Define Soulmate

Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia:  A soulmate ( or soul mate) is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity, similarity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, or compatibility. A related concept is that of the twin flame or twin soul, which is thought to be the ultimate soulmate. In New Age spirituality, the ultimate soulmate is the one and only other half of one's soul. However, not everyone who uses these terms intends them to carry such mystical connotations

Dictionary.com
soul mate
-noun
a person with whom one has a strong affinity

soulmate
-n
a person for whom one has a deep affinity, esp a lover, wife, husband, etc

google.com/dictionary
soul mate Noun
1.  A person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner

It really wasn't until I met Mj that the soul mate question ever really crossed my mind.  Up until then I was very doubtful of the concept and didn't give it much thought.  There is the life I led before Mj and the one I lead after.  The after is way better and such a stark contrast to the before.  I am a better happier person since I met him.  He literally saved me from myself.  The very fact that this person has transformed my life so much got me thinking.  If ever there was a soul mate then he must be it.  The answer you get when you ask someone about soul mates can be very telling about their relationship history.  It seems that if you have met your soul mate you know it and you are a believer.  If you have not then you aren't sure it exists and/or don't believe that you have met him.  The other question that comes to mind is can you have more then one?  If there is only one perfect soul mate in the entire world for you then the odds of finding that person are slim to none meaning that most who believe they have found their soul mate really haven't based on pure odds alone.  Makes sense, but I don't like those odds.  I think you can fall in love multiple times but all of those times won't be "real."  It's something you think is real and true at the time but don't realize it isn't until you have experienced it with a soul mate.

He is my heart

I don't think any of those definitions of soulmate do the word justice.  "A person for whom one has a deep affinity" could be anyone and a lot of  people at that.  A soul mate is more then a deep affinity.  It has to be.  I know there are mythical implications and I'm not really sure what I believe about all of that but I do believe that I have met my soul mate...whatever that is.  For me it means that I have met someone who is the perfect person for me in every way.  A person who I am meant to be with.  How else could our relationship be so easy and amazing?  How else could this sense of comfort, peace and certainty have washed over me despite all initial efforts to fight it? We have fun and enjoy spending time together. I am totally at ease in his presence.  There is no drama nor has there ever been.  I trust him completely.  There is this myth that relationships are hard.  Not only that, but that they are supposed to be.  If you believe this then maybe you haven't met your soulmate.  My relationship is not hard at all.  We don't fight.  We ebb and flow around and through each other as naturally as could be.  His strengths are my weaknesses and vice versa.  We are on the same page in so may ways.  We agree on a lot and what we don't is usually simple enough to resolve.  We know when to push or when to pull back without being told.  I find it difficult to even be mad at him.  We balance each other out in a way that makes loving him and being with him feel like something I was meant to do.  Does it annoy me that he has some sort of aversion to putting away his stuff?  Yes, but this amazing ability to love him deeply in spite of any flaw that he may have is somehow stronger then my annoyance.  Anything that comes with loving this man is worth putting up with and it hardly even feels like a sacrifice.  I may drive him nuts to no end but there he is every morning giving me a kiss before he goes to work while I'm still in bed.  We respect each other and I find him to be one of the the most handsome men alive.  Without a doubt I know that we will be in love and happy together for the rest of our life and that there is nothing that we can't handle together. 

Is this presumptuous?  Perhaps.  But it's the way I feel.  There is simply no doubt when it comes to him.  It is painful to even briefly summon the thought of what life would be without him.  I shake my head and push it away because of this feeling that life is not worth living unless he is by my side.  At times I am totally overwhelmed with this incredible feeling of love for him.  This indescribable wave of emotion that brims out of my heart and fills up my soul.  I am so lucky and happy that this wonderful person has been placed in my life.  Sometimes when he kisses me on the top of my head or gives me a tight little squeeze for no particular reason there is a moment of clarity where I say to myself, "Oh my gosh, he loves me." And it is such a thrill.  This is very powerful stuff!  I've been married before.  The first time around never felt even close to this.

