I Hate Stuff

Remember the good old days when everything you owned fit into your bedroom?  Everything.  All my clothes fit in one average sized non walk in closet, one tiny dresser, and a tall dresser.  I had one bookshelf, and a desk.  I had even less to work with when I lived on campus in college. 

And then this whole adulting thing happens. Somehow you end up with more stuff, and sometimes even your stuff needs stuff.

I lived in a few apartments.  I accumulated things, along with furniture.  I got rid of all that furniture and a lot of things, and started over in a tiny 400 square foot studio.  I'd say that was my most minimal moment of all.  MJ still laughs at me because I only had like three pairs of shoes...and they were all ugly.  Also, I had almost nothing in my kitchen.  Over time, I accumulated more clothes, more shoes.  Not a lot, and very few things, simply because of limited income and limited space.  I really grew to hate stuff, and would only take in essentials because any new items that came into the house was just another things to find space for.

Then we got a house.  It's great.  We don't have to live on top of each other, and my clothes were no longer perpetually wrinkled from being too tightly packed.  There is a place for everything and everything in it's place.  Well, as much as humanly possible, because let's just say I'm the neat one.  We brought our own set of stuff into the merged household.  We decided what to keep, and what to toss.  Houses need stuff, so we bought furniture, decor, and kitchen housewares.  I got a 3-drawer file cabinet to keep up with important documents.  We have a basket of cords, and chargers, and all manner of random electronics.  I don't even know what half of it is.  Over time, I accumulated more clothing, and my own personal junk drawer, that I've been meaning to clean out for a few years.  We have plenty of stuff.  

I have a bunch of plastic shopping bags in my bottom drawer at work.  Why?  I have receipts for random things from three years ago.  Why?  You would not believe the number of tote bags, and carry cases I have.  I am literally, a bag lady.  I have a bathroom cabinet, make that two, full of toiletries I'm not using.  I have a stack of photo greeting cards we have received over the years sitting on a leaning bookshelf, that I don't want but feel badly about throwing them away.  I have clothes I haven't worn since Bill Clinton was president.  Whhhyyy? 

And you can only imagine how excited we were when MJ's aunt sent him a gigantic box full of random stuff from grandma's house.  We pulled out a few items, but this box of useless stuff basically went from one person's garage to another.

I'm not into nick nacks or having random objects.  I am conscientious about what I bring into the house, but once it's in I find it really hard to let it go.  I've got my childhood keepsakes down to two plastic bins in the garage, and I plan on holding onto some letters and cards from family that hold sentimental value.  That fits in a box.  I'm fine with that.  My biggest problem is clothing, and personal items.  Like those damn tote bags.  And pajamas.  I have only purchased a few pajama items in the last decade for two reasons.  1. I went through a serious Victoria's Secret pajama frenzy a long time ago and I have a ton.  2.  A lot of my old clothing becomes lounge wear/pajamas because I am so reluctant to get rid of anything.  It has to be a rag before I think I should get rid of something, and even then something inside of me makes me think I can save it...or that I need to re purpose it into a dust rag.  I get anxious about getting rid of things I might need later, because it would be the end of the world, if I had to re-buy it.  I feel guilty about getting rid of anything that was a gift.  I once drove around with a Goodwill stash in my trunk for an entire year.  I am not proud of this. 

I might be a a borderline hoarder.

These cubes are awesome!! 

I came home from work one day and went on a rampage.  I didn't plan it, I just knew that stuff needed to go.  I went straight to my closet and started pulling clothes of hangers.  Then I moved to my pajama trunk, then my sock drawer, then my workout wear drawer, then my shoes....and well...you get the idea.  Once I started I couldn't stop and I ended up with a nice pile of clothing that is going to goodwill or the trash or anywhere, but my house.  I found these cloth collapsible bins to organize my pajama trunk and purses.  I feel really good about it.

All that stuff was sitting inside my house, but once I let it go I realized that I had also been carrying it around with me.  It bothered me that my closet was so tight with clothes I don't wear; clothes I don't even like.  Seeing clothes I disliked, mixed in with clothes I did like, was making me feel bad about my entire wardrobe.  It was a burden just having them take up space, and now that they have been relegated to the get rid of it pile, it feels great.  I have tons of boxes that have been chilling in the extra room since last year that need to go as well.  It's time! I'm over it.  I did a round of paring down the house a while back, but I need to go back and do more.

