Much Needed Healthy Reset & Dry January

Between August and December last year we were on a trip every month. One was just a weekend getaway to Los Angeles, but it was New Orleans, Hawaii, Buffalo, and Miami for every other trip. It was a lot! I think I did a good job keeping up with exercising and meal prep up until Hawaii in October but I lost steam after that. There was just so much going on between travel and the holidays. No regrets. I enjoyed it all, but that can only go on for so long. It was definitely time to reset and get back on the exercise and nutrition wagon. My body (and my liver) needed a break.

Eight Weeks of Barre Blend Burn

I am feeling so good about how much exercising I've been doing lately. My knees will probably tell a different story, but I think it's been worth the pain! This month I finished Barre Blend by Beach Body. I wasn't sure exactly what to expect from this workout. I love ballet and have taken adult ballet classes, so I really welcomed the opportunity to do barre work and infuse grace into my exercise routine. Well. I don't know why, but I didn't realize how hard it would be. The first word that comes to mind when I think of that very first workout is BURN. And it hits you in all of your body parts at the same time, while keeping your heart rate elevated. I was shocked at how high my heart rate got doing low impact exercise. Within about three minutes my heart rate was already in cardio zone and that was just the warm up. 

Bikini Body Guide Round Three

When we went into lock down that didn't change working out for me because I'd already been working out at home for a really long time and loving it. That being said, it was NOT my idea to do Bikini Body Guide. It was actually my husbands, and being that I am working from home made committing to an exercise program together more doable. I knew it would be a challenge, but I agreed to do it as long as my knees would let me. 

On Breaking Up With the Scale

For a really long time I had a really unhealthy relationship with the scale.  I still do, and for that reason, I had to give it up. 

Injured List

Sometime last summer between Bikini Body Guide Week 13 and Healthy Body Guide Week 12 I injured my shoulder.  It hurt when I did those push-ups where you stick your butt up in the air, but I didn't think anything of it.  I was working out 5-6 days a week so there were always aches and pains.  I was sore for like two months straight, and my knees always hurt.  I can work through pain, and pain is all I thought it was.  After a while I stopped doing push-ups that hurt, and stuck with regular ones.  I figured maybe I'd just tweaked my arm somehow, and that it would eventually go away.

But it didn't. 

I did circuit training workouts with cardio in between from January through September.  As planned, I went to Hawaii in October feeling better about my body than I had in a long time.  When I returned, I settled into a less intense and less structured workout schedule.  I bought a Yoga strap and was excited about shifting my focus to Yoga, and working on my back flexibility, but by the end of November I could barely lift my purse.  Up until then, my shoulder only hurt when I did those butt in the air push ups (also known as pike push-ups), but suddenly I couldn't lift my arm, or reach for things, without a searing pain ripping through shoulder.  I couldn't sleep on my right side or my stomach.  All arm workouts ceased.  I couldn't even do yoga.

I have bad knees.  I can't overwork my lower half, so I cut down to walking and/or running on weekends one leg circuit training workout per week, until eventually I quit the one circuit too. The only thing I really felt comfortable doing without knowing what was wrong with my shoulder was walking, but also I was burnt out.  The weather was cooler, the days were getting shorter, and my Insomnia was bad so when my shoulder pain started to take over, I kind of gave up.  If I moved my arm a certain way, or even moved it too fast it hurt.  Even simple things like driving, opening doors, and lifting my arm to wave at someone hurt.  I couldn't even cuddle with my husband unless he is on my left hand side.  I'd started walking around with my elbow stuck to my side because that was the best way to ensure there would be no painful movements.

I went to the doctor in January and got sent home with a list of shoulder exercises.  I did them diligently every day, and my shoulder started to feel worse.  Then it started to feel better.  Then it started to feel worse.  I went back to the doctor and pushed for a referral to Orthopedics, because in my eyes, this was way past a wait and see situation.  I needed some answers.  Orthopedics sent me for an MRI in March which confirmed a tear in my Supraspinatus rotator cuff muscle.  Physical Therapy started in April. 

There are four rotator cuff muscles in the shoulder.  One along the top, two across the back, and one that runs up the side. That's the one I tore.  It affects abduction, so for me it's kind of like having a dead arm.  My arm feels about 50 times heavier than it actually is.  I actually feel gravity pushing against it whenever I activate my muscles to lift my arm.  Depending on the motion I either feel weakness or pain.  Sometimes it aches from my shoulder all the way to my collar bone with no movement, and other times I forget it's injured until I'm trying to pull up my covers while lying in bed or reaching over to hit the switch for the garage door on my way out. 

I wasn't sure how I was going to fit in my daily physical therapy exercises, but I make it work because a rotator cuff tear is not the kind of thing that will just go away on it's own.  I wish it would.  I do a set of exercises before work, a set when I get home, and the last set before I go to bed.  I do this every single day, because being injured sucks and I don't even want to think about having surgery.  At my last physical therapy appointment they added three additional exercises.  Two months later, there is some improvement, but it also seems to be up and down.  Some days are better than others.  I can sleep on my stomach now, which is pretty exciting, and less things are causing me pain throughout the day, but my arm is still not 100%.  Not even close.  It's very stiff in the mornings and getting in and out of shirts and sweaters still hurts.

I don't want this to turn into a chronic pain type of situation.  I want to handstands and bridges again.  I want to be able to do push ups, and as much as I love to hate it, I even want to do Bikini Body Guide again, but until then, I'll be in the corner working my therapy bands and over the door pulley system from the 1980's.  Last month I realized I'd be on vacation in a bikini in less than two months and had only been running on the weekends.  Oops.  So I started a no impact mostly abdominal/lower body toning workout I can do with only a few adjustments multiple times per week without moving my arms too much.

What a difference a year makes.

I still don't know know why or how, but the cuff is torn.  I'm being careful with my shoulder.  I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing and hopefully the physical therapy does what it's supposed to be doing and I'll be using that Yoga strap in the not so distant future.

