Writing A Novel Is Hard

Writing a novel is such a freaking roller coaster ride and I don't even like roller coasters all that much anymore.  One day I'm really proud of what I've created and then the next day I'm convinced it's the worst thing anyone has ever written. I have loved and loathed this painstakingly created collection of words a million times over during this entire process.

I let my mom be the first person to read it in paper form and make edits.  Then I read it for myself and made edits of my own.  I tried not to even think about it for about two months so that helped me look at it with fresh eyes.  It started out really good.  It was interesting and I liked what I was reading but then it fell flat.  There were different parts of the story that were just boring and other parts where I just didn't like my own writing.  I was probably really over it the day I wrote certain parts and I could tell.  After spending years and years on this it was really discouraging and I wasn't quite sure what I was going to do to fix it.  I had a few ideas, but nothing concrete.  Nothing I felt confident about making that difference I needed to make. 

I decided to deal with the basic edits first.  Getting through it was tedious but I had to get it done from the paper version  before I started making any major changes in Word.  A lot of it was grammar, some of it was wording, some of it was calling characters by the wrong name, but all of it was really time consuming.  It was page after page, correction after correction and it felt like it would never end.  It took me about three sessions to get it all done.  I did session two at my favorite coffee shop and I felt really old school carting that giant stack of paper around but in a really good way.  A really proud way.  Like, I wrote that.  Those are my words.  Every single last one of them.  It's technically a manuscript although I don't feel comfortable referring to it as such. 

After I finished that round of corrections it was time to get back to writing mode and start trying to make it better. That's when I got discouraged again because I still wasn't sure exactly where to start.  Part of me just wanted to be done with it.  I wasn't totally satisfied, but I did what I set out to do.  I wrote over 100,000 words.  I wrote a novel and it's done.  I was tired of thinking about this thing so maybe that was good enough.  That's what I tried to tell myself, except it wasn't good enough and I couldn't rest until I made it better.

Spurred along by forces outside myself that wouldn't allow me to give up; I sat there at my dining room table with my laptop open one Sunday morning.  I looked at the random notes I'd made in my phone while I did my paper reading.  I made some more notes in my dog eared spiral notebook.  I did a little bit lot of staring into space, and then I started typing.  Once I got started I couldn't stop.  I removed entire sections added new ones and moved existing things around.  If changed one part of the story I had to go through the entire thing and update any related parts.  One thing led to another and I was sent into constant editing mode of finishing and improving for a good two weeks.  I'd think about a sentence that should be changed or something else I needed to add on my way home from work and immediately open my lap top and do it when I got home.  If I thought of something else while I was in bed I'd add a note to my phone and add it in the next day.  My mind was constantly racing with thoughts and ideas about this fictional group of people that I've come to know and love.  It's exhausting and it doesn't seem to stop no matter how much I kind of wish it would until I feel that it's where it needs to be.  I've only had a few different updates pop into my head over the last week.  I'm really excited about the changes I made and I think it's pretty much where it needs to be for now, until I decide that I hate it again.  I mostly meant to trim things down but my word count unintentionally went up.  I'm sitting at 471 pages and 111,301 words of double spaced Courier New. 

The obvious question is, "Now what?" and the annoying answer is still, "I don't know."

Not A Halloween Post

Greetings from Costa Rica

It was another uneventful Halloween for us.  I went and had drinks with friends and MJ stayed home to pass out candy.  I couldn't even post anything on Instagram because if it wasn't Halloween related it wasn't allowed.  I kid, but that's totally what it seemed like!  I had lots of fun checking out everyone's costumes and creativity though.  While I was out with friends I vowed that I would dress up next year.  We all said it would be fun to do a group themed girls dress up outing but even as I said it I wasn't so sure.

We had a lot of left over candy; which is very expensive by the way.  We spent $25 bucks which is not much in general but a lot for candy.  MJ wanted to take it all to work and I said, "No you aren't," and was given a deadline of 4:30am on Monday morning to remove whatever I wanted to keep from the bag.  I kept all classic Snickers, Snickers Peanut Butter squared and some of the Snickers Almonds and Reese's peanut butter cups.  The most I've eaten in one day is three and I've been taking one to work with me each day.  My sugar addiction is much improved from last year.  I didn't even have any today.

