Tiffany Blue

My Tiffany's collection//This year's Christmas present on the left and the necklace he gave me four years ago

I was not expecting jewelry this year based on what I saw under the tree. All the boxes were way too big but he tricked me!  I saved the largest box for last and it ended up holding the smallest present.  I unwrapped one large box only to find another smaller wrapped box. I unwrapped that box to find an oddly shaped package and inside that was a Tiffany Bag.  Inside the bag was the distinctive box in Tiffany Blue that every girl fantasizes about.  There is just something about that color and that box.  That pretty little box tied with a satin ribbon is sure to hold a beautiful treasure.  Inside was a silver necklace with a pink ballet slipper charm.  

Please return to Tiffany & Co New York

He told me right away we could take it back if I didn't like it but it's always hard to tell someone that you want to exchange their gift. The way I see it you might as well be honest about those things.  Tiffany's is not cheap and I would hate to keep something he spent his hard earned money on that hadn't totally captured my heart.  While we were getting dressed Christmas morning I told him that I liked the charm and I can see why he picked it for me.  I love how thoughtful he was in picking it out but that it just wasn't me. He was fine with it and said I could get something else which I didn't expect.  He'd gotten me other gifts so I thought we'd just return it.  When I tried this bracelet on I knew right away that it was perfect.  I'm no glamour girl.  I can't be bothered with full on make up or accessorizing every single day.  I love jewelry that is pretty but also functional and durable so I can wear it to work, to the gym, in the shower and sleep in it without even having to spend time taking it off.  Jewelry I can live in and wear every day with everything; like my wedding rings.  Both my Tiffany's pieces allow me to do that.  I was giddy with excitement before the guy even wrapped it up and I gave Mj a big kiss on the cheek and told him how much I loved it.  It worked out for him because I actually saved him some money on the deal!  He said I could pick out another thing but the bracelet was perfect and it was enough so I didn't.  It worked out for me because I have a bracelet I love from a man I love.  I can wear it every day and be reminded of what a sweet husband I have.  

So what is it about Tiffany & Co?  Well, it's only been around for 175 years.  They've even trademarked the color Tiffany Blue.  It can't be used to advertise or package anything else that is associated with or might be in direct competition.  They specialize in Silver which has always been my favorite.  Tiffany's is luxury and their jewelry is not only beautiful but very well made.  It represents the finer things in life wrapped up with a pretty bow and even us regular folks enjoy having a piece of it.  Having something from Tiffany's makes me feel special yes, but it's having something from Tiffany's that my husband bought me that means the most.

 

Maintaining the Magic

On our wedding day

There are so many unhappy marriages in this world.  I don't have statistics but I venture to guess that for every happy and loving marriage there are at least five pairs of miserable dysfunctional marriages that are on the verge of collapse or already have.  I should know.  I used to be in one of them.  I am glad to say that my newly minted marriage is alive and well.  We love and respect each other.  The lines of communication are open and we have fun.  But for everyone of those marriages that are falling apart many of them started out just like us.  Happy, loving, affectionate.  Madly in love.  It is a huge reminder to me that although I know that Mj is the right person for me we are not just going to magically stay as in love as we are now forever without effort.  I think it's so important to put forth the effort and be conscious of that now when things are good to avoid having to try to do it later in a relationship that has been allowed to unravel into disrepair.

Dating Mj was such fun.  Our first date was dinner and even though it was also my first time meeting him I felt comfortable right away.  He planned our second one which was an all day date that included lunch, go cart racing and kite flying.  After the third date I was hooked.  I fed off of his energy and he showered me with gifts, love and all kinds of fun outings.  Learning new things about each other all the time was thrilling especially because the more I found out the more perfect he seemed for me.  Every time we were together was like a new adventure.  Issues and problems that we'd had with previous partners were a thing of the past.  Everything was different now that we'd found each other and it felt wonderful.  Every kiss, every touch, every time I got to see him was magic.

That was 3 1/2 years ago and we are 1 year into marriage.  We are no longer in that euphoric exciting fun filled newly dating and falling in love phase anymore.  That phase only happens when you are newly dating and falling in love and seeing as how we are no longer newly dating and have already fallen in love that phase of our relationships is over.  We still have fun but now our relationship has a whole new dimension to it.  We live together.  We have bills to pay.  I get to wash his dirty gym clothes and he gets to listen to me complain about him not putting his keys and sunglasses in the brown basket.  While we might not know everything there is to know about one another we know quite a bit and so that discovery process has slowed down.  Still, when he kisses me or says "I love you" just because my heart melts.  I'm still excited to see him.  We love spending time together and I love coming home to him every day.  I am as in love with him now as I was in those exhilarating days of dating and I want it to stay that way.

