Life By the Numbers: That Kind of Year

2017 IN NUMBERS

0 arm workouts.

1 time eating Panera Bread, and it was so good.  I had to fly all the way to Dover to do this.  Not like they aren't all over the place where I live or anything.

1 pair designer jeans purchased.  I got lucky and found Seven jeans for $50 on a mess of a clearance rack at Macy's.

2 times eating cheese spaetzle in Germany.  I love it so.

3 flights to Las Vegas.

I Am Not My Own Boss

Do you ever get really, really annoyed with work for stealing your fun, and preventing you from doing things that you want to do?  When I'm really tired, waking up in the morning for work is the worst.  Who wants to sit in an office all day when the sun is shining and there are so many other alternative activities in this world?

That was me last week.  Slightly bitter because my husband was home for a limited time only.  It was a surprise vist so I had no extra days off planned, and had just taken quite a few days off two weeks prior when he was here.  It sucked getting out of bed when he was still in it, and sitting at work when he was sitting at home.  I rushed home every day so anxious to spend what was left of the day with him.  We didn't do much, because even though he was on vacation, I was in work mode.  I was tired (although so was he from jet lag) and had to be up early, so we ate dinner and watched TV.  Not super exciting, but time together is time together and I was glad to have it.

It's times like this when I wish I was one of those multi-level millionaires that work from home and poolside locations throughout the world.  Surely you've seen their pics and gushing testimony all over social media about how awesome their life is.  How they make so much money that they retired their husbands out of the workforce.  How they can work from anywhere as long as they have a laptop and wi-fi.  How they don't have to ask their boss for time off, and no longer hate Monday's.  They seem to be on cruises a lot. 

Be your own boss.  Be home with your kids.  Take vacation when you want.  Drink wine in front of a fireplace on Tuesday afternoon.  But isn't that sales?  Oh no, you don't have to sell anything.  It's so easy!  Working 9-5 is unnecessary. 

Guys.  I don't get it.  If I don't have to sell anything then how do I make money to support myself?  Multi-level marketing is all about sales, but I have been approached by people who claim to be making a lot of money and claim that you don't have to sell anything.  If your income depends upon a product that you actively promote it is sales.  Even if the product is so good it sells itself, it's sales.  Let's just say it's true and you don't have to sell a specific product or a specific thing, you are most certainly selling something.  You are selling the program, and you are also selling yourself in a way.  That's how you get people to sign up...so you can make money off of them...and then you motivate those people so they will get other people to sign up...so you can make money off of them. 

I don't doubt that there are people making a ton of money selling wraps, essential oils, fitness products or cosmetics, but I have this feeling that they are the exception not the rule, and that there are just enough of them to make people think it's easy to have that same success.  I also don't doubt that there are a lot of people stretching the truth and probably don't like it as much as they claim or don't make full time living off of it as they imply, because if it was truly that easy, and that lucrative why isn't everyone doing it?  Why hasn't everyone quit their jobs, signed up to sell whatever it is they like, and found themselves rolling in the dough on a permanent vacation?  Also, if everyone did it, who would do everything else?  From what I understand, we actually need people working in offices, retail shops, hospitals, airports, and all the other places that are integral to society.

This Guy.  Heart face emoji

So yeah, last week I was a little bit bitter about having to go to work.  It happens to the best of us, I'm sure.  Why can't I be that girl I follow on Instagram posting about how she sold enough wraps to buy a house and gets a six month vacation twice a year?  Then I thought about how I probably couldn't sell ice-water in hell.  Not only do I suck at sales or promoting, I don't like it.  I don't even like pimping out my own blog.  I do it sometimes, and  there's nothing wrong with it, but it usually makes me uncomfortable.  I'm also pretty risk adverse.  I like the idea of knowing that I'll get a paycheck every month.  It may not be #girlboss #instagramgoals but I also like generous paid time off, my retirement plan, and paying $0 dollars for a zero co-pay no deductible health insurance plan.  My job is solid.

Earning money online as your sole source of income isn't for everyone.  This blogger could write one million posts about how she made $100,000 in a month online.  Not in a year a single MONTH, but I still wouldn't be able to figure out how to do it!  My mind is literally blown by how successful she has become through blogging.  This girl is legit, and she doesn't brag about it, she informs. 

Burgers Again!!

 Plenty of people find another way, but that isn't my path.

My job limits the amount of vacations I can take, and the days I can stay home, but I also wouldn't be taking vacation if I didn't have it.  I wouldn't be doing a lot of things if I didn't have it.  I might not even own a home if I didn't have it.  We love to travel, and thanks to my job, not necessarily in spite of my job (because that's the better way to look at it), I have managed to take some pretty fantastic vacations.  Over Thanksgiving I got to spend a nice chunk of time with my long distance husband.  Last week I got to spend a wonderful long weekend with family.  It may not be as much as I want.  It never is!  But that's life.  Some things you can and/or are willing to change, others you can't and/or won't.  You maximize what you have, make it work, and even if it isn't ideal, you have to move past the bitter and be glad for the good things you got.  You really just have to.     

I had to make do with less time with MJ than I wanted last week, I live for the weekends, I hate Monday's, and the only thing I get to choose about my schedule is what time I take my lunch break, but that's okay. We saw Beauty and the Beast together at the "fancy" theater The Lot, and spent too much money on overpriced drinks downtown at Searsucker just because. That place is kinda pricey, and we could have stayed there and eaten if we wanted to, but chose to get sloppy burgers at Cold Beers & Cheeseburgers instead. Yes, that's the name. I still got to do fun things with my husband. I'm not a #Girl Boss #Boss Babe, I am not my own boss at all.  I have a boss, who I had ask for an extended time off this summer.  The answer to that question was yes, and for all of that...and all of the good things in my life...I am grateful.      

Things I Order on Amazon

I'm kind of obsessed with the idea of documenting my life.  It's why I started journaling with I was 10 years old.  It's why I was always the one with a camera taking pictures at every sleep over, birthday party (which were also sleepovers if I had my way), gymnastics meet, and football game.  I'd drop the film off at Long's and wait the five days or so for developing, because as anxious as I was to see the prints I would not pay extra for overnight processing.  I'd pick them up and excitedly shared them with friends at school before carefully arranging the best ones in photo albums. I was the unofficial team historian.

Now.  I haven't bought a photo album in many many years, and all of my journaling is online.  Then I started a blog.  Of course I did.  Instagram and Facebook serve as date stamped time capsules, of all the fun things I've done and the special people I did them with.  Who woulda thought that shopping on Amazon could do the same thing?

I went through my past orders looking for a product I want to order again, and the first thing I noticed is how my Amazon obsession really exploded over the last three years.  This is a tally of my Amazon order history since 2003.  I'm already at 5 orders for 2017.  It's only February.

