When My Husband is Away

I'm not one of those women who has never spent a night away from her husband.  Mj was gone for eleven months in 2008 (now that was awful) and he did a ton of traveling in 2011.  I actually consider myself lucky if he has to go somewhere and it's for a month or less because it's nothing compared to 11 months.  Back when I still watched it there was a couple on Real Housewives of Orange County who claimed to have never spent a night apart and even refused to go on any overnight trips without the other and I thought that was ridiculous.  If it's a trust issue then that seriously needs to be addressed.  I think that couple is divorced now.  Just because you are married doesn't mean that you should be joined at the hip.  Everyone needs their own space even if it's just spending a day or evening with your friends.  Even if you think you don't chances are that you actually do.  Codependency is not healthy and absence can make the heart grow fonder.  If  it's Europe, Hawaii or something big I want that trip to be with Mj and if he thinks he's going somewhere like that without me he's got another think coming.  He and his friends do long weekend biking or Vegas trips.  I miss him and I might get a little jealous about being left behind, but I think it's great to see him get out and have fun with his friends.  He wants the same thing for me.  In fact he wishes I would! I hardly ever go anywhere overnight and the one time that I did he said how cool it was having the house to himself.  I know he loves me and doesn't want me to go away forever so there is no point getting my feelings hurt about it. 

This time he was gone for a week.  I love him to pieces but there are some perks when he's gone. 

• I get to park in the middle of our two car garage and have plenty of room to get in and out on all sides.  My backing up skills are questionable and having that extra space means I don't have to worry about knocking my side view mirror off or backing over the lawn.
• The house is neat as a pin.  There isn't random stuff laying about everywhere I look.  There are no clothes on the floor, shoes strewn about or dishes piled up in the kitchen to stress me out.    
• I don't have to cook or feel bad about not cooking. I can eat whatever I want for dinner and not have to answer to anyone.  
• I get way more much needed sleep! I've been in bed by 10:00 pm every work night he's been gone because I'm not trying to stay up longer then I should waiting for him to go to bed.
• I'm willing to spend the night at my mom's.  I stayed there Saturday night and got in some good quality family time.  I do go to Mom's house without him but it's really hard for me to stay the night when I know he's at home. 

The downside:

• I have to push the trash bin out onto the street and sometimes water the plants. 
• If there are any technical difficulties with the TV or my computer I'm on my own.   Usually, I just whine to him that my computer or the TV is not doing such and such and then he'll fix it for me.
• If there is a spider I'm forced to kill it myself, trap it under a cup (yes, I really did this one time) or live in fear.  He is the designated spider killer due to phobias which are beyond my control.   
• I don't have my cuddle bear to watch TV with and sleep with.   
• I come home to an empty lonely house and I don't get to see his smiling face at the end of a long and tiring work day.  We don't do much of anything on weeknights but I love it that we are together.
• I MISS HIM!!!!! He energizes me and lifts my spirits.  Life just isn't the same without him around and I'm always glad to have him back.

Just because we enjoy time apart doesn't mean we don't love each other.  I could totally just be saying this because we had no choice in the matter which kind of forced me to get used to the idea of him being gone, but I do think it can be a good thing to have that feeling of missing your partner now and then.  I wouldn't choose it, but it does reinforce just how much I love him and makes me appreciate him that much more when he gets back.

White Skinnies

April was my Birthday month and with it came lots of Birthday coupons from places like The Limited, Express, Macy's, Victoria's Secret, DSW and Anthropology.  Pretty much all my favorite stores.  Along with the Birthday and shopping coupons galore came a sense of entitlement which caused me to spend money.  I tell myself, it's my Birthday, I deserve it.  So yeah, I've been doing a lot of shopping this month...and if I'm being honest it's kinda been more like all year so far.   It's like a disease or temporary insanity.  To my credit I did not use the Anthropology or Victoria's Secret coupon.  I can't and shouldn't use them all but I did quite a bit of damage.   I did the math and I'm a little embarrassed to admit it but I've spent about $650 bucks so far this year but if I didn't have it to spend then I wouldn't have because I don't do credit card debt.  These stores know what they are doing.  What a sucker I am.