Bikini Body Guide vs Healthy Body Guide Reviewed

I really love the flexibility of working out at home.  I don't have to drive there, jockey for space, or look at other people's sweat.  I was so excited when I found Bikini Body Guide because it gave me more workouts to do in the convenience of my home.  I don't even have to bother with a DVD and I can blast the music as loud as I want.  Then I found Healthy Body Guide and that was even more variety, which is always a good thing to prevent exercise boredom.  I've completed all 24 weeks of the Bikini Body Guide and done the 12 week Healthy Body Guide.  They are both circuit training style workouts and kind of similar, so I thought it might be helpful to review and compare the two for anyone who might be wondering which one to do or if the more expensive Bikini Body Guide is worth the money.   This is the basic rundown of each program.

In Those Jeans

Wow.  This time last year I was just starting my determined quest to lose weight, tone up, and fix my metabolism once and for all.  To those of you just starting out this year.  Keep going.  Don't quit.  You will thank yourself by the time Summer turns into Thanksgiving and you don't have to beat yourself up about extra carbs and a few missed workouts sabotaging your progress.  They won't, because you have already done the work.

I did an 8 week challenge I found on Instagram and the 12 week Bikini Body Guide back to back from January to May.  I continued consistent workouts, but took two months off from a specific program in June and July.  I took a bit of a break in July, due to travel and other things.  I could feel myself losing motivation so I started the 12 week Healthy Body Guide in August and that took me all the way through October.  I had an I have to do this, no excuses mindset that you really need to put up with hard workouts day in and day out on top of work and everything else.  It kept me on schedule.  If I missed a day, I'd have to double up, or I would fall behind.  Skipping even one day, could lead to another, and another so I committed to the process and that was that. I cannot begin to tell you how excited and relieved I was when I did that last total body workout.  It was the end of ten long, hard, awesome, and productive months of 5-6 days a week of intense exercise.  Being on a program is great for motivation and accountability, but I was so tired and so over it, and also pretty proud of myself for sticking with it and accomplishing my goals.  

The year before, I had gone through my closet and weeded out clothes I hoped I might fit into again and others I knew were a lost cause.  So many designer jeans.  Joe's.  Seven's.  Gone.  Never to be worn again.  Expensive jeans were never important to me.  I was fine with Old Navy, Levi's...whatever fit good at a reasonable price, until that one day I went out and bought a pair of Joe's Jeans.  I was hooked.  They felt AMAZING.  I had finally allowed myself to cough up the money for designer jeans and look what happened?  Sadly, I removed them from my closet because I couldn't bear to look at them any more and I told myself I would never buy another pair again.  Ever.  In my mind I didn't deserve them.  I had my chance and I got fat.

December 2011:  Not my lowest weight | December 2016: 18 lbs heavier 

It was so hard to see my body changing in the mirror and have no control over it.  I was aware of the fabric pressing against my thighs making me want to jump out of my skin, and I felt bulk and fat where there used to be bone.  The scale went up, and up and up and then my clothes got too tight.  I still remember that day, summer 2015, when MJ and I were getting ready to spend the day biking downtown.  I went through my drawers, and realized I had no shorts that fit.  I had been hiding under skirts all year, even in the winter.  I had already busted out of all pants, but could still squeeze into shorts.  We had to stop at Kohl's on the way, and there was hardly anything to choose from because summer shorts had already been replaced by Jeans.  I was devastated, miserable, ashamed, and so angry at myself for putting myself in that position in the first place.

By this time last year, I had mourned the loss of my skinny body for almost three years.  I'd gained so much weight and it felt hopeless, but I didn't give up.  I stuck to the plan and  ever so slowly, my body began to respond.  Ever so slowly, I am learning to appreciate the stronger healthier body I have now.

I know I should have been grateful just to have a body that works, but the reality is that I don't think I was ever going to be satisfied with the body I had last year.  I did not recognize the person I saw in the mirror.  It was not my best me, and I knew it.  That body was the aftermath of years and years of disordered eating.  My quest for thin had backfired, leaving me with a decimated metabolism, and insatiable hunger.  I was hungry all the time!  No matter how much I exercised or what I ate, the pounds piled on, and the only way to fix it was to do what I should have been doing all along.  Healthy eating (not minimal eating) and exercise.  It's no secret, but somehow all these years I had no idea that you could actually eat food and lose weight.  That concept did not exist for me and no matter how many times I read it, heard it, and was told it, I refused to believe.  It was my way or the highway, and my way was to eat as little food as possible, do as much exercise as possible, and still be a functioning human being.  It was a big change.  I had to get used to not ignoring hunger cues.  Hunger pangs used to mean I was doing something right, but now they mean it's time to eat.  I had to learn to feed my body what it actually needed.  1/2 cup of fiber one cereal, one string cheese, and a tiny container of yogurt is not lunch and thin deli slices of ham, with 45 calorie slice of reduced fat cheese between two pieces of 50 calorie bread is not dinner.  It's not normal to have a zero calorie day.  Do you know what that is?  It didn't happen all the time, but it is a day where I ate so little food and exercised so much that my net sum calories was zero.  I was trashing my body and it felt good.  I liked it.  Just think about that for a moment.

Oh, the things I had to do to fit into those jeans!

The worst thing about it.  Well, not the worst thing.  The worst thing was being that physically and mentally unwell.  The second worse thing is that I still thought I was fat, and nobody, not my mom, not my husband, could tell me any different.  If you are going to suffer that much you'd think you would at least enjoy being thin right?  But that's not how it works.

I lost about 10 lbs and 5 1/2 inches.  I am fitting into pants and shorts I couldn't get into before, but there are others that I will never get back into.  I cried when I could barely pull them past my thighs, but I'm coming to terms with the fact that I will not and should not ever be that size again.  It's that simple.  I can't go back.  I have curves.  I have a butt.  I can no longer cut glass with my shoulder bones, and knobby elbows and that's okay.  I still have plenty of days when I miss how I used to look, but overall I'm happy with the progress I made and making peace with how I'm built.  I am sitting at 23lbs above my lowest weight, but thin does not always equal healthy.  I actually think I'm in the best shape of my life right now.  My blood pressure was 97/52 at my last doctor's appointment and my resting heart rate is in the 50's.  Those are the real reasons people should exercise.  Not just for vanity.

It took me a long time to come around, but if this is the body I'm meant to have I think it's time to reconsider those designer jeans.  The "fat jeans" I bought in 2014 are getting too big.  I've worked hard, and the curvy me deserves them even more than the skinny me ever did.  

