I'm Giving Something Away

You guys! I finally got one of those boxes.  You know those boxes that everyone keep getting in the mail and blogging about?  Those surprise boxes delivered to your doorstep filled with all kinds of cool things.  I kept seeing boxes on different blogs and wondering what is up with all of these boxes and now I finally got my own pretty little box full of all kinds of fun beauty products.  The September Cocotique box has two full size and five deluxe sample size products and I'm giving one away to one lucky winner.  In case you are wondering what Cocotique is it's a monthly beauty box subscription service for women of color and diverse ethnicities. They find the best beauty and lifestyle products and ship them to your door each month.

I'm not going to say what's in it because that's part of the fun and I'm one of those annoying people that wants you to be surprised even if you don't want to.  Okay, just one hint.  One of the full size products has something to do with eyes.  I was pleasantly surprised by all the really good stuff inside.  I opened it and pulled out one cool thing after another.  I'm a hoarder of pretty much all things so I've already promised my husband that I will not "save" these things for who knows what day that never comes.  These are all things I can actually use and I will actually use them!!

Enter below and Good luck.  

a Rafflecopter giveaway

 

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You Never Forget How

I vaguely recall my first big girl bike.  It was was blue with giant handle bars and a black banana seat with a little handle on the back.  The handle that your dad holds onto as he's sending you off on your first ride without training wheels while yelling at you to go straight.  I remember really liking that bike.  I did not however like my 2nd bike.   After outgrowing the first one and they got me this purple and black bike that I thought was ugly.  I remember being embarrassed to ride it because it wasn't girly at all and didn't have the curled handles like the ones the other girls were getting.  I wanted a ten speed.  This was not a ten speed.  My parents got me what they could afford and I eventually came to love that bike just like I loved my witch costume after it got stolen.  This is a bit of a tangent but since we're going all nostalgic here I'm throwing it in.  In elementary school my mom insisted on hand making my witch costume for Halloween and I was so embarrassed.  I wanted a store bought one like the other kids were going to have but it was cheaper to buy material.  Turns out I loved my witch costume even more then all the other ones and I guess someone else loved it too.  At the end of the day when we went to grab our paper grocery bags where our costumes were stashed mine was gone and I went home with some other kid's generic store bought one and cried because in the end I liked the one my mom made so much better.

It's just one example of how kids are so often swayed and brainwashed by whatever the masses are doing.  So afraid of standing out or being different because kids are mean and nobody likes being teased.  I'm so glad that we didn't have social media back then.  I was never a popular kid or a cute teen and I can only imagine what a beating social media would have given my already fragile self esteem.  Getting older sucks sometimes but you couldn't pay me enough to go back to being an adolescent and if I could go back and tell my 12 year old self anything it would be to get over it because half the crap you are so worried about is truly meaningless.  And mom, sorry for being such an ungrateful child.

I'm rambling.  Back to bikes.  My parents bought me my 3rd bike while I was in college and I rarely rode it.  I'm not really sure why.  I guess I just wasn't interested at the time.  When we finally got a garage of our own I picked it up and brought it home but we probably should have taken the bike straight to the dumpster.  I feel really bad for having never rode it but now that I want to again the thing is totally broke down.  It weighs a ton.  It's super old.  The gears are messed up, there are cobwebs hanging off of it and the tires are flat.  I think it's beyond saving.

Um.  I'm not so sure about this.

MJ has a fancy road bike and mountain bike with clip in pedals which sounds positively terrifying to me.  I still have the jalopy and it had been at least 10 years since I last rode a bike.  Probably longer, so when he suggested bike riding over the weekend I was nervous because I wasn't sure if I'd remember how.  I was worried I'd crash or run over an innocent pedestrian and I totally forget how to brake.  "How do I stop?" I asked MJ frantically as we started to take off.  My last bike had handbrakes and this blue beach cruiser had nothing but handle bars.  I'm sure I did, but I don't actually remember having to back petal to break.  

I was really scared when we first took off but after 30 minutes or so I was able to release my death grip on the handle bars and had a really great time.  Meanwhile MJ can take his phone out of his pocket, take a picture and put it back in all without crashing.  The wind in my hair felt amazing and the view wasn't half bad.  It took us about 1 hour to go 9 miles and by the end of the day we'd gone almost 13 miles.  It's amazing how fast and far you can get on a bike just poking along at 6 mph. 

We took the ferry to Coronado Island and rode to Burger Lounge for food.  This part was pretty nerve racking because I've never rode in actual traffic before.  We made a left hand turn in the street with the green traffic arrow.  I was scared to follow MJ but even  more scared not to.  He is no stranger to 40 mph speeds in the street, but not me.  As a driver I HATE being near bike riders and as a wife it freaks me out that my husband rides so fast in the streets.  I think we maxed out at 10 mph the whole time and being so close to cars with so little room to navigate between them started stressing me out so I yelled ahead to go on the sidewalk.  The sidewalk is safe.  With our food in MJ's basket we rode back to the water and sat in the grass to eat before taking the ferry ride back to the harbor.  It takes 15 minutes each way.  We turned in our bikes and got ice cream.  Then for some reason I really wanted a beer and drinking it while looking out at the bay was the most refreshing thing ever.

Bike riding is so much fun and I love doing touristy type things in my own city.  I really want my own bike now so I'm trying to decide between a Beach Cruiser (with hand brakes) or a Townie.  The backpedal breaking was okay but I think I prefer hand brakes.  It seems easier.  Either way, it's going to be Pink with a cute wicker basket in the front and a bell.  MJ wants one too because apparently he really enjoyed not having to shift gears and riding without his feet attached to the pedals.  I still don't know how anybody does that.  It would basically be timber for me in about 2 seconds.   

Well, I guess it's true when they say it's like riding a bike.  You never forget how.

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Popcorn By the Pound

I buy my popcorn by the pound.  Well I used to anyway. True life.  I was addicted to popcorn.