I got into the Halloween spirit by watching two scary movies.  We watched the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre on Saturday night.  Oh my word, that movie is disturbing and just all around weird.  It came out in 1974 so it was interesting to see how those movies have changed over the years-which is not much.  They have a formula, it works and they are sticking to it.  I also watched Cabin in the Woods Patient Zero alone on Sunday.  I'm actually kind of embarrassed about this one because it was pretty bad but I kept watching.  I mean, it was good but also really bad.  The fight scene between the two partially disintegrated former babes was just so bad.  I'm a sucker for scary movies though.  I don't know why.

This is totally off topic but we also found ourselves watching Sex Sent Me to The ER on Sunday.  Well, not totally off topic because one of the couples that ended up in the ER after sex was wearing costumes.  The only thing is that they were celebrating his birthday not Halloween but that's just a minor detail.  Anyway, did you know that sex could be medically dangerous?  I'm not talking about STD's or unplanned pregnancy either.  It could potentially result in a ball permanently lodged in your mouth (that was the birthday celebrating couple) or even a brain injury (that was a couple celebrating their engagement).  I'm just saying-be careful.

Another Halloween thing is the time change and I have to say I'm not a fan.  It was bright enough for me in the morning before although I know it won't be once Winter hits but headlights on my way home from work is just bumming me out right now.   I actually forgot to turn them on yesterday because it's not quite dark when I leave but definitely dark by the time I get close to home.

Mid-term elections also happens around Halloween.  I'm a mail voter so I dropped my ballot off at the public library last Monday, because let's be real.  Who actually has stamps?  I may have a few somewhere but I decided to save myself the effort of searching for them by dropping it off.  I have a history of forgetting about mid-term elections but this mail voter thing is keeping me on track.  I think I can only miss one or two elections before I lose my status.  I like the flexibility so  we can't have that.

By the time Halloween hits it's also supposed to be chilly, even here in California.  We got about a week of 70's and tall boots but now it's supposed to be in the low 80's again through Saturday. 

I'd say my Halloween post was late but it's really not because I didn't really 'do' Halloween.  Also, I almost didn't post this at all because I couldn't think of a single picture that made sense, but then I got a postcard in the mail from Costa Rica from my parents.  They've been back for over a week now, but it's the thought that counts and I really love it that my mom sent it to me.  This is their first big trip as a retired couple and I'm still really excited for them.

This photo still makes absolutely no sense for this post but who cares. 

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I Really Like Free Money

My last few posts have focused on things I suck at which include but are not limited to driving, cooking and even taking a bath.  So this post is about something I'm good at.  Making money off credit cards.  I've never considered it an option to spend money that I don't have and have made saving money a priority since I got my first retail job at age sixteen.  I'm not sure where this came from but because of it I've never been in any kind of credit card trouble and I have always had money in savings no matter how little money I've made.  I'm also really good at saving money.

I hate debt but I love using credit cards.  I like to buy what I was going to anyways, pay it off in full each month and earn rewards for it.  One day MJ and I were out having a drink.  I was already in a good mood because it was Friday night but I got an e mail telling me I earned $13 in cash back bonus and I got ridiculously excited.  He rolled his eyes at me but, it's free money!  Of course it's exciting.  It doesn't work if you are not 100% clear on your budget, have the potential to get into trouble with credit cards or are disorganized when it comes to paying bills.  One late payment or one month of interest kind of negates what you are hoping to get out of it but this is what works for me.

1// I focus on one card at a time.  It should be one with no annual fee and no expiration on points so it's easy to keep up with.  The one I use most often has has no annual fee and I get 1% back on all purchases.  I get 2% at restaurants/gas and up to $250 per month/$3,000 annually (then 1% after that).  For a while Discover was my primary card, but I have other cards with good points programs as a back ups if I want to keep the spending separate like for vacation, a particular purchase or if a retailer doesn't accept Discover.

2//  I Spend only what I can afford and pay it off every month.  I use a credit card for gas and day to day expenses and pay it off each month just to get the points.  The key for me is to know exactly what the bottom line figure that I can spend and don't exceed it.  If I know my max and don't exceed it then I know I can pay it off at the end of each month and avoid interest.  To do this, you must also know your budget and you can't be late on a payment either. 

3// I use credit cards for large purchases even if I have the money. Whenever we have had big purchases for the house we put it on a credit card then pay it off even if we have the money just to rack up the points.  It really sucked paying $400 for a kitchen sink but it helped ease the pain to know I'm getting something back for it even if it's only $4.00.  It adds up.

4// I take advantage of partner retailers for increased cash back rates.  Any time I make a purchase online I check first to see if the retailer is listed.  If I log in and make the purchase through their link I can get between 5% and 15% cash back on something I was going to buy anyway.  They have a lot of great places you are probably already shopping at like Groupon and DSW.  That's how I got $13.00 just for buying my contacts at 1-800 Contacts.