2003-6
2004-1
2005-2
2006-3
2007-1
2008-0
2009-1
2010-0
2011-3
2012-1
2013-3
2014-31
2015-38
2016-49!

The second thing I noticed is that browsing through my order history was like catching a glimpse of my past life via the things I ordered on Amazon.  It's all there, neatly organized by year, and in their own way they tell a story.  A story of me. 

2003

So this is my very first Amazon order, ever.  Did you know that in 2003 I was kind of sort of an aspiring actress?  These two books were required materials for a pretty intense acting class with a local casting director here in San Diego.  Once a week I sat in this cramped walk up studio downtown for three hours while this dramatic man by the name of Samuel Warren yelled and gestured with all his might trying to teach us the subtle craft of acting. I starred in an exercise infomercial and did lots of industrial videos.  Nobody I know ever saw them (thank goodness), but I still got paid!  I auditioned for an independent film in L.A. and distinctly remember blowing the call back because I didn't realize they were having us read a different script.  Obviously, I didn't "make it" and it was mostly really discouraging, but I loved it and I still look back on those days very fondly. 

2003

These purchases show that I prefer working out at home rather than the gym.  I do believe that these were my first home workout videos.  Ever!  I bought them on VHS because VCR's were everything back then.  That's all we had.  I always made sure to hit rewind after I finished otherwise I'd be super annoyed when I was ready to start my workout and had to wait for the rewind.  According to Amazon I grew my collection again in 2006 with some toning videos, and again in 2011 with 6 more videos.  By then, I was really into Barre, Ballet, Yoga, and Jillian Michaels, but I also repurchased that Kathy Smith Time Saver cardio video in DVD.   I can only imagine how funny I look doing it, but it's such a fun cardio routine, I don't care and it was worth buying again.  I went through a weight lifting phase in 2014 with the purchase of a cell phone arm band, but the at home workout thing really stuck and these days I workout almost exclusively at home.

2005

This purchase shows my age!  In 2005 I had a flip phone.  A Samsung VGA1000 Sprint to be exact.  'Aint she a beauty?  I think I'd lost my phone out of contract, and this was the replacement.  I'm pretty sure I thought it was the best phone ever at the time, but I remember how distraught I was that I had to spend Two-hundred dollars on a cell phone.  I WISH my iPhone only cost $200.  Was there ever a day that an iPhone was that cheap? I didn't get my first smart phone until 2010. 

2014

These purchases expose the serious popcorn addiction I developed in 2014.  It took me 5 months to eat my way through a 12.5 lb bag of popcorn kernels all by myself.  I had to eat it every single day,  and I loved this popcorn bowl so much I bought one for my sister and my mom.  That reminds me.  I really miss popcorn.

2015

These purchases reveal that my skin is not always perfect, and that I was on a mission to lose weight.  I had perfect skin for most of my life, but in 2004, out of nowhere I had a horrible bout with hormonal acne that recurred in 2006, 2009, 2014, and then crops up here and there every year since.  When my skin is good it is very very good, but when it is bad...UGH!!  In 2015 I scoured the internet looking for products I decided on Arcona Acne Raspberry Clarifying Pads, Alpha Hydrox Intensive Serum 14% Glycolic Acid AHA, and Alpha Hydrox AHA Enhanced Lotion.  I really like the skin care products, because by this time it was less about getting rid of the acne and more about just caring for my skin and treating the acne as best I could during that time.  I had given up on trying to "cure" it because it seems to come and go as it pleases without any kind of rhyme or reason.  I bought the CoQ10 and Acetyl-L Carnitine cellular energy promoting fat transporting, pills out of desperation because I read somewhere that they'd assist with energy and weight loss.  They did nothing for me.  In 2016 I went about it the good old fashioned way.  Diet and exercise.  It worked, and I got to use the tape measure to keep track of inches lost.     

2016

These purchases show my love for writing, traveling, and that I married a Bills fan.  I bought these books for a fiction writing class I took last year.  I hated how long and exhausting it made my day, but I LOVED the class.  I learned so much and it was something I've always wanted to do.  I venture to guess this neck pillow is probably one of the best ones out there.  I HATE sitting up while sleeping on a plane for hours, so I bought this last year before my looong ass flight to Germany.  It's high enough so it actually supports my neck, unlike the cheapie one I had before, which I gave to MJ.  He likes it, but it was useless for me.  These Packing Cubes are awesome.  They keep everything organized in my suitcase and when it comes time to unpack I just take out the cubes.  It also comes in handy when I stay in places with minimal storage.  I bought a set for the husband too.  These socks were part of MJ's Chrismas gift.  He loves them.  Being married to a Bills fan means my husband makes me go to Buffalo.  I've got two Bills games under my belt, and I see more in our future.   

It started out innocently enough with using Amazon as easy order and ship for gifts, things I was having a hard time tracking down or things I couldn't find at a decent price like an inexpensive duvet cover, or a space heater during the summer. 

Then it turned into all the things.  Hair accessories, shampoo, cell phone chargers, goggles, protein powder, ice packs, toilet paper holder.  No item is too insignificant for me to order from Amazon, but I do try to keep a cart going until I have a few items so I can do a group order.  It is a heck of a lot easier than running out to the store, searching for the item, then possibly going to yet another store if they didn't have it.   Like those awesome storage cubes I got a few weeks ago to deal with all my stuff.  I could have gotten lucky and found the right ones on my first trip to Target or Bed Bath & Beyond, or not, but with Amazon I can do the run around online.  And if they don't work, I just print out a shipping label and drop it off at the Postal Annex down the street to send it back.  I used to add to my list of things to buy, never get around to it, and then give in and order it on Amazon.  Now, I don't even fight it.  I go straight to Amazon, because chances are I'll have it a lot quicker than the time it would take for me to go get it.

Amazon is easy and efficient; exactly how I want my life to be.  It feeds my obsession to document all the things, and makes a pretty nice time capsule of the past.  So there's that, as if I needed any other reasons to use it. 

 
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How 'bout That Election?

I'm a mail voter, so my ballot bumped around the house and my purse for a few weeks while I pondered my selections.  I figure, what is good for my job is probably going to be good for me, so I normally follow my employer union recommendations on state propositions, education boards, and city officials unless I have reason to do otherwise.  I started with that, but there were  still quite a few empty bubbles.

I read through the remaining propositions in the voter information guide and got overwhelmed.  Some of them are clear cut.  I am either for repealing the death penalty or I'm against it.  I understand what the death penalty is and have a generally clear grasp of implications on both sides.  I either believe that marijuana should be legalized or not.   I have strong opinions on background checks for ammunition sales.  I've heard enough information and am familiar enough with these hot button issues to make informed decisions. 