It all started sometime last year.  I had an insatiable craving for things like pretzels and potato chips.  Pretzels are low fat but super high sodium and you can only eat so many chips because FAT and neither one has any real nutritional value.  I started focusing on getting more nutritional value out of everything I eat and something kind of cool happened.  I totally quit eating pretzels and I only ate chips occasionally.  I fully enjoy the chips when I do eat them but I no longer crave them like I used to.  I needed a healthy snack that would satisfy my munchies AND give me some kind of nutritional value and popcorn fit my needs perfectly.  Low calorie, low fat and it has protein.  It has carbs but healthy carbs are okay right?  Loading it with butter defeats the purpose.  I wanted it in it's most natural form without added sodium or fat so I went old school and started popping kernels in a pot on the stove.  It turned out to be the perfect snack.  6 tablespoons of kernels makes a pretty big bowl of popcorn and I could eat all.  The whole getting to eat it all part was really cool.  

It was quick to make, I could eat a lot of it, and it was healthy.  Once I'd discovered the perfect snack I wanted it every day and there was just one problem with that.  Oil.  It was necessary in order to get the kernels to pop.  I used as little as possible but still, it was added fat AND washing the pot out every single day got old.  I'd want my snack but dread scrubbing out the pot. 

Enter the Nordic Ware Microwave Popcorn Popper that I found on Amazon.  Where has this magical bowl been all my life?  All I have to do is dump the kernels in the bowl, stick it in the microwave and in 3 minutes my all natural popcorn is done.  No oil, no fat and no clean up either.  I only have to wash the bowl once a week.  My popcorn addiction grew even more if that was even possible.  When I was making it in the pan I would sometimes add garlic salt or popcorn seasoning to flavor it up but if I do that in the bowl I have to wash it every single time.  With a daily popcorn habit I was too lazy to bother so it totally worked out that I didn't even miss the extra flavor.  I really love the natural flavor of popcorn.  If you really love popcorn this bowl will change your life.  I've since bought one for my mom and sister.  

Those dinky little 16 oz containers of kernels were not enough to feed my addiction.  I could not be a day without having at least the option of eating popcorn so I was constantly running to the store for kernels.  It was clearly time to go bulk so I went back to Amazon and bought the biggest bag of popcorn I could find.  Weighing in  at 12.5 lbs this bag of popcorn is actually larger then a new born baby.  I had to lean it up against the wall to keep the kernels from spilling out.  It looked really bad sitting there like that but I couldn't tuck it away too far because it's too heavy to keep getting out.  First world problems, I know.  I solved this by getting a cute jumbo mason jar to store the kernels in and refill as needed.

It was really bad.  This is the part of the addiction that I'm most embarrassed to admit.  I tend to be kind of possessive of my food anyway and it was even worse with popcorn.  I wanted  needed the entire bowl to myself.  I only allowed MJ to have a couple handfuls before I got really annoyed.  I used to ask him if he wanted some because if he did then, I'd pop some extra but he always said no so I felt mostly justified in swatting his hand away.  And how long do you think it took me to eat 12.5 lbs of popcorn? Let's see.  I ordered my first giant bag on March 1st and I had to place another order on May 3rd.  That's about 4lbs of popcorn a month.  Told you.  I was totally addicted, but if you are going to be addicted to something it could be a lot worse then all natural popcorn. Right?  If it's not one thing it's another with me and food.  When I like something I like it and I will eat it constantly and never get sick of it.

My current meal plan does not allow for a huge mega bowl of popcorn a day habit.  I still eat it sometimes but it's been 3 months since my last overflowing giant steamy bowl.  I am still as yet undecided on how long I'll continue with this meal plan but I definitely see a big bowl of popcorn in my future and MJ better not ask for even one kernel.  

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Free Weight Fear is a Thing

I've enjoyed working out at home for a while now.  I don't have to worry about crowds or what I look like.  I don't even have to wear clothes.  I did weight training at home with what we had but I wanted to lift heavier and branch out with different exercises so after four weeks I forced myself to enter the free weight zone at the gym.  It was really hard at first.  I felt like a flopping fish out of water.  It took me a good two weeks of going almost every day before I started to feel more comfortable.  Free Weight fear is a thing. How 'bout some tips on getting over it.

1.  Get the gear.  It might make you look like you know what you are doing even if you don't.  MJ bought me some cute pink work out gloves.They keep blisters off my hands and I don't have to worry about feeling like I'm damaging my wedding ring.  Listening to music is motivating and gives me something else to focus on besides my nerves.  A lot of guys use the pockets in their giant gym shorts to put their music source but none of my outfits have pockets.  Some girls stuff it in their tank or their pants but I didn't want to worry about sweat.  I needed something to keep my hands free so I tried the SPI Beltfirst.  I like it and it's great for running but I needed to consult my online work out program too often to make it practical.  I had to keep taking my phone in and out which made me feel conspicuous.  I switched over to the Minisuit Armbandand now I can operate my phone right through the clear plastic and I can angle my arm in front of me to see the screen.  It's neoprene so my phone is protected and I can sweat all over it without worry and wash it later.  It makes it easy for me to switch my music up too so for me it's the much better option for working out.  I also wear my Polar HRM because I like to know how many calories I burn.  There is always going to be someone dressed weirdly inappropriate in jeans, chucks or a faded polo shirt.  You can't stick out any more then that! 

2.  Get a work out buddy.  It would have made things a heck of a lot easier if MJ could have just gone along with me for a week or so until I got comfortable using the machines but he dropped his membership a long time ago.  It doesn't even have to be someone who knows their way around the gym.  I saw lots of work out pairs and I know that if I'd had a buddy I wouldn't feel so self conscious even if neither one of us knew what we were doing because you can figure it out together.  I went with my mom over the weekend and it was great.  I wasn't as afraid to try new things and risk looking foolish.  I was nervous about doing box jumps because I didn't know if I could jump on the box without falling but with my mom there I went for it.  Then I did it last night at the gym on my own.

3.  Sign up for personal training.  It's really expensive so I only did the one hour free session that's offered to everyone.  During that time I asked him about three machines I wanted to learn how to use and it was just one more day of being out of my comfort zone around the free weights that I didn't have to do alone.  A personal trainer will be right there keeping you accountable, teaching you proper form and helping you navigate the free weight area but it just wasn't something I wanted to pay for.  I knew that I was capable of figuring it out so I toughed it out on my own. 