5// I Sign up for special additional cash back offers.  Two of my cards offer different promotions throughout the year when they offer 5% in different categories like gas or grocery stores.  If I get an e mail about a promotion I sign up right away.  I earned enough for a $20 credit in just 3 months.  Maybe that doesn't sound like much but it's free money just for going about my business using that card.

6// I don't let the points dictate everything.  I use the card that makes the most sense.  It would make me crazy if I were constantly obsessed with getting more points every single time.  Sometimes it makes more sense for me to use other cards and I'm okay with that.  I left my Discover at home when we went to Europe and just used my MasterCard so I could carry one card and not have to worry about the limited retailers that accept Discover.  If I want to use a coupon at Macy's and it requires me to use my Macy's card I'll use my Macy's card.  If I'm at Target I use my Target card because they offer 5% instant cash back savings on all Red Card purchases.  If I'm buying groceries I use our joint debit card that has no points associated with it because that's the stream of money set up for that.  This is supposed to be easy so I don't want to complicate it by having to remember to transfer money later.

7// I let the points stack up over time and then cash in.  With Discover I can redeem the points as cash on Amazon, as a credit on my card or in gift cards.  They have a huge selection of gift cards to choose from and some of them offer the the gift card at discounted prices so you get more for less then what you pay for it.  They also have big ticket items like airfare and other household products and electronics.  I earned enough for a free airline ticket once.  It was awesome to get that airline ticket but it took so long that now I focus on smaller rewards.  I like that instant gratification of getting things faster even if it's in smaller increments instead of waiting years and years.  I like to save them for vacation.  When we went on our honeymoon to Oahu in 2010 I used my cash back bonus to get a $100 gift card which I used as spending money.  Mj was racking up points on a card of his own at the time and it paid for both of our airline tickets.  I was able to use $36 cash back bonus towards a pair of shoes I bought on Amazon.  I also had $60 in cash back earnings when we went to Maui last year, a $50 card when we went to New York and I have enough points from MasterCard for a $50 gift card.

I've been doing this for a while and I'd feel like I was throwing away extra money not to do it at this point.  Sometimes I feel like I'm getting away with something.  The credit cards are only offering incentives like this because they want me to stick with them, use the card and pay them interest and possibly any other fees they can get.  For about two seconds I felt bad that they pay me without getting anything in return but they should actually be ashamed of themselves for how much money they get out of people.  They have some really sneaky rules that almost got me.

I took advantage of a 0% interest balance transfer offer with Discover and then ended up using the card for a few purchases because I was buying something from partners where I'd get that extra cash back.  I paid off those purchases in full at the end of the month and was shocked to find an interest charge on my statement.  Normally, there is a 30 day interest free grace period on new purchases. Turns out, if you carry a balance as a result of a balance transfer you lose your grace period on any purchases thereafter.  The minute you charge something it begins accumulating interest so it didn't even matter that I'd paid it in full by the due date.  I'm sure it was in the fine print somewhere but that is a ridiculous obscure rule and it's clearly to take advantage of people that might still need to use their card.  I'm in good standing so I got them to waive the interest charge and stopped using it, but how sad is that? 

I don't feel sorry for credit card companies at all and I plan to continue to make money off of them as long as they'll let me.  If you have questions on the specific cards I use let me know.

Woman Driver Mishap

Last week was so excruciatingly awfully slow that I thought it would never end and this week flew by.  It's funny how that happens but I'm not complaining.  I couldn't be happier that it's Friday.

Today I have just one confession.  One that I never even got around to telling MJ and there is a good chance he'll find out by reading this post.  Not because I was worried about his reaction but because I was so mad at myself that I didn't even want to talk about it.  At all.  Like, maybe if I don't mention it then I can pretend it never happened but the only problem is that denial doesn't work.  There is still a cluster of deep nasty black scratches that go all the way to the metal on my right rear bumper because I backed into a sign last Friday morning.

I tend to be a bit of a nutcase in the morning.  I get into my car then get out to run back into the house to make sure I turned off my flat iron.  Then I back out of my garage and stop in the driveway so I can go back to make sure I turned off the closet light.  I also forget things.  Sometimes it's my water bottle other time it's my phone but this time around it was my hard boiled eggs and I got all the way to the exit of our housing complex when I realized it.  I was already running late but I had to go back.  I'm so dramatic about my routine.  My breakfast won't be the same and then my day will be ruined without my eggs. 