 
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No Diet Plan Can Save You

Now that the Olympics is over, I guess I have to blog about something else.  I had a dream last night that the Final Five were my friends, and I got to touch their medals.  They were staying at my house, and I waited there for them while they went to compete and then we were supposed to go out afterward.  I think the end of the Olympics is really hitting me hard! I haven't blogged about my fitness journey for a while, but I've been at it for going on nine months now.  I'm no Olympian, but building strength, and sticking to a challenging workout schedule makes me feel like an athlete.

To recap January and February, I did a pretty hard core 8 week challenge I found on Instagram.  I got and exercise plan that included weight lifting and cardio, plus personalized macro support.  It was exactly what I needed to get motivated, get results, and find out what the heck I should be eating.  I could work out 'til the cows come home, but nothing would change until I fixed my nutrition.  I worked out five days a week for seven weeks without losing a single pound.  I was exhausted, discouraged, and frustrated, but determined to see it through.  It's hard to keep going when you can't see change in the mirror or on the scale, and this is the part where I really learned how important it is not to get impatient and give up.  I felt like I was getting nowhere, but in that last 1 1/2 weeks I finally lost weight.  It was only 3 lbs, which isn't much, but when I looked at my side by side before and after pic I was shocked to see that there was real change even though I couldn't see it.  My clothes were fitting looser, and I lost an inch in my waist and almost two inches in my hips.

I'd been struggling for so long that I approached it with an all or nothing now or never attitude.  I needed to make this happen now.  That's why I started early, and why I was 100% perfect in my diet, during those first four weeks.  The person doing my meal plan encouraged a weekly cheat and a weekly dessert that could be on the same day, but I didn't introduce weekly dessert cheats (if I wanted it) until after four weeks, and waited eight weeks for my first actual cheat meal. 

A photo posted by Cece (@mahoganydrive) on Feb 19, 2016 at 7:57pm PST

 
March to May I did Kayla Itsine's Bikini Body Guide 2.0 week 13-24.  I did week 1-12 last year, and said I'd never ever do it again because it is so hard, but I needed hard.  I needed results and that was all there was to it.  During the first few weeks I thought, I must be in really good shape because it isn't so bad, but I don't care what kind of shape you are in it just gets harder and harder until the point where you feel like you are dying after almost every workout.  Some of the ab circuits aren't so bad, but every single leg workout and total body work out is killer.  It was around week 8 that I felt like I couldn't do it anymore.  My body was exhausted.  I was doing 3-4 resistance circuits, plus 1-2 days of cardio to get in 5 workouts per week.  I was also taking a 3 hour writing class one night a week.  I felt broken emotionally and physically, but then something amazing happened.  It got better.  During the hardest workouts my body felt like this amazing machine that could do anything.  It didn't get easier, I got stronger.  I didn't get as tired on the treadmill.  I was attacking those leg workouts hard, and getting that mythical endorphin rush that everyone talks about.  I embraced the pain, and got a natural high pushing my body as far as it could go.  I felt myself getting stronger and stronger every week.  Again, I didn't feel that I was making any drastic changes in the mirror, but wanting to maintain that strength and continue to build on it motivated me to keep going.  The intense workouts pushed my old lady knees to the limit.  I got the dreaded fluid build up in one of my knees during the last four weeks so I had to space out leg circuits to compensate, and sometimes I couldn't go as hard, but I never missed a workout.  I was so excited to be done, and it felt like such an accomplishment to finish it out.  I lost another inch in my waist, half inch in my hips, and 4 lost more lbs over the course of that 12 weeks.

My body needed a break, so I took an active rest week where I did yoga, Pilates, walked, and avoided all things HIIT and cardio.

A photo posted by Cece (@mahoganydrive) on Jun 19, 2016 at 1:28pm PDT

In June I added an extra day and worked out six days per week.  I went to the gym for cardio one day per week and did circuit training type exercises the other five.  The circuits were a combination of BBG and ones from my 8 week challenge, but no real schedule which was nice after five months of regimented workouts.  By the end of that month I dropped 2 more lbs and lost a little bit more in my waist and hips.

This is about the time when I got a bit more lax with my diet.  I had no choice, because we went to Delaware for six days.  It was the longest I had been away from diet and exercise plan so I was a little worried that all of my hard work would be undone, by vacation eating and inactivity, but also knew that I had to be realistic.  Life happens and that's okay.  I can't be perfectly on plan all the time and I shouldn't feel like I have to be or else I'll get fat.  When I came back from the trip only 0.7 lbs heavier than when I left, and it disappeared within a day, I knew all my hard work was paying off.  It took me almost 2 1/2 years of hell but my metabolism recovered, and I finally started to feel a little bit better about my body and progress. 

A photo posted by Cece (@mahoganydrive) on Jun 29, 2016 at 9:31am PDT

I consider July a lost month for working out because I only exercised about ten days of it.  I had two long weekend trips for Olympic Trials and Las Vegas that automatically knocked out 10 days of exercise.  After Vegas I didn't go back to exercise right away and it turned into a much needed 10 day exercise break.  Not an active rest week.  A total break.  Not even a walk.  I still meal prepped, but didn't worry too much about hitting macros perfectly.  There was a lot going on, and I needed it.

My short term feel good about my progress goal was Las Vegas last month.  Mission accomplished.  I felt comfortable in my bikini and so so proud of myself for putting in the work to get there.  A friend just announced that she just lost 8 1/2 lbs in three weeks on Jenny Craig, and I've been working my butt off for that amount all year.  But do you know how expensive Jenny Craig is?  It's costing her about $800 per month. It took me seven months to lose 9 lbs.  That sounds terrible.  That's like .32 pounds per week.  Nobody wants to put in that much effort and lose that little, but I knew my body was going to be stubborn and I also knew I couldn't give up.  I had to be patient.  I had to use non scale victories as motivation.  I had to trust the process, and I had to do it the right way.  It took me a really long time to get here, but I finally learned how to nourish my body with food and not punish it.  I exercise consistently, and I eat real food consistently.  I learned the hard way, that starving is not the solution and there is no diet plan that can save you, because you have to save yourself.  You have to learn how to eat properly and understand that consistency over time is the only way. 

I was worried I would have a hard time getting back on the wagon after 10 days off, but Monday fell on the 1st, which feels like a fresh start and I started a new work out plan to keep me motivated.  Another Instagram find!  My fitness journey continues.

