Post Op Observations

I REALLY love sleeping on my tummy and I HATE sleeping on my back.  When I am forced to sleep on my back all night my butt is literally sore when I wake up.  After 2 weeks side sleeping was more comfortable but I cannot wait to get back on my stomach.  I don't know now pregnant women do it.

I'm perfectly content doing nothing.  During my the 23 days off I left the house exactly 7 times.  I did not at any time become bored with staying home.  Not surprising.  I'm a classic introvert.

My purse is ridiculously heavy.  One day I was trying to get it out of my car and it actually strained my belly.  What the hell is in there?  The thing is that there really isn't much.  My what's in my purse post would be so boring, but dang it sure is heavy.  I need to figure out what's going on.

My husband still sends me flowers even though we have all but sworn of Valentine's day and don't really celebrate anniversaries either.  As expected I came back to work and was hit with a crap ton of work.  This is our busiest time of year so I knew it was coming.  As soon as I got there it was non stop and it really sucked to be there.  Just when the pain was hitting me I got a 1st day back at work flower delivery from MJ.  It was so sweet and it felt so much sweeter receiving it on that day then getting it on Valentine's Day ever would.

MJ is truly AMAZING!!  I already knew that but this is just additional confirmation.  He picked up the slack around the house without complaint AND he thinks I'm hot.  Even with my Buddha belly and sexy surgical tape he tells me how hot I am and it really means a lot to me.  All of this on top of no sex.  It had to be said.  The man is a saint.

I might be an adult but I am still my mother's child.  My parents were right there the day after and my mom was constantly checking up on me to see how I was doing and asking me if there was anything that I needed.

I did not get this dress but if enough people tell me it's cute I might go back for it

Sitting upright in a chair for 8 hours is harder work then you might think.  My first day back at work was really hard.  The belt came off.  The top button came undone.  Then the zipper came down.  By 11am my belly was hurting pretty bad to the point where if it didn't get better I'd have to go home.  I took a motrin and it got better so I toughed it out.  Tuesday was better but then Wednesday felt worse.  I sit down in front of a computer all day long so I didn't think it would be this hard to go back.  Now I know how silly it was for me to think I could go back after two weeks when I probably really need at least four. 

Leggings, dresses and boots is a work fashion do.  I've never much been into dresses let alone dresses with boots so this is all new to me.  I bought 6 new dresses at Old Navy and a bunch of leggings and tights from Kohl's.  I don't plan on wearing regular pants to work for awhile.  A totally justified shopping spree!! If I have to be there I might as well be comfortable and now I will have even more options for getting dressed in the morning. 

Wearing Uggs is another work fashion do.  I've never worn  them before because it seemed too unprofessional but when I reached for my shoes on Friday morning I didn't care.  Its been too warm to wear them lately but It was rainy and cold and they were lucky I showed up to work dammit!  Turns out it's not a big deal just like I knew it wouldn't be since we don't have a dress code.  Nobody looked at me funny.  I'm still not sure how cute Uggs are but they make my feet feel good.  I think I'm going to make a habit of it.  They don't call it casual Friday for nothing. 

The world won't end if I miss work for 3 weeks and use up a whole bunch of my sick hours.  My duties at work were shuffled around and when I came back I was able to dig right in and pick up where I left off.  I had the hardest time letting go of those hours but I hardly ever call in sick anyways.  I will build up my reserves again.

I may have a prescription drug addict lurking inside of me.  Those hydrocodone pills are the bomb!  I stopped taking them at night after two weeks but I took them again last week.  I could still justify taking them because I do still have some pain but mainly they are awesome sleeping pills.  I did not sleep well on Sunday night and I could not spend a week of work and not sleeping well so I did what I had to do.  As soon as those waves swept over my body I was out like a light in a nice deep sleep and still felt refreshed in the morning.  I picked up some over the counter sleeping pills over the weekend so I'll switch over to that but I will miss the good stuff.
 