The other thing working against me is that I suck at driving.  I hate to be that woman but I kind of think I am.  My speeding ticket days are behind me but I can't parallel park, find it difficult to maneuver into tight spaces and I'm scared to make left turns without traffic lights.  I will sit there forever and ever making sure it's clear and then I get all flustered if someone behind me gets impatient and honks.  Sometimes I don't even like making lane changes.  I also have a terrible sense of direction.  Even GPS is confusing sometimes.  All it takes is one wrong turn and suddenly I don't even know what planet I'm on.  I only know one way to get anywhere and I refuse to drive in other states.  I also get really confused when I back up.  I can't seem to find the connection between which way to turn the wheel and the direction that my car will go.  I'm relatively harmless, but I'm a mess.

When I realized I forgot my precious eggs I backed out of the exit but turned my wheel too soon and didn't see the street sign sitting on the corner until I heard that awful nails on chalkboard sound of it screeching into the side of my poor little Honda.  Thank goodness nothing happened to the sign or else I'd have the HOA on my back.  I braced myself before checking out the damage and it's not terrible but it's ugly to look at and a nice little reminder of my stellar driving skills.  I still haven't decided if I'm going to get it fixed or not.  I love my little Honda to pieces.  She is old but she is the best car I've ever had.  I like to keep her clean and pretty but they'll charge you a thousand bucks to fix a scratch.  I don't know why it has to cost so much.  Then I got to sit in traffic for an hour stewing about my stupid mistake because there was an accident and I was thirty minutes late to work.

But that was last Friday.  Last week sucked, this one-not so much.  I made it out of the house today without forgetting a single thing and got to work 15 minutes early.  We're still hanging onto the 80's around here which I love.  I'm looking forward to meeting friends that I haven't seen in a long time after work so I'm wearing my five minute face AKA I actually put on make up.  And I really like my outfit.

It took me a almost a week but I'm over it.  I still can't drive but I like to think I have other qualities that make up for it.  We've already established that being a great cook is not one of them.

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The Not So Sexy Side of Bath Time

I've never been a bath person.  I was so excited that we had a separate shower and bath in our house and then I never took a bath.  We've lived there for four years and I only took a bath for the first time a few months ago and then I never did it again until recently.  Prior to that it had been years since I last took a bath.  Anyone else start to wonder what they've gotten themselves into once the bubbles fade away?   

The reality of a bath is often far different then the way I imagine it and this is why.  Behold, my bath time thought process.....

++I cannot wait for that bath.  I'm going to drink wine, relax and take my time.  This is going to feel so good.  Oh, look at all those fluffy bubbles and the bubble bath smells so good.  I can't wait to get in there.

++It feels even better than it looked.  Let me just close my eyes and experience this for a few seconds.  And drink some wine too.  This warm water feels amazing.  I could stay in here forever.

++This is the perfect time to get some reading done.  I'm going to be real careful so I don't drop my i Pad.  That would suck.  Now isn't this nice?  Wine, warm water, reading.  I feel great.

++Okay, I'm REALLY hot.  But I love it and all these strategically placed bubbles are making me feel kind of sexy. 

++I'm starting to sweat.  Let me put this i Pad down.  It's too hot to focus on reading.  And what happened to all the bubbles that were hiding my belly rolls?  Time to refresh those bubbles.

++Well, the bubbles didn't quite make the comeback I'd hoped.  How long have I been in here?  Only thirty minutes?  I'm so hot, but I can't get out yet.  I'm not even done with my wine.

++My face is glistening with sweat.  Is it me or am I basically just sitting here in my own dirt? That's it, I can't take it anymore.  I'm out of here.

An undisclosed number of days or weeks later....you know what would be perfect right about now?  A bath.  And the cycle repeats.

I haul the tower fan into the bathroom and blast it in my direction while I'm in there so I don't overheat as fast and can stay in a little longer.  It also helps if I don't fill the tub quite so high.  By the end of it I'm sitting in a pool of tepid water and when I can't take the heat anymore I wash up, rinse out under the tap and get out as fast as I can.  I do not emerge from the tub half covered in bubbles and into a silky kimono style robe.  I like to clean the tub before I get out.  Nobody likes a ring around the tub so I might as well get it over with.  Then I have to get downstairs and finish whatever it is I put on hold to take a bath.

So not sexy.

