My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding



A bride with her bridesmaids on her wedding day
[Photo Source:  TLC]

I've been watching My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding on TLC.  At first I wasn't interested in watching it at all because I'm kind over wedding reality shows but this one is different.  I caught one episode and I was intrigued.  The show is about the traditions and lifestyle of Roma Gypsies and Irish Travellers in the UK.  It's not just about the wedding day it's about a lifestyle very different then anything I've ever seen.  Weddings are a huge part of that lifestyle so it actually makes sense that a show about this community would center around that.  Little girls dream about their wedding day practically from birth.  That's not totally unusual to me but the type of wedding that they dream about and the implications of that wedding on their life is.

The lifestyle

• They marry young.  Usually around 16 and by the time you are 19 you are considered an old bride. 
• Travellers usually only marry Travellers and then once they get married they move from their parents house into a tiny caravan together in a communal living land site.  They usually prefer caravans to houses and ideally, one without a toilet because it's considered disgusting to use a toilet inside a caravan.  They use sheds outside instead.
• A lot of them do travel around but some of them stay put in their caravans especially if there are younger children going to school.
• The men go to work and the women stay home.  Men typically do odd job and manual labor type work.  In fact, women usually drop out of school by the age of 16 to help take care of younger siblings and help mom with household duties.  They aren't planning to have a career so why bother?  Their responsibility in life is to tend to their husband, the home and to have children.
• Women aren't allowed to go anywhere without their husband once they are married and before that not without siblings or someone else to accompany them.  Boys can pretty much come and go whenever they choose and never have any responsibilities around the house.
• Brides absolutely DO NOT live with their fiance or have sex with their fiance for that matter prior to being married. 
• Young girls wear tons of make up.  They run around in tight, bright, sparkly, revealing clothing at parties and weddings with the intention of attracting a husband.  Their going out attire looks like stripper costumes.  This seems to be in great contrast to their devout catholic religion and strict upbringing. 
• It's a male dominated culture.  Women basically belong to their parents until they get married and then they belong to their husband.
• This community is often discriminated against and marginalized because of their lifestyle.

A Traveller bride with her massive cake at her wedding
[Photo Source:  TLC]

The Wedding

• Their weddings are really over the top.  The decor often includes things like balloons, butterfly's, hearts, and all kinds of other whimsical fairy tale sparkly things.  And lots of it.
• There are no invitations.  The news of a wedding is spread by word of mouth.  Anyone who wants to come shows up and weddings are often used as a place young men to look for a wife.
• The wedding location and even the date is a closely guarded secret.  Sometimes even the cake and dress vendor will not know the location up to the very last minute.  Guests find out about the wedding location at the ceremony which is always held in a catholic church.  Gypsies have a rowdy reputation so they have to keep their Gypsy identity secret .  It's typical for brides to be cancelled upon or refused multiple times by venues before securing a location and date.
• The bride's mode of transportation on the wedding day ranges anywhere from a horse drawn carriage a la Cinderella to a hot pink hummer. 
• The dresses are BIG and considered the most important part of the wedding.  As they walk they have to kick the skirt ahead of them in order not to trip and they barely fit inside doorways and into cars. The bride usually designs her own dress then has it custom made.  No store sells the type of dress that these girls want.  They can weigh twice the bride and are so heavy that they often end up with scars on their hips from wearing them all day.  Think Cinderella on steroids and that is your gypsy bride wedding dress.  Their accessories often include elbow length gloves, massive tiaras, large quantities of make up and heavy spray tans.
• The bridesmaids dresses are almost as big and twice as bright.  The bride is responsible for getting them custom made along with her own dress.  Color combination such as hot pink and neon yellow are not uncommon.  The bride's little sisters are dressed as the "mini bride" and wears and exact replica of the bride's dress.
• The only thing bigger then the dresses is the cake.  There will often be one very large cake and then a bunch of other surrounding smaller cakes.  They are usually done up in fairly tale themes in the shape of a castle or carriage and adorned by barbie dolls.
• Cost is never discussed by the gypsies or their vendors but I can only imagine.

I could not live that kind of a life dedicated to finding a man, getting married and then keeping house as a second class citizen.  Sounds awfully limiting and sad.  Aside from that those caravans are tiny!  It's like camping out 24/7.  As for the weddings I'm wondering things like how can they give numbers to the hotel if there are no invitations and RSVP's?  How on earth can they afford such elaborate weddings and what happens if you can't?  On the show they say you haven't really been to a wedding until you've been to a Traveller wedding and I believe it.

