You Are Enough

I didn't realize how much it would mean or that I even needed to hear it at all until I did.  As I sat in my car outside work and finished listening these powerful words brought tears to my eyes and touched a place deep within my heart.
  
You are beautiful.  You are enough.  The world we live in is twisted and broken and for your entire life you will be subjected to all kinds of lies that tell you that you are not enough.  You are not thin enough.  You are not tan enough.  You are not smooth, soft, shiny, firm, tight, fit, silky, blonde, hairless enough.  Your teeth are not white enough.  Your legs are not long enough.  Your clothes are not stylish enough.  You are not educated enough.  You don’t have enough experience.  You are not creative enough.

There is a beauty industry, a fashion industry, a television industry, (and most unfortunately) a pornography industry: and all of these have unique ways of communicating to bright young women: you are not beautiful, sexy, smart or valuable enough.

You must have the clarity and common sense to know that none of that is true. None of it.

You were created for a purpose, exactly so.  You have innate value.  You are loved more than you could ever comprehend; it is mind-boggling how much you are adored.  There has never been, and there will never be another you.  Therefore, you have unique thoughts to offer the world.  They are only yours, and we all lose out if you are too fearful to share them.

You are beautiful.  You are valuable.  You are enough.

I'm smiling up at my husband

I know how it feels to be that girl who feels worthless and does not believe she is good enough.  I never believed in myself and felt I had nothing to offer.  I've come such a long way towards accepting and finding the good in myself after spending so many years tearing myself down.  I am not the same person I was in my teens and 20's and that's a good thing. Some measure of peace and acceptance has come with age, life experiences and a wonderful husband and for that I am grateful.  Had I heard these same words back then they would have made me cry but I probably wouldn't have believed them for even a second.  Today they not only made me cry but I actually believe them to be true.  I cried for the sad and depressed teenage girl I used to be but then I smiled at the more confident and happy woman I have become.

This is #10.  You can find the rest of Ten Things I Want to Tell Teenage Girls on Kate Connor's blog Lilly Pads.  Thank you Kate for writing this and thank you AJ of from Star 94.1 for seeing the value in this and sharing it on the radio.  I'm sure I'm not the only girl who needed to hear it.  I'm not a teenager anymore but I can still relate.  It applies to women of all ages.

Wine Tasting and a Picnic

Friday I had the day off.  I spent the morning running errands then my big sister and nephew came down and we met some friends for lunch.  We stayed up late watching a movie and had a great time.  I love spending time with her. 

It was so cool to wake up Saturday morning after having such a great day off Friday and still have my whole weekend to look forward to.  Aren't three day weekends the best?  We live just a little over an hour away from wine country but I've never ever been.  For Christmas my mom got Mj and I a Living Social Deal for Wine Tasting at Danza Del Sol Winery so we finally made it up there.  I was so worried about the weather spoiling our outing.  It has been a little chilly and rainy lately but this day could not have been more perfect.  It was a balmy 81 degrees.  The winery grounds were really green and beautiful.  We got a 20 minute tour, six tastings and a bottle of wine of our choice to take home.  They had some really tasty sweet wines.  We also used our 10% off for the day to buy an extra one.  It was fun.  I managed to get a little tipsy off of my tastings so Mj had to drive us to our next stop. 

Turns out that the winery didn't have a grassy area for a picnic so we went to a nearby park called Lake Skinner.  It was so pretty and peaceful out there.   It's been a while since we had a picnic.  We do it pretty simple.  Just wine, cheese, crackers, Olive Bruschetta, Naan Bread, lunch meat and grapes.  We ate and enjoyed the scenery and then fell asleep.  I love a good afternoon nap and one at the park is even better.  I drifted off to sleep with the feel the warm breeze on my face and the sounds of birds and people laughing in the distance.  It was so soothing and relaxing.  We spent three hours there on that blanket under a tree just chillin'.

What a great weekend it was.  Too bad it goes by so fast.  Monday morning will be a rude awakening.

Birthday Spoils

A night out downtown

Basil, Ricotta and Mozzarella Cheese Pizza.  Their Pizza is sooooo good.

