I'm a Closet Blogger

Blogging is a really odd hobby for someone so private, but I am not any one thing.  I was a tall gymnast, a quiet cheerleader, and a shy model.  I wrote a novel I'm scared to let anyone read, and very few people know I wrote a novel at all.  I am really good at choosing activities I am totally unsuited for

I'm a closet blogger.  And not the kind you might be thinking of, because clearly it has nothing to do with fashion.  I've been blogging for going on seven years (!!) and I am still very much in the closet about it.  Sometimes I feel as if I'm leading a double life because the majority of people in real life have never seen my blog.  The rest of them don't know that I blog at all.  I can count on one hand the number of people who have the link and of those people I think MJ is the only one who reads.  They are MJ, my mom, my two sisters and a good friend who lives out of state and outside my social circle.  They all know I blog on the down low and that it is not something I want people to know about.

Top secret blog post coming right up

So how have I kept it away from almost everyone I know for all these years?  First of all, I am really good at keeping a secret.  I might be tempted to let a little tidbit slip, but mum's the word if I want it to stay that way.  I can't tell anyone my blog name.  I don't share posts on my personal Facebook.  I don't reference our real names on the blog or any social media because I don't want anyone to google me and find my blog. 

No one I know in real life is allowed to follow me on any social media I use that links to my blog.  That's Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest.  Keeping my blog name a secret means, that there is little to no chance they'll find me.  I specifically told MJ he isn't allowed to follow me so he knows better, but when my little sister followed me on Instagram I had to block her until she unfollowed me.  Maybe that was a little extreme, but if she follows me, then friends and family that follow her might find my blog and I can't have that. 

I was really nervous about starting a blog Facebook page.  It was just a little too close for comfort and I was afraid that it would show up somewhere on my personal page.  I almost had a heart attack one day when I realized I accidentally shared something under my blog Facebook Page to my personal Facebook profile.  I frantically deleted the share from my news feed, terrified that I had outed myself.  It's been over a year now, and I think I'm safe as long as I don't promote my Facebook posts or use the wrong profile in the wrong place.

For a long time I didn't mention it to friends at all.  I didn't want them to read and I didn't want to feel obligated to share, but I've been doing it for so long that after awhile it felt weird not to.  I have no illusions that friends and family are clamoring to find out more about my super exciting life or blast my posts out on social media, but once that url is out there is no taking it back, and I want to keep blog life separate from real life.  I started mentioning that I blog here and there only recently, because I wanted to avoid that awkward conversation.  

Yes, I have a blog, and no you can't read it. 

I had to get comfortable with saying that it's just something I prefer to keep for myself....and random internet strangers.  Nothing personal.  It turns out that people can respect that, and then it only gets more awkward when they ask what I blog about. Ooohh...anything I want...life.  Most non bloggers think it's weird.

I prefer to keep blogging my secret and yet, it's on the internet that never forgets open to the whole wide world, so it's no secret at all.  Maybe it makes no sense that I am so private about something so public, but people I know in real life and anonymous strangers are two very different audiences.  When anonymous strangers read my blog I still feel somewhat anonymous, but when it comes to people in real life I feel extremely exposed.  And judged.  I would much rather be judged by anonymous strangers than people I know.  I'm not going to say I don't care at all, but I certainly don't care as much about internet strangers because I didn't go to school with them, or work with them. They aren't friends with my husband and I will probably never meet them in real life.  If I ever do it would most likely be a blogger, which would make it okay because being a fellow blogger, they "get it," and we are all in it together.

My internet presence is definitely me, but it is also kind of not me in the sense that it's the me I present to the internet.  I'm naturally a private person, but keeping the internet me and the real life me separate is what allows me to be as open as I am, which isn't even as open as a lot of other bloggers are.  I don't share deep dark secrets on the blog so it's not like I'm really hiding too much over here.  I try to stick to content I would be okay with anyone reading about, but it's way more than what I share on Facebook and it is comforting to know that people I know aren't likely to see it.  I like my quasi privacy.  There is freedom in that.