Fun Fourth

The fair is a big deal for me.  It's a tradition in our family.  One I really enjoyed sharing with Mj when we went together for the first time 3 years ago.  I've been going every year for as long as I can remember and don't ever miss it.  Ever.  We were going to go on Sunday but due to budget cuts I decided that we should skip the fair this year.  He insisted we could still go (at least one of us isn't in the poor house) but I'm stubborn and broke so I said no.  Having a rental property is ruining my life! 

By the time Mj got back from biking that morning I was laying in bed feeling sorry for myself.  If I couldn't go to the fair then all I wanted to do is lay in bed all day.  And that's that.  Mj had to work a little bit harder then usual to pep me up but he got the job done.  No one can cheer me up like he can.  He's only home for a week before he jets off to Brisbane, Australia.  Yes, I'm very jealous.  There is no point in wasting our precious time together being a Debbie Downer when we could be having fun instead so I got up and got it together and we went to see Transformers, Dark of the Moon in 3D and IMAX.  We bought our snacks at the gas station, used our free popcorn coupon once we got there and settled down in a very crowded theater to enjoy the movie.  The story line was confusing at times but really good...and long.  The glasses are totally unflattering and felt funny sitting on my nose but 3D is super cool.  The images are so clear and really in your face.  It makes movie going a whole new experience seeing  everything come to life life so realistically.  I could definitely get used to that.

My sexy grill master doing his thing

Our spread

Me & my mini burger.
Minutes after this was taken it actually started sprinkling a little

For the 4th we did our own little BBQ at home.  Just the two of us.   I don't think we've ever done that before.  After watching a movie we Mj made sliders, roasted potatoes, and baked beans.  We ate it outside along with some wine.  Then we lounged around some more before going over to his co workers house for dessert, drinks and fireworks.  About 10 seconds after I shut my door we realized that Mj had dropped his keys...inside the car.  After the tow truck came to get them out, I continued chugging the best Moscato I've ever had in my life, ate a bunch of brownies and enjoyed a pretty good view of the fireworks from their house.  We didn't leave until about 10:15pm and that probably explains why I'm sitting here at work barely able to keep my eyes open.  Ugg...how will I ever make it to the gym?  I had a great long weekend but it was way too short as always.  It's so wonderful to have Mj home again.  My problems just don't feel as big when he's around and that's just ONE of the many reasons I love him so much. 

In case anybody is wondering, that bug I trapped under a cup because I was too chicken to kill it while Mj was gone was still alive and well a week later.  Mj lifted the cup and scooped the bug up with a tissue while I ran for the closet because I already knew he was going go try to freak me out by coming after me with it.  The icky bug is gone!  Mj really is my hero in more ways then one.

Weight of the World

When I was a kid my best friend and I were gymnasts.  Her mom was a stay at home mom to three and most of the other parents had to work so she always ended up being the carpool go to person.  She picked us up, and dropped us off at daily practice and hosted many a slumber parties and camping trips.  We seemed to spend a lot of time in the car.  I'm not sure why I remember the things that I do but I still have this image of her driving with one hand on the wheel and the other hand holding up her head while her arm rested on the door with her elbow just slightly sticking out of the window.   She sighed a lot and often looked sad and tired.  Just looking at her like that you got the sense that the weight of the world was on her shoulders.  I remember clearly thinking to myself with the innocence of a child that I would never be that way.  As a kid sitting in the back seat chatting with my gym buddies I had no comprehension of the menagerie of worries she could possibly be struggling with and simply could not understand what could make someone appear so beaten down.  How could I?  Childhood is such a wonderful little bubble of joy.  I was young, full of energy and had no responsibilities beyond household chores and going to school.  My biggest worry was if I would get my back handspring on beam or if my dad would let me go to Disneyland with the other girls. 