Others are more complicated.  Should elected officials use their authority to propose and ratify an amendment to the federal constitution overturning the the US Supreme Court decision in Citizens United v Federal Election Commission? Um.  I don't know.  And still others are just...well let's just call it a head scratcher for lack of a better word.  Prop 60 is about pornography.  Should adult performers be required to use condoms during the filming of sexual intercourse and require producers to pay for performer vaccinations, testing, and medical examinations?  My union did not take a stand on that one!!  So, how do I the average person approach this?  I know that condoms help prevent diseases and unwanted pregnancy.  I don't know too much about the porn industry, but I've heard that performers are required to test to make sure that they are clean.  The condom requirement makes things safer, and if testing is required perhaps it is fair to place the burden of expense on the producers.  See, I'm inclined to vote yes, because condoms are good, but what do the performers want? Maybe they are okay with relying on routine testing.  Am I really the best person to be in charge of helping to regulate the porn industry?

How can I, the average, not super in the know on politics voter be trusted to make such big decisions on anything?  

Here's another one.  I hear so sad stories of ill and elderly who can't afford the hundreds of thousands of dollars in prescription costs that keep them well, so proposition 61 to lower Rx expenses sounds good.  Then I hear a radio commercial claiming that only 12% would end up with lower costs and they would increase for everyone else.  The voter guide breaks it down for you alright.  Argument in favor of Proposition 61, rebuttal to argument in favor of proposition 61, argument against proposition 61, and rebuttal to argument against proposition 61.  What? There is a pro and a con for each side and for every action a consequence.  Some commercials claim that veterans are for it, others claim they are against it, and I still didn't know what bubble to fill in on prop 61.  So now what?  And there are so many propositions!  

Don't even get me started on the presidency.  It was the last bubble I filled in, but I had to make a decision.  I was running out of time.  Clinton and Trump are both embroiled in some pretty serious scandals.  Hilary Clinton lied, but so did Donald Trump, plus he's kind of a nut job, and isn't it kind of a given that politicians lie?  I hate to give them a pass, because if they want the highest position in all the land they should be better than that, but the idea that we can truly hold the president to a higher moral standard seems to have flown out the window a looooong time ago.  It almost comes down to who is the least immoral.  Our elected officials are humans after all, and humans are flawed.  They make mistakes, and they don't always do the right thing.  I don't always do the right thing, but then again...I'm not running for president.  I knew what my decision would be all along, but the constant mud slinging made me second guess my instincts.  

I realize that I am totally revealing my political ignorance by admitting I didn't know until I checked out my ballot, but did everyone else already know that Jill Stein, Gloria Estela La Riva and Gary Johnson were running for president?  I actually do recall hearing the name Jill Stein, but her name got lost in the Clinton/Trump storm and I guess I forgot.  How crazy is it that we already know they have no chance whatsoever, but stranger things have happened, like Trump making the ballot in the first place.

Anyway. 

I am only one person.  I don't know all the facts, I don't have all the information, and I certainly don't understand all the issues, but but my vote counts.  It is my right, and it is my privilege so I make the best educated decisions I can and hope for the best.  This election is so ugly, divisive, and terrifying all at the same time. It's tearing people apart.  I think most of us just want it to be over.

 
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Why Suffer When You Don't Have To?

On Sunday I brought our laundry downstairs to the living room for folding, because I would have broken out in a sweat doing it upstairs.  I couldn't deal with the last load so I left it sitting in the basket.  I ran the blow dryer on my hair for exactly two seconds before realizing what a stupid idea that was because our air conditioning broke just in time for the hottest weekend of the year. San Diego county broke high temp records everywhere and there we were, putting off bedtime as long as possible because downstairs wasn't terrible, but upstairs was a sauna.  Laying there spread eagle in bed listening to the hum of the tower fan and feeling it's lukewarm air blow across my body brought back memories of the old days when I lived alone in a studio apartment.  Right now our only choice is to deal with the heat, but it reminded me of the days when I had a choice, and chose to suffer anyway.

It feels like a lifetime ago.  It was a lifetime ago.  I was living alone for the first time ever and newly single.  Street parking was tight, there was a shared laundry room that took quarters only, and no storage to speak of, but my little apartment was so cute.  I was proud that I did it on my own and living alone was pretty neat. 

Like a lot of places, there was no central air.  It had a wall AC unit, but it was sufficient for cooling the whole place since the whole place was essentially the size of a room.  I was on the upper floor, so when it was hot, it was hot and there was no escape.  I don't know how I sat there sweltering, when I could have had relief with the flick of a switch.  The tower fan would have to do, because the wall unit was to be used ONLY while I worked out, and sometimes not even then depending on just how hot it was.  Those were the rules.  I went to bed in stifling heat some nights and woke up to damp sheets.  During the day I holed up in the library or went to the mall when it got too bad.  I took two showers a day because just breathing was enough to make me sweat, but upon pain of death I would not touch that wall unit.

Those were the rules.

And so many rules there were back then because life demanded it.  I could only buy clothing if I absolutely needed it and only from Walmart or Target.  I wasn't allowed to eat after six.  To cut down on gas I couldn't go too far from home most weekends and stops at 7-11 for 99 cent coffee was only allowed once a week. 

Those were the rules because money was tight and discipline of utmost importance. 

Diet soda was allowed daily.   I had one every day with "dinner" to help me feel full.  If you could even call it that.  Three slices of thinly sliced lunch meat ham, slapped between two slices of bread, a 2% Kraft Single, and the thinnest layer of mustard was the main dish with a side of exactly one serving of pretzel sticks.  I counted.  The cans were rinsed and stored in the dishwasher and taken to the recycling center monthly where I would receive my CRV in the form of a grocery store credit at Ralph's next door.  I parked in between the two, so I could haul my cans to the recycling center and then walk to the grocery store where I would painstakingly select each item after carefully scrutinizing the nutritional information.

The thing about it, is that my electric bill was so cheap.  I still don't know how it was so cheap, but it was only about $35.00 per month.  Allowing myself some relief and turning on the wall unit every now and then would have made me much more comfortable, and how high could my bill really get?  Not very high, as I would find out later, but I was too caught up in my own suffering and sadness to find out.  Everything had to be controlled to the maximum level possible.  I didn't allow myself to splurge.  Ever.  On anything.  I embraced hunger, the stifling heat and all the things about my life that was difficult without resistance, but it wasn't just about the money.  It was proving to myself what I had already come to accept at that time.  Life is hard and I wasn't meant to be happy.     
   
Then I met my husband.
 