4.  Find and online training program.  If you know nothing about weights you are going to feel very aimless and even more confused in the free weight area if you don't have some kind of a plan of what you are even supposed to be doing there.  Having exercises in front of you using the equipment that you are nervous about using will force you to get on them and figure it out.  It's too easy to run back to the cardio equipment or the basic cable machines.  I went onto bodybuilding.com find a plan so I'd know what a weight lifting work out consisted of and have something to follow.  You don't have to do the whole thing.  Just get an idea of what a weight lifting plan looks like.  I found out how many exercises to do per work out and how the muscle groups are split up.  I followed the Live Fit plan for seven weeks and have now branched out to doing my own thing.

5.  Don't be intimidated.  I know there are a lot of buff guys wearing those tank tops with the huge cut outs in the arms but chances are they are too involved in their work out to notice you.  It truly feels like everyone is looking at you as you fumble around awkwardly with equipment but they aren't.  And the more comfortable you get being there the more comfortable you will feel about screwing up.  Maybe you can't get the equipment adjusted right but you aren't so freaked out so you can sit there and figure it out, brush it off if you can't or even ask someone nearby without feeling like a total loser.

6.  Keep on showing up and fake it 'til you make it.  There were so many days that I dreaded showing up to the gym because I hated that I'm confused and everyone is staring at me feeling.  I just wanted to say forget it, but I stuck with it and got more comfortable with every visit.  There were times I had to skip a machine because I couldn't find it and was too embarrassed to keep wandering around the gym or ask for help.  There were also times when I finally found that machine but skipped it because I was afraid I would like like an idiot when I couldn't figure out how to adjust it properly.  I kept watching what other people were doing and then eventually I got the courage to try it myself.

7.  Ask for help.  I failed miserably at this.  I'm sure I could have gone up to any trainer and asked where the row machine was or how to adjust the cable cross machine.  There are also plenty of people around me who also might know, but I'm shy about doing it and I just hate asking for help.  I'd rather wander around the gym casually sipping my water bottle and inconspicuously craning my neck in search of the back extension machine.

8.  Go when the gym is least crowded if possible.  It might make you feel braver about tackling machines and weight benches.  Plus, you won't have to jockey for space or stalk machines you want to use.  I get off work at 5pm and so do a lot of other people and pre work AM workouts are hard on me if not impossible so sometimes crowds are inevitable, which is one of the most annoying thing about the gym.  That and other people's sweat.  I went as early as possible on weekends when I was still feeling nervous.  My gym is 24 hours so I thought about going at 11pm on a Friday or 5 am on a Sunday but it never happened.  It would have been wonderful to have the whole gym to myself to figure things out though. 

9.  Remember, there are always people doing weirder exercises then you.  I saw this woman getting up and down into a straddle sit in slow motion with a kettle ball in her hand.  It was really bizarre.  Then she went over and did a handstand against the wall while she bent her legs into a cross legged position.  I saw this guy swinging from one of those giant racks and then putting his legs through his arms.  One pair of girls threw medicine balls at the wall.  People basically go into the gym and do all kinds of things to torture themselves.  Whatever works the muscle or gets the burn is what they are going to do so there is no need to be embarrassed about doing walking lunges across the floor or anything else.  I used to be embarrassed to even do the splits at the gym.  Why? I don't know.  I tend to be embarrassed of everything for one reason or another but I need to work those to keep my flexibility so I do them and now I don't think twice about it.  Speaking of which, I need to start doing my bridge there too.  Do what you gotta do and chances are it's no big deal.

After two weeks of I never ever want to go back awfulness I'm confident that I can walk into any free weight room in all my pink glory, be the only girl in there and not feel intimidated.  I don't notice everyone else. I'm not looking for people who might not know what they are doing so I can stare at them and make them feel uncomfortable.  I'm too busy sweating bullets and doing box jumps.  I get in there and do my thing.  You just have to push through the whole fish out of water phase and you can too.

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The Kind of Happy That Just Is

I had a really bad dream last night. For some reason it really rattled me and I can't seem to get it out of my head. Have you ever wondered about what your life might be like if you made a different decision or if one thing or another had happened differently? I think everyone has at one point or another. The dream was very vague and unformed as dreams tend to be but the gist of it was this. I was not married to my husband. I was with someone else.  I was miserable and I was thinking of that guy I met with whom everything was perfect.  That guy that I only went out on a few dates with before deciding it would be best to go back to an old relationship.

July 4th 2008 // Our first Vegas trip together

There were no monsters.  I was not swimming in a vat of spiders.  There was no Nightmare on Elm Street running through a field screaming bloody murder and yet this dream was positively chilling because in it I knew what it was like not to have MJ in my life.  In the dream "that guy" was MJ and for whatever reasons I went back to an old tattered relationship rather then take a chance at being happy.  I knew what it was like not to be able to hold his hand or see him smile and it was a terribly empty feeling.

In reality there was no guy I went back to but there was a previous marriage that ended in divorce. Ten years ago my marriage had fallen apart.  I was bitter, hopeless and oh so very lost.  Life was misery for me.  When I hear about any suicide including the most recent one that everyone is talking about it really hits home.  When I see Robin Williams face I look at his eyes and wonder what kind of torment and pain might have been hiding behind jokes and smiles at that very moment.  I hid a lot with my smile too.  I don't know his struggle but I know what it's like to see ceasing to exist as a solution.

Four years later I was still single and very anti relationship because relationships are "so hard" and I was not worthy.  I didn't think I would ever meet anyone I liked enough to take a chance with which was fine because in my mind I was unlovable anyway; destined to be alone and sad. When we started dating in March 2008 I pushed him away because I did not believe I deserved someone like him.  I was distant.  I wouldn't allow myself to like him.  I just knew I would ruin his life and that's exactly what I told him.  I was in a slightly better place but still very damaged and afraid.  I still didn't know what it was like to love life and be happy.  I had moments of happiness but not the kind of happy that just is for no reason at all and that's when I met him.  That's when everything changed for me and I'm so incredibly grateful.  He pushed, I found the courage to let him in and life with MJ has been nothing less then amazing.  We don't fight, we figure it out.  Loving him is easy.  He is my rock.  He comforts me in so many ways.  What if I had never gotten divorced?  What if I had successfully sabotaged our relationship?  I shudder to think of what my life would be like right now if I had never gotten a divorce and it saddens me to think of the lonely and miserable person I was and might still be today had I not met MJ when I did.