 
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The Thing About Motivation

If you had told me a year ago that I would be doing Bikini Body Guide again I would not believe it.  The workouts are a short and sweet 28 minutes, but the sweat I was drenched in after each work out was anything but.  By week eight I was exercising six times per week.  Three circuits and three days of either steady state or high intensity interval cardio.  I was so tired and so done and so determined that I would never ever do anything like it ever again.  I like the workouts.  I'll incorporate them into my routine, but never will I ever commit to twelve weeks of that kind of suffering again.  That's what I said, but almost a year to the month later and I'm doing it again.  This time it's Bikini Body Guide 2.0 (week 13-24) and the craziest thing is that I'm actually excited about it.  Ask me how I feel in two months though.

I finished Bikini Body Guide (1.0 week 1-12) in June just in time for Maui.  I knew that I had done everything I could have done (except start earlier), and I felt okay but I wasn't satisfied.  Mind you, there is a good chance that I will never be satisfied with my body.  That's just how I am, but I still have hope that some day I will at least feel comfortable in my skin, and I wasn't even close.  Not one to give up, I kept exercising. Not with the vigor and consistency of BBG, but I was still in the game until I wasn't.  It wasn't even the holidays that did me in.  It was frustration with lack of progress and those muffin tops I couldn't seem to get rid of.  I felt like the only person in the world who didn't lose weight on Whole30 or have a magical transformation after BBG.  It was just a lot of things, but ultimately I gave up because for the last two years I'd lost the ability to control my body I so treasured.  I was damned if I did and damned if I didn't, so why bother.  Then the time changed.  The weather got cold, the nights got darker, and I went into hibernation.  It was too dark to walk after work, it was too cold to get out of my pajamas.  My motivation had completely left the building.

I quit exercising altogether in December, but come January I was ready to get back on the wagon.  I signed up for an 8 week exercise challenge on Instagram with @Ashley_Cavitt to keep me accountable and get me motivated.  I had no idea what the workouts would be or what I'd be eating, but I needed to be told what to do.  I had an exercise schedule, macro recommendations, and bi-weekly check-ins.  The rest was up to me.  There were lots of gym days with lifting and cardio.  I had to google almost every exercise before workouts, but I did it.  I figured it out and I pushed myself in the gym and did cardio afterwards when all I wanted to do was get home.  The circuit training exercises, that could be done at home took me anywhere from 40-60 minutes long to finish.  They were longer and harder than the Bikini Body Guide and I didn't think that was even possible.  I did five days a week for eight weeks.  I didn't miss a single work out and there was exactly one cheat meal and a few cheat items.  It was so hard to do it day in and day out when I saw no progress and was hopeless that I would, but that was nothing new.  It hurt my heart to pay good money to get my hair did on a Wednesday and sweat it out on a Thursday, but it had to be done.  I was chronically sore for the first 4 weeks.  I meal prepped.  I hit my macros.  I pushed myself and FINALLY started to feel like I was making progress.  It was not free and I'm 99.9 % sure I didn't win the challenge, but it was time and money well spent.  

Ashley kept saying the body will respond over time.  It is all about consistency and the changes you see physically that don't necessarily show up on the scale.  I'd heard it all before.  Blah, blah, blah in one ear and out the other.  It's always been about the scale for me so I never believed it before and I still didn't until I finally saw and accepted it for myself.  My measurements and body fat went down.  I could see the difference in pictures.  I have gained so much strength that I'm actually worried that my BBG workout schedule won't be challenging enough.  I probably shouldn't say that when I'm only on week one!  In one circuit I whipped out three sets of twenty burpees like it was no big deal and I remember how hard ten was a year ago.  The sad thing is that I think I gave up too soon last year after BBG 1.0.  My measurements went down, then too.  I was shocked, because I was so upset that I had accomplished nothing.  I did a side by side with my progress pics.  I saw the difference but I was impatient and blinded by lack of progress on the scale.  I believed that because I didn't have the kind of drastic transformation in twelve weeks that I see all over Instagram I failed.  If the scale did not drop significantly, I failed.  If I couldn't fit back into my size 25 designer jeans I failed.  It was that black and white for me.  Had I not lost all hope, I would probably be much further along right now, but that's fine because this is the journey that I am on.  It isn't going to be easy for me and I have to learn the hard way.  I used to consider exceeding 800 calories a day failure, so it is going to take me a little while to get where I need to be not just physically, but emotionally as well.

Motivation is one of those things that can't be forced.  Well, it can be but it's really just you forcing yourself and not motivation in the truest sense of the word.  Sometimes we need to be forced, but it is so much better when the drive is already there.  When you are willing to do what it takes and ready to take on the challenge.  I already know there will be plenty of days over the next 12 weeks where I will want to give up, but for now I will ride this wave of motivation as far into the sunset as I can.

I posted my 8 week progress pics on Instagram @MahoganyDrive.  Don't ask me how it's any different, but I'm not not posting them here!

 
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Free Weight Fear is a Thing

I've enjoyed working out at home for a while now.  I don't have to worry about crowds or what I look like.  I don't even have to wear clothes.  I did weight training at home with what we had but I wanted to lift heavier and branch out with different exercises so after four weeks I forced myself to enter the free weight zone at the gym.  It was really hard at first.  I felt like a flopping fish out of water.  It took me a good two weeks of going almost every day before I started to feel more comfortable.  Free Weight fear is a thing. How 'bout some tips on getting over it.

1.  Get the gear.  It might make you look like you know what you are doing even if you don't.  MJ bought me some cute pink work out gloves.They keep blisters off my hands and I don't have to worry about feeling like I'm damaging my wedding ring.  Listening to music is motivating and gives me something else to focus on besides my nerves.  A lot of guys use the pockets in their giant gym shorts to put their music source but none of my outfits have pockets.  Some girls stuff it in their tank or their pants but I didn't want to worry about sweat.  I needed something to keep my hands free so I tried the SPI Beltfirst.  I like it and it's great for running but I needed to consult my online work out program too often to make it practical.  I had to keep taking my phone in and out which made me feel conspicuous.  I switched over to the Minisuit Armbandand now I can operate my phone right through the clear plastic and I can angle my arm in front of me to see the screen.  It's neoprene so my phone is protected and I can sweat all over it without worry and wash it later.  It makes it easy for me to switch my music up too so for me it's the much better option for working out.  I also wear my Polar HRM because I like to know how many calories I burn.  There is always going to be someone dressed weirdly inappropriate in jeans, chucks or a faded polo shirt.  You can't stick out any more then that! 