We are newlyweds just beginning our marriage journey.  Those early days of dating are in the past but I don't ever want to loose that wonder and attraction that made us fall in love with each other.  Therein lies the challenge.  We are no longer newly dating and freshly falling in love but we are in love and we need to keep that magic alive. It's so easy to communicate when everything is perfectly uncomplicated but what about when it's not?  The hardest decision we make isn't where we should go for dinner anymore, it's whether or not we should have kids, how much we should put into savings and who gets to clean the bathroom.  Communication is more important now then it ever was and having the courtesy and respect for each other that we started out with will only make it easier to maintain a healthy happy relationship.

The bottom line is that as a couple you should never stop doing the things that made you fall in love in the first place and add in new things that will keep you there.  Continue to be kind to each other.  Listen to each other and have fun together.  Think about the words you said on your wedding day.  Relationships, like people are constantly evolving.  As easy as it is in these early days of our relationship it might get more difficult as the years go on especially if we don't nurture and value what we have.  When I see those happy couples married for 20 + years with gray hair still out there slow dancing, holding hands and going on dates it makes me smile.  I know without a doubt that I want that to be us some day and it's up to us to make sure that it is.

Define Soulmate

Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia:  A soulmate ( or soul mate) is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity, similarity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, or compatibility. A related concept is that of the twin flame or twin soul, which is thought to be the ultimate soulmate. In New Age spirituality, the ultimate soulmate is the one and only other half of one's soul. However, not everyone who uses these terms intends them to carry such mystical connotations

Dictionary.com
soul mate
-noun
a person with whom one has a strong affinity

soulmate
-n
a person for whom one has a deep affinity, esp a lover, wife, husband, etc

google.com/dictionary
soul mate Noun
1.  A person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner

It really wasn't until I met Mj that the soul mate question ever really crossed my mind.  Up until then I was very doubtful of the concept and didn't give it much thought.  There is the life I led before Mj and the one I lead after.  The after is way better and such a stark contrast to the before.  I am a better happier person since I met him.  He literally saved me from myself.  The very fact that this person has transformed my life so much got me thinking.  If ever there was a soul mate then he must be it.  The answer you get when you ask someone about soul mates can be very telling about their relationship history.  It seems that if you have met your soul mate you know it and you are a believer.  If you have not then you aren't sure it exists and/or don't believe that you have met him.  The other question that comes to mind is can you have more then one?  If there is only one perfect soul mate in the entire world for you then the odds of finding that person are slim to none meaning that most who believe they have found their soul mate really haven't based on pure odds alone.  Makes sense, but I don't like those odds.  I think you can fall in love multiple times but all of those times won't be "real."  It's something you think is real and true at the time but don't realize it isn't until you have experienced it with a soul mate.

He is my heart

I don't think any of those definitions of soulmate do the word justice.  "A person for whom one has a deep affinity" could be anyone and a lot of  people at that.  A soul mate is more then a deep affinity.  It has to be.  I know there are mythical implications and I'm not really sure what I believe about all of that but I do believe that I have met my soul mate...whatever that is.  For me it means that I have met someone who is the perfect person for me in every way.  A person who I am meant to be with.  How else could our relationship be so easy and amazing?  How else could this sense of comfort, peace and certainty have washed over me despite all initial efforts to fight it? We have fun and enjoy spending time together. I am totally at ease in his presence.  There is no drama nor has there ever been.  I trust him completely.  There is this myth that relationships are hard.  Not only that, but that they are supposed to be.  If you believe this then maybe you haven't met your soulmate.  My relationship is not hard at all.  We don't fight.  We ebb and flow around and through each other as naturally as could be.  His strengths are my weaknesses and vice versa.  We are on the same page in so may ways.  We agree on a lot and what we don't is usually simple enough to resolve.  We know when to push or when to pull back without being told.  I find it difficult to even be mad at him.  We balance each other out in a way that makes loving him and being with him feel like something I was meant to do.  Does it annoy me that he has some sort of aversion to putting away his stuff?  Yes, but this amazing ability to love him deeply in spite of any flaw that he may have is somehow stronger then my annoyance.  Anything that comes with loving this man is worth putting up with and it hardly even feels like a sacrifice.  I may drive him nuts to no end but there he is every morning giving me a kiss before he goes to work while I'm still in bed.  We respect each other and I find him to be one of the the most handsome men alive.  Without a doubt I know that we will be in love and happy together for the rest of our life and that there is nothing that we can't handle together. 