I vaguely remember him kissing me this morning like always before he left for work and reassuring me that it was Friday and not Thursday.  That was the other nightmare I had last night.  And when I woke up I felt a huge sense of relief.  Not only because it was Friday but because the life I have right now is so very different then the one I had ten years ago and I get to come home to a man who means everything to me.  It was just a bad dream.

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Las Vegas Confessions

Over the weekend we ran off to Las Vegas.  I love that place.  I don't necessarily do anything I can't do at home besides club all night (well I can do that at home I just don't want to) but I just really love the warm nights, anything goes attitude and the energy of this city.  The things people wear.  The things people do.  That alone is entertaining.  Every time I go there is something new.  We were just there last November and now there is The Quad which is my new favorite part of the strip.  There is always construction going on all over the place so there will be something new the next time we go.

I confess that I originally wasn't going to go at all.  MJ's friends were going for a Birthday.  We've been traveling a lot and I just didn't want to pay for another trip.  It gets expensive and I needed a break so I told him I'd sit this one out but then changed my mind.  I always have a really fun time hanging out with this couple and I couldn't bear to have MJ go to Vegas with out me!!  I didn't want to miss out. 

I confess that I chipped the nail polish on my big toe pretty badly a few days before the trip and refused to get my pedicure re done.  I'd just gotten one not too long ago and rather then spend precious time getting another pedicure since every other nail was still good I went to Target and found a bottle of nail polish in as close to the color as I could find so I could just touch it up.  It was $3.99 vs time I didn't have and $20.00 bucks so I took the easy route.

I confess that this trip was the first time I've ever ever had to pay to check my baggage and we had to share one suitcase because Spirit charges to carry on and check luggage.  They also charge for drinks and snacks.  You can't even get a tiny watered down soda and a mini bag of pretzels for free on that joint.  They don't even offer any actual food options unless you count cup o noodles.  Yes, cup o noodles!!!  They claim that their awesome bare bones policy is to reduce prices for their valued customers allowing us to only pay for what we want but in reality it's just their way of showing up with the cheapest fare in search engines and duping you into thinking you are getting a bargain.  Hello!!  I'm traveling.  I NEED luggage and you want me to pay just to carry on a bag with me?  Also, their seats don't recline so they can pack more people in and get more money.  They do have some rows with additional leg room but of course you pay for that.  You also pay if you want to choose your seat in advance (we didn't).  What's next?  Charging to use the restroom?  I wouldn't put it past them because not everyone needs to go to the bathroom on every flight right?  Might as well just pay for what you need. 

It was pretty cool to actually look decent on a flight for a change.  I love quick flights!!  On our last vacation to Cancun it was an overnight flight there.  I looked like crap.  It was a ridiculously early flight on the way back.  I looked AND felt like crap.  This was totally different.  We hopped on the plane and one hour later we were landing.  I wore sandals.  I was not wearing glasses and didn't look like a haggard lady in yoga pants.  It was pretty cool.  What was also pretty cool is arriving in Vegas refreshed and ready to go.  We've driven the last few times because it's so much cheaper but that drive is rough.

I confess that we ate at McDonald's twice!!  It was right next to our hotel.  Sometimes you just need a quick bite to eat to tide you over and you need it to be cheap!  I got a grilled chicken breast salad after we checked in and then a Egg White delight the next morning for breakfast.  Both healthy aside from the major sodium explosion but that is going to happen regardless of where we eat.   

I confess that on Saturday I put on my bikini then ended up taking a nap instead (yes, still wearing my bikini and cover up). What had happened was that MJ woke up earlier then anyone should ever wake up in Vegas.  He left to go sky diving with the birthday boy at 7:30am!!  When he got back he was obviously beat and I was just getting up and moving around.  I went and got us McD's then checked out the pool but when I came back and saw him all cozy in the bed it seemed like a better idea to join him. 

I confess that I blew through $10 in less then 10 minutes doing quarter slots.  Towards the end I even switched over to penny slots in an attempt to extend my play but there was no saving it.  Luck was not on my side and I wasn't willing to spend more trying to get it.  MJ spent more money and played longer but didn't do any better.

I confess that we did not bust out the DSLR.  Not once.  We brought it and I even charged the battery but it sat in the room all weekend.  I just wasn't feeling it.  We've been to Vegas several times and I know we'll be going back so I just stuck to the cell and my little point and shoot.  We really didn't take that many pictures period.  Eh.  Whatever. 

Not a bad touch up job on the pedicure.  Right?
I also confess that these are my wedding sandals from 2010!! Still going strong

I confess that we bought tequila shots to go.  Vegas is an adult playground if ever there was one.  That area behind me looks like one of those fill your own cup yogurt places but at the Purple Zebra instead of yogurt coming out it's alcohol flavors.  You pick your container and then fill it up with your alcohol of choice.  We opted for $3.00 patron shots that come in a handy vial carrying case.

 
I confess that Vegas brings out my inner 21 year old hoochie mama that wants to dress like one, booze it up and dance all night.  I did not wear the black mini and crop top I bought but I will be saving it for next time.  The first night we hung out in the quad area until about midnight.  It's this new really cool area that has a new giant London eye like Ferris wheel.  The birthday boy isn't really a "club" guy nor was he dressed appropriately to get into one but when we go to Vegas we like to get in a night of dancing.  It's literally, the only time I feel the desire or the energy to do it so I like to take advantage of it.  I love dancing.  In San Diego the music usually sucks for 50% of the night but in Vegas the music is great all night long.  We got to The Bank at Bellagio around 10:30pm and didn't leave until 2am.  Most of that time was spent on the dance floor.  There was no stage so MJ got to dance with me the whole night.  It was so much fun, minus the drunk guy that kept spilling his drink on us.  MJ literally removed the drink from his hand, put it on the table, and I don't even think he noticed. 