2.  Get a work out buddy.  It would have made things a heck of a lot easier if MJ could have just gone along with me for a week or so until I got comfortable using the machines but he dropped his membership a long time ago.  It doesn't even have to be someone who knows their way around the gym.  I saw lots of work out pairs and I know that if I'd had a buddy I wouldn't feel so self conscious even if neither one of us knew what we were doing because you can figure it out together.  I went with my mom over the weekend and it was great.  I wasn't as afraid to try new things and risk looking foolish.  I was nervous about doing box jumps because I didn't know if I could jump on the box without falling but with my mom there I went for it.  Then I did it last night at the gym on my own.

3.  Sign up for personal training.  It's really expensive so I only did the one hour free session that's offered to everyone.  During that time I asked him about three machines I wanted to learn how to use and it was just one more day of being out of my comfort zone around the free weights that I didn't have to do alone.  A personal trainer will be right there keeping you accountable, teaching you proper form and helping you navigate the free weight area but it just wasn't something I wanted to pay for.  I knew that I was capable of figuring it out so I toughed it out on my own. 

4.  Find and online training program.  If you know nothing about weights you are going to feel very aimless and even more confused in the free weight area if you don't have some kind of a plan of what you are even supposed to be doing there.  Having exercises in front of you using the equipment that you are nervous about using will force you to get on them and figure it out.  It's too easy to run back to the cardio equipment or the basic cable machines.  I went onto bodybuilding.com find a plan so I'd know what a weight lifting work out consisted of and have something to follow.  You don't have to do the whole thing.  Just get an idea of what a weight lifting plan looks like.  I found out how many exercises to do per work out and how the muscle groups are split up.  I followed the Live Fit plan for seven weeks and have now branched out to doing my own thing.

5.  Don't be intimidated.  I know there are a lot of buff guys wearing those tank tops with the huge cut outs in the arms but chances are they are too involved in their work out to notice you.  It truly feels like everyone is looking at you as you fumble around awkwardly with equipment but they aren't.  And the more comfortable you get being there the more comfortable you will feel about screwing up.  Maybe you can't get the equipment adjusted right but you aren't so freaked out so you can sit there and figure it out, brush it off if you can't or even ask someone nearby without feeling like a total loser.

6.  Keep on showing up and fake it 'til you make it.  There were so many days that I dreaded showing up to the gym because I hated that I'm confused and everyone is staring at me feeling.  I just wanted to say forget it, but I stuck with it and got more comfortable with every visit.  There were times I had to skip a machine because I couldn't find it and was too embarrassed to keep wandering around the gym or ask for help.  There were also times when I finally found that machine but skipped it because I was afraid I would like like an idiot when I couldn't figure out how to adjust it properly.  I kept watching what other people were doing and then eventually I got the courage to try it myself.

7.  Ask for help.  I failed miserably at this.  I'm sure I could have gone up to any trainer and asked where the row machine was or how to adjust the cable cross machine.  There are also plenty of people around me who also might know, but I'm shy about doing it and I just hate asking for help.  I'd rather wander around the gym casually sipping my water bottle and inconspicuously craning my neck in search of the back extension machine.

8.  Go when the gym is least crowded if possible.  It might make you feel braver about tackling machines and weight benches.  Plus, you won't have to jockey for space or stalk machines you want to use.  I get off work at 5pm and so do a lot of other people and pre work AM workouts are hard on me if not impossible so sometimes crowds are inevitable, which is one of the most annoying thing about the gym.  That and other people's sweat.  I went as early as possible on weekends when I was still feeling nervous.  My gym is 24 hours so I thought about going at 11pm on a Friday or 5 am on a Sunday but it never happened.  It would have been wonderful to have the whole gym to myself to figure things out though. 

9.  Remember, there are always people doing weirder exercises then you.  I saw this woman getting up and down into a straddle sit in slow motion with a kettle ball in her hand.  It was really bizarre.  Then she went over and did a handstand against the wall while she bent her legs into a cross legged position.  I saw this guy swinging from one of those giant racks and then putting his legs through his arms.  One pair of girls threw medicine balls at the wall.  People basically go into the gym and do all kinds of things to torture themselves.  Whatever works the muscle or gets the burn is what they are going to do so there is no need to be embarrassed about doing walking lunges across the floor or anything else.  I used to be embarrassed to even do the splits at the gym.  Why? I don't know.  I tend to be embarrassed of everything for one reason or another but I need to work those to keep my flexibility so I do them and now I don't think twice about it.  Speaking of which, I need to start doing my bridge there too.  Do what you gotta do and chances are it's no big deal.

After two weeks of I never ever want to go back awfulness I'm confident that I can walk into any free weight room in all my pink glory, be the only girl in there and not feel intimidated.  I don't notice everyone else. I'm not looking for people who might not know what they are doing so I can stare at them and make them feel uncomfortable.  I'm too busy sweating bullets and doing box jumps.  I get in there and do my thing.  You just have to push through the whole fish out of water phase and you can too.

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Falling off the Wagon

The vacation recaps are over so now I can finally talk about something else.  Thanks to all who read or commented.  It was really nice to hear from some of you that you actually enjoyed them. 

I seriously had the most awesome work out today. My last day of work was Friday and I'm off until the day after New Years.  One of the big reasons why I can't work anywhere else.  I woke up in a great mood because I was laying down in bed instead of sitting up at my desk at work.  I was happy to be going to the gym and it showed in my work out.  Attitude is everything. 

