Clutter Crazy

I am not allowed to do dishes anymore. Mj found hamburger meat in one of the pans and bleu cheese on one of the plates after I "washed" them. The problem is not that I am a miserable dishwasher. I can clean with the best of them. I am not the greatest cook but I always try to make sure I am the one who does the dishes and cleans the kitchen to compensate. The problem is that I can't see. By the time I get home from work it's dark. By the time we finish eating dinner it's even darker and the kitchen light has been broken since well before Mj came back. I am in there scrubbing pots and pans and plates that I can't even actually tell if I've gotten clean because of the poor lighting. Mj just has to re wash everything and so I have been banned. I will definitely get in there on the weekends but apparently during the week it's just not such a good idea until that light is fixed.

That is just one more challenge of my current living space. The other issue is clutter. Everywhere. I can't find my socks or anything else. I can barely shove my clothes into drawers. Every surface has stuff on it. It is driving me MAD!! I don't know how those obsessive hoarders can stand being buried in all that stuff. Of course it is an illness and I am beginning to think I have one too but in reverse. Realistically, I know I do not have OCD but I definitely do have an issue with clutter. I need to be organized. I need the counter tops to be empty. I need for everything to be in it's place at least most of the time. Right now it is impossible to have hardly anything in it's place because there is barely a place for anything and it is quite simply driving me nuts.

Organization is more then just having everything in it's place for me. When my living space is out of whack I feel like my life is too. Same thing with my finances and my food but that's a whole other blog post. I guess it's some kind of control thing and it comes in handy at times to be so disciplined in these areas but right now it's just driving me crazy. Right now I would really like to be able to see my pajamas laying across the bed haphazardly [instead of forcibly cramming them into the too small drawer] and not care one way or another. I'd rather see a messy pile of paperwork on the table and not care if it stays there or not. I want to put things away and organize but there is no space to do it. So there things sits and there isn't anything I can do about it. I have already done everything I can to maximize my space. I can't believe I'm saying this but I have kind of given up. Not totally of course , but I am just accepting there isn't much I can do. Which is probably a good thing.

I can hardly believe I have lived in such a small space for so many years. Most people I know can't even imagine such a thing. When I tell them I live in a studio their eyes kind of bug out a little. It is definitely not ideal but I did what I had to do.

The close proximity to Mj doesn't bother me at all. I actually enjoy having him right there all the time. The idea of him being far far away in another room or downstairs when I am upstairs in bed actually feels kind of lonely. Right now we can pretty much see each other and talk to each other all the time from any location. Where he is I am and vise versa. That's kind of what happens in a studio and I kinda like that part.

But, if it means that I will have enough room in my closet and less crap shoved into every nook and cranny I am really thinking that I could probably get used to it. I know he's coming to bed eventually even if he is in a far away land down the hall.