I love writing and I really love this space.  When I write a blog post I'm really proud of I am bursting to share, but the majority of the time I'm exceedingly glad that it's still my secret.  The fact that my blood runs cold any time I think I've been outed is enough to tell me that I'm not ready to share.  In a blogging world so intent on increase traffic! and get more followers! this may not be the best strategy, but I don't care.  The internet is vast and my blog isn't big enough or viral enough for someone I know to accidentally stumble upon it.  I figure if there ever comes a day where that happens then so be it, but I'm probably not going to be the one to tell.

Is Blue Apron Worth The Money?

We found a Groupon deal for Blue Apron a while back so we decided to give it a whirl and see what the fuss is all about.  A giant box appeared on our doorstep on a Wednesday afternoon with everything that we would need to cook dinner for three nights.  We took the silver insulated bag containing everything out of the box and were able to cram the whole thing into our fridge.

For the first meal MJ was so fast that by the time I stepped into the kitchen he'd already prepped half the ingredients. I surveyed the scene to figure out what was left. I cut a few things up, babysat a pan simmering over the stove, took a wine break and then started in on the dishes. That is basically how it went for most of the meals until that one fateful day MJ decided that he'd had enough of doing the most and that I should do it all by myself. Disaster. I had to go it alone without him present at all because I didn't want to hear him tell me I'm using the wrong knife or that my cutting technique is off. It was Friday so I went with the Cheeseburgers and Potatoes. Sounds easy right? But for an untrained novice, not so much when the recipe includes things like kale, lemon, garlic and rosemary. Things I would never include if I were making burgers and taters on my own. I am not a cook! The lemon is what really held me up with talk of pith and zest, but the burgers were so, so, good. That's the thing about Blue Apron.  They really do know what they are doing with the combination of ingredients they provide. 

When I say I can't cook I mean it!! Behold a video from FOUR YEARS LATER and nothing has changed. And let's just say the entire experience is totally different when I'm on my own.

 

 

Fresh Linguine & Roasted Fennel with Lemon Ricotta, Castelvetrano Olives & Breadcrumbs

 

Southern-Style Chicken Cacciatore with Creamy Grits & Basil

Clockwise: Beef & Noodles | Jerk Chicken & Maduros | Pork Meatballs in Butter Lettuce Cups | Sicilian-Style Rigatoni

Clockwise: Not a Blue Apron Meal-oops! | Cheeseburger & Rosemary Garlic Potatoes | Seared Chicken & Roasted Sweet Potato | Butter Cavatelli, Kale, Soft-Boiled Eggs

 Meals we have cooked so far (Asterisk indicates favorites).                                       

Delivery 1 

Fresh Linguine & Roasted Fennel with Lemon Ricotta, Castelvetrano Olives & Breadcrumbs (*) 

Southern-Style Chicken Cacciatore with Creamy Grits & Basil 

Cumin-Sichuan Beef & Noodles with Sweet Peppers, Cabbage & Garlic Chives (*)

Delivery 2
Pork Meatballs in Butter Lettuce Cups with Soy Dipping Sauce & Sticky Rice (*)

Jamaican Jerk Chicken & Maduros with Stewed Collard Greens & Charred Lime (*)

Baked Sicilian-Style Rigatoni with Lacinato Kale & Ricotta Salata

Delivery 3
Trattoria-Style Cheeseburgers with Crispy Rosemary-Garlic Potatoes & Aioli (*)                               

Seared Chicken & Roasted Sweet Potato Rounds                                                                         

Mushroom Browned Butter Cavatelli with Kale & Soft-Boiled Eggs

 

The calories per serving for most of the meals are between 600-700 calories. The ingredients are plentiful, the portion sizes are very generous and every meal cooked has been delicious and full of flavor. I usually end up stuffed. Now I will turn it over to MJ interview style since he is the brains behind this operation.