Is this presumptuous?  Perhaps.  But it's the way I feel.  There is simply no doubt when it comes to him.  It is painful to even briefly summon the thought of what life would be without him.  I shake my head and push it away because of this feeling that life is not worth living unless he is by my side.  At times I am totally overwhelmed with this incredible feeling of love for him.  This indescribable wave of emotion that brims out of my heart and fills up my soul.  I am so lucky and happy that this wonderful person has been placed in my life.  Sometimes when he kisses me on the top of my head or gives me a tight little squeeze for no particular reason there is a moment of clarity where I say to myself, "Oh my gosh, he loves me." And it is such a thrill.  This is very powerful stuff!  I've been married before.  The first time around never felt even close to this.

He might be my soul mate but that doesn't mean that I can take him or our relationship for granted.  I'm not saying that challenges won't come our way or that there will never be problems.  Life is unpredictable and anything can happen.  Maybe we will eventually have an argument or something bigger to tackle but I feel that we are so well matched that we will be able to deal with it.  Together.  Having said all of that I still don't think I've defined soulmate but I'm ok with that.  Like Love it's a feeling more then anything else and experienced in so many different ways by different people that it cannot be fully captured or defined.  Words alone just don't do it justice.

Do you believe in soulmates?  If not, then why?  If so, have you met him?

Date Night Do Over

This was going to be an all day date.  I didn't know him that well so it could either go really good or really bad.  He did all the planning so I had no idea what we'd be doing.  He picked me up and we went out for pizza and go cart racing.  After that we went over to Walmart and bought kites before heading to the beach.  We flew kites in the park and then when it got really chilly we drove over by the water and talked in his car while we watched the sunset.  We never did make it to the movies that night.  That was three years ago but I'd say things went pretty well considering the guy that picked me up for what was to be our 2nd date is my now my husband.  I had so much fun that I wanted us to do it all over again.

Lunch time

Three years later it's June instead of March.  That's how long it took for us to work this special date into our Mj's travel schedule.  The first time Mj got a red light ticket on the way to lunch in what was to be our first official picture but this time after a quick stop at the car wash we got to Filippe's Pizza without incident.   The place has this mob type atmosphere about it and was totally unchanged from three years ago.  We even got seated at the same table where it took about 10 minutes for our eyes to adjust to the darkness in the windowless room.  Within 15 minutes we'd each ordered beers, small pizzas with our toppings of choice and some garlic bread.  We were both starving by the time our piping hot pizzas were brought out.  Forget about being lady like.  The pizza is so good that I didn't care if I looked like a pig last time and ate the whole thing by myself.  I planned on demolishing it again and almost made it but neither one of us could finish our last slice.  I can appreciate chivalry so I did not interfere with his desire to pay for everything before but this time I thought it might be a nice gesture to pay for lunch.

One for me, one for you.  Pizza & Beer.  Love it!!!

We went over to the Speedway next.  We were still in the system from three years ago (me with my maiden name) so we didn't have to fill out the release of liability forms.  We got into our race cars and waited for our signal to go.  Mj took off like a lightning bolt and had already turned three corners by the time I was just barely into my first.  As expected he lapped me.  The next time I saw him coming up behind me I sped up to try to keep him from passing me again.  I put up a good fight and held him off for a while but eventually he passed me up again.  He finished first and I was 6th.  Out of 6.  I get nervous going too fast around corners because it feels like I'm going to tip over.

Suiting up

Ready to Rumble

After that we went to to Walmart to get our kites.  As we walked in Mj said, "This was the very first place I ever held your hand."  I remembered and my little girly girl heart melted when he said that he remembered too.  After asking a couple employees where the kites were, two of which didn't even know what they were, we discovered that they had kite strings but no kites.  Huh?  So we got bubbles instead.  Don't all couples in love blow bubbles together?  It's June which means June gloom in So Cal.  So not only did the sun disappear as we got closer to the coast but after we got to Mission Beach I realized that the sun sets much, much later in June so even if it had come out we wouldn't have stuck around to watch it set.  We blew bubbles and cuddled on the blanket and enjoyed ourselves anyways.  When I got too cold for comfort we left.