I love the idea of minimalism.   I even love the idea of  Tiny House living for that reason.  You cut stuff and you cut expenses freeing up your time and money for what is truly important to you.  I kind of want a Tiny House, however, I don't think I could get my husband to live there with me and I'm pretty sure I'd end up hating it anyway.  I lived in that 400 foot studio for five years.  It was cool at first, but by the time I moved out I felt like a rat in a cage.  It was stifling.  I need space, but I also want a streamlined and uncluttered life.  I enjoy having a reasonable amount of stuff, but I crave order, organization, and simplicity.  I want stuff, but I hate stuff.

I don't want to be forced into keeping less stuff by living in a shoe box.  I want to do it on my own.  The trick of it all is finding a balance, and learning how to free myself from an attachment to items. That's the part I suck at.  I did the KonMari folding method on my husbands T-shirts awhile back, and I think it's time to KonMari my life.

 
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Our Fridge is Outta Control

Our refrigerator had gotten out of control.  Mj is basically unstoppable when it comes to the way he throws things back in the fridge without regard to where they came from after he takes them out.  Accordingly, I gave up on asking him to try to put stuff back where he found it.  The freezer is fine because stuff that comes out of there usually stays out.  Turns out there is a reason for putting the cheese, lunch meat and the vegetables back where you found them and it wasn't just me being an OCD naggy wife.  After a while I couldn't find anything.  I'd open the doors to look and then say forget it and just ask Mj if he knew if we had anymore egg beaters or whatever else I was looking for because I'd given up on trying to dig through the mess that had become our fridge.  Nothing seemed to fit and everything was crammed everywhere into every nook and cranny.   

After a good cleaning and organization

I got really annoyed every time I needed to get something and told Mj he needs to organize this fridge.  Not because I didn't want to.  I've done it before...and look how that turned out.  I just thought it might be something that he'd maintain if it was his project and he did it himself.  Well, not surprisingly that didn't happen and I finally had enough.  I got tired of cramming things in, wrenching things out and digging around whenever I needed something.  Our refrigerator is a good size, we don't even have THAT much food and there is no reason that everything shouldn't fit.  I announced that I was fed up and couldn't take it anymore. Not only was this refrigerator getting re organized but it's dirty and it needs a good cleaning.  I took everything out including the one removable shelf and the drawers.  Mj washed those out while I went about scrubbing down the shelves.  One by one I put every single item back and a miracle happened.  Everything fit with room to spare.  We'd only removed a few items and trashed them so basically the same amount of food that was crammed in there before now fit with no problem.

That very night Mj threw an onion in the door after he used it.  "Why did you do that?"  I asked.  "I don't know."  He moved it.  Then, he caught himself as he was about to put the lunch meat in some random place.  Progress.  I'm hoping that actually seeing how non functional our refrigerator had become will get him to see how the simple act of putting stuff back where you got it can make a big difference over the long term.  I can always hope right?

The Trash Man

My husband is not really into the whole household cleaning and organization thing.  He is amazing in the kitchen and will cook up a great dinner or bake cookies in a heart beat but it can be difficult to get him to straighten up or pick up after himself.  He can be forgetful too.  Sometimes I have to remind him over and over to do certain things before he remembers to do it. 

There is one particular thing however that he does unprompted and without any reminders by me.  Rain or shine like nobodies business he is on it when it comes to taking out the trash.  I have never had to remind him about this chore as long as we have lived together.  In fact, I never even specifically asked him to...he just did...like magic.  When our little recycling trash bin just outside the garage door fills up he dumps it.  Come Monday morning as I lay in bed still hitting snooze I can hear the familiar scraping of him wheeling those trash bins out to the curb before he goes to work.   By the time I roll up to the house later that day after work those bins are back inside the fence next to the house right where they belong.  More often then not he forgets to put a trash bag in the can but bless his heart, he will dump the kitchen trash and will even walk it outside to the trash bins if I pull it out and leave it next to the door.  What is it with men and trash? It's just about the manliest household chore around.  I wish cleaning the bathroom or dusting the blinds were considered manly.  I can hear it now.  No honey, you better not be cleaning the bathroom again.  You know that's my job.  Not likely, but the trash is their domain and you would be hard pressed to find a man who does not believe it is his inherent duty to handle it.  And thank goodness because I have so many other things to do and remind him about so I really appreciate that I don't ever have to haul those stinky heavy trash bins to the curb.