Don't believe everything you read.  I read so many horror stories on the internet but I worked myself up over nothing.  The surgery itself went very smoothly and recovery hasn't been that bad.  It's been up and down.  I felt so good so fast and then it just leveled off so that after the two week mark I started to get frustrated that I wasn't 100% back to normal yet.  I think I can do more then I can and then don't realize I've pushed myself until after I've already done it.  I still have some aches and pains and my stomach still swells up after I move around a lot.  I'm doing really well overall and with time I expect to be back to normal.

I am brave.  Kind of.  I get worked up if I skin my knee and I'm terrified of spiders.  For a wimp I think I handled this okay.  MJ may beg to differ.  There is something about facing a surgery and coming out okay on the other side that makes me feel that maybe I'm not quite as wimpy as I thought.

Modern medicine is amazing.  My incisions are tiny and barely visible.  When I look at my doctor I'm amazed.  She is young, pretty, obviously very smart and knows how to operate on someone through tiny holes.  She literally takes peoples lives in her hands.  My mind is boggled by the concept that such a thing can be done and that there are people in the world capable of learning it.  

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Slow Cooker Beef Stew

Any recipe that includes wine always somehow seems too fancy for me so I'm pretty sure that I would not have made this on my own but for most "normal" people this is actually a pretty easy recipe.  We prepped and threw everything in the inner crock pot dish on a Sunday and left in in the refrigerator overnight.  On Monday morning before work we put the dish in the crock pot, turned it on and then we didn't have to worry about dinner for the rest of the week.  The meat was so tender that it melts in your mouth and so full of flavor! We liked it so much we made it twice in one month.  I use the word "we" loosely.    The only thing I did was cut up the produce but I helped so technically we did do it together.  

ingredients:
2 pounds beef chuck, cut into 1 1/2-inch pieces
1 teaspoon sweet paprika
salt and freshly ground black pepper
1/3 cup all-purpose flour, plus more for coating
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 pound small white potatoes, halved
1/2 pound cremini mushrooms, halved
3 medium carrots, cut into 1-inch chunks
1 medium onion, chopped
1 can tomato paste
1 cup red wine
2 cups low-sodium beef broth
3 sprigs fresh thyme

directions:

• Cut up potatoes, carrots, mushrooms and onions and place it in a large bowl.  
• Season the meat with salt, pepper and paprika.  Put flour in a bowl or plate and dredge the meat in it until all pieces are covered.  
• Add two tablespoons of olive oil to a pan and brown meat on all sides.  
• Remove browned meat from the pan and put it in a large dish with the vegetables.
• Add can of tomato paste to the pan and cook until it turns bright red.  
• Add cup of red wine and mix it in with the tomato paste until it starts to boil a little bit.  
• Add two cups of beef broth.  
• Add 1/3 cup of flour and whisk it together until it thickens up and then season with salt and pepper and add the sprigs of thyme.
• Add the gravy to vegetables and meat.
• Cook in crock pot for 8 hours on low.

Enjoy!!!

Adapted from recipe found here. 

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Watching Airplanes

At the beginning of December I had 300 sick hours and 300 vacation hours.  I don't even think they like us to accumulate more then 270 vacation hours but no one sent me an e mail about it yet like they did the last time I hit the limit. I am a hoarder of a lot of things including paid time off.  I'm not sure what was more upsetting for me.  Burning through 80 hours or the surgery itself.  I'm ridiculous like that.  So ridiculous that I was really close to going back to work after 2 weeks even though I wasn't sure I was ready.  As if I'll ever truly be ready, but that's besides the point.