He might be my soul mate but that doesn't mean that I can take him or our relationship for granted.  I'm not saying that challenges won't come our way or that there will never be problems.  Life is unpredictable and anything can happen.  Maybe we will eventually have an argument or something bigger to tackle but I feel that we are so well matched that we will be able to deal with it.  Together.  Having said all of that I still don't think I've defined soulmate but I'm ok with that.  Like Love it's a feeling more then anything else and experienced in so many different ways by different people that it cannot be fully captured or defined.  Words alone just don't do it justice.

Do you believe in soulmates?  If not, then why?  If so, have you met him?

Date Night Do Over

This was going to be an all day date.  I didn't know him that well so it could either go really good or really bad.  He did all the planning so I had no idea what we'd be doing.  He picked me up and we went out for pizza and go cart racing.  After that we went over to Walmart and bought kites before heading to the beach.  We flew kites in the park and then when it got really chilly we drove over by the water and talked in his car while we watched the sunset.  We never did make it to the movies that night.  That was three years ago but I'd say things went pretty well considering the guy that picked me up for what was to be our 2nd date is my now my husband.  I had so much fun that I wanted us to do it all over again.

Lunch time

Three years later it's June instead of March.  That's how long it took for us to work this special date into our Mj's travel schedule.  The first time Mj got a red light ticket on the way to lunch in what was to be our first official picture but this time after a quick stop at the car wash we got to Filippe's Pizza without incident.   The place has this mob type atmosphere about it and was totally unchanged from three years ago.  We even got seated at the same table where it took about 10 minutes for our eyes to adjust to the darkness in the windowless room.  Within 15 minutes we'd each ordered beers, small pizzas with our toppings of choice and some garlic bread.  We were both starving by the time our piping hot pizzas were brought out.  Forget about being lady like.  The pizza is so good that I didn't care if I looked like a pig last time and ate the whole thing by myself.  I planned on demolishing it again and almost made it but neither one of us could finish our last slice.  I can appreciate chivalry so I did not interfere with his desire to pay for everything before but this time I thought it might be a nice gesture to pay for lunch.

One for me, one for you.  Pizza & Beer.  Love it!!!

We went over to the Speedway next.  We were still in the system from three years ago (me with my maiden name) so we didn't have to fill out the release of liability forms.  We got into our race cars and waited for our signal to go.  Mj took off like a lightning bolt and had already turned three corners by the time I was just barely into my first.  As expected he lapped me.  The next time I saw him coming up behind me I sped up to try to keep him from passing me again.  I put up a good fight and held him off for a while but eventually he passed me up again.  He finished first and I was 6th.  Out of 6.  I get nervous going too fast around corners because it feels like I'm going to tip over.

Suiting up

Ready to Rumble

After that we went to to Walmart to get our kites.  As we walked in Mj said, "This was the very first place I ever held your hand."  I remembered and my little girly girl heart melted when he said that he remembered too.  After asking a couple employees where the kites were, two of which didn't even know what they were, we discovered that they had kite strings but no kites.  Huh?  So we got bubbles instead.  Don't all couples in love blow bubbles together?  It's June which means June gloom in So Cal.  So not only did the sun disappear as we got closer to the coast but after we got to Mission Beach I realized that the sun sets much, much later in June so even if it had come out we wouldn't have stuck around to watch it set.  We blew bubbles and cuddled on the blanket and enjoyed ourselves anyways.  When I got too cold for comfort we left.

