Relationships are so Hard

I was reading a friend's facebook status.  She posted "Relationships are so hard."   It's almost a no brainer to me as to why.  She sort of signed up for hard.  She is a 20 something who has shouldered the burden of being the main provider for herself and her 40 something year old boyfriend.  Not only can her boyfriend not fully take care of himself he is also unable to take care of his eight year old daughter so guess who supports her too?  Not only that but there is a crazy baby mama in the mix.  Then she tells me that she is actually the instigator in a lot of their fights.  I guess they deserve each other.  No wonder her relationship is hard but it got me thinking....are relationships really that hard?  Is my relationship "hard?"

My two previous relationships were in fact very hard but I have since come to realize the reason for that is because I was with the wrong person.  With both relationships they either started out hard or got there pretty quick which was clearly a sign even though I didn't want to see it.  Thank goodness those days are over.  My relationship with Mj has been smooth sailing from the start.  We met, we clicked and we were together.  No trust issues, no petty arguments and no ridiculous miscommunication blunders.  No drama.  We compliment each other and are on the same page.  When I am in a bad mood and feeling like a total bitch I just tell him not take it out on him.  He let's me get through my "mood" and to this day we have never had an argument.  We also keep the lines of communication open.  Our relationship is still young but the same is true of my friend and her boyfriend.  If you can't manage to get along and find a solid level of bliss early on do you really think it's magically just going to come later?  If it's "hard" now then what will it be in five years?  People who struggle and remain in difficult relationships are mostly kidding themselves.  I know because I did it myself.  If he doesn't call you, if you can't trust him, if you argue a lot for no reason or if every other day feels like a new battle then consider the possibility that this is not the person for you.  Unless some major things change the relationship certainly is not going to improve and if you can see that there are no changes taking place then it's probably best to move on.

Find someone who is right for you and eliminate the struggle.  Someone you don't have to question or wonder about. Someone who doesn't add stress to your life.  Everyone says relationships are hard work and I believe it but am happy to say that thus far mine has not been hard or work at all in any way. Unless you count having to be apart for 11 months which was indeed hard but had nothing to do with flaws in our relationship or how we interact with each other.  That separation presented many challenges but we dealt with them well.  Together.  Given time we may find that things become harder and we have to put in some of that work I keep hearing about to stay strong but I'm really glad to say that at least we didn't have to start out that way.  This reconfirms for me just how right for each other we are.  We have an amazing foundation and when the going gets rough we can draw on that to get through it.  In the meantime I will enjoy my not hard relationship and continue to tell my friend that unless they can change the dynamics of their relationship she needs to move on.  Chances are she will continue to not listen to me and I can only hope that one day she wakes up and realizes it doesn't have to be that way.  Like I did.

This whole weekend has been great.  Fri-Sun we mostly just hung out, watched movies and watched TV together with just a few little errands and outings and some housework thrown in here and there.  Today was yet another example of a wonderful day with hubby.  We were practically attached at the hip all day as we lounged around, cuddled and watched football all day enjoying our last day of the long weekend.  I love being with him.  There is nothing hard about that.

Thanksgiving Day Shenanigans

I love my Cousin B but let's just say that promptness is not one of her strong points.  She arrived at our wedding AFTER the ceremony and normally shows up to family gatherings a couple hours late.   It was with the expectation that nothing would go according to plan that I arrived on her doorstep and I was not disappointed.

Our presence was requested at 3:00 pm for Thanksgiving dinner.

2:10 pm- Mj is rushing to finish his bread dough and we make it out of the house only 10 minutes late. We have the furthest drive so my mom offered for us to drive to their house and they would drive the rest of the way to B's.  They want to leave the house by 2:45 pm.

2:25 pm- I get a call from my mom informing me that we would not be riding with them after all.  My aunt, uncle and nephew have asked to ride up with them and we have just been bumped.  Annoyed, I get the address from my mom and punch it into the GPS so we can just continue on and drive straight there.  I am even more annoyed to find that dad is just waking up and my aunt and uncle are getting dressed.  Uh...how were they supposed to leave at 2:30???  I already know dinner won't be at 3pm.  We could've taken our sweet time instead of rushing out of the house.

3:30 pm- We arrive at my cousin's house just as my sister, husband and nephew do as well.  Cousin B answers the door in her bathrobe and is still finishing up with her cleaning.  We walk in, take a seat and wait.

4:00 pm-The hors d'oeuvres are put out for us to munch on.  They obviously just came out of a very low temperature refrigerator and some of them are slightly frozen.  Mj won't eat the wraps.  He eats four of my sister's deviled eggs instead but I love wraps and a little ice doesn't bother me so I eat them anyways.

