If I Can Dream

I am under a lot of stress lately being smack dab in the middle of closing.  I am just tired of the whole process am beyond ready for it to be over already.  I feel like I've been living in limbo all year and it's really getting to me.  Buying a house AND having a wedding within the space of two months means a boatload of money is being spent and if there is one thing that's been stressing me out aside from my cramped 400 square foot studio and so much uncertainty over the house it's that.  We just spent $500 on a cake.  I still don't have a renter for my studio and so I'm considering taking on a 2nd job.  I don't even know for sure when we are getting the keys to our house and I have a moving truck scheduled for Friday.  The bank has been so slow getting our documents out for us to sign.        

So, let's just say it didn't take much to get the waterworks flowing.  I've been watching this web only show called "If I can Dream"on hulu.com.  Amanda has made a decision to leave the dream house because it's not working out for her to be there where she feels she has no control over her personal life living in a house with cameras 24/7.  When she made her announcement both she and Cara were crying and the next thing I know I was crying too.  This is not unusual considering I have been moved to tears by a 30 second Cotton commercial before.  Watching that outpouring of emotion just kinda touched a nerve in me partly because of my personal stress and partly because I found it so sad that she was literally walking away from her dream.  As one who once had a dream myself I can only imagine how difficult that must be.  It is next to impossible to make it in that industry.  For every Julia Roberts, Miley Cyrus or Megan Fox there are thousands upon thousands of talented people that couldn't make it.  She is giving up a once in a lifetime opportunity to live in a house rent free, not have to work, receive free acting classes, and support from the management team that handles all the American Idol winners.  The chance to pursue her acting dreams was handed to her on a silver platter and she chose to walk away from it.  In my opinion there must be more to the story then what she is saying that would cause her to do that.  I don't know what it's like to walk in her shoes but from the shoes I'm wearing....I think it's quite a bizarre choice and I can say with certainty that if I EVER had a chance like that I would jump at it in a heartbeat and don't think anything could make me walk away.

Crying has always been a tension reliever for me so it was good for me to just let it out.  In my darker days I used to do it A LOT and not be able to snap out of it but thankfully those days are over and I now have the ability to brush myself off and keep moving.  Today is a new day and I'm off to a good start.  I forgot to put on a bra today [no worries, they aren't that big] but other then that I'm at work and I'm getting on with it.  At the moment the only dream I have on my mind is getting those keys and becoming a homeowner with Mj.  There is still a possibility that we can sign docs today, close and have our keys by Friday so we can move.  I'm just waiting ANXIOUSLY for that call from escrow.