When it comes to trash I can sit back, relax and know that it's being taken care of.  Just as soon as I finish cleaning the house.

....and Everything in it's Place

My poor sweet husband.  He has to put up with me nagging bugging him about all kinds of things. Please don't leave your shoes in the walk way so I don't have to step or trip over them.  Why won't you put anything back where you found it?  Can you please put your stuff away?  Why are your clothes on the floor?  Can you put your dirty clothes in the hamper not on it?  Is there a reason those dishes still sitting there?  You get the point.  I must admit I am not without fault.  My main indiscretions are misplacing the lotion bottle, leaving the pantry door open, not matching the knives into the right slots on the butcher block, squeezing the toothpaste from the middle and .....well that's about it.  Oh, and all that nagging reminding.  So sorry baby (I know he's reading this).   

In his pre wifey days his routine was to throw clothes on the floor, let messes and dishes pile up throughout the week, clean it all up Saturday then start it up all over again.  So, you mean to tell me that your house was a mess about 5 out of 7 days?  That's about 20 days out of a 28 day month.  Totally not acceptable to this lady.  You see, I have an illness.  I'm a neat freak, I have OCD, call it whatever you like but I believe there is a place for everything and everything in it's place.  I didn't have that luxury for a very long time.  I used to have no place for anything and nothing in it's place because I simply didn't have the space.  Now we do.  Why spend thousands of dollars on a closet and not put your stuff in it?  My home is my sanctuary and when my home is mired in the chaos of clutter I cannot be at peace. 

I could blame it on my childhood.  I grew up in a messy house and there was nothing I could do about it.  The minute you straightened anything up it was messy again.  My dad was a walking tornado who wouldn't lift a finger around the house and expected everyone else to clean up after him.  He wouldn't even put his plate in the sink.  I hated it, so excuse me if I'm a little sensitive about this subject.  I just don't want that for my home.  My mom may have been willing to double as a servant but even as a child I vowed I never would.  Thankfully, MJ is not even close to that.  In fact, I'm pretty lucky to have a modern man such as himself who cooks and makes an effort to consider my feelings.  If I make the effort to clean the house I just don't think it's too much to ask to pick up after yourself.  I know it can be a pain in the butt and sometimes life gets busy.  It doesn't even bother me if it's not done right away as long I know you will...someday...in the near future...soon...please.  Believe me, I wish I were not like this and I certainly don't wanna be the house police.  I WANT to happily toss my belongings willy nilly without regard to where they land, ignore crusty dishes stinking in the sink and care not about the ring of dirt accumulating in the toilet.  Sounds kinda nice actually.  We could enjoy a content often dirty clutter filled life together-no nagging involved.  But the laws of nature have ensured that a messy person always marries a neat freak so that is not to be. 

We've been living together for about two years now and he really has made some major improvements.  He no longer stores his jammies on the floor, shoes are getting put away and dishes aren't getting left for days.  It means a lot to know that he is listening and trying.  I've got to give him props for that...and for putting up with me.  Messiness makes me irritable and eventually I must speak up.  If I don't say anything how will he know it bothers me?  It's called communication.  He's sure to let me know if I do something that bugs him too; it just doesn't seem to happen as often.  I can't help it that I need order and that messes put me on edge.  And I suppose he can't help it either.  He literally doesn't see things that are sitting there all messy in plain sight and/or it simply doesn't bother him too much.  I do bite my tongue and I have loosened up some.  It's his house too and there are way more important things to worry about right?  I try to ask nicely and I make sure that I show my appreciation of his efforts to neaten up.  I mean, I don't want him to hate me...or divorce me for that matter.  This is just one of those things that we have to accept about each other and try to compromise on so that we can both be happy together and in our home.  Give and take.  We all have our strengths and weaknesses.  This part of him tries my patience but does not diminish the many things I love about him in any way.  

Fruit, Meat, Vegetables, Cheese.  Not too complicated.   

We spend all this money on a beautiful refrigerator with a lovely LED light and plenty of space and roomy drawers to organize our food.  Mj never puts anything back in those drawers where he got them from.  I've explained to him where everything goes many times but just as recently as last week he says "Well, I didn't know that the meat goes in that drawer."  So, I labeled them right quick before I left for work in the morning and left it for him to find when he got home.  Now, I'll pose this question to you.  Am I a B-I-T-C-H or just a wife who wants the meat to go in the meat drawer?  Lucky for me my husband has a sense of humor.  He had a good laugh, took this picture and posted it on Facebook.