The obligatory fourth meal after a night of drinking and dancing.  That day after a mini McD's breakfast we ate a big lunch then went to Guy Fieri's restaurant for dinner but were only hungry enough to split an appetizer.  This was the biggest slice of pizza I've ever seen but it disappeared pretty fast.

Another fun Vegas trip on the books!!!  I can't wait to go back.

Because Target

Shopping.  Most women love it but there are some out there that aren't into it at all.  I always wished I was one of those because it would save me a lot of money.  I mostly love it but I do go back and forth.  It seems to come in phases that initially begins with me feeling like I wear the same thing every day and that it's impossible to get dressed in the morning.

Last year I was really into it but the "shopping bug" that plagued me last year has officially left the building.   I hated all the money I was spending and I hated that I felt like I couldn't stop.  Shopping is awesome and all but enough is enough.  We've been doing a lot of traveling over the last year and all that shopping was bumping up against buying airline tickets.  I was stretching myself thin trying to do both so it needed to stop.

It takes a while for the bug to fully leave your system.  When you are in the thick of it you feel like you need to buy all the things and they call out to you wherever you go.  I'd buy one thing, which would lead to another to go with it which would lead to a pair of shoes to go with that and it just never ends.   Now I can go into a store and not even glance at the women's and shoe departments.  I don't feel tempted to buy things when I see an add, get a SALE NOW!! email or click on an outfit of the day post.  I have a coupons I get in the mail usually from Express, Limited and Macy's that I save 'just in case' but I don't use them and I'm not online searching for that next thing.  I've gotten closer to shopping just if I need something. Like men.  I knew I was getting over it when I could buy just one thing and be happy without it leading me to want something else.  Hunting down the clothes, trying on the clothes, and sending back the clothes that don't fit just feels like a lot of work right now.  I have plenty.  My poor closet is stuffed because I'm terrible at purging. 

Target Haul:  Blue & White Maxi // striped skirt // T-Shirt Dress // Pink & Grey Maxi // Navy & Off-White Maxi

Now if I could just get over Target I'd be okay.

These are some of my Target finds over the last seven months.  My love affair with skirts and dresses continues.  It's the only thing I buy these days and only at Target.  They are just so versatile and comfortable.  My job is casual enough that I can wear all of these things to work and on weekends.  MJ used to ask me why I had so many stripes.  Particularly striped tops.  Well, the same reason almost every single pair of shorts he owns has cargo pockets.  They are everywhere, but that's okay because I love them.

It usually happens on my lunch break.  I casually check out the women's department and end up in the fitting room.  I go in there real quick for bread and toilet paper then the next thing I know I've found something I love and I'm scanning it with my Cartwheel app to see if there's an extra discount.  I can't shop without that app.  One time I couldn't get wi-fi for some reason and I was almost late getting back to work because I refused to check out without scanning.  I also combine that with 5% off using my Red card.  So that's how every single one of these things happened .  All individual purchases one lunch break at a time.  I'm not sure if that makes it better or worse and that's exactly the thing I love and hate about Target.

I guess I don't feel too bad because it's so inexpensive but I do realize that it adds up...and takes up space.  Did I mention that I REALLY need to purge?  Does anyone else have this problem of holding onto every last thing for years and years on end?  I bought it so it feels so wasteful to get rid of it.  Even if I'm not wearing it now I might change my mind later and it has happened.    How do you buy something and then get rid of it even if you still like it? Someone please help me understand how this whole purging thing works!!
 
So this happened two days ago.  I went to Target for one thing and came out with that plus something else.  This time around it actually was need based.  Mostly.  I'm going to Vegas this weekend and I found a really cute skirt but couldn't find a crop to go with it.  I might have been able to make do with something at home but you know, since I was going to Target anyway......

Oh, Target impulse shopping.  I don't think I can quit you just yet but I do promise to work on it.  If you are interested in winning $75.00 worth of Target impulse shopping money of your own you can enter the Target Giveaway here.

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Target Time Giveaway

It's been a while since I did a giveaway so I happily jumped at the chance to do one for Target, because TARGET!!   It's August and what better way to start the soon to be Fall season than with a Target Gift Card? Whether you want clothes, home decor, or a nice new coffee pot, we want you to get what you want so we're giving away a $75.00 bucks to Target. Good luck and happy winning!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

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Pony Party. Make Up. Pink.

I confess that waking up in the morning is awful and never seems to get better.  I don't know what my problem is.  I'm normally in bed between 9-10pm.  I have problems getting to sleep so I usually pop a Unisom Sunday through Thursday night.  I still don't fall asleep right away but I sleep well.  When 6:22am rolls around I hit snooze a few times then drag myself out of bed and it sucks.  If I truly didn't get enough sleep the day drags but usually I'm okay by the time I get to work.  If I go to bed at 8pm I'm sure I won't fall asleep right away and that leaves me with just an hour at home before bed on gym days.

I confess that I went to my very first pony party a few weekends ago and had a really good time.  That's what happens when all your kids have friends.  It was at this really cute place called Feather Acres Farm & Nursery and they had an area where the hosts can set up snacks, drinks and the cake.  It's really a great (if expensive) kid birthday party idea.  Everyone had a good time.  His friends are awesome and always have adult beverages available even when the guest of honor is four. We  sipped on champagne and made the rounds petting bunnies and checking out chickens and cows.  We are too heavy for the ponies, but I fed a horse for the first time ever.  They are so beautiful.  I've never wanted a dog or a cat but now I want a horse!!

Disclaimer:  I still don't know how to "do" make up.  I realized that my eyeliner was unbalanced after I took the pic but before I left the house. 

I confess that I only wore make up twice this month.  One of those times was the full on shebang face that I did for my high school reunion and the other time was eye liner, mascara, blush and gloss.  I didn't think it was possible for me to care about make up any less then I did last year but I guess not.  Not quite sure what possessed me to do this.  I guess because it's such a rare event, but I took a before and after pic in my bathroom before the reunion.