Confession.  I've totally fallen off the exercise wagon.  The work outs were becoming less and less per week until they just stopped.  On Tuesday the week before my vacation I forced myself the gym and then realized I didn't pack a shirt when I got there so I left.  I was secretly really glad and I could have come home and worked out but I didn't.  I just said forget it and took it as a sign that I wasn't supposed to work out that week at all.  I kinda feel like it was bound to happen at some point.  It got cold,  I was tired, and the holidays were coming.  That's no excuse but I've been exercising consistently for the last 3 years and I just think I needed a break.  I did not work out the week before my vacation nor the two weeks after and I've been really unmotivated since the beginning of last month.  I'm planning on getting back into the swing of it this week while I'm off work and then continuing those good habits into the new year.  So far so good.  I worked out on Saturday and Sunday at home.  Saturday I did 30 day shred and was happy to find that I can still do level 3 from start to finish even though I think it's been a good month since I've done it.  Today and tomorrow is cardio at the gym.

Work out song recommendation for your play list

So back to that awesome work out.  Once I got started I really felt like I could go on forever.  I know a big part of it is the music.  I downloaded about 4 new songs right before I left and they are really doing it for me right now!!  I was jamming out the whole time.  I was silently lip syncing the songs and bopping my head to the beat.  I WISH I had my own elliptical at home because it would have felt great to sing it out loud.  I kept upping the resistance higher then I usually do.  I was smiling and having a really good time.  It was just the music and me pushing myself to go longer and harder.  The endorphins were flying and even though my legs were so sore from my previous work outs I was feeling really good.  When my 60 minutes were up I didn't want to stop.  Which is really weird.

I wish every work out could be that way.   Why can't I bottle up this feeling and whip it out whenever I'm severely lacking in motivation?  Specifically at 5:45 pm on a Tuesday evening after a long day of working and barely keeping my eyes open.  Some days working out just sucks.  I'm so glad there are days like this to remind me that yes, I actually do enjoy working out and that dripping sweat for an hour on the elliptical can actually be fun.  When the daily grind starts saps the life out of me is when I have the problem.  So basically, the problem is work!  If I could just do away with that pesky little activity I'm pretty sure I'd be a lot better off work out wise.  I'm always so much more motivated and energetic when I'm on break.  I can only wish that were an option.

So now the trick will be as always, sticking with it.  I'm hoping that I can.

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I Don't Go to The Gym

In 2009 I worked out exactly one time. Terrible I know. Even worse, the only reason why I did it was because my mom dragged me to a Yoga class. I didn't work out again until around September of 2010. I started slowly with exercise videos at home. Still not very consistently though. It wasn't until Jan of 2011 that I actually started going back to the gym and working out regularly. We get so little of time to ourselves, especially during the week that I just didn't want to spend it at the gym. Once I accepted that working out might mean I only get a few measly hours at home to myself before bedtime it was all good and I just dealt with it.  For the2 1/2 years the gym had become a regular part of my life with the occasional home exercise DVD at home.  Then I started doing my own at home work out regime.  Doing  Jillian Michaels - 30 Day Shred changed everything.  I only went to the gym once in a month and a half during that time.  After I finished the shred I trotted back to the gym to get back into my old cardio ways.  It wasn't the same and I just couldn't motivate myself to keep going back.  I don't go to the gym much anymore and here's why.

1) No gym commute and rigamarole.  My gym is on the way home from work and it's a 10 minute drive from my house. It's not out of my way at all but I have to pack a few things the night before, carry the bag to the car, carry the bag into the gym, change, lock up the bag, work out, get the bag and drive home.  If I forget something essential I'm screwed.  Or should I say my work out is screwed because I'm not going back.  When I work out at home I don't have to bother with any of that.  I come home, undress and work out immediately.  Working out during the work week has always been a challenge for me but this makes it so much easier to fit it in.

2) I get to be sexy for my husband.  Sometimes you gotta shake things up a little.  Seeing his wife in her underwear and sports bra doing man push ups might be just the thing.  Mj says he loves it when I work out at home.  He doesn't sit there and watch me like a creepy stalker but he catches some peaks here and there and he likes it.  I also enjoy watching him work out in his undies.  It's win win for everyone. 

3) Less laundry.  When I work out at home I'm wearing only a sports bra and my undies.  If it's Yoga I'll add a towel on top of my yoga mat so I don't stick.  I just don't see the point of putting on gym clothes and creating more laundry when I'm in the comfort of my own home and nobody but my husband can see me.  As the weather gets cooler I may have to add bottoms.

4) More variety on my own time.  My gym is open 24/7 so I can go anytime I want to but if I want to do a class then I'm stuck with the schedule that is available.  I'm also stuck with what there is available for me to do at the gym.  Weights, Cardio or Classes.  When your home is your gym and a DVD is your instructor the possibilities are endless.  There are a million at home DVD's to choose from of varying lengths and types and all you have to do is pop in the video whenever you want.  The key is finding workouts that truly are a good work out.  I just bought 4 more DVD's and I'm already scoping out more.  They are relatively inexpensive and if you use them it's worth it.  I used to think I had to go to the gym to really get that good workout but now I know that I don't have to at all.

5) The only sweaty and possibly stinky person I have to deal with is me.  Have you ever been stuck next to a stinky person at the gym?  It sucks.  More then once I've been about 10 minutes into my 60 minute elliptical work out when some stinky person who is either deodorant resistant or forgot to put it on rolls up next to me.  I still have 50 minutes to work out and I don't want to switch machines because it will screw up my numbers.  I hope that he's doing a quick work out and then my heart sinks when I see him enter 45 minutes.  If something stinks it's me and if there is sweat on my mat I know it's mine.

6) No classic "gym smell."  My gym is huge, nice and very well ventilated but after not going there in a while and then going back the first thing I noticed was the smell.  It's not as bad as someone with BO working out next to you but it's just that gym smell.  Well, you don't have that at home.

I got my abs back, built up my biceps and got a lot of my flexibility back all with exercise videos a yoga mat and a few hand weights.  It is possible to get in shape without ever stepping foot in the gym.

It would be harder to mostly quit the gym if I felt like I was wasting money.  I've been on the same gym membership that my mom started for the family since I was in high school.  It's so dirt cheap that I don't even feel bad for letting my parents continue to cover it and I will definitely hold onto the membership.  It's nice to still have the option to go to change things up.  It would also be tough to do without it if I didn't have the space for it or AC when it's hot in the Summer.  I haven't been in 2 months but I'm planning to go back today because I kind of miss the elliptical.  Let's see if I still miss it when it's 5:00pm and I'm on my way there.  Or when I've been on for ONLY 45 minutes and want to die.  When I was going all the time seeing the same people every time and then they dropped off the face of the earth I always wondered what happened to them.  If they come back with obvious weight gain I assume they haven't been working out.  Hopefully, no one will be compelled to assume that about me.  In my case, I'm still working out.  Just not at the gym.