Time for bubbles

Three years ago after leaving Mission Beach we drove by the mall with the idea of going to the movies and ended up chatting in his car with the engine running in the parking lot for about an hour instead.  We weren't sure what we wanted to see and were contemplating how crowded it would be.  I liked him but I didn't know if I LIKED him, liked him.  I had a good time and all but being out with him all day totally disrupted my normal exciting routine of staying in on weekends and I was ready to get home.  Not only do I like him now, I love him so I figured it would be OK to extend our date for another couple hours and this time we made it to the movies.  Bridesmaids was the perfect date night movie to cap off such a great date.  It had everything I love in a chick flick to keep me happy but was sprinkled with enough comedy and raunchy bits to keep him entertained.  I must say the date was even better this time.  We got to go home together at the end of the night and that level of comfort and love that I enjoy so much is already there. 

I hooked him on our 1st date at TGI Friday's.  We both ordered dinner salads and I think it was the 1st and last time I ever saw him do that.  He already liked me enough to plan on spending a whole day with me for our 2nd but it wasn't until our much simpler 3rd date at Souplantation that I fell in love.  I met him after work and watched him play a Basketball game then with him still in his gym clothes we sat there forever talking well after we finished eating.  There was nothing fancy about that date, but something about that night just did it for me.  Our 4th date was a gondola ride and the most romantic of them all but that 2nd date still stands out for me.  I thought it was so cute how he planned out all of those activities and at 7 hours it was the longest date I'd ever been on.  Maybe I hadn't quite made up my mind about him yet but it sure didn't take long.  The rest as they say is history.

I Heart Quesadilla's

I can still remember my very first Quesadilla.  I was in Mrs. Malone's class in second grade.  It was a bilingual classroom and one day our activity was cooking Quesadilla's.  When it was my turn I put the tortilla down, scattered the cheddar cheese on top and waited for it to melt.  Back at my desk that first bite was an explosion of cheesy goodness.  To this day I still think it was the best Quesadilla I've ever had.  I have a bad memory so I don't remember all that much from my childhood but for some reason that moment stands out.  I went home and told my mom I wanted her to start making Quesadilla's for dinner and I've been hooked ever since. 

My yummy Quesadilla dinner

It's a really quick and easy dinner and I'm all for quick and easy.  Cheese and tortilla only is fine with me but adding chicken or steak takes it up a notch and adds to the deliciousness.  And you can really add just about anything you want for variety. This Delish.com Crazy for Quesadillas link has 16 interesting ways to make them.  I could eat Quesadilla's for 2 weeks and still have something a little different every night!   I have no problem eating the same thing every day especially if it's something I love.  I'd do it too-except for the cheese factor. It's absolutely one of my favorite foods.  Fattening or not I refuse let myself feel too bad about having it but even I wouldn't eat that much of it every day.  I can justify my cheese habit because it's high in protein and calcium.  It's good fat.  I've tried using fat free and low fat cheese but what is the point of eating cheese that won't melt?  Nope.  I want that gooey line of cheese between my mouth and my hand.  The fat makes it taste better and it's usually worth it. 

I've used Chicken before but Thursday night we used left over steak and added onions.  I had one with a Flour tortilla and one with a Corn tortilla.  Like a lot of foods it's much better for me to get my fix at home instead of a restaurant.  Their version can pack in 1,300 calories or more.  They load up on the cheese and grease up a giant tortilla...or two.  I'll only order one out if it's a reasonably sized appetizer portion.  My at home version is a fraction of that and just as tasty.  The hot gooey cheese....the crispy flaky tortilla.  It's Perfect.

Would You Give it All Away?

MSN Money: Millionaires Who Gave It All Away

Is it totally selfish of me to admit that never, ever in a million years would I give it all away?  I'd donate to causes I believe in.  I'd be generous to my family and friends.  But I would absolutely not give it ALL away.  If that makes me a bad person or selfish well then then color me bad.  Those who do are amazingly good hearted people who undoubtedly have brought a whole lot of good Karma their way.  Totally honorable, but darned if I'm going to sit here stressed and struggling and give all of my money away.  

