8.20.2013

Making Friends is Hard

On Friday I got a group of girls together for dinner.  I planned it well in advance and it took some texting to nail down a date.  Everyone is so busy.  It had been so long since I had some girl time that I wanted us all to hang out and catch up.   It's a really big deal for me that this dinner was put together by me.  All of these girls have met before and the one common thread they have is me.

It's a big deal because I never was one to have a lot of friends.  And by friends I don't necessarily mean people who you actually see or even talk to all the time.  I mean the kind of friend where no matter how much time has passed when you meet again you pick up where you left off.  The kind of friends that you feel a connection to stay in touch with even if sporadically.  Facebook only doesn't count.

I always had this idyllic notion of having a group of best girl friends that I met either in high school or college.  It didn't have to be a lot.  Just a group of 4 or 5.  Or even less.  I value quality over quantity.  We'd be like sisters.  The kind of close that you can only build with time and shared experiences.  We wouldn't have to have an activity planned to get together.  We'd hang out at each others houses.  We'd go on girls trips together and then be bridesmaids in each others weddings.  You know, the kind of close knit friends that you see on TV where everyone knows each other.

Let's just say that didn't exactly happen for me.  Most of my high school friends disappeared when we were no longer scheduled to be together every day.  The whole gang of lifelong college friends thing didn't work out either.  My college was known for academics not parties.  To save money I lived in the on campus apartments and not the more social dorms for Freshman and Sophomore years.  After that I lived at home and commuted.  I didn't join a sorority.  I wasn't an athlete.  I joined a club towards the end of my Sophomore year but I was a day late and a dollar short.  Everyone already had friends and I was out of the loop.  I did a semester exchange in Atlanta my Junior year.  I finally got that dorm experience but everyone was from somewhere else and we didn't stay in touch.  

Between high school and college I made exactly two friends.  That's a grand total of 2 friends in eight years.  Then that thing called life happened and they ran off to other states.  My high school friend  now lives in Alaska.  My College friend moved to Georgia after graduation.  For a while my only friend was my big sister and then she moved too.  Not having friends made me feel like a looser; and lonely.  I was born, raised and still live in the same area.  What's my excuse?  Why doesn't anyone like me?  Being single didn't help.  If I wanted to go out to dinner for my Birthday I didn't have anyone to invite.  There was no one to call if I felt like going out for a drink.  Making friends as an adult is hard.  Work is hit or miss.  It can be hard to relate to people who are in different life stages. You meet people just here and there but it's not always someone you can really see yourself hanging out with.


My husband is my best friend.  That's what I'm calling him anyways even if he doesn't feel the same way about me.  Our relationship is great but it's very different from the kind of relationship that I have with girlfriends.  I need that outlet.  I need someone else with estrogen to chat with out life, love and shopping.  I made two more friends at my first job out of college.  Then another at the job where I work now.  It's taken time but along the way I've picked up a few more.  I'm kind of a homebody so I'm not looking to pack my social calendar.  I don't need a ton of friends; just a few good ones.  

That night we went to Lei Lounge.  I'm so glad my sister was able to come before she moved. It's this really cool restaurant that's partially outdoors.  There are vines on the wall, it lights up at night and they mix their drinks nice and strong.  I usually stick to wine but I went for the cocktails instead.  While we were at the bar battling for drinks before happy hour shut down I said to my sister;  I can't believe it.  I actually have friends.  It's kind of a new feeling for someone who is used to being friendless.  

I have so much fun when I hang out with girls.  It was kind of like a wedding reunion because all but one of them were there.  One of them was a bridesmaid.  I haven't known all of them since I was in diapers.  We are at different life phases.  We don't see each other all the time.  We don't talk all the time.  But they are people who have been placed in my life for a reason.  I like them.  They like me.  And I'm thrilled to be able to call them friends.  

22 comments :

Ashley R said...

I can relate to this post so much. I wanted just what you described... but friends are all over the USA and it IS hard making friends as an adult! Thanks for giving me hope!

Treasure Tromp said...

oh I love this post, Cece. making friends as an adult IS really hard. I'm glad that you've found a good group now!

Nylse said...

this i can relate to; always a loner finally got a friend or 2; moved across the country and i'm also discovering that making friends is hard; it requires way more effort than i thought it would.
glad you finally have friends.

Karla said...

I was lucky enough to stay in touch with one college friend whom I am really great friends with now. And I had 1 decent college roommate who was my maid of honor and am still good friends with as well... but other than that... I don't have too many friends and it is SO hard to make friends when you are an adult. I can so relate. Your Friday night must have been so fun!! So glad you finally have a good group of girlfriends! =D

Diary of a Dreamer said...

I do think it's so much harder to make REALLY good friends as you get older. I mean like when we were four if we used the same sandbox we were already like half way to being besties and now I have so many 'acquaintances' rather than friends. Keep trying (:

Paige (The Last Doughnut) said...