Time for bubbles

Three years ago after leaving Mission Beach we drove by the mall with the idea of going to the movies and ended up chatting in his car with the engine running in the parking lot for about an hour instead.  We weren't sure what we wanted to see and were contemplating how crowded it would be.  I liked him but I didn't know if I LIKED him, liked him.  I had a good time and all but being out with him all day totally disrupted my normal exciting routine of staying in on weekends and I was ready to get home.  Not only do I like him now, I love him so I figured it would be OK to extend our date for another couple hours and this time we made it to the movies.  Bridesmaids was the perfect date night movie to cap off such a great date.  It had everything I love in a chick flick to keep me happy but was sprinkled with enough comedy and raunchy bits to keep him entertained.  I must say the date was even better this time.  We got to go home together at the end of the night and that level of comfort and love that I enjoy so much is already there. 

I hooked him on our 1st date at TGI Friday's.  We both ordered dinner salads and I think it was the 1st and last time I ever saw him do that.  He already liked me enough to plan on spending a whole day with me for our 2nd but it wasn't until our much simpler 3rd date at Souplantation that I fell in love.  I met him after work and watched him play a Basketball game then with him still in his gym clothes we sat there forever talking well after we finished eating.  There was nothing fancy about that date, but something about that night just did it for me.  Our 4th date was a gondola ride and the most romantic of them all but that 2nd date still stands out for me.  I thought it was so cute how he planned out all of those activities and at 7 hours it was the longest date I'd ever been on.  Maybe I hadn't quite made up my mind about him yet but it sure didn't take long.  The rest as they say is history.

Relationship and/or Technology?

-Song Lyrics: 
I Love Technology-Napolean Dynamite

Why do you love me
Why do you need me
Always and forever

We met in a chat room
Now our love can fully bloom
Sure, the World Wide Web is great
But you, you make me 'salvivate'

Yes, I love technology
But not as much as you, you see
But I still love technology
Always and forever

Our love is like a flock of doves

Anybody remember, and love Napolean Dynamite as much I did?  A classic!  For some reason when I was writing this post it made me think of that hilarious song he sang to his sweetie LaFawnduh.

Before I had my laptop I spent less time on the net.  I didn't want to be chained to my desk at work then go do the same thing at home.  Now that I have a laptop I can be in the kitchen, on the couch, and anywhere I want to be and still be connected to the Internet.  DVR has made TV time more customizable.  Now I can stockpile a bunch of shows in my play list and pretty much always have something on TV to watch when I want to.  Add to that the fact that now I have a smart phone.  My phone just became a whole lot more interesting to look at and it's literally with me 24/7.  I have apps, e mail and Facebook available to me all the time at home and away from home without even having to open a laptop.

One moment as I stood there in the kitchen watching a DVR'd House Hunters episode, cooking dinner and checking my Facebook news feed while Mj was upstairs playing play station and watching live Baseball streaming from somewhere I don't really understand on his lap top it got me to thinking.  Has technology taken over or should I say taken the place of my relationship?  This is something that I can't help but think about as my stockpile of electronic gadgets has grown and my access to them has increased. 

It's obvious that if there were no TV or Internet our time at home together would look a whole lot different.  Without any distractions all we could do is talk or read.  I don't even know what that would be like.  So clearly technology technically does detract from our interactions but not to it's detriment.   I don't ever feel ignored or disregarded in favor of an i Phone.  Mj enjoys playstation but it's not an obsession.  I've been a victim of that addiction before....and it's not pretty.  I do find that both of us often have our lap tops and/or our phones within reaching distance when we are at home but I don't think it's a bad thing as long as it doesn't become excessive.  When I do feel that I've become too engrossed in blogging or whatever else  I do make the conscious effort to say, "OK, close the lap top and put the phone down."  I really try to be aware of the time I'm spending on technology and not let it become more important then my husband.  We don't have a TV in our bedroom which I think is a good thing.  We always ask each other how was work and how was our day.  I might come home and unwind with my DVR during the busy work week but we usually come together for some cuddle time at some point by the end of the night.  We still talk and enjoy each others company.  We play scrabble, although we do it online!  We play old school Yahtzee.  We watch movies and TV shows together and it's something fun for us to do.  We get out of the house and do things together as well.  While technology time has increased I don't think it's taken away from our relationship in any way.  We still get our quality time in AND we enjoy our outlets that Internet, TV and video games provide.  Like anything else in life it's all about balance.