4:30 pm-My mom, dad and the rest of the gang FINALLY arrive with the rest of Thanksgiving dinner and more deviled eggs.  They sit down and we chat. Our hostess has gone up to take a shower and get dressed.  We sit and chat and continue to munch on hor's dourves while watching the rest of the football game.

5:30 pm-My dad is shaking his head and complaining loudly about how he should have stayed home because she doesn't even have the NFL channel and now he can't watch the Bengals VS The Jets. According to my dad if she agreed to host Thanksgiving she should have had the right channel.  So as to not upset the masses my cousin gets on the phone in a jiffy and calls Direct TV to order the channel so that dad will not be deprived of watching a second game on Thanksgiving.

Meanwhile, we still don't know what's going on with dinner.  The kitchen is suspiciously absent of any food aroma's, the hostess is no where near the kitchen and all the food we brought is still sitting there. We wander in to figure out what we can do to facilitate the process of eating sometime soon. In the kitchen we find Cousin B's boxed mashed potatoes sitting on the counter and corned beef and green beans sitting on the stove.  Big sis and Mj cook and season up the mashed potatoes to try to give them some flavor and fire up the stove to start heating up everything else. Mom brought turkey, corn bread and cranberry sauce.  She realizes that she forgot to bring the yams. My sister brought greens and my aunt brought mac and cheese.  Our contribution was three desserts and homemade bread.  Turns out Cousin B didn't get a chance to make the boxed stuffing she bought.  I don't like stuffing so I don't care but everyone else is a fan so we had to use the stuffing that my mom brought from home especially for Mj.

Mom and I

6:30 pm-  Due to the time delay Mj's bread has swelled to 2 times it's expected size.  He realizes that it's still sitting there so he goes in and turns on the oven so he can get it baked.  Unfortunately,  the oven is in some state of disrepair and won't get hot.  The oven is on and he still can touch the grate with his bare hand!  The bread doesn't turn out as well as he wanted it to but we make do.

Aunt B is asking about the frozen wantons and crab cakes she'd left out.  I had already crammed them back into the shockingly packed fridge.  It was well past appetizer time and if she hadn't made them yet there was no reason to do so now.  We didn't need to make one more thing that would delay dinner. Besides....I don't even know if her oven would have cooked the darn things and the microwave was being used as storage.

7:00 pm-My younger cousin was so hungry by this time he had a headache. We finally find ourselves standing around the kitchen table saying a blessing so we can eat.  We were all starving so we dig in and go to town on filling up our hungry bellies with some good food.  We can only wonder what she will do with the left overs considering her refrigerator is packed with not even an inch to spare.

Big sis and lil nephew

The whole situation was more funny then anything else and I just couldn't resist sharing such a comedy of errors.  Cousin B is smart and capable but hostessing just may not be her thing.  I'm still not sure why she wanted to host Thanksgiving.  I have never seen a house so crammed with extra stuff, her kitchen wasn't exactly functional, and she didn't do much cooking. She has a heart of gold and she means well so ultimately I didn't let anything about the sequence of events leading up to dinner bother me too much.  There may have been a few bumps along the way but she was still nice enough to invite everyone over so I can't be too mad about it.  I still had fun.  I was with my family hanging out and I got to hold my little nephew half the night.  We were all together and even though it took a while we still enjoyed some good food and each other which is really what matters most.

Giving Thanks

This is the time of year that we all need to take stock of what we have in our lives that we are grateful for.  Making a list like this is probably harder for some then others.  There are a great many people in this world who are unhappy, struggling, and simply got a raw deal in life.   When I think about all the bad there is in the world out there I know that no matter how far I am from where I wish I was I am damn lucky to be where I am and have plenty to be thankful for.

• My husband:  I seriously don't know where I would be without this man.  He changed my life.  This time last year he was just coming home from a long 11 month separation.  I'm glad he's home for good...at least for now.
• My family:  I love them so very much.  I am grateful  that my big sis lives closer now for at least the next five years and that we will get to watch my nephew grow up and that my mom is the best mom I could ever ask for.
• My job:  I have been so hard on myself in the past for not "being" something better then I am.  But really, when it comes down to it I am lucky to have a job that I like with great health insurance benefits, all the holidays off AND that keeps the bills paid.  Getting a promotion has been a much needed boost for my self confidence and my wallet.  I can only be grateful for that.  There are people in their 6o's working low wage manual labor jobs that basically keep them in poverty.  How difficult must it be to get out of bed and face that every day? I am glad that I don't have to.
• My health:  I don't get sick a lot.  I don't put into my body everything I should.  I don't exercise enough and I am ever critical of it's appearance but even so it has never failed me. 
• My home:  Even when I was bursting at the seams in my tiny studio I was always grateful that I had a roof over my head.  Many people in this world dream of having any home at all and I feel so fortunate that we were able to buy our first house together.
• Finances:  Of course I wish I were rich but I am glad that my finances are in order enough to the point that I have good credit, money saved, and a 403b.  Despite what a big year we had with the house, wedding, and honeymoon we are debt free.  No drowning in debt or high interest rates for us.  I have always lived within my means and didn't have to learn that lesson the hard way.