I lived there for five years.  He lived in that little studio with me for the last six months of it, and you better believe that when it got hot he didn't hesitate for a second to turn that thing on.  He couldn't understand my logic.  Why suffer, when you don't have to?  I mean, if you have no choice that is one thing, but when you have a choice, why not choose comfort?  It's usually worth it.  Space was limited and sometimes the clutter made me cranky, but it wasn't just me against the world anymore, and that cold air circulating through the studio felt like a small miracle.  It was pure magic, and my oven which still pristine after five years of very little action was finally getting put to good use.  The girl who didn't want to eat had fallen in love with a foodie.

When we moved into our house I tried to make us both suffer.  Our expenses were high that year between the new house and the wedding.  Old habits die hard.  "We're fine," I'd say.  "It's not that hot," because I was used to sacrificing comfort to save a dime, but MJ wasn't having it.  He went crazy cranking up the AC at just the slightest hint of warm weather, and I went along with it until we got the bill.  I taught him the value of a savings account and he taught me to live a little. I gave in a bit, so did he, and we've found a pretty nice balance over the years. 

I shake my head sometimes thinking about how my life has changed since then.  All for the better, and I am so thankful.  We own a home with central air, we take trips, I don't think twice about stopping at 7-11 for coffee, and I have an Amazon addiction.  My meals are nutritionally balanced, I have an awesome husband, and I no longer look for any excuse to martyr myself.  I'm happy.

Why suffer when you don't have to?  The answer is, you shouldn't.  Air cooling is a wonderful invention.  I am truly humbled after being without it for six hot days and can't wait for it to be fixed next week. 

Disclaimer:  This post was brought to you by our broken air conditioning unit and the wonder that is air cooling, but all thoughts and opinions are my own.

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I'm Back-Sort Of

Would it be dramatic to say that waking up at 6:22am, putting on actual clothes and shoes, driving to work under a cloudy sky and sitting at my desk listening to traffic whiz by on the freeway outside my window while eating bread and peanut butter feels like a bad dream? I admit it.  I'm a drama queen, but seeing as how just days ago I was hanging out in paradise where each sunny day blended seamlessly into the next I guess it's going to take me a bit to transition back to reality.

Our vacation was everything I hoped it would be and we got back Monday off a red-eye flight from Kauai.  We immediately unpacked, showered, took naps and began the post vacation recovery process.  Tuesday morning I didn't wake up until 10:30am.  I don't remember the last time I slept in that long.  I woke up very confused.  I had no idea what day it was or what day I said I was coming back to work.  Why did I say I might come back on Tuesday when I had no intention of coming back until Wednesday?  I extended my out of office reply another day and in my half asleep state even deleted an e mail for good measure.

Since I took that "extra" day the plan was to be productive and make use of it, but it wasn't happening.  I couldn't seem to force my body into action.  No wonder they say the early bird gets the worm because when I wake up at 10:30 the day feels half over and I've given up on accomplishing anything before I even start.  I ate a late breakfast and then watched Dance Mom's while my "food settled" enough for exercise and the next thing I knew it was 3:30pm and I'd done nothing but download vacation pictures and spend way too long trying to figure out how to get pictures off my phone.  The whole day-wasted!!  I couldn't have that so I jumped up, started laundry and got in a Bikini Body Guide work out.  I'm sure I should be embarrassed to admit this, but I'm more proud that I finally took care of it.  I've been riding around with bags of clothes in my trunk for almost a year.  It's the hoarder in me.  Determined to finally unload them once and for all I jumped in the car and made it to the Goodwill donation center by 5:00pm (and rescued a skirt from one of the bags) just as it was closing up shop.  I feel so much lighter just knowing those clothes are gone and that I can finally use my trunk again.  Then I made it to the car wash at 5:20pm just in time to be the last car washed for the day.  I even got gas.  Mind, you I planned to do all of those things before I left, but what with stress packing and running around buying things I realized I didn't have it never happened.  It all worked out because I salvaged what was left of the day and accomplished everything I planned in the space of two hours. 

So yeah, I'm back and I was feeling really energetic and rested until I woke up for work this morning. I leave tomorrow for a two night work trip that I need to pack for, but that should be a piece of cake after packing for seven nights in Hawaii.  It's not like I'll be doing anything fun. 

My body is back, but my brain is still riding a bike on Kapaa Beach.  I just need a few more days to find my groove.  If you've been reading my blog for any length of time you know that extensive vacation recaps will follow just as soon as I can get it together enough to write them. 

 
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What I've Been Up To

Recently I've been...

Working out almost every day.  I have never, ever been a work out every day kind of girl so this is a crazy thing for me.  Friday is my rest day but six days a week I either work out at home, go to the gym or power walk.  I am currently in week 12 (out of 12) of The Bikini Body Guide by Kayla Itsines.  The workouts are killer and I can't believe that I am almost done with the whole thing.  Stay tuned for my beach body reveal on Instagram.  It's actually been a good thing having this time to myself to focus on getting these work outs in.  MJ is a very good and welcome distraction, but a distraction nonetheless.    

This is how I pack

Planning our vacation. That's the fun part where it becomes really, real that vacation is not just some abstract concept that you long for but something that you will actually be doing and experiencing in the near future.  I'm in charge of planning our itinerary and so far we are boating, biking, hiking and beaching.  I've got a few more things I need to pick up and I started packing over the weekend.  Not fun for me at all, but I made progress and then I decided to go bikini shopping at Target.  They are having BOGO 50% right now.  I found one, but it was brutal. Even after 11 weeks of steady exercise.  It's just a hard thing for me.

Seeing a lot of my friends.   There have been quite a few dinner/lunch dates over the last six weeks.  One of them was even a spur of the moment same day invite.  Normally I can't even wrap my head around that, but I was just chillin' at home by myself so why not?  I invited the girls over for a girls night.  I'm not fancy so neither was my party but there was wine, pizza, chips with salsa and other assorted easy bake appetizers and everyone had a great time. 

Hearing a strange noise coming from my car.   I didn't want to be the crazy lady who takes her car to the shop complaining of a strange noise only to have them not be able to recreate it and find nothing wrong.  I put it off for two weeks and finally got it taken care of over the weekend.  I recorded the sound on my phone and in doing so stumbled across other unnamed recordings from 2011 and 2013 of very similar car sounds.  MJ says I'm hard on brakes and he's right because every other year they need replacing.

Eating a lot of Subway.  I was really good at first with cooking a proper meal for the week on Sunday as I had gotten into the habit of doing, but then one week I just didn't want to do it and then that was it.  I cooked again this week, but I think there will still be Subway in  the near future.  I can get two meals out of $6.00.  It's quick, it's cheap, it's healthy, it works.

