11.28.2010

Relationships are so Hard

I was reading a friend's facebook status.  She posted "Relationships are so hard."   It's almost a no brainer to me as to why.  She sort of signed up for hard.  She is a 20 something who has shouldered the burden of being the main provider for herself and her 40 something year old boyfriend.  Not only can her boyfriend not fully take care of himself he is also unable to take care of his eight year old daughter so guess who supports her too?  Not only that but there is a crazy baby mama in the mix.  Then she tells me that she is actually the instigator in a lot of their fights.  I guess they deserve each other.  No wonder her relationship is hard but it got me thinking....are relationships really that hard?  Is my relationship "hard?"

My two previous relationships were in fact very hard but I have since come to realize the reason for that is because I was with the wrong person.  With both relationships they either started out hard or got there pretty quick which was clearly a sign even though I didn't want to see it.  Thank goodness those days are over.  My relationship with Mj has been smooth sailing from the start.  We met, we clicked and we were together.  No trust issues, no petty arguments and no ridiculous miscommunication blunders.  No drama.  We compliment each other and are on the same page.  When I am in a bad mood and feeling like a total bitch I just tell him not take it out on him.  He let's me get through my "mood" and to this day we have never had an argument.  We also keep the lines of communication open.  Our relationship is still young but the same is true of my friend and her boyfriend.  If you can't manage to get along and find a solid level of bliss early on do you really think it's magically just going to come later?  If it's "hard" now then what will it be in five years?  People who struggle and remain in difficult relationships are mostly kidding themselves.  I know because I did it myself.  If he doesn't call you, if you can't trust him, if you argue a lot for no reason or if every other day feels like a new battle then consider the possibility that this is not the person for you.  Unless some major things change the relationship certainly is not going to improve and if you can see that there are no changes taking place then it's probably best to move on.

Find someone who is right for you and eliminate the struggle.  Someone you don't have to question or wonder about. Someone who doesn't add stress to your life.  Everyone says relationships are hard work and I believe it but am happy to say that thus far mine has not been hard or work at all in any way. Unless you count having to be apart for 11 months which was indeed hard but had nothing to do with flaws in our relationship or how we interact with each other.  That separation presented many challenges but we dealt with them well.  Together.  Given time we may find that things become harder and we have to put in some of that work I keep hearing about to stay strong but I'm really glad to say that at least we didn't have to start out that way.  This reconfirms for me just how right for each other we are.  We have an amazing foundation and when the going gets rough we can draw on that to get through it.  In the meantime I will enjoy my not hard relationship and continue to tell my friend that unless they can change the dynamics of their relationship she needs to move on.  Chances are she will continue to not listen to me and I can only hope that one day she wakes up and realizes it doesn't have to be that way.  Like I did.

This whole weekend has been great.  Fri-Sun we mostly just hung out, watched movies and watched TV together with just a few little errands and outings and some housework thrown in here and there.  Today was yet another example of a wonderful day with hubby.  We were practically attached at the hip all day as we lounged around, cuddled and watched football all day enjoying our last day of the long weekend.  I love being with him.  There is nothing hard about that.

8 comments :

jacin said...

so true!!

Abbie said...

Man oh man, I could've written this myself! You are so right...when you are with the person you're meant for, it's not hard at all! I love this!

Lil' Woman said...

I don't think it's hard if your with the right person. Me and Big Man have our tiffs here and there but I would never think our relationship was hard.

Steph said...

I totally agree! I've never considered our marriage "hard".

Faith said...

i couldn't have said it any better myself! the right relationship is never hard! i hope your friend learns soon enough.

happynappybride said...

I can't say that we've never had an argument, but I can say that he's the man God created for me...and I get more and more sure of that fact every day.

Mrs. W said...

I think that "hard" is relative to the indivdual. What is tolerable to one may not be for another. I believe that people are "hard" and a relationship can be a simple or as complex as you choose to make it. Your friend is going through a tough time and when you are in love with someone it's "hard" to except negative things about that person. Potential is not reality and with time people grow to understand that. Don't be so hard on your friend as you were once in a "hard" relationshiop. She has to know and realize that she is worthy of being loved and appreciated. For some of us it comes naturally and others its a learned behavior. Needless to say us married woman sometimes forget what it is like to be single or as they say on the otherside. We have been with our mates for a awhile and being blessed with a good man is just that a BLESSING. Be a listening friend and encourage her to realize that she deserves more and that she doesn't have to settle.

Frugalista said...

Mrs W-that's the most difficult thing...getting others to listen to objective advice. easier said then done when you are the one in the relationship. i'm not hard on her although it is frustrating to watch. i listen, i advise, i support but ultimately she picked him and it's her choice. not everyone is so lucky be with the "right" man.

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