I'll be spending Thanksgiving with almost my whole family.  We will miss lil' sis.  She couldn't make it down here again for today but hopefully we will see her at Christmas.   My cousin wanted to host this year so we will be making the drive up there to her house.  I am still in my pajamas and I'm looking forward to a wonderful day of relaxation and hanging out with family.  If I feel this relaxed now...wait until the food coma hits!!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Wedding Wednesday: The Reception

We've arrived!  Let's get this party started

My little do it yourself centerpieces turned out OK

[July 10, 2010] The reception was truly the funnest part of the whole day.  By the time we were standing outside the doors waiting for our "grand entrance" I was so ready.  We danced into the room after our bridal party to the tunes of "I Gotta Feeling" and it just got better and better as the night went on.

Greeting our guests

We both sat down and ate dinner.   I wouldn't have it any other way as we did in fact pay for it!  I loved sitting there at the front and watching everyone eating and chatting and enjoying themselves.  Then we went around the room to every single table and greeted our guests while everyone was finishing up dinner which was really fun.  I am not normally a social butterfly so I can't believe I did this!  On your wedding night you kinda have to be social and I actually found that it came naturally and I enjoyed it.

Cheers to US

After dinner we went right into open mic for toasts. Often times only designated people make speeches during the reception and for some reason it didn't really cross my mind to do that.  I just told the DJ to open it up to anyone who wanted to speak which could go really badly....but in our case it worked out fine.  It went on longer then we expected but it was really special to hear what people had to say.  And the tears just kept on flowing. I absolutely did not realize just how emotional this would be.  Having people you know and love stand up there and share there well wishes on your wedding day is awesome.  You know people care about you but how often do those words actually come out? Not very often, so it was just awesome to give everyone that chance here.

Toast time was emotional.  I was sobbing!

After that we went straight into the cake cutting.  I simply had to ignore the fact that my cake was the wrong color or else I would have been mad and I did not want that emotion to invade my wonderful time.  No cake shoving allowed but we did have fun feeding each other.

That's not my cake!

Nice and easy

One of my favorite moments of the entire reception was our dance. I felt like we were in our own little world even though everyone was watching. We whispered, laughed, kissed and hugged through most of it and enjoyed it to the very last note.  The words from "I Turn To You" (Whitney Houston) were PERFECT!!

 Savoring The Moment

After that I danced with my dad to "Can You Feel The Love Tonight."  Mj and his mom joined in about 1/3 of the way through the song.  Then, we opened the dance floor up to everyone and boogied the night away.  It was the most magical night of my life and I didn't want it to ever end.

Our Wedding Day Story: The Beginning........

Our First Party!



Appetizer platter

We invited people over for dinner at 6.  By 6:15 they started rolling in and we Mj had dinner ready to serve by 7:20 pm.  It was a rainy cold night but 10 people still made it out to come hang out with us and we had a really great time.  We put out tortilla chips with salsa and a really fancy schmanchy looking cheese, cracker and fruit platter for snacking on.  Then for dinner it was a really yummy chicken that hubby dreamed up.  Breaded chicken with an arugula mix and tomatoes covered with melted mozzarella cheese on top.  You put your marinara sauce on the bottom and the chicken goes on top.  He served it with pasta on the side and it was extremely tasty.

Dinner

My awesome hubby host extrordinaire!

I was drinking and chatting and having a good old time after dinner when suddenly I realized...I'm a host too and I can't let my dear husband do all the work.  So I hopped up and kicked him out of the kitchen and finished up the dishes.  Everything was washed or put in the dishwasher by the time dessert rolled around.  We used these really cute clear square plastic plates so the only thing that really needed washing was silverware and glasses.  Plenty of glasses for all of the wine and drinks we offered.  We had three kinds of beer, wine and a variety of mixed drink options.  Dessert was made from scratch brownies (by Mj of course) which we warmed up right before eating and had ice cream to put on top.  One of our guests bought some cheesecake and another brought some wine and more beer so there was plenty to go around.  The first guest didn't leave until around 10, the last ones left around 10:30 pm and we had the kitchen all cleaned up by 11 ish.  Mj is so awesome.  He really was the one who put everything together and I just made sure that I helped with whatever he needed.  