If I ever felt that I could no longer relate to my spouse, felt a disconnect or became totally annoyed when he needed attention that cut into my technology time there might be a problem.   If I felt that we lived two separate lives at home with each of us entwined in our own respective technologies then it would probably be high time to re evaluate priorities and work on reconnecting.  With us, this has not been an issue.  I don't think you have to choose between the quality of your relationship and technology.  A healthy relationship can balance both.

Finding "The One"

*Me and "The One" on our wedding day*

I can still remember my first crush.  Dreaming that he would like me back while listening to mixed tapes that I recorded off the radio for hours in my room.  That longing aching sensation I had inside for a boy I didn't even really know.  He was a smart, cute basketball star and I just wanted to feel his arms wrapped around me.   Along with half the other girls in our school.  At the tender age of Fifteen I felt utterly heartbroken and alone because he never gave me a second glance.  I got over it eventually, but that first crush is something I'll never forget.

I was a "late bloomer."  The glasses didn't get traded in for contacts until Junior year in high school and the much needed orthodontia did not come until my Junior year in College.  In high school I was the girl who only got invited to two high school dances and never had a boyfriend.  I wanted a boyfriend so badly but kissing still seemed sort of disgusting.  Until I finally got to do it myself with my Senior Prom date just after high school graduation.  I cursed my non existent love life back then but as a wizened adult who's been around the block I can look back and say it was a good thing.  My cautious and tentative nature when it came to boys meant that I took things slow which meant that I was very selective with who I gave a chance and didn't have to kiss too many frogs to get to my prince. 

I met my first boyfriend when I was Eighteen and ended up marrying him.  It may have taken me a while to feel comfortable enough to have a boyfriend but once I made up my mind I was all in.  It was great at first.  Isn't it always?  Then, I began to realize that we were were simply too different to make it work.  What's with three years of dating and a four year engagement?  We clearly had reservations but we had been together so long it was our duty to tie the knot so that's what we did.  I didn't even know myself at 18 when we met and 10 years later was still trying to figure it out when I found myself divorced, in my late twenties and dating for the first time in my life.  After a 9 year relationship.

I had plenty of dates but very few connections.  There was a certain feeling that I was looking for and I wasn't going to settle or pretend.  Getting taken out to dinner was fun and all but I never knew how to negotiate that moment when I realized that I didn't like the guy "that way" and I didn't see the point of leading him on.  Dating was fun and being single was OK with me but I prefer having one special person and I found myself in relationship #2 with the proverbial "bad boy" before long.  If you could call it that.  Our relationship status was always a question mark so it never really felt like one and let's just say that he wasn't as "separated" as he claimed to be.  Being so inexperienced I was too naive to see what should have been obvious.  I still considered myself lucky for having been burned only once in my life by a man.

Oh, and remember that first crush?  Right around my dating years he resurfaced.  He lived out of state but when he was back home visiting he always made a point to call me and we'd meet up.  On one such visit, like something out of a movie, he gave me his high school Basketball jersey.  The very same one that I dreamed about having Thirteen years earlier just didn't have the same effect on me now.  He never noticed me before so he wasn't the right boy for me in high school nor the right man for me over a decade later.  That jersey represented everything I ever wanted when I was in the throes of that poignant teenage crush.  I had come full circle from that awkward lonely girl just wanting to be loved, to a woman that had no problem getting dates, who had loved and lost and was now OK with being on her own.

I had a brief but fun long distance romantic interlude with a guy from the other side of the US.  It was just what I needed to get over the two timer and get ready for the most important one yet.  Third time's a charm.  Fresh off of a quasi relationship I knew exactly how things were NOT supposed to be and was simply blown away by the difference.  The very next man who I handed my heart to and asked for love in return is the same man who I am happily married to three years after we met.  The same man who I expect to be married to the rest of my life.

I wasn't supposed to have a high school boyfriend.  I was meant to long for love in a way that would always make me remember how much I want it and just how precious it is.  I wasn't meant to have 10 boyfriends and several short lived romances.  It could have changed me and my path to "the one" in so many ways.  Instead, I was given two relationships and a time for dating in my late twenties.  Nobody plans on divorce, but I was meant to have a "starter" marriage to prepare me for the one that counts.  With each heart break I learned the lessons that I needed to learn and grew in the ways that I needed to grow.  I didn't know it yet but all along I was on the path towards "the one."  And when he came along I was ready for him.  The man I was meant to be with.