What do you think about the efficiency of delivery and packaging?
Pretty efficient.  It shows up the day it's supposed to before dinner time.  Everything is labeled and separated.  All seasonings are bagged and labeled with that meal.   The food is still cold when it shows up.  The ice packs keep it really cold.

How do you feel about the type and variety of meals offered?
Good variety.  You never get the same types of meals.  I wish they had more non seafood options.  If you don't eat seafood and you want to change the menu you end up with 2 vegetarian meals if you want to change the menu. (I don't eat seafood, hence the reason for having to skip those). 

How do the meal choices work? Do you have to get something every week? Do you pick your delivery day?
The two person plan is 3 meals with 2 servings each per week.  They automatically choose 3 for you based on preferences when you select.  No pork, no fish etc.  The set menu is seafood, vegetarian and a meat.  If we want to switch out we have to choose either a seafood or vegetarian meal.   It shows what you will get that Wednesday and you skip it if you don't want it.  You can see the menu four weeks out but you can skip six weeks out.  Delivery day is based on where you live.  You don't get to pick.

What do you think about the quality of the produce and ingredients?
Nothing spoiled.  Everything is fresh.  Vegetables are crispy.  Meat is good.  It's not top of the line meats cuts but pretty good cuts.  They provide everything except salt, pepper and olive oil.

Once delivered do you have to cook the meals right away?
I think they are supposed to last at least up to 10 days.  You can spread it out. 

How about prep time?  How long does it take to make most of the meals?
Depends on who's cooking!!! If you are cooking it will take 2 1/2 hours.  If I'm cooking it is 30-45 minutes.  

How do you like the app and the program itself?
It's pretty good.  The app is kind of slow but good.

What about portion sizes?
It's plenty of food.  Perfect.  Sometimes you feel like you have too much, but it really is the serving size.

Is it worth the money?
Yes.  I think so as long as you don't get it every week.  If you only order stuff that you think you will like.  It's convenient, you try new stuff and you can save the recipes for future use.  And to make my wife cook.  Which has only happened once.  The cost is $59.99 per delivery for 3 meals at 2 servings each.  When you do the math on it that comes out to $10 per person per meal which isn't bad, but if we did that every single week it would be $240 per month which is bad.  Cheaper than it would be to dine out, but this is only dinner three nights a week so there are grocery expenses on top of that.

I agree that it's worth it if you just do it every now and then to change things up.  And this is coming from someone who isn't into cooking.  I would never dream of making half the stuff they sent us just because of the fancy names and ingredients list.  The first week of January he got another delivery which sucked for me because I'm on a diet that does not include 700 calorie meals.  The bites of 3-cheese calzone were to die for and there were three of them.  Three!! I requested a bite of every single one.  It also had burgers and a really simple chicken noodle soup.  I had no business eating a calzone, but the chicken noodle soup fit my macros okay and I had a bite of his burger.  It was so good.  I'm lucky he doesn't mind sharing.  Blue Apron ingredients are high quality and they don't scrimp on anything at all.  They always provide plenty to work with and the food is full of flavor.  Just delicious.  What I'm trying to say is, yes.  It's worth the money.  Definitely give Blue Apron a try if you haven't yet.  You won't regret it.
 

 

New Year, New Scale

I confess.  I have a scale addiction.  I have only weighed myself every single morning for as long as I can remember.  When I'm on vacation I can't, except that one time I found a scale under the sink at the Bellagio in Las Vegas of all places.  So when I was contacted about receiving a Beets BLU Bluetooth smart scale in exchange for review, my answer was YES.  Does this fit my brand or does it fit my brand?  Not that we don't already have two scales at home or anything.