I confess that my skin is a total disaster right now.  Obviously, it's not caused by make up.  About once a year my skin is a total mess for anywhere from 3-6 months with what I think is hormonal acne mostly around my jawline.  It started in my late twenties, sometimes skips a year or two and there is no pattern that I can find but when it strikes there is nothing I can do about it.  I learned that the first time around.  Nothing worked so now I just spot treat it with alcohol and wait it out.  When it's ready to go away it will.

I confess that I didn't realize that you could change watch batteries yourself.  I thought you had to take it to the watch people because that's what my mom has always done and that's what I did when I was still wearing watches.  The battery in my Polar heart rate monitor went low and was all frustrated because I needed it for Monday and now I would have to go to the kiosk at the mall on my lunch break to have them change it.  MJ looked at me like I was crazy.  "You don't have to go there.  Just do it yourself."  We popped the batteries out.  They are clearly labeled so finding the right size at the drug store was easy and the new ones popped back in.  How did I not know it was that easy?

I confess that I forgot to put on deodorant yesterday.  I realized it about half way through the day and made a little run out to my car for spare deodorant I keep there.  Good thing because I planned on going to the gym right after.  Hey, it happens.  I forgot socks too so had to work out with sweaty feet.


I confess that I've been terrified of the free weight section at the gym.  All those buff guys huffing and puffing in their tank tops are so intimidating.  I march in there with my pink and try to pretend I know what I'm doing.  I've been forcing myself to keep going back almost every day for the last two weeks and it's getting better.   Can you tell I love Pink?  I also have a pink lunch bag and water bottle for work.  Plus a bunch of other pink stuff I can't think of right now.

I confess that I blogged 10 times last month and that's the highest per month so far this year.  Half of it was vacation recaps.  As always, I don't worry myself about pumping out a bunch of posts.  I just want to keep on writing and enjoying this space.  I was in a bloggy rut just two weeks ago but I think it's passed.

Thanks for all of your sweet comments on my I finally finished my novel post.  I do plan on sharing more about it and an excerpt.  I still feel extremely nervous about opening up about it but I know I need to get more comfortable with that so stay tuned!!

Linking up with Leslie @A Blonde Ambition

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That Day I Finished Writing My First Novel

I keep a lot of things to myself.  No one outside my immediate family knew I was writing a novel until after I'd already been working on it for two years.  It didn't feel real for a really long time, so it didn't seem worth mentioning and now that I'm done I still haven't really mentioned it.  I didn't post about it here, until I'd been seriously working on it for nine months.  On June 11th, 2014 at approximately 12:15pm; three years, 450 pages of double spaced Times New Roman, and 106,585 words later I finished my novel.  Just the week before I had to quit working on it because I hated it so much.  I was so close to the end, and I just wanted to be done with it already so I forced myself to keep opening that word document. I went at it again that day, and two hours later there was nothing left to type. 

Me and my manuscript

My first thought was Oh my gosh.  I think I just finished my novel.  I sat there staring at my screen for a few minutes while my eyes welled with tears.  I sat with it for a while on my own.  It felt like the best way to really take it in and enjoy the incredible wave of happiness washing over me.  I thought about texting my mom, or MJ but I decided I'd rather say it in person because it's not something you get the opportunity to say very often. Then I tweeted it because what else do you do in this day and age?  I was bursting.  I had to tell someone and it was my way of shouting it out to the world, but at the same time still keeping it a wonderful secret to enjoy and savor for myself.  I got some really sweet replies from some of you that made me even more excited.

I didn't look at it for a few days after I finished, but then tons of ideas started rolling in and the editing process began.  It was non stop.  I was jotting down notes in my phone and imagining different scenarios in my head constantly. Every time I looked at it, I frantically added or changed something.   The revising part was way easier then writing the thing in the first place.  I was actually really enjoying it and having a lot more fun with it than I had in a while.  That went on for a month until it got really exhausting and I needed it to stop.  I was so enmeshed in the process that after a while I couldn't see what I was reading anymore.  I felt like I was changing things just to be changing them, so I knew it was time to take a break.  I added 3,219 words and 14 pages by then, when I have a feeling I probably needed to trim it down.

My parents were coming down that Saturday and I decided right then and there that I would going to FedEx Kinko's to print it out and let my mom read it.  I always knew that if I let anyone read it at all, it would be her.  I had come to a nice resting point with the editing and I couldn't look at it anymore so it seemed like the right time to take a break.  I could get some feedback, regroup and then go over it again for more edits with a fresh eye.

It takes a while to print out that many pages so we were there for a bit, and it was really special having my mom there.  At one point the lady doing the print job said, "So who's the author?" I got to raise my hand and say, "Me.  I wrote it,"  and that felt really good.  Thank goodness I told her double sided because when finished it was pretty thick. Total cost: $25 bucks.  I planned to put it into a binder, but it would have been a whole lot of pages to three hole punch and I didn't even have a binder that thick so it went into a box.  That stack of paper is a physical representation of  so much time and effort.  I wrote all of that?  It's really hard to believe that I finally have something to show for all those years I've been tapping away at my computer.   I can officially say I have a manuscript now and it feels really strange because I never imagined myself to be a person that would ever get to say that.  

My shadow on the beaches of Playa Del Carmen, MX

Five years ago I didn't know how to start writing a novel and then, once I started, I didn't know if I could finish.  For 2 1/2 years I essentially gave up.  Life got busy and I told myself that I must be crazy to think I can actually write a novel anyway.  I put it aside, but that desire to write kept on coming back.  The yearning to finish what I started would not go away, so I dusted it off and committed myself to 15 pages a month for however long it took; which turned out to be three years.  I didn't put too much pressure on myself which was helpful.  When I reached the minimum acceptable novel length word count, I focused on finishing the story and finishing it this year.  When it was finally done, I didn't know if I'd ever print it out, then I didn't know if I'd let anyone read it, and now I don't know if I'll ever publish.  I've been winging it every step of  the way. Going from the desire to write a novel to the act of spending three years actively trying to do it has been all about me loving to write and wanting to do it for myself.  With all honesty, I can truly say that finishing it was my ultimate goal and if I never do a thing with it I'll be okay. 