Yes, I'm an April Fool's Day Baby.  My Birthday was on Sunday but I actually started celebrating last weekend.  It's a big one.  Why not?  Mj and I met up with a bunch of his friends downtown at a cool loft like urban bar called Basic that basically only serves Pizza and salad.  They provide paper plates to eat it on.  You know, Basic.  But their Pizza is anything but.  Who knew that Mashed Potato Pizza would actually taste good?   We ordered three different kinds and each one was just as tasty as the one before it.  Every time they brought a pie out it was literally gone in minutes because we snatched them up so fast.  Afterward we went dancing downtown where all the hoochie mama's in their tight short dresses made me feel ancient.  I swear, I was never THAT bad!  I personally am too old to freeze my ass off in my cute LBD that I bought a while ago and still haven't had a chance to wear so I stuck with my standard leggings and boots.  We stayed out later then we have in a long time.  We were party animals!  We didn't get home until about 1:30am.

Friday night I met up with a bunch of my girlfriends and one of our favorite happy hour spots.  It's cheap, low key and we all love to go there.  We've been going there for years.  Not much has changed and that's how I like it.   They have free cheese, tortilla chips, veggies, ranch and salsa out back.  What more could I ever want?  I don't even order food when I go there.  I can get a glass of wine for $3.00 and then after that I can get it for $5.00.  It makes for a fun cheap night out.

I got a free ice cream scoop

Saturday afternoon I met up with my mom at a little mall at the half way point between where we live for some mother daughter bonding time.  She took me shopping!  I found two really cute tops and then we stopped for coffee before heading over to Spa Gregorie's.  This place is so nice.  I normally just get my pedicures at the strip mall nail shop down the street.  Those places are mills.  There is no ambiance and they massage your feet for about 2 minutes if you are lucky.  Well, when you go to a spa it's totally different.  My pedicure took one full hour which included a full on foot massage and relaxing music.  It was heaven.  They definitely charge more but like everything else you usually get what you pay for.  Mj (the sweetheart that he is) bought us both Spa Gregorie's Groupon's so we'll definitely be going back.  After that we walked over to a really nice restaurant in that same mall and had a nice dinner at Paradise Grill.  I'm in their Club so I got a free entree coupon for by Birthday.  It was such a nice day out with mom.  Oh my goodness did I ever feel spoiled; and there was more of it to come the next day.

My big sis and her husband

I love their Lasagna!! I've heard it's frozen but I don't care.

My new fav wine

I asked my family to come to us so I wouldn't have to travel anywhere for the day.  I woke up pretty early and did an exercise video.  Then I took a shower and put my robe on and watched some TV.  I got sleepy so then I took a  nap and woke up just in time to get dressed and ready.  It was a perfect relaxing start to my Birthday and then before too long it was time to chow down because I wanted us to do an early dinner.  I haven't been to Olive Garden in forever so that's the spot I chose for my Birthday dinner.  Oh Lasagna Classico how I adore you... it was just as good as I remembered.  I found my new favorite wine too.  It's called Roscato and it's basically the perfect wine for me.  It's sweet, fruity and I had my fill of it because we got a bottle for the table.  We came back to my house and lounged around a bit and then it was time for Cake.  Or should I say Cupcakes.

My nephew couldn't wait to get his hands on 'em

Mom, Dad and Nephew

Mj surprised me by making four different kinds of cupcakes from scratch three of which had Peanut Butter Frosting which he knows is my favorite.  The funny thing is that I didn't even notice that he made them.  He made Cinnamon Pound cake, Peanut Butter & Jelly, Chocolate Reese's Peanut Butter Cup and Strawberry Jelly cup cakes.  I ate the Peanut Butter Cup and it was so delicious.  We each brought some to work but still I'll be eating cupcakes for days!!  Then, it was time for presents.  My little sis sent me a pretty necklace with a little wishbone on it.  My older sis got me a Pink water bottle and Pink ear buds for the gym.  Mj got me the perfect pink and black work out bag. It's so cute and stylish.  He knew I didn't want a boxy old gym bag and picked out the perfect one with plenty of extra pockets.  He also got me Under Armour work out gear and pink work out socks.  I go to the gym enough now that people actually by me work out related gifts...and I actually want them!  I was tired as heck after work but actually excited about going so I could show off use my new stuff.

Can you guess what my favorite color is? Right down to the toe nails.

