turned out. But it just so happens the burden of such a task rested on Mj who thus far has never had any problem landing awesome jobs. He did it again. My little hot shot found a new job and just in the nick of time. Just when we really needed to figure out the work situation so that we could begin some serious house hunting.

The job he left when he went overseas for Eleven months is about 158 miles away. That is about a two hour and 10 minute commute without traffic. Which of course would never happen so it would probably take close to 3 hours. Impossible!! Crazy. I mean, how many years of your life will a commute like that take away? Not to mention the money spent on gas. We couldn't move way up there because the cost of living is way too high and then of course I would have to find another job. So, to compensate our original plan was to move about 45 miles North which would then mean we were both commuting although mine would not have been as far. We would have been closer to my family but further from both our friends and my work. We really love being where we are right now and it was a bummer to think we'd have to leave. We did NOT want to do that but there weren't really too many other options until Mj ran out and got himself another job.

We will both be working in the same area now. Close enough that we could even meet for lunch or carpool if we wanted to.

I was so excited and proud of him when he called me with the news yesterday. It pretty much solved all of our immediate problems and is allowing us to take the next step in house hunting. Turns out his company actually eliminated his position while he was gone. Worst case scenario he would have collected unemployment and job searched or taken this other independent contractor position he was offered. But the bottom line is no job, no mortgage loan, no house and now we don't have to worry about that. Win-win because provided the company doesn't find another position for him by Tuesday not only have they been paying him the whole time he's been gone but now they will have to pay a severance which is just fine because he already found a closer job.

To celebrate last night, I brought home Strawberries with Dolce Frutti chocolate sauce and champagne. The chocolate hardens as it sits so you can make your own Chocolate covered strawberries. We ate as we dipped them but you have to be careful because the chocolate gets too hard to dip. Next time we'll dip them all then eat.

He says the whole situation was stressing him out a bit. Not that I could even tell the cool cucumber that he is. Him stressing looks no different then usual while I am prone to mini breakdowns.  I so needed someone like him to balance me out.

While we jumped right into wedding planning when he came home we had to wait on the house hunting until this job thing was sorted out. We are getting that much closer to getting out of this tiny studio and Mj being able to get all of his things out of storage. In fact, we just got back from the home loan office not too long ago.

Everything seems to be falling into place. Exactly where we want it to be.

Hey Mr. DJ

We really lucked out with our DJ. Not only are we getting a great deal but Ralph and Jeremiah were referrals and seem like really nice and professional guys.

At the end of last year a girlfriend of mine hosted a small bridal event at a hair salon. She makes custom bridal jewelry (really beautiful by the way but not in my budget). Mj was still out of the country at the time but I went anyways to support my friend and gathered some information from some of the vendors. As soon as I got my date I called them up and luckily they were available. The prices they quote on their website are much higher then what we are getting.

Mj and I met them at Starbucks last night. They are only charging us $500 for the first hour and $50 for each additional hour. They are going to get there nice and early and not charge for set up. They are also willing to play for about 30 minutes after free of charge. We need them for 5 hours so that is a total of $550 for basic package and lighting which is basically a steal considering that some of the other prices I've seen range from $600's to $1,000's. They did offer us up lighting and our name in lights on the dance floor at an additional charge. Having our names displayed in lights would be a really nice effect and make me feel a little bit like a star but I don't think we will pay extra for that. I am considering the up lighting though. They said it helps set the mood and darken the area a bit which might get more people on the dance floor which means more fun for everyone.

You have to be careful if you are getting a low price because sometimes you get what you pay for but my girlfriend has basically vouched for them by having them at their event so I feel comfortable with them. We got another huge packet in addition to the one we already got from our venue so that means more homework! We have to come up with some must play songs and sort out a timeline for announcements etc.

Whoo hoo! I am under budget on my DJ. I couldn't be more happy about that. Next vendor to tackle: The all important photographer. I found 3 online that are in our price range, available and with portfolio's that I like so I will be making some decisions about that this week.