It's fiction.  It might not be any good, but the story I've poured my heart and and soul into for three years is done and that alone makes me really happy because wishing I could write a novel got really old.  I wanted to do it.  There are many things in life I haven't got a shot in hell at accomplishing, but deep down I knew that writing a novel was not one of those things.  I wasn't convinced I could do it but I had to try because there are some things in life that you know you have to do even if you don't believe that you can.  I wanted to accomplish at least one goal in my lifetime that I could be really be proud of.  This is that thing, and I'm glad to finally be able to say I did it.  

Hello, Adorable

I'm that slow annoying person who can and will agonize over every decision big or small. It could be something as simple as what size to get in a shirt or what pill box to get but it's a rare thing for me to make a super quick decision. Unless it has to do with Pink. I always go with Pink. The last time I got to pick a lingerie item from Adore Me to review it took me almost a week so I was kind of glad to shift the burden to someone else when Adore Me contacted me about writing an unboxing review.  They pick, no over analyzing for me.

First of all, the box is adorable.  You can't open a box that says Hello, Adorable without smiling.

I'm also that person that hates not being in control of every little thing so I was really thrilled when I opened the box and found that I really loved what was inside.  MJ loved it too.  I'd just come home exhausted from work and was going through the mail. 

"Ooh.  Try it on for me."

"No, not now.  You'll see it later."

"C'mon, just try it on now.  I wanna see."

I wasn't feeling my most adorable, but I rolled my yes and put it on because if your husband is interested in seeing you in lingerie that's a good thing and so you might as well put on the darn lingerie. 

Adore Me is a membership-based e-commerce site with special prices offered to VIP members, but also offers a Pay-As-You-Go service for customers who don't want to commit.   They have a large selection of lingerie, sleepwear and swimwear.  They sent me the Desirae push up.  I don't own a single white bra or panty so it was perfect because I would have never picked it for myself and now I have something different.  I love the pink details because, pink.  The padding in the bra is just right and the panties are just enough to cover the booty without riding up yet still look sexy and  not even close to "granny panty" status as white panties can if not done right.

They done good.  Thank You, Adore Me!!  

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My High School Reunion was Weird

My high school reunion was weird.  I'm not really sure what I expected but that's the best way to describe it.

I had mixed feelings about whether or not I wanted to go.  I was a cheerleader for three years but I didn't build a network of friends out of high school, or college for that matter, and there is only one friend I'm still in touch with outside of Facebook who I already knew wasn't going to be there.  The 10 year reunion is all about who got fat, who got married, how the popular kids turned out or who made it big but 20 years later nobody cares about that stuff anymore.  By now we know that life happens and keeping your head above water and being content is sometimes as good as it gets and that's totally okay.  The stuff you cared about in high school is almost totally irrelevant and the stuff you wondered about even 10 years later feels a little juvenile.

To go or not to go?  My thought process was this.  I'm here, I have a cute husband, I haven't made a total mess of my life.  Might as well go.  My life actually was a total mess 10 years ago and I still went to that reunion. 

I bought the tickets, put it on my calendar and then mentally checked out.  I didn't submit a biography.  I gave myself hardly any time to get ready and by the time it rolled around I kind of wished I wasn't going at all.  I got off work at 5:00pm, I needed to be there at 7:00pm and at least an hour of that was to be drive time.  I rushed home, rushed into the shower, rushed to do my hair, rushed to do my make up.  Threw on a dress.  Forgot to put on a necklace.  Rushed out the door.  Forgot my camera.  It's a miracle I had the foresight to get my toes done last week but I had to have MJ slap a clear coat on my nails.  On the way there.  While I was driving.  Yeah, that was interesting for both of us.

Turns out I probably could have come in anything and it wouldn't have mattered.  The dress code on the flyer said "cocktail casual."  I don't even know what that is.  It also said "cash bar only" as in cash paper money no credit cards.  Weird.  

There were a few people that didn't want to pay to come inside including an old cheer buddy, J.  They showed up at the hotel to meet for drinks before hand and I can't say that I blame them.  I almost wished I'd thought of it myself because tickets were ridiculously overpriced.  $75 per person and that's times two for me because I wasn't going to make MJ pay for such shenanigans.  I was really glad J came over and said hi.  We keep up on Facebook and I always really liked  her.  We spent a few minutes catching up before everyone started to go inside.  She was a fun girl then and she still is.  It's too bad we don't "really" keep in touch.   She tried to speak to this other couple whom neither one of us recognized and was totally ignored.  She'd mentioned it to me and I gave her a you weren't kidding look with my eyes when they did it again. She just side eyed her and looked at the guy but wouldn't speak and there was no word or acknowledgement from the guy.  Either he had no idea who she was, she was mean to him in high school or they have no social skills. More weirdness. 

We signed in, got our obligatory name badges, and went inside.  People were wearing everything from jeans and maxi dresses to cocktail dresses.  I start to wish I'd gone casual instead of cocktail and felt a little bad for vetoing MJ's polo shirt request.  I made him wear a button up.  The room was small and there were only a few tables so I already knew the turnout was going to be low.  There was a booklet on the tables with class biographies but hardly any profiles in it. 

There was a picture area set up where we took cheesy prom like photos against a black textured backdrop.  I actually liked the pictures of us but I'm not really sure what I'm going to do with 1 8x10, 1 5x7 and 4 wallets for $40.  I know that we graduated before the digital age but now that we are in it, what's with the old fashioned picture packages?

We heard that dinner was ready so we went out to the Mexican food buffet to fix our $75 fajitas and then sat down in the still mostly empty room and started to eat while I wondered if anybody else I knew was coming.  There were familiar faces but nobody I was actually friends with.  I was closest to my cheer friends and gymnastics friends but none of them showed up.   Where are you? I send a message via Facebook to the one friend I was really hoping to see.  She replied that things got busy and she couldn't make it which is a total waste because I know she bought her tickets and there are no refunds.  We did cheer leading and gymnastics together and triple dated to senior prom.  We were Freshman year college roommates, she lives about 1 1/2 hours away and yet I haven't seen her in 10 years since our last reunion.  Why didn't we stay in touch?  I've asked myself that question many times over the years but I don't have a concrete answer.  Why didn't I stay in touch with anybody?  Some of those people I see on Facebook don't live that far away but when high school is over some stay in touch and most of us drift.  It's just what happens.