76 Degree Date Night Perfection

Getting ready for take off

Boat Ride munchies

 I could not have asked for a more beautiful Saturday for this outing.  It's mid January but the sun was shining, the sky was blue and we saw just one single lonely cloud in the sky.  Last weekend was freezing but today it was a balmy and perfect 76 degrees.  I planned date night this time around and it turned out perfectly.  The Gondola Company provides the antipasti appetizer platter, we bring the wine and off we go.  I went to the gym AND did not eat.  By 2:30 pm I had created the perfect recipe for drunkenness.  Sitting in that boat with the sun shining on my face and the wine moving through my system was heaven.  I about fell asleep it was so relaxing.  The sound of the water lapping against the boat and the soft sounds of Italian music playing in the background was so soothing.  It's an hour ride and we are taken through a private marina area where boats are docked and the houses with this as their back yard must go for millions.  It was quiet, peaceful, and such a beautiful day.  A really nice way to spend some quality time together chatting and drinking wine.

Our 1st Gondola Ride, 2008.  Also our first pic together.

It brought back memories from the first time we did this.  The first time I ever went up to see him in The O.C. back in 2008 he surprised me with a gondola ride for our 3rd date.  It took us forever to find the marina where the boat was to depart.  It was a really hot day and we walked up and down this street for what felt like forever asking directions along the way.  He even gave me a piggy back ride to give my tired feet a rest.  We picked up a bottle of wine on the way and I had absolutely no idea what he had up his sleeve until we walked up to the boat.  I was 98 % sure that I really liked him or else I would not have driven all the way up there.  At the time, I really didn't go out of my way when it came to dating men but I had this feeling he was special.  I was so glad that I gave him a chance and so impressed at how thoughtful he was to come up with something so unique for us to do together.  Something that I didn't even know existed.  This time around he's my husband and it's not our 3rd date but a number that has gotten so high I actually can't count but it was just as romantic and just as fun. 

Love & The Holidays

There is something about the holidays that makes us love being in love.  The chilly air makes you want to cuddle close.  The pretty twinkly lights beckon for someone special to share them with.  The beautiful Christmas songs suggest love and togetherness with lyrics like, "I'll be home for Christmas" and "All I want for Christmas is you."  We see it on TV too.  The Lexus commercial that shows the beautiful wife come out of her equally beautiful home to find a brand new Lexus with a bright red bow wrapped around it.  A gift from her loving husband.  In the Zale's commercial we see the guy dangling a sparkly diamond necklace outside the window for one lucky woman.  This may or may not cause us to turn and smile expectantly at the man sitting beside us.  And we all know that "Every kiss begins with Kay."  How many women have hoped upon hope to find that diamond engagement ring underneath the tree?  A lot of them do because come January newly engaged couples come out in droves to nail down that wedding venue. 

The Christmas tree, holiday decorating, chilly weather, sounds of the season, family bonding and ongoing festivities causes some kind of chemical reaction in our brain that makes us want to love and be loved.  We want someone to get all dressed up for and go to holiday parties with.  Someone to take home to our family.  We take such delight in shopping for our significant other and receiving something special in return.  When the clock strikes 12 am on New Year’s Eve it's just not the same without a date.  Even better if that date is your partner in life and that kiss represents the hope and promise of a fresh new year that you will share and look forward to together.  The holidays are a magical time.  Love and festivities are in the air and we all want someone special to hold onto as we enjoy everything going on around us.

Six years ago right after Thanksgiving I found myself suddenly single after nine years.  It was difficult enough without having it coincide with the full swing of the holidays.  I really wanted to be happy during this time but my life was literally falling apart and I was too busy trying to figure out how to pick up the pieces to be festive.  I took my big sis to the holiday party that year.  It was a blessing in disguise that the relationship ended and I embraced being single and starting fresh.  I love my family but something about the holidays still made me long for companionship and feel like something was missing.  I had a happily single but open to the perfect man attitude all year long but when the holidays rolled around being single suddenly felt depressing and lonely.  The only thing worse was Valentine's day.  My perfect man did come along four holiday seasons later and I now relish the opportunity to share traditions and festivities of such a fun time with my husband.  He was deployed for most of last year but he made it back just in time for Thanksgiving thank goodness because it just wouldn't have been the same without him.   

There are a lot of break ups just prior to Thanksgiving or Christmas.  I'm sure I'm not the only one who has experienced this phenomenon.  Sometimes it's just to avoid spending money on a gift for someone you're not really sure if you like all that much and what could be awkward family meet and greets.  For some, being alone is preferable to the false and empty feeling of being mismatched for the holidays and feeling obligated to go through the motions.  There is also the opposite effect.  Engagements and heartfelt proclamations of love when people realize they don't want to spend another holiday without this amazing person in their life.  The holiday season is powerful.  It serves as a lens through which we view our life and our loved ones taking stock of where we are where we have been and where we are going in the new year.  It is a time of reflection, fun, giving and family.  The holidays may not be about falling in love but there is something about this time of year that makes us want that all the same.