Watching a lot of movies.  When MJ is gone I push all the chick flicks languishing at the bottom of our Netflix queue to the top.  It's been three movies per weekend every weekend and I will be sharing them in a movie review post soon.  I've also gotten into Lifetime Movies again.  It all started with Cleveland Abduction.  Then, I'd see a preview for another one that looked good so I'd record it.  Then while watching that one I'd see another preview and so on and so forth.  They know how to get you.  Since then, I've seen The Secret Life of Marilyn,  Kidnapped: The Hanna Anderson Story,  The Wrong Girl, Double Daddy, I Killed My BFF and Perfect High premieres this weekend.  I browsed titles and they are so funny.  There is Girl He Met Online and Boy She Met Online just in case you want to see a different version where the boy is psycho.  More primo examples:  All the Good Ones are Married, The Last Trimester, Sorority Surrogate and Sexting in Suburbia.  For a while LMN movies were just a bit much for me to take but I'm liking them again.  All the ones I watched were really good until Adoption Gone Wrong with Will Farrell and Kristen Wiig.  Hilarious; and not because it was a comedy.  I expected so much more.  I'm sorry, but Will Farrell's bearded bookish character was totally unbelievable as the object of obsession and there were so many over dramatized to the point of ridiculous scenes.  The worst was the one where the camera zooms in on a pair of heels as they are attached to someone who is supposed to be going over a bridge.  So bad.

Missing my husband.  He's 9 hours ahead and his good morning is my good night so it's mostly been texting and facetime on the weekends if he has internet connection.  Six weeks is not forever and I've gotten used to this sort of thing, but I'm ready to have him back.  Netflix doesn't work.  All my iPhoto pics (that were so carefully recovered and sorted from being lost before) have disappeared, Amazon Echo won't work, the DVD player downstairs stopped playing DVD's, I can't figure out how to watch TV on the upstairs one in the loft, the app for our Thermostat isn't working and I don't like taking out the trash or watering the mini tree.  At least I haven't seen any spiders.  I could also use a good smooch and his awesome bear hugs.  It won't be long now.

What I have not done is watch a single episode of Orange is The New Black! I am lagging.  Between movies, reading and staying caught up on DVR I just haven't gotten around to it. This is not acceptable and needs to be remedied ASAP. 

No Shoes Allowed

The no shoe thing started when I moved into my very first place entirely on my own and found myself surrounded by wall to wall light beige carpet. I was broke.  I didn't have money for repeated carpet cleaning so I saved money by leaving my shoes at the door and keeping the carpets clean.  It started as a matter of economics and then it became a matter of dirt when I walked by a neighboring doorway one day and saw an icky trail of brown leading from the doorway to the kitchen.  That was it.  Shoes are dirty and after five years of keeping them out there was no going back for me.

It's a pretty easy rule to enforce when you live in a 400 square foot studio by yourself.  Throw in a husband who agrees, but tends to get lax about the rules and it felt impossible.  When we moved into our new house five years ago I started looking for a cute no shoes allowed sign to help my cause and quickly realized that I would have to be the shoe police if this was going to happen. 

What about my flip flops?  Can I wear those in the house?
Do you wear them outside?
Yes, but they aren't real shoes.
Do you wear them in public restrooms?
Yes.
Then you can't wear them in the house.

I caught him putting on his shoes in the morning upstairs and then wearing them downstairs.  Bare feet on floors and carpets sounds different then shoes.  I was half asleep and half blind so I grabbed my glasses to take a peak.  Busted. What part of no shoes in the house wasn't he getting? 

And the conversation repeated.

I'm getting dressed in the morning upstairs and the shoes are upstairs.  I'm just going straight out the door.
Do you wear those shoes outside in the streets and public restrooms?
Yes.
Then you can't wear them in the house. 

I even caught my dad upstairs with his shoes on when he stayed at our house a few months ago and I had to say it.  Take them off please.

When we replaced our carpets with hardwoods downstairs MJ relapsed a little thinking it wouldn't matter so much but dirt is dirt and we walk through a lot of it on any given day.  Sidewalks, black top parking lots, public restrooms and that grimy movie theater floor.  I like the idea that the hardwoods are fully cleanable, but I still don't like the idea of dirty shoes tracking in outside grime.  We compromised on house shoes since those are only worn occasionally outside and not in public places.  I had to give him something. 

Not wearing shoes in the house seems so simple yet it is ever so complicated to enforce and a real pain in the butt sometimes.  Like, when you put your shoes on and then have to come back inside because you forgot something.  Also, dealing with all the shoes that inevitably pile up.  We have a nice bench with a shoe shelf underneath it by our front door but we don't use our front door very often.  We park our cars in the garage and enter through the garage door which opens right into the kitchen which is not an ideal location for removing shoes while juggling a lunch bag, a purse, the mail and a water bottle.  Especially tall boots that require at least one hand to remove.  When leaving the house he wanted to put his shoes on by the front door and walk through the house to the garage and again I had to be the meanie and put my bare foot down.  Yes, it's easier to sit on the cute little bench and put them on, but a rule is a rule and if we agreed on no shoes in the house we will not wear shoes in the house.  It might sound like I'm being a bitch and in a way I am, but it's kind of an all or nothing thing.  If you are going to wear shoes half the time don't bother at all because you have already defeated the purpose. 

Then there are the guests.  We don't entertain a lot, but when we do if it's an inside type of deal I have no problem with asking people to take their shoes off.  If he won't ask his friends I will.  If it's an outdoor/indoor type of thing with a large group of people it can get a bit more complicated and I'm willing to make exceptions if need be, but in general it's not that difficult to get people to respect your house rules if you ask.  Most people either do it themselves in their own homes and/or they understand and are not offended. 

I can't even imagine wearing shoes in my bedroom or bathrooms now and it's weird (and gross) to think that I once did.  I even feel bad wearing shoes in other peoples homes.  I want to take them off on principle, but not everyone has that rule and if they don't then taking mine off isn't going to help much.

It's true that you have to pick your battles, but I'm glad I stuck to my guns on this one because it's not an imaginary germ floating through the air.  It's dirt, and I can see it when I look at the bottom of my shoes.  I wanted to throw up my hands and forget it, but MJ eventually came around and I really appreciate that he did.  I never did find a no shoes sign I really liked, but now he rarely forgets even when he's running in and out to the grill.

Do you allow shoes in your house?  Why or why not?

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They Hate Us

Is it still a thing to be annoyed by couples that sit on the same side of the booth?  I stumbled across this on some person's random Facebook page.