We each came into the relationship with our own scale.  Mine weighs in half pound increments, but his weighs in increments of .2 so mine was relegated to the extra bathroom.  The Beets BLU Bluetooth Scale does that and a whole lot more.  It measures weight, body fat, muscle mass, water level and bone density percentages.  It also tells you how much of your weight is lean body mass and calculates your BMI.  Like everything else, there's an app for that.  I think it will be good for me to have another number besides weight to track progress.  There is much debate over how accurate these things are, but considering the best and truest way to measure body fat is a DEXA machine or underwater weighing that most people don't have access to I think it can be a helpful tool to establish a baseline if nothing else.  My understand is that a harmless electric current passes through your body to measure resistance.  The greater resistance the greater body fat.  The next best thing after this, is body fat calipers.  That being said, based on past testing I do think the number I'm getting is fairly accurate.

I'm finding that the Smart Scale app needs to be open in order for all the information to transmit.  Once you step on the scale, there is one beep to indicate that weight has been recorded and a second beep to indicate the rest.  The weight comes up faster than any scale I've ever stepped on.  No hesitation at all.  Anyone can step on it at any time for weight.  It shows up on the scale, but the app is required to obtain the rest of the information.  I am secretive about my weight, so I make sure the phone is on vibrate because the app recites all of your stats out loud.  It's especially fun when you don't like what you hear.  The app graphs changes daily, weekly and over a 30 day period and is very easy to download and navigate.  Multiple users can download the app and have individualized information sent to their app. 

I like it.  We both do.  He likes almost anything with Bluetooth and I like that it's sleek and nice to look at.  So now I have this cool little syncing circle going on.  My weight records where I want it to without me having to do anything.  I use Lose it! to track calories and weight.  The scale does not sync with Lose it! but it does sync with the Health App on my iPhone which syncs with just about everything.  The Smart Scale app sends my stats to the Health App which sends it to Lose it!  Simple.  Now if only getting and staying in shape were as easy as that.

I am not one of those "I just go by the way my clothes fit," people but I am thinking I may do an experiment where I weight in daily as usual, but don't look at the information for at least a week.  It would probably be really good for me to see what it's like not to be aware of that number day to day.  I do not necessarily advocate daily weigh-ins.  I know there are other ways to track progress, but I think having an accurate scale is helpful if you are working on weight loss goals.   The extra information the scale provides is a bonus.  It sure can creep up on you the older you get, and even if you aren't trying to loose weight it's a good way to make sure that you are staying on track.  If you are in the market for a scale that measures body fat this is a good one.

Vegas for the Holidays

I look forward to walking, make that running for dear life out of the office on the last day before Christmas Break more than anything else all year.  It's 10 times better than my my Birthday.  It's peace out I'm a free woman for almost two weeks, and it's pretty much the best thing ever.  This year I wasn't at home the whole time doing my normal staycation thing, but when we got back from Las Vegas I still had a week left and it was AWESOME.

take 1

take 9

I didn't even realize people were still getting pictures done at J.C. Penny's until my mom made us an appointment there to get family photos done.  I rolled my eyes a little at that, but if mom wanted us to do family pictures on Christmas Eve at Penny's in holiday color coordinated outfits then that's what we were going to do. Unfortunately, MJ didn't have red or green and the madness that is holiday travel had other plans for us so we never made it to Penny's at all.  Little sis and I were fine.  Our flights were from San Fran and San Diego just a short flight away, but big sis came all the way from North Carolina and if one thing goes wrong with your flight this time of year there is a good chance you will have a much longer layover than you planned.  She missed her connection, couldn't get a flight out until the next day and didn't arrive until late on Christmas Eve more than 24 hours later than she was scheduled to arrive.  We missed our appointment so we improvised.  On Christmas day we drove to a park with a tripod and made it work.  We did a few test shots then popped off our jackets.  MJ ran back and forth between us and the tripod until we got it right.  It was really hard to seven people to look good at the same time with the wind and cold working against us, but I think we pulled it off.  We were freezing do death through those smiles but I think hid it pretty well.