On Friday we had a nice little day date almost as good as our very first one six years ago.  It was 80 degrees outside.  We got sandwiches and full fat potato chips from Capriotti's and took them over to Balboa Park.  It's near the airport and there's this one spot we like for picnics where the airplanes roar overhead and seem almost close enough to touch. I'm not sure what was better.  The bright sun beating beating down on my face or the wine we brought from home that we drank out of solo cups.  I felt the way I imagine a pig in the sunshine feels.  The mud, the sun, the lack of responsibilities beyond eating the next meal.  Except instead of mud we had a nice blanket to lay on and instead of slop or whatever it is that pigs eat we had juicy Italian subs that are the best I've ever had. Sorry Subway.  I love you and your low cal sandwiches but Capriotti's wins the taste test every time.

Afterwards, we walked over to Extraordinary Desserts and sat outside eating this decadent tiramisu something or other cake with lots of frosting.  I'm still not sure if I believe him, but MJ says everything on the plate is edible including the flowers.  He ate one so I did too and it just tasted like grass.

And then on Saturday we went to Red Lobster.  We might be restaurant snobs and I may not eat seafood but it was lobster fest.  MJ loves their lobster, we both love Cheddar Bay Biscuits and I had a gift card that I won in a giveaway.

Eight cheddar bay biscuits (between the two of us, I'll let you guess which one of us ate the most) and 4,000 grams of sodium (in my meal alone-wow!!!) later we went home where I inadvertently got hooked on Scandal.  How does this happen? It begins innocently enough. I'm relaxing on the couch with MJ when he casually starts watching a new series on Netflix. Bam, I'm hooked even though I'm determined not to take on any new shows. It's not the first time it happened. Probably won't be the last. 

When I was laying on that blanket in the sun with MJ's head in my lap and his arms wrapped around my legs I realized that taking the extra time off was totally worth it.  I'm lucky to have that much time available to use.  My health needed that extra week and I'm so glad I didn't miss out on that beautiful day with my husband.

Taking a 3rd week off meant 32 more sick hours gone but that's okay because moments are meant to be had not hoarded. 

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Life Lately. . .

Taking nice long hot showers in the morning.  I'm usually a night shower person.  I like to wake up as late as possible before work then I often work out afterwards but I've been taking showers almost exclusively in the morning for the last three weeks.  It's a nice refreshing way to start the day.  I'm scared to see the next water bill.

Reading actual books.  Well, on Kindle for i pad anyways.  I used to read all the time but I've been so busy reading blogs that I don't have time for books too.  I read two books in two weeks and am finishing up a 3rd.  They were all free on Amazon.

Eating peanut butter toast just about every single day for breakfast.  Still addicted. I can't get enough of that warm gooey goodness melting on top warm crispy bread.  There have only been 4 days over the last three weeks that I ate something else!!  When I get stuck on a food I am stuck on it and it could be weeks, months or even years before I ever decide to change it up.  I ate a Peanut Butter Sandwich for breakfast for about 2 years straight.  Notice a Peanut Butter Trend?  I'll be going back to egg beaters on work days but weekends will continue to be all about peanut butter toast.  With coffee.    

Watching Girls.  We don't have HBO but this was THE one show I wanted to binge watch while I had time.  I watched two seasons in two days.  I love the realism of the characters and the situations that they encounter.  They are real girls with flaws, money problems and insecurities.  I can relate.  It's so perfectly quirky and I'm officially hooked.  Can't wait to start burning through season 3 as soon as MJ gets it for me from wherever it is that he gets it.  I've also been watching the Olympics.  I watched all 8 hours of the short and long program ladies figure skating coverage. 

Wearing mostly pajamas.  I have only gotten dressed about 5 times over the last 3 weeks. 

Enjoying days that seem to last forever.  I haven't been at 100% over the last three weeks but I have been thoroughly enjoying this staycation full of time to myself.  I'm getting up early, reading, blogging, writing, watching TV,  watching movies, a few low key outings and staying up late.  Days like this go on and on forever in a really wonderful way.

 Mexican pizza I made for dinner

Appreciating my wonderful husband.  He's taken care of the laundry, dinner, dishes, cleaning house, errands and everything else on top of his long work days without complaint.  Wednesday was my first day out to the grocery store and making dinner and it felt really nice to finally do something for him.