Dear weird couple that sits on the same side of the booth.  Do you not realize that it's not a bar it's a table and thus there are two sides of the table to sit on?  Are you that joined at the hip and co dependent that you cannot bear to sit a few feet apart for an entire meal?  Do you realize how annoying it is?  When you sit across from each other you can talk and look each other in the eye.  You can actually see your partner and that is much more romantic then craning your neck to talk to each other side by side.  This same sider seating is very annoying and creepy.  Just the sight of it drives people insane.  It's as if you are desperate to proclaim to the world that you are that in love that you must sit next to each other. 
-Source, unknown/anonymous. 

Sitting on the same side since 2008

"They hate us you know,"  I said to MJ one time when we were sitting next to each other at a restaurant.  He had no idea it was even a thing to be hated for until I told him that a lot of people seem to have a problem with couples who choose to sit next to each other instead of across from each other.

We are that weird couple who sits on the same side of the booth.  I am the instigator and he allows it.  He slides into one side and I side into the same side right beside him.  There is no insidious purpose behind it.  We are not desperate to proclaim that we are so in love.  It's just a preference and one of many choices that one might encounter when dining out.  Table or booth?  Bar or Dining room?  Straw or no straw? Dessert or no Dessert?  You get the idea.  You go in you sit, someone takes your order and you eat.  It all plays out the same regardless of where anybody sits.

We are not sucking face.  We are not feeling each other up.  There might be some hand holding while we wait for our food and a few cheek kisses here and there but it's not excessive in any way so I don't really see how that is anyone's business but ours anyways.

When the food comes I have easy access for snagging a bite off of his plate and I enjoy the intimacy of having our own little private dinner.  Yes, in a public restaurant.  And I do not find it at all difficult to hold a conversation when we are next to each other.  I glance over to my left or my right and bam, there he is.  No neck craning involved.  We talk and laugh just as well as we would across from one another. 

Call me weird, but I just like being next to him.   Even at home I want to be right next to him if we are watching TV or when we go to bed.  Lest you think I am totally smothering him; I do give him his space.  We are not co dependent.  My husband travels for work every year and I do not fall apart without him.  We do our own thing.  I go out with my friends.  He participates in extra curricular activities and hangs out with his friends.  At home we are free to retreat to two separate living spaces and do our own thing.  We are not joined at the hip. I just like sitting next to him.

It's not my problem if this bothers people.  The only time I can recall being annoyed by this behavior is when I was in a miserable relationship or when I was single and sad about it.  My negative reaction to same siders had less to do with the couple and more to do with my own personal issues.  It just doesn't really seem like a big deal to me.  Certainly not something to be that annoyed by and I didn't even know "same sider" was a thing until I read that post.

How do you feel about same siders?  Do it, hate it or don't care?

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Woman Driver Mishap

Last week was so excruciatingly awfully slow that I thought it would never end and this week flew by.  It's funny how that happens but I'm not complaining.  I couldn't be happier that it's Friday.

Today I have just one confession.  One that I never even got around to telling MJ and there is a good chance he'll find out by reading this post.  Not because I was worried about his reaction but because I was so mad at myself that I didn't even want to talk about it.  At all.  Like, maybe if I don't mention it then I can pretend it never happened but the only problem is that denial doesn't work.  There is still a cluster of deep nasty black scratches that go all the way to the metal on my right rear bumper because I backed into a sign last Friday morning.

I tend to be a bit of a nutcase in the morning.  I get into my car then get out to run back into the house to make sure I turned off my flat iron.  Then I back out of my garage and stop in the driveway so I can go back to make sure I turned off the closet light.  I also forget things.  Sometimes it's my water bottle other time it's my phone but this time around it was my hard boiled eggs and I got all the way to the exit of our housing complex when I realized it.  I was already running late but I had to go back.  I'm so dramatic about my routine.  My breakfast won't be the same and then my day will be ruined without my eggs. 

The other thing working against me is that I suck at driving.  I hate to be that woman but I kind of think I am.  My speeding ticket days are behind me but I can't parallel park, find it difficult to maneuver into tight spaces and I'm scared to make left turns without traffic lights.  I will sit there forever and ever making sure it's clear and then I get all flustered if someone behind me gets impatient and honks.  Sometimes I don't even like making lane changes.  I also have a terrible sense of direction.  Even GPS is confusing sometimes.  All it takes is one wrong turn and suddenly I don't even know what planet I'm on.  I only know one way to get anywhere and I refuse to drive in other states.  I also get really confused when I back up.  I can't seem to find the connection between which way to turn the wheel and the direction that my car will go.  I'm relatively harmless, but I'm a mess.

When I realized I forgot my precious eggs I backed out of the exit but turned my wheel too soon and didn't see the street sign sitting on the corner until I heard that awful nails on chalkboard sound of it screeching into the side of my poor little Honda.  Thank goodness nothing happened to the sign or else I'd have the HOA on my back.  I braced myself before checking out the damage and it's not terrible but it's ugly to look at and a nice little reminder of my stellar driving skills.  I still haven't decided if I'm going to get it fixed or not.  I love my little Honda to pieces.  She is old but she is the best car I've ever had.  I like to keep her clean and pretty but they'll charge you a thousand bucks to fix a scratch.  I don't know why it has to cost so much.  Then I got to sit in traffic for an hour stewing about my stupid mistake because there was an accident and I was thirty minutes late to work.

But that was last Friday.  Last week sucked, this one-not so much.  I made it out of the house today without forgetting a single thing and got to work 15 minutes early.  We're still hanging onto the 80's around here which I love.  I'm looking forward to meeting friends that I haven't seen in a long time after work so I'm wearing my five minute face AKA I actually put on make up.  And I really like my outfit.

It took me a almost a week but I'm over it.  I still can't drive but I like to think I have other qualities that make up for it.  We've already established that being a great cook is not one of them.

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The Not So Sexy Side of Bath Time

I've never been a bath person.  I was so excited that we had a separate shower and bath in our house and then I never took a bath.  We've lived there for four years and I only took a bath for the first time a few months ago and then I never did it again until recently.  Prior to that it had been years since I last took a bath.  Anyone else start to wonder what they've gotten themselves into once the bubbles fade away?   

The reality of a bath is often far different then the way I imagine it and this is why.  Behold, my bath time thought process.....

++I cannot wait for that bath.  I'm going to drink wine, relax and take my time.  This is going to feel so good.  Oh, look at all those fluffy bubbles and the bubble bath smells so good.  I can't wait to get in there.

++It feels even better than it looked.  Let me just close my eyes and experience this for a few seconds.  And drink some wine too.  This warm water feels amazing.  I could stay in here forever.

++This is the perfect time to get some reading done.  I'm going to be real careful so I don't drop my i Pad.  That would suck.  Now isn't this nice?  Wine, warm water, reading.  I feel great.

++Okay, I'm REALLY hot.  But I love it and all these strategically placed bubbles are making me feel kind of sexy. 