MJ got really creative with one of my gifts

My nephew is just the cutest, with his little voice and sweet face.  He's grown so much since the last time I saw him.  He is a really good listener.  If you ask him to do something he does it, and he is quite the hugger.  He hugs people at the grocery store.  He hugged the flight attendant.  Probably because he was so thrilled that they finally let him get on after sitting for hours at the airport.   Present opening that morning was crazy.  I think I went into a trance or something because I hardly even remember it.  There was trash everywhere.  The lens cap for our camera disappeared.  I think it got thrown away.  One of MJ's present was a riddle so I was engrossed in that and then I was trying to see what everyone else was getting and figure out my new fitbit.  DJ was all over the place.  My sister was setting up his new tablet. I don't know what happened, but it was fun.

Just in case you were wo

MJ helped out a lot at Christmas dinner and it's a good thing because I don't know what went wrong with me and my sisters, but we are not kitchen people.  My mom asked us all to contribute a dish.  Big sis volunteered for chips and guacamole.  Little sis did a spread for bread.  I contributed a husband who volunteered to make brussel sprouts with bacon, and two sweet potato pies.  This is him making some last minute gravy.  Just in case you were wondering pancake mix is a perfect substitute for flour in gravy.  When he went to make cookies later he discovered what he thought was the flour container was full of pancake mix.  I guess it tasted fine, because nobody noticed.

The Rents

Sisters in pea coats at Caesar's Palace

Normally I go to Vegas to party.  Well, party one night and hang out at the pool for the rest because I don't have the energy for much more than that!!  Preferably during the hot summer months when you can walk around at night in a short dress and sit outside at Fat burger shoving fries in your face at 2 am without being cold.  This time was different.  It was my first time visiting my parents since they moved.  Could I go to Vegas and not set foot on the strip at all?  The answer is no.   I have a thing for the lights and the energy of the Las Vegas strip.  It was freezing, and there would definitely be no clubbing but we were there and my older sister doesn't get out much.  We had to.     If it had been summertime I'm pretty sure I would have wanted to party a little bit because I can't help it, but with freezing temps and a pregnant person in tow all we could muster was grabbing dinner on the strip and a stroll through Caesar's Palace.  We did a little bit of shopping and after three hours we were ready to go home. Dad dropped us off and then we took an Uber back.

Our flight left at 6:00am (yikes!!), but we had five nights there and I really enjoyed it.  You realize even more how special it is to be with family for the holiday's when everyone moves away.   We didn't do much.  I think we spent the majority of the time in pajamas watching those cheesy Hallmark holiday movies that were on all day long back to back commercial free.  We also watched the first (and sadly the last) season of the Ballet drama Flesh and Bone on Starz in a single day.  We delivered cookies as a family to the neighbors (much like a Hallmark movie).  On Sunday morning while the guys went to a casino to watch football we went for a walk (minus little sis who couldn't get up).  On our last night we went to my Dad's favorite Chinese restaurant for dinner.  Just good clean family fun.  I didn't want the visit to end, but I knew it had to because otherwise we would be in our 30's living with my parents and no jobs.  We had to go home.  But I didn't want to.

A photo posted by Cece (@mahoganydrive) on Dec 31, 2015 at 8:22pm PST

We went to see Star Wars at Cinepolis the day we got back.  I took naps.  I was prepared, but alas a 10:30 pm start time is still too late for me.  It was good, but I fell asleep at the end.  New Year's Eve was really low key.  We picked up the expensive steaks we love for dinner.  We watched a movie and watched the ball drop on TV.  My retired parents were out dancing until 2am and then went to Denny's afterward while all their three kids spent NYE on the couch. 

One of the best things about my time off is that it didn't go by fast at all.  Now that I'm at work, it seems like it did because it's over, but while it was happening every day seemed to go on forever and that's just the way I like it. 