I'm normally not into making much to do about by Birthday.  Half the time I beg Mj not to buy me anything and I'll often look for the cheapest place for dinner so no one has to spend too much money on my account but I must say it was nice to feel totally spoiled.  Overall I'd have to say that the agony of turning 35 was well worth it. 

Now We Need Bar Stools

We got our kitchen counter tops re done and raised our bar area so now we need bar height bar stools.  I love it that Mj cares about the home decor in our house.  The only problem is that he can be really, really picky.  This often makes picking out anything from throw pillows to shelves quite a frustrating experience.  There are times when he will tell me he doesn't like something without explanation.  No he doesn't know why...he just can't put his finger on it.  What am I supposed to do with that?  Especially if it's something I really like and he can't even tell me why he doesn't.  I'll show him item after item and he'll veto every single one.  So imagine my excitement when he tells me that I get to pick out the bar stools all on my own. His only rule is that they not be cheap.  El cheapo used to be my middle name so I know why he felt the need to emphasize this.  I don't want to bring anything home that he hates so as I'm searching I do run stuff across him.  True to his word he is mostly non committal unless he really hates it...which is fine because I don't want him to hate anything in his house.

I get to pick out whatever I want.  This is great.  The only thing is that I have no idea which ones to get!  I started out wanting something bright and modern.  Funky even.  Just because it's a chance to introduce something new into our decor.  Then, I changed my mind and thought that the more traditional chair might work better with what we already have.  Now, I just have no clue.  Red, Brown, wooden, adjustable height?   I read reviews, I browse countless websites and I compare prices.  I stare at our counter and try to envision them there.  I just end up more confused and undecided.  I cannot ask Mj to help me figure it out.  I'm determined to find the perfect ones on my own.

I've got links to ones I like bookmarked all over the place.  Here are a some that I'm considering.  Any input would be greatly appreciated.

Photo Source:  West Elm $338 for 2 (I'd get the Brown)

Photo Source:  Overstock.com  $186.29 set of 2

Photo Source:  morebarstools.com $104.78 each

I'm hoping that I'll have time on Saturday to go to a store that carries nothing but bar stools and that I can make a decision soon.  I'm pretty sure that I'm obsessing way too much over this but it's what I do.  I can't help it.

Dinner and a Casting

Last month one night before bed Mj handed me his i Phone and told me to check something out.  Fresh off the indignation of having Valentine's Day thrust upon him yet again he stumbled upon something called Steak & Knobber day.  If you have a curious mind and wanna google it go ahead; I dare you.   It's basically the little known male version of Valentine's Day except in typical male fashion the expectations are very specific.  It doesn't quite have the er, commercial potential of Valentine's Day so it won't ever be as popular as V Day but I guess I don't blame the guys for wanting "their" day with their little man spin on it since women seem to be the V Day focus.  He didn't ask me if I'd go along with it but I took it as a hint that he bothered to show it to me at all and since he indulges me on V Day I decided to return the favor.  

Mac & Cheese with Crumbled Bacon on top

Like Valentine's Day Steak & Knobber day fell on a not so date night friendly Tuesday so Friday night downtown would have to do.  I gave him five places to choose from and he chose the most expensive one of course.  Greystone The Steakhouse only made the list of options because I managed to turn some airline miles into a $25 restaurant gift card.  He ordered Steak with Crab on top and I ordered a side salad and a side of Macaroni and Cheese.  I have never ordered Mac & Cheese at a restaurant because next to Fettuccine Alfredo which is also on my do not order list I can't think of any other pasta that is more fat and calorie ridden.  I was craving it for some odd reason and they had it so I splurged.  It was so delicious.  It's comfort food after all so it totally eased the discomfort of paying $11 on for a glass of Wine.  Hold up.  Now that I think about it...how is it that my Mac & Cheese was just $1 more and my side salad was actually $1 less then wine? Oh well. 