I remembered everyone who sat at our table (and vice versa) including the guy voted class "Most Wanted."  He brought along our class yearbook which I have sitting at home, but haven't looked at in forever.  I didn't even remember that two of us were on prom court together. I was impressed that they'd traveled out of state to come. We had some interesting catching up conversations.  

28 out of  a graduating class of 300 something

We took an awkward class photo.  It was an oh my gosh this is really happening kind of moment as the photographer cajoled us into gathering around.  They gave away really weird prizes for things like most kids (6) most tattoos (29) and longest married (17) based on so called ballots we filled out.  Now that I'm thinking about it why was it a ballot?  It was more like an info sheet but I guess in some roundabout we we were voting for ourselves even if we didn't know it.  One of the prizes, which is what looked like a fish bowl full of rocks, cracked when tattoo guy, whom I didn't recognize claimed his prize.  It is announced that he will receive a free beer to match the one in his hand.

After that we were left to our own devices.  The music got louder so I looked around for the DJ and saw an iPod hooked up to a speaker.  I guess $75 per person really doesn't go very far.  I spotted a girl that I did Girl Scouts with in elementary school and hesitated before approaching her.  We lost touch after she stayed in girl scouts and I quit in middle school.  I don't think we spoke a word in high school so would it be weird for me to talk to her now what would technically be over 20 years later?  Maybe a little, but I said hello anyway.  We caught up a little and I chatted with a friend she's kept up with all these years but someone whom I only knew in passing in high school.  I ended up in a really good conversation with three other girls two of which I remembered.  We all had really interesting stories about how we met our spouse/fiance.  The dance floor mostly sat empty.  I doubted this thing would last all the way until midnight and was surprised that we stayed until just past 11:00pm. 

It was interesting to see how people have aged or not aged over time.  So where do you live?  Here.  What are you doing?  I work.  Kids?  No, but we travel a lot.  Polite inquiries along with the obligatory I can't believe it's been 20 years because really, none of us can.  Where does the time go?  How is that I am as old as I am?  How is it that my peers are old enough to have teenagers almost the same age we were 20 years ago?  Sometimes I feel it, but most of the time I don't feel like the old person I thought people in their 30's to be when I was in high school. 

The organizers from our class did the best they could with what they have to work with and have already said that the 30 year reunion will not be professionally organized.  It will be a happy hour somewhere instead which makes much more sense considering the turn out is likely to be even less...or maybe it will be better if it's free.

A few days later I got this e mail with all of the candid pics from the reunion.  I found our gallery and all I could do is shake my head and laugh.  Out of all of the random pictures taken throughout the night I'm only in two that were taken while we were all doing the group photo.  I'm glad I went (and according to MJ he did not have a terrible time) but It's almost like I wasn't even there.  Just like high school.

Are all high school reunions this weird?  Or just mine?

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The Food

Oh my gosh the food.  They don't call it Gourmet Inclusive for nothing.  We ate a lot and it was amazing and expensive enough to deserve it's very own post. For breakfast everyday we went to Flavours which is buffet style.  They are also open for lunch and dinner.  We ate the same thing everyday so I should have taken at least one picture.  Egg white omelet made to order and a slice of french toast.  One day I had some cereal just because I haven't eaten cereal in years and most days at least one of us had a mimosa or other such fruity spiked drink.  

The only two restaurants that required reservations were Arezzo and Tsuki.  We made reservations with the concierge the very first day at each for the adults only nights which are Monday and Thursday.   

Most of our lunches were eaten at either the Olive Tree or Oriola Beach Grill.  They were close so it was easy access from the beach.  They both had outdoor seating so we could roll up in sandy beach duds then go right back to the beach.  

Italian // Arezzo

The Azul Fives website is very specific about dress codes for each place.  No flip flops, shorts or tank tops for for dinner but we saw other people dressed more casually then the rules so we only followed it the first day and for the two restaurants that required reservations. We never got dressed until dinner anyways so that worked out.  If we were going to Flavours I'd wear shorts but if we went to Olive Tree I'd throw on a skirt.

Japanese // Tsuki

The all inclusive fee is pricey and I'm not 100% sure that we ate the cost per day every single day but between drinks and meals I'm sure we came pretty close and the amount we didn't eat up paid for peace of mind.  The restaurants were expensive and we heard that the buffet prices were anywhere between $25-40 something per person depending on the meal.  We didn't leave the resort and even if we did there wasn't really any place nearby to eat or get groceries.  It was really nice not to have to nickel and dime my way through meals and had we been paying that's exactly what I would have been doing.  I would have agonized over every meal choice and passed on extras like desserts and appetizers even if I wanted them.  Every time the waiter asked if I wanted more wine I usually said yes and when you are on vacation it's so nice not to worry about stuff like that.  I truly got to be on vacation from everything including money worries.  We had a fun game of adding up the cost of each meal just to see how much we'd be spending and every time we sat down for dinner at restaurant it was at least $150.00.  With drinks and all we lost count.  The portions were small and when I say small I mean closer to what a person actually needs and not the supersized portions that are served in most American restaurants.  However, if I had to pay $20 bucks on the spot for those tiny correctly portioned kabobs and 15 french fries I would not have been happy.

There was a fully stocked mini bar in the room and we only drank one beer.  We were doing so much drinking outside the room that we didn't have room for anything else.

Dessert

So fancy.  Super calorific.  Definitely off my meal plan.  Way off.  We only went to the gym twice and didn't skip a single meal.  I'm always worried about overeating on vacation but I tried to push those negative oh my gosh how much weight am I gaining thoughts away.  I paid for it.  I wanted to enjoy it; and so I did.  

Playa Del Carmen Day 1-2