Soaking up this amazing weather.  I'm not sure why this is happening and I haven't been going out that much but every time I do it's warm, sunny and beautiful.  It was about 80 today and we were enjoying it.

Dreading work on Monday.  No real explanation needed.  I'll be going from a whole lot of wonderful freedom and relaxation to a whole lot of work and I probably won't be 100% recovered for another three weeks or so.  I'm expecting a rough transition.

I Wore Pink

In case anybody cares:  Cardigan-Victoria's Secret, Dress-Target

You may or may not remember this but last year I got ditched on Valentine's Day so I wasn't sure what to expect this year if anything.  He claims it wasn't a ditching, I beg to differ but either way I got over it and we moved on.  You can read the gory details here.  He suggested that maybe we would celebrate it every other year but nothing was agreed upon, so imagine my surprise when Mr. Valentine's Day hater suggested we make reservations in early January.  Okay, sounds good to me.  I'm not one to turn down a dinner date so I went with it.  We each chose two places and picked one out of a cup.  His pick Truluck's won and I thought it was really sweet that he offered a do over since I don't like seafood and there isn't a single appetizer on their menu that hasn't been ruined by lobster or crab.

I had to put on a bra.  And actual clothes.  I swapped my glasses for contacts and even put on a little make up.  Coming out of pajamas for the first time in a few weeks was slightly traumatic but I think I cleaned up okay.  

Date Night

Deliciousness!!!

D Bar was my pick.  We went there last month for dessert and I loved it. I spotted their Mac and Cheese with Chicken so I vowed to return and order it.  They had a special five course menu which is kind of annoying especially when they don't put it online and you want to try their regular menu.  It was actually a decent deal for $55 each but we really didn't feel like eating all that food so we went a la carte.  If the Mac and Cheese was not an option I would have been mad because it was truly the best I've ever had in a restaurant.  It's really hard to find good mac and cheese.  Theirs was really cheesy, full of flavor and had tons of crispy breadcrumbs.  MJ got the short ribs.  For dessert I got the Chocolate Molten Lava Thingy that everyone else has.  Really, that's what it said on the menu and it's always my first choice if they have it.  MJ got the Banana's Foster which he would never have been able to get had we shared, which we usually do but we wanted our own.  This was probably not the best meal for someone who's been sitting on the couch for the last two weeks and won't be exercising for at least another 4-6 but oh well.  It's Valentine's Day!

It was a dinner that we could have done on any other night.  I said no gifts, but I did get him a little something because I really appreciate how well he's taken care of me and the house the last two weeks.  I had another suggestion about Valentine's Day.  I'm thinking we'll only celebrate it if it falls on a weekend.  If V Day is a Friday through Sunday it's just another excuse for date night.  Totally doable.  If  it's basically another date night for us then what do I care about Valentine's Day if it's a Tuesday and we both have to work all day? Not a whole lot.  I mean, I did survive last year without it and if we don't go out on the actual day then I almost don't see the point.  The longer we are together the more insignificant Valentine's Day feels.  He shows me so much love all the time that I don't really care what happens on February 14th.  Or maybe it's just his attitude rubbing off on me.  I think we have one or two more Valentine's Days before we take a long break. 

On Saturday I went with MJ to his flag football game and took pictures.  It's so much fun seeing what kind of images I can capture. He loves his sports.  Saturday morning is football and on Sunday morning it's basketball.  He is up and out 7 days a week.  I felt a really achy and stiff afterward so on Sunday I stayed close to the couch.  On Monday we went to the movies to see Robocop, then out to lunch.  Robocop was really good and it felt amazing to sit outside and eat with the sunshine on my face. It was an absolutely gorgeous warm weekend so I'm glad I was able to get out to enjoy it.

Am I glad to be healing nicely?  Yes.  And I can't wait to feel 100% like myself.  Do I ever want to go back to work? No.  NEVER!!!  Life is just too good without it.  It's a bummer that I need that paycheck to keep it that way.  One more week of rest left.