Time for dessert

What struck me the most is that it really didn't feel like work at all.  It's a party!  It's fun.  I clean regularly so we mostly just had tidying up to do to get the house ready for guests.  The cooking and any other prepping we had to do was for something fun and I found that I just didn't mind it at all.  The clean up wasn't bad either.  You just roll up your sleeves and jump in there and before you know it everything is done.  I was so happy that everyone had fun and that everything went so well that I hardly even noticed what I was doing.  Oh, and still being a little tipsy from the drinks made it fly by.  The good thing about having a party at your house is that you don't have to go anywhere.  Everyone comes to you and it's your party so you get to have what you want.  I got to have my hard alcohol of choice, Grand Marnier which I mixed with orange juice.

Mj told them it wasn't a house warming.  We were just having folks over for dinner and we were not soliciting gifts but they decided to chip in and get us something off of our wedding registry.  The Cuisinart stainless steel wine cellar!  It's a wine chiller that holds 8 bottles of wine.  Another couple got us a really cool drink dispenser that will come in handy for future parties.  They are so sweet.  I think everyone had a really good time.  I'm glad we did it and I never thought I'd see the day when I'd say this but....I loved it and am actually excited about the idea of doing it again sometime.   Who knows, by this time next year I might even be ready to host Thanksgiving.

On Entertaining

Entertaining is a bit of a foreign concept for me. My bridal shower was at my house but I just provided the space and my lovely hostesses did all the work.  I can't count how many times I've watched HGTV and heard a prospective home buyer chirp, "Ohhhh and I love how open it is.  Perfect for entertaining!" or "We just looove entertaining!"  Sure, I thought now that I don't live in a shoebox I can invite someone over but actual full on entertaining....not so much.  My thought process was more like "How spacious....I should actually have enough space to keep my house neat."  In that case, throwing a party seems more like a conflict of interest then anything else.

I have never hosted any kind of gathering at my house.  Ever.

• First of all I don't have a gaggle of friends.  You kind of need those to invite a bunch of folks over to entertain.  The ones I do have aren't part of the same circle and I'm kind of a homebody loner type if left to my own devices.  For me, I figured at most it would be a friend or two here or a friend there.  Back in the old days I had even less friends then I do now and was in a lackluster relationship.  Entertaining like some shiny happy couple that we weren't was the last thing on my mind.   
• Second, I haven't exactly unlocked the joy of cooking.  I am making an effort to get in the kitchen because I want to be a good wife.  I haven't found it awful but I'm just not sure it'll ever be something that I look forward to or want to do more then once or twice a week.  For a party I could easily solve that problem with Pat & Oscars or El Pollo Loco-What did you think I'd resort to Pizza?-but hubby is decidedly more "hands on." 
• Thirdly, it can be a lot of work and money.  You have to prepare by shopping, cleaning, and cooking.  You have to consider Hor's Dourves, desserts and drinks.  You want everyone to have a good time so you have to put some effort and thought into that.  Then there is more cleaning and dish washing late into the night after everyone goes home.  And what if someone spills something?  Uh...how is this fun?  Normal Saturday nights include chillin' in my pj's eating popcorn, watching a DVD and dozing off to sleep by 11pm.  Easy and free 99.
• Lastly, I have only ever lived in tiny and/or drab bare walled apartments that I honestly never really took much pride in.  More recently I lived in the tiniest place yet.  The maximum occupancy was 5 and because it was a studio having people over was sort of like inviting a group of people into your bedroom.  I had 0 wine glasses and exactly 4 plates.  My most frequent guests were mom and dad.  Knowing that I was not equipped with food or proper cooking materials we either went out or my mom would bring something in.  I rarely had any other visitors at all. 

Mj has plenty of friends who get together and do all kinds of things throughout the year and we have been invited on multiple occasions to some of their homes for dinner.  Now that we are for the most part settled into our home we naturally want to reciprocate so our first dinner party ever is..... tomorrow night!  Originally, I thought he was just going to invite about 2-3 couples, six people max but come to find out that number has swelled to about 13.  He even sent out an e vite!  He is definitely running the show and as usual when it comes to anything kitchen related I will assist.  No ordering take out on his watch.  He's planned out the menu and will start cooking tonight.  He already started on the mixed drinks and did the shopping for it last night.  He is so organized...well when it comes to this stuff that is.

I like his friends.  I like the idea having them over to see our new home and hang out but this is all just so new to me.  Martha Stewart I clearly am not.  NOT EVEN CLOSE.  I dearly want to be but I just seem to be missing that gene.  I have not done any holiday decorating, I balked at the idea of hosting Thanksgiving, i'm not doing holiday cards and am even debating if we should get a tree!  I'm just the lowly assistant along for the ride but even so I am technically hosting a dinner party...dahling!  At first it really just felt like work but Mj's enthusiasm is catching and now even I am starting to get excited.

The Party.......