I don't value and appreciate money because I want a mansion, a Marc Jacobs purse or a Mercedes.  I love to shop as much as the next girl and I enjoy quality but I don't necessarily covet designer things for the sake of it.  I value money for the sense of security and comfort that it can bring.  Even if I went to the same job, lived in the same house and drove the same car having that kind of money in the bank would still change my life.  It's called peace of mind.  If and when mayhem strikes an entire source of stress is eliminated.  I might worry about the incident itself but not how I'm going to pay for it and that is major in my book.  I love my life and I know how lucky I am to have it so I wouldn't mind if it stayed pretty much the same.  I can't guarantee that I would stay in my current job but I'd be working at doing something and it would be something I love.  I wouldn't have to worry about if I'll ever retire.  I'd probably take a lot more vacations and shop a bit more.  Heck, I might even have a baby.  I'm way too practical to be spoiled by money and the trappings of material wealth because I'm not after a high end life style.  I am frugal to the core so I don't think having money would change that.  I'm also a worry wart with a splash of OCD.  Money isn't the only thing that stresses me out but it's right up there at the top and every other worry seems to be a ripple effect of that.  You take money out of the equation and that eliminates at least 50% of my day to day stress.  I'm also a control freak and to me having money represents a greater measure of control over my life.  Because let's face it.  Like it or not, money is the currency that makes the world go round.   I'm sure I'd find plenty of other things to worry about if money were no longer an issue and I know that it doesn't buy happiness.  But neither does feeling broke. 

I've had quite a few daydreams about what I would do if I came into a lot of money.  Giving it all away wasn't exactly what I imagined.  I'd love to be in a position to help others and to do so would make me feel so good.  So, I'm sure I wouldn't keep it all but you can bet I won't be giving it all away.

1 Year House-iversary

 Under Construction

We didn't officially close until May 24th, 2010 but we signed the documents on Thursday and were given the keys on Friday May 21st that allowed us to move in. One year ago we packed up our moving truck and finally got to move into our new house.  I remember this overwhelming feeling of relief and happiness mixed with exhaustion as we pulled into our new neighborhood.  We weren't there to sign some documents or measure one of the rooms.  We were there to stay.  The house hunting and home closing process was so stressful.   You almost don't believe that the house is really going to be yours until the keys are in your hot little hands.  By the time you get towards the end of the home stretch you are so anxious and you just want it so bad.  You want to be excited that you are buying a house but it's hard to because for every step you bypass there is another step around the corner that you have to get through in order to make it real.  Should we buy points? Would we get money towards our closing costs? Turns out yes. What will our interest rate be? It ended up nice and low.  But getting answers to those questions was excruciating at times.  At one point we had to scramble to get a back up loan in place then we didn't even know if we'd be able to close on time and move in when we had already scheduled our moving truck. The knowledge that at anytime something can go wrong and the deal could fall apart was always in the back of my mind but it got to the point where I just had to let it go.  It was out of my hands.  We provided every scrap of documentation that we were asked for, sometimes repeatedly and if this was meant to be then it would be.  And it was.

Thank goodness because if the stress of buying a home wasn't enough to drive me mad then the stress of living in a too small home surely would.  Two people, 400 square feet.  Not good.  I felt like I was being suffocated.  I'd lived there for five years and had already outgrown the studio, street parking, community laundry lifestyle but now there were two of us and I was OVER IT!  I hear all of these stories about a trend in mini houses and couples minimizing their lifestyle living in 200 square feet.  That sounds all nice and good and I'm all for downsizing and getting rid of excess but c'mon.  That is just not comfortable or natural on any level to sustain.  Like your job, if your living situation isn't right it affects your whole outlook on life.  Everything else is filtered through this lens of discontent.  I was just aching for space.  Aching to breathe and make my day to day life more functional.  It's not just about potential investment so the decline of the real estate market did not sway us a bit.  Like a lot of people out there.  We still wanted to buy.

