Making A House A Home

I hate leaving unfinished business.  When I do something I want to finish it so I can have closure, enjoy the fruits of my labor and check it off of my to do list.  What a mess I was.  Barely moved in and going, going, going from store to store and errand to errand like a woman possessed.  I wore Mj out with my relentless planning and need to do so much so fast.  He said, "Take a break, relax."  I think I was driving him crazy.  I wanted everything to be perfectly organized and I wanted it NOW!  I'd walk into Wal Mart knowing I needed so many things but I was practically paralyzed with indecision over what to buy.  I'd walk down aisles staring at this and that.  I'd pull out my mile long list of things to buy but still not know what to do.  What color?  What size? Should I check another store?  I'd spend all weekend going from one store to the next and still feel like I had accomplished nothing.  You can't walk into Target and Bed Bath & Beyond one day and expect to have your house fully decorated and furnished the next.  No siree.  Not gonna happen.  You might be able to do that in a studio.  In fact, I think it took me about two weeks to set that up, but I can't expect to do that now.  Not with a house that is 4 1/2 times the size.  Duh!

Making a house a home takes time.  It doesn't happen over night and as soon as I realized that I was fine.  Room by room, piece by piece it all comes together.  In time.  Now I don't worry so much about the fact that I know I need some rugs but I don't know which colors to get or that I definitely want bright pillows for our sectional but can't get them yet until I decide on drapes.  The garage is totally disorganized and in need of some shelving and we need to get our closet done so Mj can actually fit some of his clothes in with mine but there is plenty of time to get to it.  There is still those last few stubborn boxes filled with stuff you don't know what to do with but at least most of them are finally cleared out and we have all of our necessary appliances and furniture. We haven't put up any pictures on any walls yet and the two extra bedrooms are sort of a mess but I do have a color scheme for the guest bathroom and a cute rug and shower curtain to go along with it.  We can't afford to get EVERYTHING at once even if it was possible.

We got our dining room table and TV console delivered. Oh, did I ever agonize over this table. The sales lady just pulled up a chair and waited as I walked back and forth between our two top picks staring at them as if I was hoping the table itself would tell me what to do. But once I saw it in our house I knew I'd made the right decision.

  The shutters and blinds were installed too and they look great. My mom was down visiting and we just oohed and awed over how pretty the plantation shutters are and how much they change the look of the room. 

It's so much fun watching as each addition transforms the space and helpful how each new piece gives way to ideas for the next.  I watch a lot way too much HGTV.  I'm no designer but I see all these beautiful rooms on there and now that I finally have a home of my own to decorate I want to do it right.  I know how I want my house to look but I just don't quite know how to do it.   I've decided not to worry that I am hopeless and won't be able to handle the decor which Mj has left me in charge of.  My over ambitious attempt to get everything done at once made me feel like I wasn't capable of doing it at all but I realize now that's not necessarily the case.  Just because I don't already have a color scheme in mind for the living room yet doesn't mean I never will.   

Buying the house was stressful but this is the fun part and it isn't going to happen over night.  Like most everything else it's a work in progress and rather then worry about what I think I don't know I've decided that I am just going to enjoy the process.  We already love our house so when you really think about it our house already is our home and anything else is just extra.

Way Too Much Fun

This is me holding onto my ancient cell phone before the incident although I imagine I didn't look too much different afterwards.  I certainly felt a heck of a lot better that's for sure.  My friends and I met up for happy hour/club night at our favorite local spot on Friday night to celebrate a birthday.  What with moving and wedding planning I hadn't really been out with the gang in a long time and I've been looking forward to it for weeks.  Everyone is so busy living their life that these outings have become fewer and far between.  We drank, ate, laughed, danced and had a grand old time.  Just like old times.  There was wine, champagne, and then a shot of patron that magically appeared in front of me.  When I say I had way too much fun I mean I found myself in the ladies bathroom with my head over the toilet at the end of the night.  I was having fun and feeling great....until I didn't.  I can't remember the last time that happened and if everything goes according to plan this incident will soon be a long forgotten memory as well.  I swear there have been plenty of times that I drank way more then I did that night and had a totally different outcome.  Oh yeah...didn't I just say that it had been a long time since I went out like that? Perhaps that would explain said inability to hold my liquor.   That combined with a sort of empty stomach sealed my fate but it certainly didn't ruin my night.  I was able to pick up right where I left off minus the booze plus lots of water for the last hour that we were there.  And no hangover the next day thank you very much!