On Being Lazy

Every day when MJ came home from work  last week I was in the same place doing the same thing. Sitting on the couch in my pajamas watching TV.  By the 4th day I was actually starting to feel a little embarrassed.  He's at work all day, there are dirty dishes in the sink and yet there I sit day after day on my butt.  He's taking care of everything. Monday I changed it up and when he came home I was upstairs. Taking a nap.  The theme of last week was mostly pain management and this week it seems to be fatigue.  I'm sleeping on my sides more comfortably though and I'm finally able to cuddle up with MJ again.   

I can't sleep in so every morning I wake up early to do nothing.  I take a nice hot shower, put on my jammies and check the status of my swelly belly which is improving every day.  My belly button is no longer a bloody hole.  Eww!! It's now a scab.  Still gross!  I bring my pillows downstairs and pop a pill. I'm eating breakfast at the table now and when I'm done I arrange my pillows around me on the couch just so with my ipad, iphone, remote and water bottle within reach. And you know what? I love it. It feels so wrong to admit that I love being lazy but I really do. I love that for once in my life there is not a damn thing I have to do.  I have no responsibilities.  I feel like a bum but this is what my body needs me to do right now.  Last Friday I tried something different and it didn't go so well. 

My first post surgery outing was Friday after being inside the house for an entire week.  MJ needed to drop his car off at the dealership for service really early in the morning and we'd stop for breakfast down the street on the way back.  Easy peasy right?  We both thought it would be good for me to get out.  Big mistake.   The dealership is only about 20 minutes away.  On the way there I was aware of every single bump.  I only had to stand briefly while he turned in his car and got a rental but by the time we were half way to breakfast I was feeling it.  I walked in there like I had a stick up my butt determined to enjoy it.  When I got home I was immediately on my back surrounded in pillows with a very swollen belly and pains for the rest of the day.  That delicious veggie hash was worth it though!

It really just goes to show you how much we are actually doing every day just being out in the world even when we think we aren't doing all that much.  Just when I thought I was feeling good my body said not so fast lady and told me to go back to sitting on my butt.  My parents came down on Saturday but I haven't gone anywhere since. 

When I got home that day I opened this sweet little care package from my mom and literally burst into tears.  I was just sobbing.  I'm not really sure why.  I'm emotional but usually not THAT emotional.  I was in pain and flustered that a 2 hour errand did me in and there was just something about these simple yet thoughtful gifts that really touched my heart.  Sometimes it really is the little things that mean so much.  It was so sweet that she found these little things that she knew I'd love.

Laziness is not considered an attractive quality. We are taught that lazy is bad.  Most of us anyways.  And the ones that see lazy as a way of life don't usually get very far.  But why does it have to be so wrong when it feels so right?  I wouldn't want to marry someone who sits on the couch all day for no good reason.  What kind of life and what kind of relationship could you have if you did absolutely nothing?  As tantalizing as it sounds even if I never ever had to go back to work I would not make lazy my new occupation.  Not that I wouldn't want to 'cause it's actually pretty awesome; but ultimately I really wouldn't like myself and I'm pretty sure MJ wouldn't like me either.  I'm no overachiever but I have to be productive in some way or else I feel like crap.  Obviously going to work every day is the main thing but in addition to that whether it be working out, writing, blogging, cleaning, errands, paying bills, I have to do something that feels like I did something in order to feel good about myself.  No matter how good it feels to do nothing eventually the feelings of guilt and disgust at myself would eat me alive.  It's hard enough not to feel down on myself right now even though nothing is what I'm supposed to be doing.  

Last week sitting up without back support and holding my arms over a keyboard was exhausting but I'm getting stronger so this week it's different.  I'm still usually sitting on the couch by the time MJ gets home but in the morning after breakfast is novel writing time.  It would be ridiculous not to use some of this precious time off for that.  Even though I do nothing else I'm already feeling better about myself. 

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