5.10.2012

When My Husband is Away

I'm not one of those women who has never spent a night away from her husband.  Mj was gone for eleven months in 2008 (now that was awful) and he did a ton of traveling in 2011.  I actually consider myself lucky if he has to go somewhere and it's for a month or less because it's nothing compared to 11 months.  Back when I still watched it there was a couple on Real Housewives of Orange County who claimed to have never spent a night apart and even refused to go on any overnight trips without the other and I thought that was ridiculous.  If it's a trust issue then that seriously needs to be addressed.  Anyways, I think that couple is divorced now.  Just because you are married doesn't mean that you should be joined at the hip.  Everyone needs their own space even if it's just spending a day or evening with your friends.  Even if you think you don't chances are that you actually do.  Codependency is not healthy and absence can make the heart grow fonder.  If  it's Europe, Hawaii or something big I want that trip to be with Mj and if he thinks he's going somewhere like that without me he's got another think coming.  He and his friends do weekend biking or Vegas trips.  I miss him and I might get a little jealous about being left behind but I think it's great to see him get out and have fun with his friends.  He wants the same thing for me.  In fact he wishes I would! I hardly ever go anywhere overnight and the one time that I did he said how cool it was having the house to himself.  I know he loves me and doesn't want me to go away forever so there is no point getting my feelings hurt about it. 

This time he was gone for a week.  I love him to pieces but there are some perks when he's gone. 
  • I get to park in the middle of our two car garage and have plenty of room to get in and out on all sides.  My backing up skills are questionable and having that extra space means I don't have to worry about knocking my side view mirror off or backing over the lawn.
  • The house is neat as a pin.  There isn't random stuff laying about everywhere I look.  There are no clothes on the floor, shoes strewn about or dishes piled up in the kitchen to stress me out.    
  • I don't have to cook or feel bad about not cooking. I can eat whatever I want for dinner and not have to answer to anyone.  
  • I get way more much needed sleep! I've been in bed by 10:00 pm every work night he's been gone because I'm not trying to stay up longer then I should waiting for him to go to bed.
  • I'm willing to spend the night at my mom's.  I stayed there Saturday night and got in some good quality family time.  I do go to Mom's house without him but it's really hard for me to stay the night when I know he's at home. 
The downside:
  • I have to push the trash bin out onto the street and sometimes water the plants. 
  • If there are any technical difficulties with the TV or my computer I'm on my own.   Usually, I just whine to him that my computer or the TV is not doing such and such and then he'll fix it for me.
  • If there is a spider I'm forced to kill it myself, trap it under a cup (yes, I really did this one time) or live in fear.  He is the designated spider killer due to phobias which are beyond my control.   
  • I don't have my cuddle bear to watch TV with and sleep with.   
  • I come home to an empty lonely house and I don't get to see his smiling face at the end of a long and tiring work day.  We don't do much of anything on weeknights but I love it that we are together.
  • I MISS HIM!!!!! He energizes me and lifts my spirits.  Life just isn't the same without him around and I'm always glad to have him back.
Just because we enjoy time apart doesn't mean we don't love each other.  I could totally just be saying this because we had no choice in the matter which kind of forced me to get used to the idea of him being gone but I do think it can be a good thing to have that feeling of missing your partner now and then.  I wouldn't choose it, but it does reinforce just how much I love him and makes me appreciate him that much more when he gets back.

18 comments :

Faith said...

Hubs is going to Peru this month for a week and I'm thinking of all the things I am going to do ... but I know that by day 2 I am going to be miserable, haha.

LWLH said...

I completely agree with this.
I miss the hubs terribly when he's gone but I'd be lying if I said I'm not excited to have a girls trip in August to New York and then have him go to Vegas with the boys the following week. I think we need mini vacations of our own sometimes.

Mrs. Williams said...

Good post! I agree with all your upsides and downsides for sure.

Nylse said...

Totally agree. I never understood co-dependency either.
When my husband is gone, no snoring..I can sleep through the night, but on the other hand I miss my cuddle buddy.
a so it go - jamaican slang for such is life!

DC Squared said...

I TOTALLY AGREE!!!!!!!!!!! There are some ups and downs!! MY hubby is going away next week and I'm LIGHTWEIGHT looking forward toit. But I have a whole weekend planned and seeing NEW EDITION is part of it! WHOOP WHOOP! :)

Steph said...

I hear ya! I'd just leave the trash until next week. :) Hope you are enjoying your alone time.

Mrs. Pancakes said...

Thank goodness he was only gone for a week...I love your honesty in this post....I love when I don't have to cook either:-)

Janna Bogert said...

You are too funny...Will and I obviously have to and can spend time apart, but if it isn't Army related- I HATE it. I guess I just lose enough time with him through the Army, that I don't want to lose other time with him. I'm just happy that he feels the same, so we have no issues. It sounds like you two have it all figured out too!

Ameena said...

After being married for 100 years I love it when Ali goes away. Except that then Maya is 100% my responsibility instead of just the 99% when he's around. Yes, he does pitch in here and there...

Love the honesty. I agree with so much of what you write here!

The Funky Junkie said...

Awww! I completely agree with everything about this. I love time I get to spend by myself, and although I haven't had a whole night to spend by myself yet, having time apart is so important. That's awesome that you can go sleep at your mom's house when you get lonely...I wish I could do that but mine is too far away. :(

DC Squared said...

ROTFLLLLLLLLLLLL @99% when he's around!! :)

The Sweetest Thing said...

SO so dang sweet! I love y'all!

CeCe @Frugalista Married said...

That's what I should have done but I took it out. It was nice getting some alone time but I'm glad he's back.

CeCe @Frugalista Married said...

Yeah, just because we don't mind when they go away now and then doesn't mean we don't love them.

DC Squared said...

Exactly!! I love me some him!!!!!!!!

Adrienne said...

Great post! I completely agree! Boundaries and being two people is so important! I do miss my husband when he's gone, but it's nice to have some space too, ya know?

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Newlyweds on a Budget said...

my husband works night shifts a lot so i have lots of evenings to myself and i enjoy them. for that one night, i get to do whatever i want to do. i schedule an exercise class, go for a run, watch my trashy tv that he doesnt want to watch, and get a lot of errands done. plus, i get the WHOLE bed to myself! : )

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