I look forward to taking a bath.  I love the way my body feels afterwards and I like the idea that I took the time to luxuriate in something that is totally and completely about me but I'm not sure what I love more.  The idea of a bath or the bath itself.  Maybe it would be different if I had jets.  Maybe I'm just doing it wrong.  Maybe I shouldn't be trying to boil myself in the tub like a hard boiled egg but the hot water part is one of the main reasons I want to take a bath in the first place.  Most days I don't feel like I have time to sit there for much longer anyway so I guess it works.  I will say that leg shaving is so much easier in a tub but overall, showers are just so much more practical and I'm nothing if not practical.  I'm not sure how often I'll actually end up doing it but I do see myself taking baths in the future more then once every five years.

Are you a bath person or a shower person?

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17 Signs That You Are Not A Cook

I'm so over the never ending cycle of what's for dinner.  The obtaining of groceries and the preparing of food week after week.  I wish I could afford a food delivery service.  Not the kind that delivers you the ingredients so you can make it yourself but the kind that delivers actual already cooked grab and go healthy food that isn't loaded with sodium.  What would be really cool is if there was a dinner pill for days you just don't feel like doing the whole what's for dinner debacle; which is basically every day for me.  It would meet all the nutritional qualities of a balanced dinner and trick your belly into feeling like you ate something.  I need to get on that one so I can ditch cooking and get rich while I'm at it.

Sometimes I feel really guilty for not being this Susie homemaker hot dinner on the table for my man every night (or even every other night) kind of wife.   When I cook it's mainly because I love my husband.  Not to say that when I don't cook it means I don't love him.  When I don't cook it just means I don't like cooking and I probably wouldn't bother at all if it were just me.  At some point I'd probably get tired of my non cooking alternatives and have to break down and cook but that would definitely be a last resort.  I haven't totally given up hope.  I'll keep dragging my butt into the kitchen and trying to love cooking but for now and the foreseeable future I don't.  I'm glad my husband does.

You know you aren't a cook when.....

1//You try to make it fun by drinking wine but being in the kitchen is just another chore that you have to get through.

2//You 'accidentally' forget to take out the meat so you can put off cooking for just one more day.  Oh darn.  I guess I'm going to have to pick up dinner on the way home.

3//You cook as little as possible.  Whatever the minimum number of times you can cook dinner in a month and still save your marriage is the number you shoot for.

4//It's been so long since you've been in the kitchen that one day your husband finally asks, when are you gonna cook something?
 
5//Nothing you ever make tastes as good as when someone else makes it.  EVER.  No matter how hard you try.  So why bother?

6//You are okay with eating things like sandwiches or Quesadilla for dinner every day.  At least you didn't have to cook it.

7//It takes you a really long time to make even the simplest things.  My husband can make almost anything in 30 minutes or less but unless it's a straight to microwave or oven meal everything seems to take me at least an hour.  I managed spaghetti last week in 45 minutes.  Go me. 

8//You consistently use the wrong knife.  You can't cut bread with that one.  Why are you using that small knife to cut vegetables?  Why would you cut cheese with a butter knife? To that I say, it's sharp, it cuts.  What difference does it make?

9//You forget to turn the oven on until it's time to put in whatever it is that you've been prepping for the last 30 minutes.  No wonder it takes you so long to make anything.

10//You put something on the stove and then totally forget about it until after your husband has already finished making whatever it was that you were supposed to be cooking.

11//Sometimes you even forget to turn the oven off.  Oops.

12//You can't just whip something up out of the pantry. It's a process and preparation is required. First you have to mentally prepare for being in the kitchen.  Then you have to go to do research to find the recipe and go to the grocery store.  That's another reason you never want to cook.  It's such an ordeal.

13//If too many ingredients of said recipe are too exotic forget it.  If you have to ask someone at the grocery store where you might find garam masala or mustard powder or what it even is then you move onto the next one until you find one with ingredients that you actually recognize.

14//The less ingredients involved the more likely you are to make it.  If there are more then 10 ingredients there is a good chance you will skip it and move onto the next.

15//Even still, you often skip out on ingredients that seem like too much trouble.  How much of a difference does that lemon rind really make anyways? It'll taste fine.

16//You can't get through cooking a meal without having to ask someone how to do something or googling it.  Do I need oil? How do I know it's done?  I have had to google how to make chicken and how to boil eggs.

17//You are nervous when others eat your cooking.  Will they notice that  you axed two ingredients, half of it stuck to the pan or that you forgot to use seasoning?

I also pin no bake recipes and still don't make them so that's 18.  I'm a kitchen nightmare.

Do any of these apply to you or am I the only blogger on the face of the plant that doesn't love to cook?  Any tips on how to love cooking would also be helpful.