As an official adult for the last sixteen years I know better now.  I can think of a million things that could have caused the sadness in her eyes and the weariness in her face.  I often times find myself assuming that same pose with my head in my hand on my way home from a long day of work.  A worried head racing with thoughts of this or that.  Funny how that is.  I know now what I couldn't begin to know back then.  As we grow older our world broadens and along with that comes a million other things that make us grow up and make us grown ups.  Some things we like, and some we don't but we don't get to pick and choose.   I remember the excitement of going off to college, the thrill of ordering my first drink in a bar and the pride of moving out into my first apartment on my own after college.  I remember how excited and responsible I felt when I got my first "big girl" job with salary and benefits.  Along with each step comes things that need resolving, bills that need to be paid and obligations that need to be tended to.  It goes on and on with each new milestone.

Life can be as hard as it is rewarding.  I know that I've not seen the worst it has to offer and can't complain too much but there are days when I just can't see that proverbial light at the end of the tunnel and my inner demons threaten to knock me down.  Moments where I feel tired and worn out by the day to day struggle of making it and figuring out where I fit in.  Times that I wonder where I went wrong and what, oh what can I do to fix it now. 

So what do we do?  We keep going because as grown ups that's what we are supposed to do.  We hold on tight to the good things and do our best to fend off the bad.  We gather strength and joy from the ones we love.  We keep working, growing, and learning.  We bask in delight wherever it finds us, because surely and thankfully it will.  We do this because life can be hard but it is still good.

Housekeeping



Tools of the trade

I do the cleaning in our house because unfortunately, it won't clean itself.  I figure since there are already a million other things that I have to nag remind Mj about that neither one of us needs the aggravation of me asking him for the 3rd time when he's going to clean the toilet or vacuum.  I do it myself and it gets done.  He is responsible for trash day, picking up after himself, and keeping his desk and one of the extra rooms he uses tidy.  That seems to be plenty for him to keep up with.  He cooks way more then I ever will do and either one of us starts the laundry when the hamper lid won't close or he runs out of undershirts; whichever comes first.  The kitchen counters, dishes, stove etc are done throughout the week on an as needed basis by both of us, or just me if I get too annoyed with his habit of letting them pile up and sit.  Can you guess which one of us is the "neat one"? 

When I lived in my studio it took me about an hour tops to clean the entire place from top to bottom.  It was easy and didn't take up too much of my time so I didn't mind it all that much.  Since moving into our house it takes so long that I find myself dreading it more and more.  It's like the gym.  Once I get started I'm usually ok, it can be soothing and satisfying and I like the finished results but finding the motivation to get going is tough sometimes.  Cleaning is usually a Saturday morning affair so I can get it out of the way and have the rest of my weekend to relax and have fun.  If I didn't get to the laundry that's no big deal to leave for Sunday, as long as the cleaning is done.  I like everything to be clean at the same time AND I'd rather not be cleaning something every day so I do it all at once every other weekend.  Unless I'm feeling really lazy and/or busy in which case I might put it off one extra week.  Because it takes me so long I decided to track exactly what I was doing and how long I was doing it to figure out if I could trim down the time.  We have 3 bedrooms,  2.5 bathrooms and two living spaces.  These are examples of three different torture cleaning "sessions" and how long it took me.  

54 minutes:  Dusting blinds and all surfaces 
25 minutes:  Vacuum carpets/Floors
50 minutes:  Clean Bathrooms
35 minutes:  Swiffer all floors
2 hours 44 Minutes

1 hr 10 min: Dusting all surfaces, blinds and window sills
45 min: Vacuum carpets and floors
46 min: Clean Bathrooms
6 min: Trash
2 hrs 46 min

43 min:  Dust all surfaces
33 min:  Vacuum carpets and floors
45 min:  Clean bathrooms
5 min:  Trash
2 hr 6 min

The 1/2 bath and the extra full bathroom don't get much use so those are pretty quick.  I did find that I was wiping down mirrors that didn't need to be wiped and vacuuming and mopping carpets and floors that hardly get used so I have cut back on that.  I dust behind the DVD/Satellite box/Playstation/Xbox hub and other surfaces that aren't quite dusty but it seems to pop up overnight so I think it's just better to stay on top of it.  We don't wear shoes inside so I don't think it necessary to mop every single time.  I also don't do the blinds, window sills and baseboards every time either. 