Almost done

When I come home to our house I still love it just as much as the day we moved in.  It might not be the ultimate dream home but I don't feel like we settled either.  We got everything we needed and a heck of a lot of what we wanted.  I remember when we first walked through the models.  Our Realtor told us about this new development that turned out to be down the street from where we lived.  As we walked through, many of the features satisfied a lot of must haves on our list but I would not allow myself to get excited or even really consider it.  We were just looking.  I checked out the walk in closet, dual sinks and the cute little loft area with longing.  I remember walking out of there and saying, "That house would be perfect for us, but oh well.  It's too much."  We took the paperwork from the sales office but dismissed it as we continued with our house hunt. 

We could already see how difficult it was going to be to find a house that we liked in our budget.  There seemed to be multiple offers on houses within minutes of going on the market and you know what that means.  A bidding war.  And you will always lose against offers with cash or a hefty down payment.  It was like a full time job.  You had to be on those listings and you had to go see them fast which was hard to do around our work schedule and wedding planning.  Some of the houses we were looking at were beat up and we are not the fixer upper type.  We also started to get cold feet about the 1 hour Northbound commute to work every every day.  Suddenly the new house started to look better and better.  While still not centrally located, the Eastbound commute is only about 30 minutes, the HOA was low and there were no pesky Mello Roos like the other area we were considering.  Oh, and wouldn't it be fun to pick out all of our design features?  About a week later we went back to see if we could make it work.  It was about 25K more then I wanted to spend but  we wanted out of the studio and with our wedding coming up in six months we didn't want to spend a year house hunting.  We couldn't get everything we wanted but I think we paid a reasonable price for the house we got.  The payments are comfortable, once I got used to the number and I don't feel that we are house poor.  Just regular poor!!  

All moved in

We saw all kinds of horror stories on the net about our builder but it's been smooth sailing for us.  Being a new construction we had a 1 year warranty period for them to fix up any little thing that needed fixing.  No matter how small we called them because we could.  It was like still having a landlord.  We still have a long term warranty for structural defects and a lifetime warranty on the roof but we are officially on our own now.  The home decor is an ongoing work in progress and we are enjoying the little projects we have done so far.  Watching a house get built from the ground up is like watching your dream grow.  I never imagined I could afford a home in California.  It just didn't seem possible.  Then Mj came into my life.  He wanted the same thing and together we made it possible.  There were so many bumps along the way but every hurdle and every mini anxiety attack was worth it.  Now we have the things that a lot of people take for granted.  Outdoor space, a laundry room, extra closets, a garage and enough space to stretch out.  Our day to day life feels functional now.  It feels right.  I totally appreciate and work really hard for what we have and I will never take any of it for granted.

House Pics:
Contract to Close:  Our Home Buying journey
The Home Building Journey
House Projects 
What I love Most About Our House

What's For Dinner?

98% Fat Free Hebrew National Hot Dogs and Fat Free Pringles
I got fancy with it and toasted the bread in the oven.

The day after hubby's Birthday dinner I flat out told him.  "Don't expect me to eat today."  I pigged out the night before, I'd had a few indulgences over the week leading up to that and our vacation was just around the corner.  I felt like a stuffed pig.  I absolutely was not in the mood to have food pushed on me that day.  As soon as I said it I was totally relieved that I had the day ahead of me to eat what I wanted when I wanted and yes...how little I wanted.  I love food as much as the next person.  Maybe even more!  I am a cheese addict.  I love anything with cheese particularly Casadilla's and Pizza.  I have a major carb addiction too.  I can eat bread like nobody's business.  I have a sweet tooth.  I probably crave candy more now then I ever did as a child and my favorite dessert in the whole wide world is Molten Chocolate Lava cake.  I can and do get my grub on but sometimes I really don't want to.  I am a calorie tracker.  Using my phone app it's like a fun game to me.  I enjoy eating but I also enjoy staying within my calorie budget.  To do this I watch my portions and use a lot of low fat substitutions.  I might eat ice cream every night for dessert but it will be light ice cream and only the 1/2 cup serving size. You can eat anything in moderation.  Mj calls it an obsession with calories and weight.  I call it discipline.  It's how I am and I don't think I can totally change it so my goal is to manage it.  Which I think I've been doing a pretty good job of despite his statement of a month ago that I have gotten too thin.  I beg to differ.  I know I  should be adding fruits and vegetables on the side instead of pretzels but I am making an effort and sometimes I just want to be left alone when it comes to my eating habits.  I'm a snacker, I don't want 3 squares a day and if I eat too much one day I simply don't want much the next.  I'm an adult.  Let me eat what I want. 