My husband is my best friend as well. We met when I was 17, and he was 19. We are currently 40 and 41. I was so head over heels for him throughout college, that I didn't make any friends (and didn't miss it at all). We got married in our twenties, and most of our friends are couples. I don't have a close knit group of girlfriends, but I've never even thought about it or missed it. I do have work friends and general acquaintances, but no one that I would really hang out with for any length of time. I'm weird!!! :)

Nicole N A said...

I know the feeling. I went to an all girls boarding school for high school so I had lots of friends but they were mostly superficial. We all went our separate ways after graduation although many keep in touch through social media. Only three remain friends to this day. The only unfortunate thing is we are scattered across the country (Illinois, Ohio and Massachusetts). For now, Jay is my best friend. He feels the same way:) But you're right, there is always the need to have girfriends you can call up and hang out with - I have a few of these but I wouldn't really call them friends. Wow, I've been reading about friendship from women since yesterday. Yours is the fourth blog to cover this issue.

Jasmine Hellogmsunshine said...

I totally understand exactly what you mean in this post. I told one of my good coworkers that I feel like I dont have a single best friend because I have "outgrown" the friends I had since highschool and no new ones have stuck because I swear that they are a little crazy. So glad that things are looking up in the friend zone for you. I am hoping that perhaps I can make some mommy friends soon.

A Life Less Traveled said...

I can completely relate to this post. My oldest friendship ended last year and the reality is we had grown apart years ago. My husband is lucky to have several long standing friends who live in town. I think girls night are necessary to a female's sanity.

Faith said...

Making friends is hard! Glad that you had a great time with your girlfriends :)

I made some great girlfriends in college and I wish distance wasn't between us but every time I see them it's like time has not changes.

I'm not looking forward to trying to make new friends when I move because by now everyone has their friends. Blah. I hope I'm not too lonely.

afairlie said...

What a great post! You're not alone... I struggle with this one often. There needs to be an eharmony for friendships. Kidding...kind of :)

Rachel said...

I can totally relate! My bf is my best friend, although I have plenty of girl friends, too. It's just hard as we get older and move apart to keep in touch. But when we DO get together, it's just like old times!

Elizabeth said...

This post couldn't have come at a better time in my life! I'm in a new (smaller) city with my husband and I've made one true friend in 2.5 years. Sure, I have acquaintances that I've met through my husband or I kinda knew in college, but their personalities don't quite mesh with mine. I was always able to make friends easily my whole life but a lot of them were guys because - let's be real - girls can be awful. I love afairlie's comment about eharmony for friendships! I'm so happy for you and I hope these newer friendships last!

The Lady Okie said...

Making friends is SO hard, you're right. There's nothing quite the same as having that group of girlfriends. I'm glad you had fun with your night out! You deserve it :)

Whitney Cypert said...

Cece I swear you and I are the same person. Well minus you being in really good shape and me not being in any kind of shape. Making friends when you get out of highschool/college is hard. I have always been a homebody and never felt like I needed or wanted many friends. In college I turned down pretty much anyone who ever wanted to hang out. It takes alot for me to go out and do something unless it is with someone I feel close to and actually want to hang out with. I'm weird, I know. I like to spend my time with Garrett, family, and close friends. But, living in a new state is hard and I haven't made many friends outside of work. I'm happy for you that you have this group of girls to call your friends! They are lucky to have you! : )

Whitney said...

In elementary school through high school, the majority of my friends were guys. I did have a group of girlfriends from sixth grade through tenth grade that I did everything with (but in tenth grade, they started hating me). In college, I did have mostly guy friends again. I also had friends were girls, but drifted apart. I then got more new girl friends, but we drifted apart as well.

The majority of my friends now came from my previous jobs, graduate school, and meeting people through mutual friends at a party.

Deidre said...

I feel very much the same way. I always thought I'd have that Friends experience. You know with people you lived near and who we'd all meet at the coffee shop. But I never really had that group of friends either. I have a couple of friends - my best friend from high school and a few from college who are kind of close friends, but not really.

I think in a lot of ways blogging has become that outlet for me. Which is really nice.

Miss MP said...

My mom always had a good advice- if you can count your close friends on your one hand, you are luckier then if it takes more.

Gee | EverythingWeddingsAndMore said...

I struggle with actually making friends now and I think it is because somewhere inside of me, I feel i dont need anymore than i already have...or I have just lost the art of doing so since I left college. I met my bestfriends in college and now everyone has grown apart, even though we still keep in touch I would love to have friends with me in my current city but somehow that is just a struggle. A weird thing I have noticed is that it is easier for me to make "e-friends" that real life one...super weird!

Amy said...

Finding friends as an adult is extremely hard. I feel your pain. I am in your boat right now trying to build a network of female friends and it can get frustrating but like you said quality over quantity! Kudos to you for organizing this get together and actively building your community of girlfriends!

Carla said...

I totally agree with you--making friends IS hard, especially these days when it seems like everyone has their own motives. I have been lucky to meet some interesting and wonderful people within the last few years that I am more than happy that they are in my life. I've also lost a few friends as well.. mainly because life got in the way and we outgrew each other.

HereBeDragons said...

LOVE Lei Lounge! I went there for my birthday one year - back before they did the remodel. Fun, fruity drinks!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...