1.05.2010

Post Holiday Eating

I did pretty good over the holidays in terms of not over indulging just because there was food and chocolate everywhere I turned. I tend to have pretty decent willpower when it comes to eating in moderation but it kind of went downhill for me on Christmas Eve. Mj and I stopped and got breakfast sandwiches from McDonald's on the way to my mom's. Once I got there I couldn't seem to stop eating, drinking, and snacking on everything in sight. That led right into our trip the day after Christmas. The only thing worse then holiday eating is vacation eating and I did plenty of it. We didn't eat out every single day but I found myself eating way more then I normally do and feeling just a bit like a stuffed pig. I have what is probably a bad habit of stepping on the scale every day and I hated it that I had no idea how much damage I was doing while I was away.

Granted, I have what Mj refers to as a "complex" when it comes to weight and food. I admit it. I tell him how fat I feel and he laughs and rolls his eyes telling me that I am not even close. I don't dare tell my friends I feel fat because it will probably just piss them off. I am not fishing for compliments or trying to be that annoying skinny girl who always complains about being fat. I really mean it. I appear slim on the outside to others even though I feel big on the inside so they are never all that sympathetic. I can't say that I blame them. On more then one occasion I was told by one of Mj's relatives that I was "so skinny," but I don't see that when I look in the mirror. I probably still ate less on the trip then what a lot of people do but it was WAY more then usual putting me outside my "comfort zone" and triggering my weight anxiety. Realistically, I know this but there is this thing inside my head telling me that because I gained 2.5 lbs over Christmas break that I am huge.

Anyhow, since I've been back I have fortunately not gone on a starvation diet as I might have done in the past. Aside from our New Years Eve steak dinner plus tons of bread and dessert [oh my] I have been on what I guess I will call a modified sandwich diet. I was just so sick of food and eating. I need to eat light right now just to unclog my system.

I am getting back into my "normal" eating routine and starting to feel better inside my skin which is good. I just have to keep it up.

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