Anyhow, I had a blast hanging out with my friends.  Yeah, yeah, yeah I may be way too old for such shenanigans but hey...it happens.

I'm Not Made Of Money

But it would sure be a heck of a lot easier if I was.

I'm struggling a bit with this rehearsal dinner concept. What if we just went out to a restaurant and had everyone pay for their own dinner because we were simply tapped out financially? Not an option. We definitely want to treat our wedding party as a show of appreciation to them. To complicate matters there are out of town folks not part of the rehearsal that might want to come socialize with us before the big day. Can we pay for some and not all without being rude? What with expectations and all. I'm sorry to say it but I think that's the way it's going to have to be even though I feel a bit bad about it. It is a REHEARSAL DINNER after all so I am hoping that anyone not part of the rehearsal will not be offended if they have to pay their own way.  If anyone thinks that's rude...well, I don't know what to tell 'em 'cause that is the best we can do. We have to plan on keeping it small and maybe try to meet up with some folks afterwards if we can. Or they can just come and pay. We have to do what is within our budget. If it's all or nothing then I'd rather not have one at all, but I don't think totally missing out is the way to go.

Do I sound mean? Dare I say cheap? Oh well. I suppose it's just the stress associated with spending so much money on a single event and the frustration of getting ridiculous quotes just to sit our group down to dinner. I'm not trying to have a reception before the reception. Just a casual dinner with good food will do. I knew that even at best with all of my super powers of frugality kicked into high gear this would be an expensive undertaking and I don't regret it. We have saved, budgeted, planned, and I am thrilled with my efforts to keep this within a reasonable comfort zone.  I am very much looking forward to the festivities. It's just that now that we are so close to the end and my STICKER SHOCK has just passed the 10K mark and growing the enormity of our spending is hitting me. Just when you are already stretched to the limit financially having already put down deposits with your vendors, several remaining balances are due very soon, and in the home stretch of paying off your venue you now have all of these extras to come up with on top of everything else.

Buying a house within two months of our wedding has surely exacerbated this situation. Whose bright idea was that anyways? We've been spending money right and left on that and everything in it. That was a HUGE purchase and we are going to have a new mortgage every month as a reminder, but I don't regret that either. Some things, even very expensive things, are just worth it. Like this wedding. I am absolutely not made out of money but in the course of planning a wedding (and even in buying a house) you sort of get the feeling that you are supposed to be. There are so many extras financially that you must take on or feel you must do just because you wanted to have a certain something. Extraneous costs that just add up. You really get hit from all sides and it almost makes you feel like only rich people should do this, because it starts to feel like only they can reasonably afford it.

I know that some of our guests have costs associated with coming to our wedding and being in our wedding. They also have expenses to contend with precipitated by us. They are kind enough to travel and participate in our special day and I truly do appreciate it. As a host I WANT to treat them all to dinner as a show of appreciation, which technically we ARE doing at our reception, just not necessarily the night before. I wish I could pay for hotel reservations, airline tickets and bridesmaid dresses too.

When it comes down to it you either have the money or you don't. You either stretch your budget to make sure you fulfill all of your obligations or you don't. Let's just say I foresee a lot of stretching coming up in the near future. At least I'm already warmed up. I might be willing to stretch it but I WON'T break it.

How I Became A Three Ring Bride

People used to ask me why I had an engagement ring when I wasn't engaged and a wedding band when I wasn't married.  I suppose I would have wondered the same thing.  It wasn't planned.  It's just the way it turned out.

We didn't exactly do the ring thing the traditional way. I met Mj for the first time on March 15th 2008.  On June 29th he gave me a promise ring big fat diamond engagement ring look alike. This was not your typical one millionth of a carat promise ring that one might imagine and I'm not even sure that people do that anymore. But he did. He said that he knew we weren't ready to get married yet but he wanted the ring to be a show of his commitment to me and the relationship. My heart about melted and I have to say I was flattered, surprised, and impressed that he was gutsy enough to do that because it was so early on in our relationship. He may be four years younger then me but he was showing me that he wasn't just some young guy.  He was for real.  I was still at the phase where I knew he was special and I knew I was in love but I hadn't fully surrendered to the relationship yet mostly out of fear and some personal hang ups of my own. I refused to let it scare me off even though part of me wanted to run for the hills and accepted it considering myself lucky to be with someone that would do such a thing.