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Why I didn't Do NaNoWriMo and State of the Novel Address

I don’t know how long NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) has been around, but I first heard about it in 2013.  I kept seeing that word pop up on blogs but had no idea what it was.  I was absolutely delighted to find out that it was a yearly occasion during the month of November in which writers all over the world focused on one goal.  Write a novel in one month.  Don't worry too much about form or style.  Just sit down in front of the computer screen and get the words out.

By that time, I was almost two years into committing myself to seriously working on an abandoned novel manuscript from 2009.  I was tired of thinking about writing a novel and decided it was time to do it so by the time NaNoWriMo 2013 rolled around I was in 80,000 words with hopes that by the same time next year I’d be done.  Maybe I’d try my hand at NaNoWriMo then.

Novel excerpt because I said I would a long time ago and never did

My state of the novel address is a bit late this year.  This one is from November 2013 and here is another from November 2014. 

My novel was officially done in June 2014, but any writer knows that is also just the beginning.  Within days of putting it aside I found myself bursting with new ideas and changes.  I let my mom read it a month later and took a break.  It took her a little while to finish it up, but she returned it with tons of notes on grammar and wording.  I did all of those basic edits and then was thrown back into editing mode.  Every sentence, every word, every comma was questioned.  I added, rearranged and jotted notes in my iPhone whenever a new thought occurred to me, which was all the time.  It was a good thing, but kind of awful at the same time because it was all consuming and I didn't know when it would ever end.  My manuscript grew longer and longer with each round of edits and I still didn't know how I felt about any of it.  Some days I thought it was good.  Other days I wanted to throw it in the garbage.  NaNoWriMo 2014 came and went while I was caught up in a never ending cycle that I have come to know as editing and revision hell on earth. 

After the first two major rounds of editing I could tell my manuscript was getting far too long for no good reason and so began a cutting spree.  It is super hard to cut words after working so hard for each and every one, but lots of words don't necessarily make a manuscript better.  It had to be done.  Words and chapters that would serve no other purpose than to bore a reader were chopped and I whittled it down to where it sits now at 104,500 words.  I needed a real break so I put it aside and haven't looked at it in four months.  I did some some research on finding an editor, finding an agent, and self publishing.  You know, just to see, but that's it.

With the novel finished 2015 might have been a prime year to do NaNoWriMo, but I couldn't do it.  I've had a few ideas cross my mind, but nothing I was ready to jump into yet.  I can't start something new until I figure out what to do with the old one.  This novel was my baby.  My first.  My labor of love.  I put so much of myself into it and I'm having a hard time moving on.  I haven't published it and I haven't decided not to.  I think it's as good as it's going to get without additional feedback and editing.  It is definitely time for someone who isn't my mother to read it, but I can't bring myself to let anyone else lay eyes on it.  If I have any intention on going any further with it I'll have to get over it, but that is just the thing.  I don't know if I want to.  I mean, of course I do.  What person painstakingly pulls 100,000 words from the depths of their soul and doesn't think about publishing someday?  The question for me is not if I want to, but if I can.   It's hard to admit to yourself about something you put so much work into, but I don't think my manuscript is good enough for traditional publishing.  There is a big difference between my manuscript and the glossy ones I see in bookstores.  The kind of books that are good enough to land an agent and a publishing deal.  I'm not saying it never could be, but it's not there yet and I'm not sure if I am capable of getting it there.  Getting an agent is a long shot even if your manuscript is stellar, but anyone can self-publish anything they want these days so the question becomes if I should.

I won't publish something just so I can say I'm a published author.  That title means nothing to me if I don't think what I published is any good.  And I'm not saying it's not any good, I just don't know if it's good enough.  I don't know that it meets my criteria for being publish worthy and there is all kinds of self doubt about whether or not it ever could.  It took me two and a half years in my spare time to finish.  That is a long time, but I don't care if I worked on it for ten years.  I think it's far worse to put out something you are uncertain about than to not put it out there at all.