++I'm starting to sweat.  Let me put this i Pad down.  It's too hot to focus on reading.  And what happened to all the bubbles that were hiding my belly rolls?  Time to refresh those bubbles.

++Well, the bubbles didn't quite make the comeback I'd hoped.  How long have I been in here?  Only thirty minutes?  I'm so hot, but I can't get out yet.  I'm not even done with my wine.

++My face is glistening with sweat.  Is it me or am I basically just sitting here in my own dirt? That's it, I can't take it anymore.  I'm out of here.

An undisclosed number of days or weeks later....you know what would be perfect right about now?  A bath.  And the cycle repeats.

I haul the tower fan into the bathroom and blast it in my direction while I'm in there so I don't overheat as fast and can stay in a little longer.  It also helps if I don't fill the tub quite so high.  By the end of it I'm sitting in a pool of tepid water and when I can't take the heat anymore I wash up, rinse out under the tap and get out as fast as I can.  I do not emerge from the tub half covered in bubbles and into a silky kimono style robe.  I like to clean the tub before I get out.  Nobody likes a ring around the tub so I might as well get it over with.  Then I have to get downstairs and finish whatever it is I put on hold to take a bath.

So not sexy.

I look forward to taking a bath.  I love the way my body feels afterwards and I like the idea that I took the time to luxuriate in something that is totally and completely about me but I'm not sure what I love more.  The idea of a bath or the bath itself.  Maybe it would be different if I had jets.  Maybe I'm just doing it wrong.  Maybe I shouldn't be trying to boil myself in the tub like a hard boiled egg but the hot water part is one of the main reasons I want to take a bath in the first place.  Most days I don't feel like I have time to sit there for much longer anyway so I guess it works.  I will say that leg shaving is so much easier in a tub but overall, showers are just so much more practical and I'm nothing if not practical.  I'm not sure how often I'll actually end up doing it but I do see myself taking baths in the future more then once every five years.

Are you a bath person or a shower person?

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Six Things

I am bursting right now. Do you ever feel like you just have so many thoughts and so many things to say but you just can't get it all out in the way that it feels in your heart? Well, that's me right now. That's me a lot of times really. I love writing and I like to think I don't suck at it but there are times when I feel that I can't find the words. So I'm going to just do sort of a rambly this is what's on my mind kind of post.

I finished my novel last week.  I started a post to describe the whole experience and then I couldn't find the words to describe how it felt so it's still sitting in my drafts.  For now, suffice it to say the damn thing is finished and I'm still not really sure how I feel about it.  Extremely happy for one, but also confused because I'm getting closer to that point where I have to decide if I want anyone to read it.

My first work out gloves

I started a new exercise and meal plan this week and I'm feeling really good about it. Part of myself is still in denial and I may or may not admit it again but if I'm being totally honest with myself the truth is that I've struggled with an eating disorder for about 10 years.  Wow.  That sounds crazy when you still don't really want to believe that you ever had a problem.  I don't talk about it much to anyone and even when I do I don't use that word.  Eating disorder is such a loaded word for me and I'm very conflicted about it.  I never felt like I'd truly "earned" the title.  No, it's not something to aspire to but I think anyone who has ever had ED issues would understand what I mean.  I try to deny it because I wasn't 85 lbs in a hospital bed but it's not the 80's anymore and we are more aware of the fact that eating disorders come in all types, shapes, sizes and colors.  When you don't fit the typical ED mold it makes it even that much easier to pretend you don't have a problem.  I pretty much hate my body no matter what size I am and my relationship with food has been really unhealthy.  I'm working really hard to change those old habits.  Right now that means having someone help me learn how to eat more calories consistently the right way so that's what I'm doing.  I'm also going to be shifting my focus from cardio to strength training.  This should help fix my metabolism AND I kinda want to see how buff I can get!! Mainly I just want to be fit AND healthy.  This is still all very new and I don't know how it's all going to end up but I'm really going to give it a chance.  So that's my deep dark secret and it feels good to get it out.

My husband is totally and completely amazing.  He bought me my very first pair of work out gloves (link HERE)and he got them in Pink.  Because PINK!  I love them.  He's also made me all of my chicken for the week and is making me more tonight so I can eat dinner.  I fall more and more in love with this man the longer I know him and feel so incredibly fortunate that he came into my life when he did.

My laptop is fixed.  Well, as of last night it should be and I'm gong to start using it again and see how it goes.  My personal tech support guy also known as my husband has been working on it for the last few weeks and even before that he replaced the battery and added more memory.  It still had issues so we went to the genius bar.  Mr. Genius Bar Man ran a diagnostic and said we should  wipe it and reset to factory settings.  "Is your computer backed up?"  he asked.  I just looked at MJ and shrugged because he's in charge of the time capsule.  I don't trust the time capsule.  I don't understand what the heck that thing actually is but MJ assured him that it had backed everything up and it was okay to delete.  Turns out I was right not to trust it.  There was a glitch and  my  pictures, my documents, my iTunes and everything else that had gone into my laptop over the last five years was gone baby gone.  The good news is that Mr. Sexy Personal Tech Support Guy believes that he has recovered everything and I'm going to have lost of fun sorting through it all this weekend.  Didn't I just say how amazing he is?  This means I get to hold off on buying another Mac for a little while longer.

The countdown to vacation is on.  We'll be jetting off to Cancun in a week.  As you all know I was devastated about screwing up on the booking but I made a full recovery and now I just can't wait to get there.  Commence the pre vacation anxiety.  I don't have any plans next week except working out and catching up on TV shows.  I am such a nervous wreck before vacation so all I have room for is focusing on packing and making sure I have everything I need.  I have already started To Do/To Get lists.

I only had five things but it turned into six because I have to mention this.  Blogger has somehow duplicated this post even as I write it!!  I don't know what's going on but I was writing my post as usual and then when I saved there were two identical drafts of the same post even though I only did one!!  Every time I update one the other one updates the same way once I hit refresh.  I feel like something like this has happened before and when I deleted the "duplicate" it deleted both and I lost everything.  As a precaution I saved the entire post into word before I deleted the extra just in case.  Weird.

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Perfect home. Perfect T

As soon as I saw  The Home T-shirt (on a blog of course) I knew I had to have one so I pinned it, because when you Pin something that means it's yours.  Ha!! I really wish that were true all the time but in this case it was.  When my mom asked me what I wanted for my Birthday I didn't hesitate.  I went straight to my pin, sent her the link and was not disappointed when it came in the mail.  It really is the perfect T-Shirt.  I love that it's a T but without the sloppy shapeless look of a typical T shirt that I hate.  I have a drawer full of ugly T shirts that I don't want to get rid of because they have sentimental value but are just too awful to wear.   This is not that kind of T shirt.  It's fitted, soft and the sleeves are the perfect length.  A portion of the profits go to a good cause too.  I love my state and I'll be wearing this T with pride a lot.