I woke up to my neighbor blasting Barry Manilow on Saturday morning.  Should I be embarrassed to admit that I really liked a lot of the songs?  Somehow music makes doing anything more tolerable so I got out of bed, blasted some i tunes of my own and started in with the dusting.  2 hours and 6 minutes later I'm finished and I'd hate to see how much longer it would take me if we had a bigger house.  I take pride in keeping a clean and neat house and like it that if someone drops by unexpectedly I won't be embarrassed by the condition of my home.  I really enjoy the finished results of all of my hard work....that is until the Mj storm rolls through and leaves his trail of destruction.  It's actually kind of a work out too.  Either that or I'm totally out of shape because my body usually feels fatigued by the time I'm done.  The good news is that I have the entire three day weekend ahead to have fun without having to even think about cleaning.  The bad news is that next weekend or the weekend after depending on how lazy busy I am I get to do it all over again.  I noticed that our neighbor behind us (the one who likes Barry Manilow) has a maid and sometimes I really wish we did too.  Maybe someday that would be possible, especially if we ever got a bigger house, but for now I'm it.

How do you divide household chores in your house?  How long does it take you to clean or are you lucky enough to have a cleaning service?  What is your typical cleaning schedule?

I hate bugs

I know, I know...I really need to get over this phobia

I'm laying on the couch watching TV and minding my own business when I catch the sight of a disgusting pincher bug slowly crawling across the carpet.  Instead of grabbing a shoe like a normal person would do I stand there frozen in one spot staring at it before racing downstairs to grab a cup from the kitchen.  I could have tried the vacuum method but I didn't think I had time to lug the vacuum all the way upstairs and get it plugged up.  The worst thing that can ever happen is for a bug to totally disappear on you.  Granted, it was anywhere before I spotted it and could have been hanging out for a while but that was before I knew it was there.  Once I know it's in my space and I can't see it...well that's really scary.  The last time I tried the trapping method it didn't work.  With the loving support of my sister I picked up the shoe that I had put the leg of one chair on top of and one week later the offending spider had escaped.  I'm too chicken to kill this bug so I feel I have no other option but to try it again.  Uggg...I hate being afraid of something so small and harmless.  It makes no sense, but I guess that's why it's called a phobia.  So, I put the cup over the bug and then look around for something heavy to weigh it down. Ridiculous as it is that cup will likely sit there all week until Mj comes back as it is doubtful that I will ever find the courage to pick it up.  By the way, why do they always show up when he is gone??  It may or may not escape but as long as I don't KNOW for sure that it is NOT under that cup I will be comforted by the knowledge that it can't get me.  Even though it sucks that I will have to look at that sitting on the floor day after day.  It does absolutely nothing for the decor.

A Nice Weekend

After dropping Mj off at the airport on Thursday morning I was a little bit sadder then I expected to be.  He was gone pretty much all of 2009, is out of town at least one weekend a month and has already gone on his first of three long work trips for the year.  I'm used to this for the most part and tend to think I'm quite the pro at having him be gone but apparently that is not the case.  I could already feel myself starting to miss him on my way back to work. 

We wore this baby out but he didn't complain

I'm glad I had a nice diversion to keep me occupied this weekend.  I went up to visit my big sis on Saturday.  We always have a ball together.  I got to her house at around 12pm and we were out the door with my cute little nephew in tow by 1pm.  We did errands, a little shopping and went to dinner.  We split a 1,400 calorie Chocolate Brownie Obsession at TGI Friday's.  Yep-they were kind enough to put that awesome number right there on the menu for us.  Then, we finally headed back to the house.  My nephew was so good the entire time.  We took him in and out of his car seat a million times and he got loaded up into his stroller over and over again but did not cry or fuss even once.  I still can't figure out how we managed to stay out so long.  We didn't get home until around 9ish and when we did we got comfy and relaxed while drinking Moscato wine (our favorite) and eating Haribo gummy bears (another favorite).  We only made it until 11:30pm before we were so tired that we had no choice but to go to bed. 

Sunday mom and dad joined us at Big Sis's house for a Dad's day BBQ.  More wine, Turkey Burgers and a bunch of other yummy side dishes.  We have so much fun spending time together that I didn't really want to leave.  But alas the work week lies ahead so at about 7:45pm I loaded up my car and hit the road for the 1 1/2 hour drive home.   I unpacked, showered, called Mj then fell into bed.  The weekend was great but it went by way too fast as usual.  After work today I forced myself to the gym to burn off the weekend indulgences and was so SO glad to finally get home after a long day and have another Monday down.  I got into my jammies as fast as I could, grabbed some food and happily settled down for some HGTV.  The only thing missing is Mj.  I'm so tired!  I'm definitely going to bed early tonight.