Housekeeping



Tools of the trade

I do the cleaning in our house because unfortunately, it won't clean itself.  I figure since there are already a million other things that I have to nag remind Mj about that neither one of us needs the aggravation of me asking him for the 3rd time when he's going to clean the toilet or vacuum.  I do it myself and it gets done.  He is responsible for trash day, picking up after himself, and keeping his desk and one of the extra rooms he uses tidy.  That seems to be plenty for him to keep up with.  He cooks way more then I ever will do and either one of us starts the laundry when the hamper lid won't close or he runs out of undershirts; whichever comes first.  The kitchen counters, dishes, stove etc are done throughout the week on an as needed basis by both of us, or just me if I get too annoyed with his habit of letting them pile up and sit.  Can you guess which one of us is the "neat one"? 

When I lived in my studio it took me about an hour tops to clean the entire place from top to bottom.  It was easy and didn't take up too much of my time so I didn't mind it all that much.  Since moving into our house it takes so long that I find myself dreading it more and more.  It's like the gym.  Once I get started I'm usually ok, it can be soothing and satisfying and I like the finished results but finding the motivation to get going is tough sometimes.  Cleaning is usually a Saturday morning affair so I can get it out of the way and have the rest of my weekend to relax and have fun.  If I didn't get to the laundry that's no big deal to leave for Sunday, as long as the cleaning is done.  I like everything to be clean at the same time AND I'd rather not be cleaning something every day so I do it all at once every other weekend.  Unless I'm feeling really lazy and/or busy in which case I might put it off one extra week.  Because it takes me so long I decided to track exactly what I was doing and how long I was doing it to figure out if I could trim down the time.  We have 3 bedrooms,  2.5 bathrooms and two living spaces.  These are examples of three different torture cleaning "sessions" and how long it took me.  

54 minutes:  Dusting blinds and all surfaces 
25 minutes:  Vacuum carpets/Floors
50 minutes:  Clean Bathrooms
35 minutes:  Swiffer all floors
2 hours 44 Minutes

1 hr 10 min: Dusting all surfaces, blinds and window sills
45 min: Vacuum carpets and floors
46 min: Clean Bathrooms
6 min: Trash
2 hrs 46 min

43 min:  Dust all surfaces
33 min:  Vacuum carpets and floors
45 min:  Clean bathrooms
5 min:  Trash
2 hr 6 min

The 1/2 bath and the extra full bathroom don't get much use so those are pretty quick.  I did find that I was wiping down mirrors that didn't need to be wiped and vacuuming and mopping carpets and floors that hardly get used so I have cut back on that.  I dust behind the DVD/Satellite box/Playstation/Xbox hub and other surfaces that aren't quite dusty but it seems to pop up overnight so I think it's just better to stay on top of it.  We don't wear shoes inside so I don't think it necessary to mop every single time.  I also don't do the blinds, window sills and baseboards every time either. 

I woke up to my neighbor blasting Barry Manilow on Saturday morning.  Should I be embarrassed to admit that I really liked a lot of the songs?  Somehow music makes doing anything more tolerable so I got out of bed, blasted some i tunes of my own and started in with the dusting.  2 hours and 6 minutes later I'm finished and I'd hate to see how much longer it would take me if we had a bigger house.  I take pride in keeping a clean and neat house and like it that if someone drops by unexpectedly I won't be embarrassed by the condition of my home.  I really enjoy the finished results of all of my hard work....that is until the Mj storm rolls through and leaves his trail of destruction.  It's actually kind of a work out too.  Either that or I'm totally out of shape because my body usually feels fatigued by the time I'm done.  The good news is that I have the entire three day weekend ahead to have fun without having to even think about cleaning.  The bad news is that next weekend or the weekend after depending on how lazy busy I am I get to do it all over again.  I noticed that our neighbor behind us (the one who likes Barry Manilow) has a maid and sometimes I really wish we did too.  Maybe someday that would be possible, especially if we ever got a bigger house, but for now I'm it.

How do you divide household chores in your house?  How long does it take you to clean or are you lucky enough to have a cleaning service?  What is your typical cleaning schedule?