I can't think of a more perfect place to live.  In honor of my perfect T-shirt here are three reasons I love California.
1.  Sunshine.  My favorite seasons are the warmest seasons and I hate the rain.  The weather is pretty close to perfect here year round and that has to be one of the biggest perks of living here.

2.  Access.  Our state is pretty big.  You aren't going to drive through multiple states without noticing like you can on the east coast but we still have access to so much.  Lakes, mountains, oceans and deserts are all within weekend getaway distance. 

3.  Lifestyle.  I love the healthy and casual laid back lifestyle around here.  My sister moved back to N. Carolina last year and immediately saw the difference in access to healthy foods.  It's so easy to eat healthy in Cali (not that I always want to) and the sunshine and shorts weather promotes it.  I can go into almost any fast food or dine in restaurant and find healthy options.  There is always a Subway and there are yogurt shops and all kinds of places geared towards healthy eating all over the place.  People don't dress up a lot here and I like that because I'm casual.  I can't wear shorts and flip flops year round because I get cold pretty easy but a lot of people do my husband included.  Shorts and T shirts is more then just a way of dressing.  It's a lifestyle which for us means lots of picnics!

On Saturday we went for another picnic.  Last time we couldn't get into Balboa Park because there was a parade and our entire bottle of wine spilled in the trunk.  This time they were setting up for the Rock N Roll Marathon.  Our favorite area where the airplanes fly overhead was closed off but I was just happy to make it into the park and we had wine to drink when we got there.

There are many days of sunshine and picnics in our future; we'll make it to our favorite spot next time.

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Post Op Observations

I REALLY love sleeping on my tummy and I HATE sleeping on my back.  When I am forced to sleep on my back all night my butt is literally sore when I wake up.  After 2 weeks side sleeping was more comfortable but I cannot wait to get back on my stomach.  I don't know now pregnant women do it.

I'm perfectly content doing nothing.  During my the 23 days off I left the house exactly 7 times.  I did not at any time become bored with staying home.  Not surprising.  I'm a classic introvert.

My purse is ridiculously heavy.  One day I was trying to get it out of my car and it actually strained my belly.  What the hell is in there?  The thing is that there really isn't much.  My what's in my purse post would be so boring, but dang it sure is heavy.  I need to figure out what's going on.

My husband still sends me flowers even though we have all but sworn of Valentine's day and don't really celebrate anniversaries either.  As expected I came back to work and was hit with a crap ton of work.  This is our busiest time of year so I knew it was coming.  As soon as I got there it was non stop and it really sucked to be there.  Just when the pain was hitting me I got a 1st day back at work flower delivery from MJ.  It was so sweet and it felt so much sweeter receiving it on that day then getting it on Valentine's Day ever would.

MJ is truly AMAZING!!  I already knew that but this is just additional confirmation.  He picked up the slack around the house without complaint AND he thinks I'm hot.  Even with my Buddha belly and sexy surgical tape he tells me how hot I am and it really means a lot to me.  All of this on top of no sex.  It had to be said.  The man is a saint.

I might be an adult but I am still my mother's child.  My parents were right there the day after and my mom was constantly checking up on me to see how I was doing and asking me if there was anything that I needed.

I did not get this dress but if enough people tell me it's cute I might go back for it

Sitting upright in a chair for 8 hours is harder work then you might think.  My first day back at work was really hard.  The belt came off.  The top button came undone.  Then the zipper came down.  By 11am my belly was hurting pretty bad to the point where if it didn't get better I'd have to go home.  I took a motrin and it got better so I toughed it out.  Tuesday was better but then Wednesday felt worse.  I sit down in front of a computer all day long so I didn't think it would be this hard to go back.  Now I know how silly it was for me to think I could go back after two weeks when I probably really need at least four. 

Leggings, dresses and boots is a work fashion do.  I've never much been into dresses let alone dresses with boots so this is all new to me.  I bought 6 new dresses at Old Navy and a bunch of leggings and tights from Kohl's.  I don't plan on wearing regular pants to work for awhile.  A totally justified shopping spree!! If I have to be there I might as well be comfortable and now I will have even more options for getting dressed in the morning. 

Wearing Uggs is another work fashion do.  I've never worn  them before because it seemed too unprofessional but when I reached for my shoes on Friday morning I didn't care.  Its been too warm to wear them lately but It was rainy and cold and they were lucky I showed up to work dammit!  Turns out it's not a big deal just like I knew it wouldn't be since we don't have a dress code.  Nobody looked at me funny.  I'm still not sure how cute Uggs are but they make my feet feel good.  I think I'm going to make a habit of it.  They don't call it casual Friday for nothing. 

The world won't end if I miss work for 3 weeks and use up a whole bunch of my sick hours.  My duties at work were shuffled around and when I came back I was able to dig right in and pick up where I left off.  I had the hardest time letting go of those hours but I hardly ever call in sick anyways.  I will build up my reserves again.

I may have a prescription drug addict lurking inside of me.  Those hydrocodone pills are the bomb!  I stopped taking them at night after two weeks but I took them again last week.  I could still justify taking them because I do still have some pain but mainly they are awesome sleeping pills.  I did not sleep well on Sunday night and I could not spend a week of work and not sleeping well so I did what I had to do.  As soon as those waves swept over my body I was out like a light in a nice deep sleep and still felt refreshed in the morning.  I picked up some over the counter sleeping pills over the weekend so I'll switch over to that but I will miss the good stuff.
 
Don't believe everything you read.  I read so many horror stories on the internet but I worked myself up over nothing.  The surgery itself went very smoothly and recovery hasn't been that bad.  It's been up and down.  I felt so good so fast and then it just leveled off so that after the two week mark I started to get frustrated that I wasn't 100% back to normal yet.  I think I can do more then I can and then don't realize I've pushed myself until after I've already done it.  I still have some aches and pains and my stomach still swells up after I move around a lot.  I'm doing really well overall and with time I expect to be back to normal.

I am brave.  Kind of.  I get worked up if I skin my knee and I'm terrified of spiders.  For a wimp I think I handled this okay.  MJ may beg to differ.  There is something about facing a surgery and coming out okay on the other side that makes me feel that maybe I'm not quite as wimpy as I thought.

Modern medicine is amazing.  My incisions are tiny and barely visible.  When I look at my doctor I'm amazed.  She is young, pretty, obviously very smart and knows how to operate on someone through tiny holes.  She literally takes peoples lives in her hands.  My mind is boggled by the concept that such a thing can be done and that there are people in the world capable of learning it.  

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