I Don't Really NEED Valentine's Day

I am not one of those people that believes that Valentine's Day is this made up commercial holiday that is forced upon us just to make money. Ok well, it kind of is, but forced is a strong word. We do and spend what we want ultimately, and if I believed that about Valentines day I would have to believe the same about a lot of other mostly meaningless holidays that we celebrate just for fun. Yeah, it's a money maker but I don't see anything wrong with having another day to show appreciation to your significant other. Yes, we can do it every day but why does it hurt to add one more in particular and call it Valentines day? I have been single on Valentine's Day and it did kind of suck, but it can only get you down if you let it, which I did. So glad those days are over.

The only reason I say I don't really need Valentine's day is because my Valentine makes me feel loved and appreciated every day and I hope he would say the same of me. We enjoy our time together doing something or nothing at all. It's not like Valentines day is our ONE day to do something together or do something nice for each other. We do that day to day anyways.

Just because I don't feel that I need Valentine's day doesn't mean I don't want to enjoy it. We don't expect anything grand or expensive from each other. I'm not going to pout if I don't get diamonds or jewelry, and I think women who do behave that way are ridiculous. There is no pressure here. More then any other holiday Valentine's to me is more about being thoughtful than anything else. In addition to beautiful flowers Mj got me these adorable customized M & M's with our names, little love notes, AND one of my favorite picture of us together on it. Yes. Our big faces on a tiny, tiny M & M. How adorable is that? Every time I look at them I can't help but giggle a little. There are three packs. We will eat two and the last one will never be opened because I want to save them forever. I got him some cuff links he's been needing, and his very own personalized foot and back massage coupon.

Today we went on a picnic at a park where you can watch the airplanes coming in for landing at the nearby airport. The east coast is getting pounded with snow but it's 80 degrees here in February so why not? It's something we do anyways on bright and sunny weekends just to get out and enjoy the scenery. We didn't necessarily need Valentines day to do it, but it was a good excuse. I lay on the blanket staring up at the totally cloudless blue sky feeling the warm sun on my skin. We drank wine and ate sandwiches. I had my beloved Extra Sharp Tillamook cheese and crackers. We talked, laughed, and just enjoyed the day. There were families out spending the day with their kids and couples out walking their dogs. All I could think is that despite how stressed and busy things have been life is good. It's blissful moments like these that make everything worthwhile. Getting up and going to work everyday, and running around like a chicken with your head cut off on weekends trying to get everything done is all for moments like this.

Nope, we don't really need Valentine's Day to say I love you but we do it anyways just because.

Night Out On The Town VIP Style

Wine Tasting In The City

It's Sunday night and we have just spent a nice evening together watching football and making pizza which rivaled any that I've ever had in a restaurant. I turn around and see him sleeping peacefully on the bed behind me and I can hardly believe that he is here. When he wraps his strong warm arms around me I close my eyes and sigh thinking that it just doesn't get much better then this. This is what I've been missing all of these months. This is what I needed to help put myself back together again. He's been home for exactly one week and I have truly enjoyed each and every day.

Last night the limo came to pick us up at 5 pm on the dot. I knew that it was coming because I have been planning this for quite a while but he didn't realize it until the limo driver called to tell me he had arrived. We climbed into our black chariot for the night and immediately popped open the bottle of wine chilling in the fully stocked limousine bar. Off we went. Where to, only I and the limo driver knew!

First stop was wine tasting in the city at a very quaint and homey Wine and Culinary Arts Center downtown. We each had 3 tastes of wine lined up in front of us along with a meat and cheese platter. We took our time sampling the the various cheeses and wines. My favorite was the white but Mj liked one of the reds. When we were ready to go we called our driver. I like the way that sounds!! And we were off to dinner at another location carefully selected by me. I considered numerous restaurants for our dinner. I checked out menus online. I read reviews-which hardly ever helps because there are always conflicting ones. I had chosen a place downtown but he had just went out there the night before so I wanted us to go somewhere different. A co worker had given me a pack of cards with restaurant coupons and I looked through the stack one more time just hours before we left and decided that one of those looked perfect.


