Six Things

I am bursting right now. Do you ever feel like you just have so many thoughts and so many things to say but you just can't get it all out in the way that it feels in your heart? Well, that's me right now. That's me a lot of times really. I love writing and I like to think I don't suck at it but there are times when I feel that I can't find the words. So I'm going to just do sort of a rambly this is what's on my mind kind of post.

I finished my novel last week.  I started a post to describe the whole experience and then I couldn't find the words to describe how it felt so it's still sitting in my drafts.  For now, suffice it to say the damn thing is finished and I'm still not really sure how I feel about it.  Extremely happy for one, but also confused because I'm getting closer to that point where I have to decide if I want anyone to read it.

My first work out gloves

I started a new exercise and meal plan this week and I'm feeling really good about it. Part of myself is still in denial and I may or may not admit it again but if I'm being totally honest with myself the truth is that I've struggled with an eating disorder for about 10 years.  Wow.  That sounds crazy when you still don't really want to believe that you ever had a problem.  I don't talk about it much to anyone and even when I do I don't use that word.  Eating disorder is such a loaded word for me and I'm very conflicted about it.  I never felt like I'd truly "earned" the title.  No, it's not something to aspire to but I think anyone who has ever had ED issues would understand what I mean.  I try to deny it because I wasn't 85 lbs in a hospital bed but it's not the 80's anymore and we are more aware of the fact that eating disorders come in all types, shapes, sizes and colors.  When you don't fit the typical ED mold it makes it even that much easier to pretend you don't have a problem.  I pretty much hate my body no matter what size I am and my relationship with food has been really unhealthy.  I'm working really hard to change those old habits.  Right now that means having someone help me learn how to eat more calories consistently the right way so that's what I'm doing.  I'm also going to be shifting my focus from cardio to strength training.  This should help fix my metabolism AND I kinda want to see how buff I can get!! Mainly I just want to be fit AND healthy.  This is still all very new and I don't know how it's all going to end up but I'm really going to give it a chance.  So that's my deep dark secret and it feels good to get it out.

My husband is totally and completely amazing.  He bought me my very first pair of work out gloves (link HERE)and he got them in Pink.  Because PINK!  I love them.  He's also made me all of my chicken for the week and is making me more tonight so I can eat dinner.  I fall more and more in love with this man the longer I know him and feel so incredibly fortunate that he came into my life when he did.

My laptop is fixed.  Well, as of last night it should be and I'm gong to start using it again and see how it goes.  My personal tech support guy also known as my husband has been working on it for the last few weeks and even before that he replaced the battery and added more memory.  It still had issues so we went to the genius bar.  Mr. Genius Bar Man ran a diagnostic and said we should  wipe it and reset to factory settings.  "Is your computer backed up?"  he asked.  I just looked at MJ and shrugged because he's in charge of the time capsule.  I don't trust the time capsule.  I don't understand what the heck that thing actually is but MJ assured him that it had backed everything up and it was okay to delete.  Turns out I was right not to trust it.  There was a glitch and  my  pictures, my documents, my iTunes and everything else that had gone into my laptop over the last five years was gone baby gone.  The good news is that Mr. Sexy Personal Tech Support Guy believes that he has recovered everything and I'm going to have lost of fun sorting through it all this weekend.  Didn't I just say how amazing he is?  This means I get to hold off on buying another Mac for a little while longer.

The countdown to vacation is on.  We'll be jetting off to Cancun in a week.  As you all know I was devastated about screwing up on the booking but I made a full recovery and now I just can't wait to get there.  Commence the pre vacation anxiety.  I don't have any plans next week except working out and catching up on TV shows.  I am such a nervous wreck before vacation so all I have room for is focusing on packing and making sure I have everything I need.  I have already started To Do/To Get lists.

I only had five things but it turned into six because I have to mention this.  Blogger has somehow duplicated this post even as I write it!!  I don't know what's going on but I was writing my post as usual and then when I saved there were two identical drafts of the same post even though I only did one!!  Every time I update one the other one updates the same way once I hit refresh.  I feel like something like this has happened before and when I deleted the "duplicate" it deleted both and I lost everything.  As a precaution I saved the entire post into word before I deleted the extra just in case.  Weird.

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