Besides, I couldn't say no to a ring that looks exactly like the one I'd always dreamed about having. It is just my style. I have never liked yellow gold and wore white even back in the days when yellow gold was most popular.  It's a good size without being too big.  I love it's elegance and simplicity. I love the sparkly diamonds on the side and the square shape and the way it sits up and...and well I love everything about it.

 

Ring #1 and #2
I was happier then I'd ever been in my life and had this incredible feeling of walking on clouds all the time.  Things just flowed with us.  We fit together in so many ways that being with him was always effortless and easy.  I knew without a doubt that I had finally met my soul mate and it felt great.  Then in August comes the crushing news that he would be deployed for almost a year overseas.  In November he sent me a text message that said "let's elope."  I guess you could call that his proposal!  We knew that we wanted to get married and we decided that we would have the wedding....AFTER he got back.  He commemorated our engagement with a diamond wedding band.  We WANTED to get married in 2009 but he was to be gone for most of that year so we had to wait but as soon as he got back we started planning for this year.

I got the band sautered onto the engagement promise ring when he bought me the third ring a couple weeks ago.  I also had them re coated so they would be all shiny and new for the big day.   I wish I'd sautered them a long time ago.  I have skinny fingers and big knuckles so my ring size is bigger then my actual finger causing the rings to twist around taking away from the beauty of the set.  Now, the diamonds are always lined up and you can't even really tell it's sautered.  Not one to procrastinate I got his ring in 2008 and he's been waiting all this time to be able to wear it. It's a pretty and simple white gold band with a ring of brushed white gold down the center.  He didn't want diamonds.  Needless to say I got off pretty easy. 

I told him he didn't have to get me wedding band #2/ring #3 when we had the wedding but he really wanted to. I was worried that it would be too much bling, too much money right now, and I really do love my rings just the way they are but he insisted. And I let him. When it comes down to it I really love diamonds and I am not gonna argue too much about getting more of them. When I put all three of them on they really stand out and look so brilliant and beautiful. I never get tired of looking at diamonds and I don't see myself ever getting tired of looking at these rings. I have exactly what I want. I certainly won't feel the need to "upgrade" on our 10 year anniversary.

Ring #3

So, that is how I came to be a three ring bride with triple ring bling.  I got an engagement ring as a promise, a wedding band to engage me, and another wedding band to tie the knot.  I know none of this is about the ring.  I would be with him and marrying him even if he couldn't afford to get me anything at all.  I am marrying the man not the ring afterall, but it sure is nice to have rings you will love and treasure forever from the one you love and want to BE with forever that symbolizes your foreverness [Yes, I made that word up].  I've been wearing two stunning rings for going on two years and Mj still hasn't gotten to wear his one.  But very soon we will both be wearing them together.

Oh yeah...I'm getting Married Next Month

Right about Wednesday of last week it occurred to me.  Oh yeah, I have a wedding to finish planning. Somewhere in the middle of trying to close on a house, move, and furnish said house wedding planning got put on the back burner.  But, I am back in full wedding planning mode with as dash of house business on the side.  We still need to make sure that the house is ready to accommodate our out of town wedding guests plus, I'm anxious to get our house together the way I want it.

The first thing I did is write out our wedding ceremony script.  A bridesmaid's husband will be our officiant.  As an "officiant virgin" he has no idea what to do so it's up to us to get everything mapped out for him.  I cut and pasted wording from a variety of different websites and added some of my own writing to round it out.  I want the words to be meaningful and make a statement about love and relationships-the very reason we are standing there in the first place.  I'm pretty happy with the way it turned out.  Mj and I will each write our own vows to each other which we won't hear until the moment we say them at our wedding. 

Next, I ordered our black silk flower petals and our wedding guest favors from efavormart.com.  Originally, I was going to do bookmarks but when I saw these cute little pink personalized boxes for $39.99 I decided to get them instead.  I found a  5 pound bag of pink candy hearts to fill them with from candywarehouse.com for $19.50 for a grand totoal of $60.00.  There are 1,100 pieces per pound so I'm thinking that will be PLENTY.  The 500 black silk flower petals were only $4.99 and they will be used to scatter on tables around our centerpieces.  I already bought some pink one's at Michael's along with larger good sized round vases, LED lights, and pink stones I needed for my DIY centerpieces.  Aside from the carnations those are ready to go and should run me about $80 dollars total.  I'm glad I took the time to do most of my research on what I would need months ago because now as we get closer to crunch time all of the information I need is right there waiting for me.