Longtime fav:  PBJ.  With a side of pretzels.

Low Sodium Fat Free Ramen [280 cals].  Hot commodity.
You can't find this stuff every where.

Like a lot of women, I have a complicated relationship with food.  I love to eat it but then I bust my calorie budget and I love to hate it even more.  Every time I turn around there is some social event with food or sweet treats floating around the office that interfere with my food plans.  Sure, no one has a gun to my head but it's the only time I allow certain indulgences so I usually can't resist.  I skip my healthy snacks to compensate which I know is not good for me.  Then, I come home to Mj saying, "What are we having for dinner" and the reality of it is that I just don't care.  The structure of Breakfast and Lunch annoys me and Dinner is whatever.  I'm a snacker and I can only squeeze so much into my calorie budget.  I'll get a craving for popcorn and want to eat that instead and call it dinner.  Day to day at home I prefer light and easy meals.  Ones that are prepared in the microwave, can be eaten off of a paper towel or that don't require any heat whatsoever are fine with me.  If I get hungry later I can have a snack.  Can you tell I love my snacks?  Or if it's a "real" meal then I want Salads with chicken or Grilled Chicken Breast with Veggies.  If we grab something out my #1 go to is always Subway or a Chicken & Rice bowl.  I'm down for Pizza but reluctantly because I love it so much but sometimes have a hard time with knowing when to stop.  Well, I know when to stop, I just don't want too!   I prefer to reserve hearty meals for dining out or social gatherings.   

Albertson's Fresh Baked French Bread with Fat Free
Mozzarella Cheese.  Forgot that stuff doesn't melt.

Only $3.50 at the Grocery store.  Prep time: 1 minute. 

 With Mj out of town I've been getting a bit of a break.  I can snack the day away and I've been eating things like Fat Free Ramen, Hot Dogs, Sandwiches and bread for dinner.  Yes, bread.  I see absolutely nothing wrong with this.  Ok, so maybe I do.  Day to day nutritionally  meals snacks like that are not the best but that's what I want.  And trust me when I say my diet has improved from where it was just two years ago.  With Mj around I've had to make some changes.  When I lived alone I never cooked.  I barely even had pots and pans and food was way low on my priority list.   For Mj's sake I have stepped up my cooking game over the last year since we moved into our new house and have even started to enjoy it a little bit but the rigmarole of shopping for and preparing meals is too much for me sometimes.   I only have so many free hours after work and the gym as it is and I don't even want dinner half the time so finding the motivation to cook is hard.   I've fallen off the wagon lately and I need to start up again with that.  He gets home earlier then I do.  He is a great cook AND he loves to do it.  Neither statement particularly applies to me but he cooks for us so I will return the favor even if it's not my favorite thing to do.  He is adventurous whereas I could eat the same thing every day for months on end and be just fine with it.  I like the comfortable routine of predictable meals and it sometimes rattles me if I can't plan ahead.  Mj is a foodie so I really do try to get over myself and my own issues and participate so it is something we can enjoy together. 

I might have the palate of a 10 year old and just want to eat a sandwich every single day but it's not just about me.   It's about cooking a meal and eating it together or roasting S'mores in the back yard.  Indulging in something totally fattening just for the hell of it, experimenting with new recipes or having pancakes for dinner.   It's also about being healthy.  I have to remind myself that that food is HEALTH.  It is not just something to resist or dread.