I was immediately pleased when we walked into the cozy restaurant which was a cross between a swanky downtown lounge and a sports bar. We were seated right away at a white leather booth by the window facing about 3 flat screen TV's. Mj immediately found a crab cake appetizer and a seafood pasta dish he liked and it didn't take me long to settle on a cheeseburger and fries-calories be damned. The combination of feeling like a VIP seeing as how I have a driver and all, being deliriously happy to be out with my man, and being more then half way to buzzed apparently went straight to my head. Despite the fact that I can't remember the last time I ordered a burger or fries in a restaurant I knew right away that it's exactly what I needed to really live it up. We both enjoyed our meal but there were doggy bags for both of us on the way out. Oh, and did I mention dessert? Only my favorite chocolate molten lava cake with vanilla ice cream. I'd gone off to the ladies room and came back to find out that Mj knew just what to order. We each grabbed a spoon and dug in. It couldn't have been a more perfect meal. Go me for picking what turned out to be the perfect restaurant.


To cap off the night I had the driver take us to the beach which was about 15 minutes from the restaurant. We held hands as we walked along the sidewalk over looking the water and watched the white waves stand out against the black night as they crashed against the dark shadowy rocks that we could barely make out. The otters on the beach looked more like clumps of seaweed against the sand until Mj pointed out to me one that was moving. Inching it's way slowly across the sand as all of the others slept. I wondered if that one had insomnia! We have been there twice for daytime picnics but it was something different to be there at night.


We made our way back to the limo and enjoyed a mixed drink on the ride back home. Mj is such an amazing guy and he is so good to me. He told me what a great time he had and that I did a great job of planning our night out and that is exactly what I was hoping for. I really wanted to wine and dine him as he has so often done for me. I've been agonizing over money lately, but once we were on our way out that night none of that mattered to me. I was so glad to be there with him and I just wanted us to have a good time. It made me happy that I could do something special for him and for us. We have waited a long time to be together and it's been one year since we decided that we wanted to be together forever. This was a great way to celebrate. Cheers to us....and to more fun times ahead of us.

My Cyber Fiance

We decided to get married and then he left the country. I haven't felt his touch since December 27, 2008. I finally meet the man of my dreams and just as quickly he is snatched away. Our whirlwind adventure of amazing dates, getting to know each other and falling madly in love was to be rudely interrupted. One minute I'm day dreaming about what it would be like to marry him and the next I find out he is leaving for what feels like forever. I knew he was in the Army National Guard but that's just one weekend a month and two weeks during the summer right? Well, not exactly. Apparently, at any time a soldier can be fully activated and just like that life as you know it comes to a screeching halt ready or not.

He jokes with me that I was "difficult" and I have to say in a lot of ways I agree. I was kind of a tough cookie to crumble. That independent streak that I'd wrapped around myself with pride was being challenged like never before. My mind kept telling me that I didn't deserve him. My heart on the other hand was telling me something entirely different. Being sad and lonely was painful but comfortable in it's familiarity. It was a constant. It was what I knew. It was expected and like it or not I accepted it as my fate. I didn't believe I was good enough for anything better. I still say that if it were any other person it would not have been enough. His winning smile and his incredible personality melted my resolve. I had to be brought to a place where my heart could not be ignored. A place where I choose myself over my sadness and fear of letting him down. He was absolutely the one who could take me there. I am a tortured soul and It would be a huge mistake for someone who has everything going for him to end up with a woman like me. Don't help me, don't get too close or be too kind. I am so glad he didn't listen. He loved me and and nothing I said or did made him run and so eventually I followed. I followed my heart and it led me to a future I never thought could be mine. One that doesn't have a clouds and misery lurking around every corner. One in which I am as deserving of happiness and love as anyone else.

Since he left for Kosovo our plans have come to an abrupt halt. All we can do is love each other as hard as we can from a distance while we look forward to our future together. He goes to bed on my lunch break and wakes up when I am going to bed. I burn through my Whenever minutes like they are going out of style and Skype is is my new best friend. I feel lucky that I get to talk to him daily and cyber date him on the weekends. Watching him fall asleep inside my computer is the highlight of my day and thoughts of the moment when he will fall asleep beside me keeps me going. We met in March of last year and knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together by November. The good news is that after 6 1/2 months I finally get to see him. The bad news is that after 12 blissful days of togetherness he will have to leave. He may be my Cyber Fiance right now but in the not so distant future he will be my Real Life Husband and all I can say is....I can't wait for what happens next.