I'm proud of myself for finishing what I started.  That was always my one and only goal.  Finish.  I wanted to know if I could string together thousands of words and make a complete story that someone might find enjoyable or interesting.  I did that.  It may not ever be published, but I did what I set out to do.  I wrote it.  I polished it up.  I told a story near and dear to my heart.  I'm proud of what I did and it took a really long time but neither make it publishable.

Writing a novel is so much harder than anyone ever thinks it will be.  There is so much that goes into it and then there is even more that goes into making it better.  Some days it flowed and other days it was like pulling teeth.  It was hard, but I really enjoyed it.  I liked spending my Saturday mornings at the coffee shop searching for the words that had already formed pictures in my head.  Getting new ideas was a rush.  I loved the process of getting it all to come together into one cohesive piece with characters and colors and dialogue.  I love writing and so it was genuinely something I did because I have a passion for it. 

Maybe my manuscript is chalk full of potential or maybe it's as good as it gets.  Maybe NaNoWriMo 2016 is just the thing to get me motivated again or maybe that many words in so little time is too much pressure.  My monthly goal seems laughable now, but it was only ten pages per month and that was typically limited to weekends.  Maybe I'll look at my novel with fresh eyes and muster the courage to pursue it further or maybe I'll decide to keep it just for me and me alone.  Maybe some day I'll figure out the meaning of life.  Time will tell.  It always does.

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Fond Farewell to America's Next Top Model

The end of America's Next Top Model is not just the end of a TV show.  It's the end of an era.  I feels like it has been on forever and I've watched every single episode of every single cycle since it started in 2003.  All 22 of them.  2003!! Twelve years ago.  I didn't have DVR until 2010.  That was a lifetime ago for me.  So much has changed since then, but through it all twice a year for the last 12 years there was ANTM.  I used to stop at Golden Spoon on my way home from work so I could eat it while I watched.  It was my routine.  I even got MJ to eat yogurt and watch it with me for a few seasons.  Cycle 13 was 5'7" and under, Cycle 22 removed the 5'8" height restriction.  I guess this means the over 30 5'7" and under season that I've been waiting for is never coming. 

When I heard in October that Cycle 22 would be the last season of America's Next Top Model ever I had mixed feelings.  In the beginning it really was all about modeling and I loved it!  What it takes to be a model, what photo shoots are like, and the journey.  First they got rid of Nigel Barker (photographer), J. Manuel (Creative director for photo shoots) and J. Alexander (runway coach), after 17 cycles.  I think the ratings were down and they needed to do something to shake things up.  I get that the show needed to change and evolve to keep people interested and attract new viewers, but I liked it just the way it was.  They were trying to make things new and fresh, but for me, that was really the beginning of the end.  Cycle 17 was All-Stars.  Cycle 18 was British Invasion.  For Cycle 19 College Edition, Bryan Boy was the social media correspondent and they added a social media score that gave the viewers a say in who moves forward.  They eventually brought J. Alexander back and added dark force Kelly Cutrone.  She was to America's Next Top Model what Simon Cowell was to American Idol.  Mean, but good for ratings.  Maybe ratings went up, but in my opinion they compromised the integrity of the show to do it.  I know, I know.  How much integrity can reality TV have anyway? By this time, I wasn't even sure if I liked the show anymore, but I'd never quit the show as long as it was on the air.  Things were already going downhill and then in Cycle 20 it went from bad to worse when they brought in the guys.

I wasn't interested in watching guys model or the additional drama it would create on the show.  The show was about making it in the modeling industry, not whether or not so and so had a threesome in the hot tub.  The shoots and the cat fights were already way out of control and with the addition of men it started to look like a MTV Reality TV show.  Specifically, The Real World.  I aged out of that show long before it went off the air and really, I was aging out of ANTM.  I was most definitely not their target demographic, but my interest in modeling kept me watching.  Unlike shows like The Real Housewives of whatever, at least there was a point, even if was buried under the bizarre photo shoots and  over the top Tyovers.  That is a Tyra Banks make over for those who don't know.  On Cycle 21 one of the guys got a beard weave.  Yes, a beard weave.  It was a rug for his face and it was ridiculous.  Another model was given half white half black hair dye job with opposite eyebrows colored to match.  That was bad enough, but the half shaved head in Cycle 22 nearly pushed me over the edge. 