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30 Day Shred in 40 Days

I throw in some toning videos now and then but my primary work out for the last 2 1/2 years has been cardio.  Mostly the elliptical.  Mj kept telling me I need to diversify my work outs and I finally listened.
 
I've never been on any kind of work out program.  I don't typically like to commit to a particular work out but The 30 Day Shred seemed very doable for me.  It's an effective total body work out that includes toning AND cardio. The best thing about it is that it's all packed into 22-25 minutes.  You really can't beat that.  There are 3 levels and you do 10 days of every level.  Each work out has 3 circuits that include 3 minutes of strength, 2 minutes of cardio and 1 minutes of abs.  I used mostly 2 1/2 lb weights but also had 5 lbs available for certain exercises that felt too easy to make it more challenging.  I didn't specify how many days a week I would do it.  The only rule I set for myself was that I couldn't let more then 2 days pass between work outs.  The most days I did it in a row was 8 and it took me a span of 40 calendar days to complete the 30 work outs.  According to my handy dandy Polar FT4 Heart Rate Monitor that I got for my Birthday I burned between 140 and 220 calories each time. I've been working on my splits so I did my own stretching at the end of every work out and went a little bit longer then she did so I spent a full 30 minutes from warm up to cool down.

 

Level 1 wasn't that difficult for me.  I didn't even get sore right away.  By the 3rd work out I started to feel it mostly in my upper body but not nearly as bad as I expected it to be.  It wasn't total body soreness.  It started with just my chest, then spread to my arms and then my calves by day four.  I was kind of excited that maybe I wasn't in as bad a shape as I thought I was.  The push ups were the hardest.  Being a former gymnast I have always done "man" push ups.  We weren't allowed to do it any other way so I could do them but I found that I had to modify towards the end when I got tired.  I was so proud to be able to do them all by the end of level 1.  

Level 2 was definitely more challenging.  I was enjoying the workouts but by the 14th one  I started to get really tired of the whole thing.  I was barely half way through level 2, it was harder and it just felt like forever until I'd be done.

Level 3 was even more challenging.  My upper inner thighs got a little sore after Day 1.  I can't do the jump lunges because of my bad knees so I did the modified version on that.  The level 3 work out always seemed to go by really fast for me.  I think it's because it was harder to tell the difference between the strength, cardio and toning.  They all seemed to blend together so before I know what I'm doing the work out is over.  I was so ready to be done that I woke up early on a Wednesday morning to get a work out in because I knew I couldn't do it after work.  Turns out it's a pretty nice before work video.  It's so short and without a commute to the gym I didn't have to wake up that much earlier but still got my work out over with for the day.

Each level builds upon the next so well that by the 8th work out on every level I really started to feel like I was mastering it.  I didn't need any stops or modifications and I felt ready to move onto the next one.  I loved it that even though it's short I didn't feel like I was wasting my time.  She packs a lot in and my body feels really fatigued afterwards even if it's not making me sore.  I think it made me work even harder to know that it was ONLY 20 minutes and I just had to keep pushing myself for that short amount of time.  Some people said that Jillian's commentary got on their nerves but it didn't bother me.  She kept saying that if you want to work out for 20 minutes you have to earn it.  Sometimes it was the extra kick in the pants I needed to keep pushing.  

BEFORE // AFTER

BEFORE // AFTER

I was so glad when my 30 work outs were done.  Not because I didn't like it.  I just wanted it to be over so I could get on with whatever else I wanted to do and not feel tied down.

My before and after results are not very dramatic.  I hesitated to even post them at all but hey, my body is what it is.  I'm really critical of myself and sadly I will probably never be completely satisfied, but I'm proud of finishing the video and what I accomplished. The pictures may not show it but I can definitely see more definition in my abs, arms and thighs.  The best part is that I FEEL stronger.  My husband loves the results too.  It makes me feel really good when he tells me that he can see a difference and that I look good.  The only downside (for him anyway) is that he can't manhandle me any more like he used to and he knows it.  He better watch out!!

If you couldn't figure it out already, I highly recommend Jillian Michaels - 30 Day Shred.  I sent it to my little sister to try.  I like it so much that I'm still doing it.  I went back and did level 2 and I could feel the difference.  I'm much stronger now then I was when I started. It's going to be a go to work out for me especially during the work week when time is limited, but I'll be mixing it in with other videos and trips to the gym.

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Polar FT4 Heart Rate Monitor Review

I got the Polar FT4 Heart Rate Monitor for my Birthday in April so I guess it's about time I did my review.  There are more features on it then I actually use or know anything about.  I can't help you out by breaking down all the features because honestly, I'm sure I don't know what all of them are but the main take away here is that if I can figure this thing out well enough to calculate my calories during work outs then so can you.

The first Heart Rate Monitor I ever had was a Mio strapless.  I'd heard that the ones with chest straps are more accurate but I was afraid of the strap. I was worried that it would be uncomfortable, bulky and a pain in the butt to put on.  I couldn't even find pictures of what it looked like.  It so turns out that having to hold down a button to test my heart rate every 15 minutes is more of a pain in the butt then any chest strap could ever be.  The strapless totally interrupted my work out.  Sometimes I couldn't get it to read my heart rate at all and other times I would get a very obviously inaccurate reading which would totally ruin my calorie count for the entire work out.  It's inconsistent.  I wore the Polar and the Mio at the same time for a few days to test the difference. The majority of the time that I had the Mio it was grossly over calculating but then for some reason all my settings got erased after I got the Polar and after I re entered them then it started grossly under calculating.   