After dinner we walked about a block to our casting.  I don't model anymore.  Castings and shoots are during the weekday and it was getting too hard to juggle them with work.  I technically do still have an agent and every now and then she'll send me a casting-which I usually can't make.  This time it was a print add for Microsoft.  They were looking for people between the ages of 25-45 and models were encouraged to bring their significant other.  How could I pass up a casting that was happening from 6-10pm down the street from a restaurant we were already planning to go to?  Well, this never happens so obviously I can't.  The timing was just too perfect and the fact that we could do it together was a bonus.  It was a typical casting.  Fill out your information sheet, wait your turn and smile for the camera.  This time they asked us to make a crazy face for the last shot.   Why?  I don't know but it's not even the weirdest thing I've ever been asked to do on a casting.  I thought it was so cute to see him standing there with his number and smiling for the camera.   Awww....his first casting.  It was at this really cool new Gelato Cafe/Bakery/Bar/Restaurant called Cremolose that I'd never even heard of before.  Of course we got some Gelato on the way out and ate it at the bar.

I already explained to him that since I referred him that makes me his manager so if he gets booked for the job I get a 10% cut.   As for the Knobber part of Steak & Knobber Day...well, I'll leave it to you to decide if I delivered on that one.

Pole Dancing 101

My right wrist is killing me and the insides of my upper thighs are chaffed.  Those strippers make it look so easy and sexy but I tell you what; nothing about the way I climbed up that pole and held on for dear life in my Sit position would be considered sexy.   To move to the next level I'd have to learn to hold myself there for at least 30 seconds without using my hands.  You have to press your crotch into the pole, wind your legs around it tight as you can and use your foot to anchor yourself in place.  In level two you learn how to do it upside down and it simply would not do to fall on your  head.  I placed my hands in my lap and tried to ignore the pain in my thighs as I slowly slipped down centimeter by centimeter.  This is Pole Fitness class at Sumara Pole Fitness and Dance Studio.  My arms are tired, my hands hurt, I'm feeling like a clod and I'm barely half way through the 50 minute class.  Oh crap.  What have I gotten myself into.

It looks just like a typical ballet studio except there is no barre and the room is filled with floor to ceiling poles.  In the newbie class we learned how to clean our poles and do three spins.  My favorite was the Fireman.  You always start with your inside leg and you walk North, South and East around your pole and then hook your legs around it and go into a spin.  I was a little tentative but I managed the moves pretty well for my first time.  After the Newbie class I was allowed to take a Level One which is where this whole pole dancing thing got really hard.  I showed up in my short shorts and tank just like I was told.  The pole needs skin to help you stick so yoga pants and sleeves don't cut it.  I used to be a gymnast.  I have a strong core and I have never done girl push ups in my life so I like to think I have a little bit of upper body strength but I just barely managed the Tuck, Pike and Straddle lifts.  Then it was time for spins.  I did really good on the Forward Chair Spin.  My sexy up was a little unsexy but I made it work.  I got the Stag spin down but because you basically spin your way onto the floor my knees took a beating.  The back hook spin was the toughest.  This one requires four steps around the pole and a backwards fall while while hooking the back of your knee around the pole arching your back and then falling into the spin.  I had to wrap my brain around doing it in the other direction when my body was confused about doing it in just the one.  I was the only one in class so it was basically a private lesson which made it even tougher.

This studio does offer a Sexy Silhouettes class with mood lighting where you can learn sexy little routines.  You can wear platforms or bare feet and knee pads are not required but recommended.  The prerequisites for that class are Newbie and Level 1.  The Level 1 through 4 pole fitness classes center around learning skills and technique.  No clear heels or lingerie required.  It's a work out.  Anyone who doesn't believe that pole dancing requires athleticism and strength need only sign up for an introductory pole class and they will probably change their tune.  My stomach started to feel a little upset on the way home.  Spinning around in circles affects me a lot differently then it did when I was a kid.  Pole dancing is so much harder then it looks.  And it's painful. I felt a little beat up after wards.  I could feel callouses forming on my hands right away and the next day my knees and wrists were bruised.  My arms and shoulders were so sore!  Class was on a Tuesday and on Friday I was still feeling it.

Pole dancing has moved way beyond the strip club.  It's a sport  now.  This studio has a Performance Team.  There is an International Pole Dancing Fitness Association and US and World Pole Fitness Championships.  If anyone is curious about what these pole dancers are capable of here is a link to photos of various Pole Dancing spins and skills.  Most of which I could probably never do no matter how hard I tried.  Mj sent me to two classes on a Groupon.  He may have been hoping I'd come back with a sexy routine to do for him at home but I had to take my prerequisites.  So if I do go back I'll try Sexy Silhouettes; and I'll wear knee pads.