Not only do we feed guests at our wedding we also have to feed folks the night before after our rehearsal so I'm looking for rehearsal dinner locations that won't break the bank. We are going to have to limit numbers.  I would like to include everyone who comes from out of town but that may not financially feasible so we will have to see how we can work that out.  I am definitely looking for something casual and inexpensive.  We can save the formalities for the day of.

I picked up two very important items as well.  My dress and my rings.  The dress still fits after alterations which is a good thing and I still love it as much as I did the day I picked it out.  Actually, I wish it were just a little bit tighter.  I am nervous about being in a strapless and feeling the need to tug it up all night.   I am wearing a regular strapless bra but I might shop around for some other options.  It's nice to have a place to actually put this massive dress now that we have extra closets.  And my rings are beautiful!  All three of them.

I will be scrambling this week trying to track down black pin on flowers for my bridesmaids to wear on their dresses from David's Bridal.  I figured I would just get them and it turns out they are pretty scarce and if David's orders it I won't have them until after the wedding!  My bridesmaid from Georgia tracked one down there and now I just have three to go.  I also need to add our officiant to our tux order since he wants to wear a tux for the ceremony.

Apparently no one is even coming to this little shin dig I've been planning all year.  Tracking down RSVP's is also on my to do list for the week.  I am back into wedding planning mode and ready to take it all the way to the finish line which incidentally is IN 34 DAYS.  Time really snuck up on me but I'm in a good place to pick up right where I left off and get things done.

The Minimalist Bride

There are a lot of things I'm not doing for my wedding.  We aren't doing engagement photos. There will be no out of town bags, petal tosses, programs, menu cards, bathroom baskets, or monograms just to name a few.  But, I will spring for chair covers to liven up our venue and I am hoping to host some extra alcohol for our guests.

I am now and have always been low fuss, simple, easy to please and all about business when it comes to budget. It turns out that my wedding is no exception. The invites I found online were simple yet elegant and I refused to spend more then I was comfortable with.  I started out planning on only 2 bridesmaids and having them pick their own dresses. I ended up with 4 and coordinated dresses just because ultimately I think it's much easier on everyone involved.  I was debating if we should have a rehearsal dinner but I am pretty sure I will because it will be nice for family and friends to get together and so everyone feels comfortable the day of.  I am on a mission to find a very budget friendly location.   I didn't even know if I would have a bridal shower.  Someone wants to plan a party for lil' old me?  Not that I didn't want one I just feel funny about people making a fuss over me.  I didn't go to any bridal bazaars or look at bridal magazines.  I picked out my wedding dress in 2 1/2 hours from one store on one day costing me under $500.  I still don't know what jewelry or shoes I'm wearing but I plan on getting a pair of flat silver sandals that I can wear after the wedding too.  If I end up wearing some pearls I already have at home that will be ok and I will probably end up at the Mac counter in a department store for make up the day of.

Don't get me wrong.  I am fully loving all of this wedding planning. Picking out invitations, designing centerpieces, deciding on colors.  I never imagined in a million years that I would get to have a traditional wedding. The full shebang with a princess dress, sit down dinner, DJ and dancing. I never thought I would be choosing colors and going to tastings. It's been absolutely a dream come true. I may not have a huge budget but I am just happy I get to do this at all.  Even without a whole lot of  extras the fact that I get to have a wedding at all is enough for me.

Every bride has a different approach.  I already know I am a frugal bride but seeing all of these little extras that others are doing got me wondering if I was a lazy and boring bride too. After thinking about it for a moment I have decided I am not. I am just doing what comes naturally to me. I can be creative and am having a great time designing my centerpieces-which I think just so happens to be my only DIY project.  Did you know you can have your wedding vows professional written for you at everaftervows.com for about $150? We are having a friend perform the ceremony.  I plan on mapping out the entire ceremony script and we will write our own vows. There will be no sand ceremonies or musical numbers involved.  There are tons of potentially cool and creative things that could be done that I just don't feel are necessary.  I don't doubt that my wedding will still be beautiful and elegant just the way I envision it just because I don't have a million DIY projects.

My natural tendency is to go basic and maybe throw in a few extra frills and thrills depending on budget and desire. That seems to be exactly what I seem to be doing with my wedding. Not only am I a frugalista apparently I am a minimalista too.