Chest Strap // HRM calorie burn = 543 // Machine calorie burn = 598

Do not be afraid of the strap.  It's not uncomfortable at all.  I mean, if I was going to sleep I wouldn't want to wear it but I'm going to move and sweat.  It feels the same as the elastic on the bottom of my sports bras and sits just under it.  If I'm wearing a very fitted top and you look real close you might see a small bulge but for the most part it's not very noticeable.  I run my fingers under the faucet while im already wearing the strap and then stick them under the strap to wet it. It's not weird or gross like I thought it would be. The unit that measures my heart rate snaps on and off of the chest strap so I can easily wash the strap.  The directions tell you to put it in the washer about every 5th wear so I rinse it with soap and water after work outs and let it dry out.  The functions on the watch are pretty simple to navigate and the set up was easy.  I can pause it mid work out if I need to.   The  numbers on the watch are big which is helpful for practically blind people like me.  I  can push a button to scroll between heart rate, calories burned and duration very easily as I work out.  It determines your target heart range based on your input and will tell you when you are out of range.  There is some beeping that goes on that I haven't totally figured out yet but I think it has to do with that.  And you will get the beep of doom if your strap becomes disconnected from your body and stops reading.  Trust me, you will know this one when you hear it.  It's only happened a few times.  Without me having to do a thing if I'm working out on a machine at the gym it syncs and my heart rate show up on the machine like magic.  I didn't even know that was a feature. It also wishes you a Happy Birthday with a Birthday cake on your birthday.  How sweet is that? And of course I love it that it comes in Pink.


I knew that machines over calculate calories even when you enter your age and weight and now I know exactly how much.  The average is about 55 calories over what I'm actually burning based on the Polar.  It's nice to have a number that I can rely on to be accurate.  I count the calories that go in and I like to count the ones I burn too.

I Tried the Advocare Cleanse & This is What Happened

Fad diets and weight loss gimmicks are everywhere.  The Cabbage Soup, Atkins, Paleo, Blood Type, French Woman, HGC, Juicing...and it just goes on and on and on.  Those are just the ones that I remember hearing about at one time or another off the top of my head.  People are obsessed with pills, plans and quick fixes to get what they want yesterday.  I admit to trying some of them.  Not because I'm looking for a miracle but mainly just because I think it's fun to experiment.  I've done low Carb for 3 days and juice fasting for up to 5.  Just because.  And I think it's okay to experiment and try different things as long as you know that when it comes down to it weight loss and being fit and healthy is 70% eating balanced meals and 30% exercising.  We may want to believe otherwise but there really is no way around it.  That's all it is.

 Advocare drink & Pills // Chix Veg Stir Fry // Grilled Chix Salad // Egg Whites // Veg & Fruit snacks // Chix Breast

So when I heard about AdvoCare Herbal Cleanse I was like sure, why not?  It's not so much as a diet plan but diet supplements that are supposed to aid in cleansing. I have a difficult digestive system and I can use all the help I can get. I figured it would be nice to try a cleanse that would actually allow me to eat food and does not require Cayenne Pepper because I already know I can't handle that.  Yuck!  The kit  comes with powdered fiber drink packets and two different packets of herbal cleanse and probiotic supplements.  The schedule tells you what to take when during the 10 day period.  The Fiber drink is thick!!  It's less like a drink and more like the consistency of Apple Sauce.  I learned the hard way that you should not try to drink it with a straw.  It just clogs it up.  I have a stainless steel straw and I literally had to insert a coffee stirrer straw just to unplug the muck.  And you should just drink it right away.  Chug it.  The longer it sits the thicker it gets.  The citrus flavor is pretty good.

Good Old Fashioned Diet & Exercise

Photo Source:  Grosvenor and Smolin; Visualizing Nutrition.  

I'm a big one for TV munching!! Behavior modification is ongoing

Isn't it funny how we know exactly what we should do but often find it so hard to do it? The formula is simple and yet we search for all kinds of gimmicks, extreme diets and other ways to get out of it.  Eat less, exercise more.  Eat anything in moderation.  Do not overindulge in high sugar and high fat foods.   That's it.  That pic is from my Nutrition book but it doesn't take a nutrition class to figure this out.

Mj lost 20 lbs in 90 days on his Beach Body Challenge doing just that.  Plain old fashioned diet and exercise.  The first three months it was mainly about eating healthy, drinking Shakeology for breakfast and doing P90X2.   There were times when he was so exhausted and sore but he kept up with his work out plan.  I felt bad because I didn't really notice the results so much; probably because I see him everyday.  I couldn't figure out where this 20 lbs even came from because I didn't think he needed to lose any weight in the first place.  Then he showed me his before and after pics.  I was shocked!!  How did this happen right before my eyes without me noticing?  Bad wife.  He lost inches all over his body but the most improved area is his chest, stomach and upper body.    He looks great but he wants to keep going.  I thought he'd about lost his mind when he decided to do another cycle for 60 days.  He had a splurge week after his first 90 days but then he started right back in on his regimen.  Now that he's just trying to maintain and continue toning he's started mixing in other exercise with the P90X2.  He is increasing his protein intake and he does allow himself more splurges then before.  I'm so proud of him for sticking to it.  He's busy going to school full time and working but he made time for this and didn't make any excuses.  Loosing weight is hard but he set his mind to it and he did it.  My husband was already hot but now he's even hotter!  Lucky me.

I've been sticking with my work outs too.  I discovered that (surprise surprise) I can actually live without carbs when I experimented with an extreme Low Carb Diet.   It made me more aware of just how much carbs and sugar I typically eat and I've actually cut down on both a lot.  Not that I'm ever gonna give 'em up altogether.  No way.

It's so much easier to work on being fit and healthy when both partners are on board.  There are times when I don't really plan on going to the gym but Mj will get up and go on one of his 8:30am 40 mile bike rides on Saturday or go play basketball Sunday morning.  I'll just be laying there in bed not doing much of anything except feeling like a lazy slug so I think to myself; I might as well go to the gym or do a work out video.  When he's good, he's very good but when he's bad he's very, very bad and he corrupts me with donuts and pizza when I'm trying to be good but for the most part we are both really into eating healthy.  We've been eating chicken breast and veggies for dinner like it's going out of style and we haven't cooked any dinners at home involving pasta all year.  If I constantly had someone waving fast food french fries or cookies in front of my face all the time and laying around on the couch all day it would make it so much harder to maintain a healthy lifestyle.  I was so stubborn before.  I refused to work out.  I didn't need to lose weight and I watch what I eat so I felt like I could get away with it but our bodies always need exercise.  Fitting exercise into my life felt impossible and I didn't have the motivation to even try but I'm so glad I changed my ways so we can be fit and healthy together.  It's important that we do it for ourselves AND each other.