"ANTM Cycle 22 Cast" by Source. Licensed under Fair use via Wikipedia.

America's Next Top Model brought us awesome words like smize and booty-tooch, but it did a lot more than that.  For Tyra, it was a platform for her to revive her career and a launch pad for numerous business ventures.  She certainly helped herself, but in the process helped a lot of other people too.  There is always talk about, well where are ANTM winners?  Are they even famous?  Eva Pigford (Cycle 3 winner) has 27 credits on IMBD.  The runner up for that cycle Yaya DaCosta has 31. I follow Reina Hein runner-up from Cycle 14 on Instagram.  She is definitely working and was recently hired by Tyra for the Tyra Beauty cosmetics line.  I see them in adds all the time.  You may not know their names or remember their faces, but a lot ANTM contestants are working in the industry.  Only a few have walked in the much sought after couture runways and maybe they aren't on the cover of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition, but that is rare air many working models never see.  Some have found that being on the show was a burden.  Rene Alway (Cycle 7) is in jail.  Jael Strauss (Cycle 8) found herself in an intervention on Dr. Phil and Lisa D'Amato (Cycle 5) ended up on Dr. Drew's celebrity rehab.  I still don't know what happened to her spread for Express.  I never saw it.  Being a finalist on the show does not automatically lead to success.  That is not realistic anyway, but doors were opened for a lot of people.

Cycle 7 winner CariDee English posted an interesting comment here.   

Tyra won't do anything. She provided a wonderful platform for girls to have a chance at their dream, but, after there is no "Tyra Mail". I had to guide myself, and even though I won a model competition I still had no idea what the modeling BUSINESS was like.  The fashion industry had NO idea how to market us. Our agents, our managers..... because we become a instant celeb.... but had a portfolio of a rookie model. Even though we just were named "TOP" our place in line at Fashion World was at the bottom.  The industry many times didn't care about our name, but did turn a snobby cheek to the name ANTM. 

She struggled after the show but made this list of 15 Most Successful ANTM contestants.

I like Tyra Banks.  She will be the first to tell you she looks totally different without make and that this modeling thing is all smoke and mirrors.  She runs modeling contests on Instagram and seems to genuinely enjoy helping models get started.  I like it that she encourages contestants to follow in her footsteps by being business minded and thinking beyond modeling.  I raised my eyebrows at many contestants over the years wondering why they got picked, but Tyra was looking for unconventional.  She pushed the industry to recognize that beauty and model material comes in many shapes, sizes and colors that don't fit industry standard. 

A reality show is a reality show these days no matter how cloaked in a greater purpose it tries to be, but if you can look past the cliche casting and situations that catered to ratings America's Next Top Model had a lot of heart.  It appealed to that side of me loves a rags to riches fairy tale story and reminded me of what reality shows used to be, before they evolved into the not scripted but scripted train wrecks that most of them are today.  I got excited for how far they came and all the exciting things they get to do.  Dreams did come true on that show.  Everyone has a back story and it's always interesting to see how it all plays out on the show.  One episode invited the mom's of the finalist to do photo shoots with their kids and had her mom be the photographer.  It was so sweet.  I was in tears for half of it.  The last cycle did not include an international trip for the first time in a long time...or ever?  There was a Vegas jaunt to shoot for Zappos and then the show finished off with the final runway show in Los Angeles.  Nyle DiMarco was the very last winner of America's Next Top Model ever.  He also just so happens to be deaf.  There is no way that anyone could argue that this show isn't doing something for him or his platform to make American Sign Language more mainstream.  The show definitely went out with a bang.

I formed a great attachment to this show over the years.  I will miss it, but I think it ran it's course and this was a good time for it to go.

 
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