One coupon in particular from Macy's had me interested.  $10 off anything...even the designer brands you love.  It's been a while since I bought a pair of designer jeans and I have been wanting a pair of white skinny jeans so I marched over to Impulse "just to look."  Famous last words.  The Joe's Jeans skinnies are $169 freaking dollars.  Why on earth does a pair of jeans have to be so expensive and why on earth would I even consider spending that kind of hard earned money on it?  Because when you put them on they mold to your figure like a glove and look awesome.  That's why.  I also gave Jessica Simpson's white skinnies a chance.  They were $54 but it just wasn't the same.   I shoulda never tried on the Joe's but I did and therefore could not walk out of Macy's without them.  You see, I was MEANT to have them.

Photo Source

A measly $10.00 off is a drop in the bucket but it was better then nothing.  As the saleslady rang up my jeans she says you would probably do much better off with the friends and family 25% off coupon.  A 25% off coupon that can be used on designer duds?  She scans it and the price goes down by $42 and I the jeans only cost $136 with tax.  It's still mind blowing to me that I might say the word ONLY in reference to spending over $100 bucks on a pair of jeans but there it is.  I've spent up to $150 before.  I only spent $18.99 on the tan skinny jeans I bought the month before so I guess it averages out.  That's what I'm telling myself anyways.  I've officially lost my mind but these jeans last forever, look great and they are worth it.  I'm worth it right?  Like I said, I was MEANT to have them.

What is the most you will spend or have spent on a pair of jeans?

Good Old Fashioned Diet & Exercise

Photo Source:  Grosvenor and Smolin; Visualizing Nutrition.  

I'm a big one for TV munching!! Behavior modification is ongoing

Isn't it funny how we know exactly what we should do but often find it so hard to do it? The formula is simple and yet we search for all kinds of gimmicks, extreme diets and other ways to get out of it.  Eat less, exercise more.  Eat anything in moderation.  Do not overindulge in high sugar and high fat foods.   That's it.  That pic is from my Nutrition book but it doesn't take a nutrition class to figure this out.

Mj lost 20 lbs in 90 days on his Beach Body Challenge doing just that.  Plain old fashioned diet and exercise.  The first three months it was mainly about eating healthy, drinking Shakeology for breakfast and doing P90X2.   There were times when he was so exhausted and sore but he kept up with his work out plan.  I felt bad because I didn't really notice the results so much; probably because I see him everyday.  I couldn't figure out where this 20 lbs even came from because I didn't think he needed to lose any weight in the first place.  Then he showed me his before and after pics.  I was shocked!!  How did this happen right before my eyes without me noticing?  Bad wife.  He lost inches all over his body but the most improved area is his chest, stomach and upper body.    He looks great but he wants to keep going.  I thought he'd about lost his mind when he decided to do another cycle for 60 days.  He had a splurge week after his first 90 days but then he started right back in on his regimen.  Now that he's just trying to maintain and continue toning he's started mixing in other exercise with the P90X2.  He is increasing his protein intake and he does allow himself more splurges then before.  I'm so proud of him for sticking to it.  He's busy going to school full time and working but he made time for this and didn't make any excuses.  Loosing weight is hard but he set his mind to it and he did it.  My husband was already hot but now he's even hotter!  Lucky me.

I've been sticking with my work outs too.  I discovered that (surprise surprise) I can actually live without carbs when I experimented with an extreme Low Carb Diet.   It made me more aware of just how much carbs and sugar I typically eat and I've actually cut down on both a lot.  Not that I'm ever gonna give 'em up altogether.  No way.

It's so much easier to work on being fit and healthy when both partners are on board.  There are times when I don't really plan on going to the gym but Mj will get up and go on one of his 8:30am 40 mile bike rides on Saturday or go play basketball Sunday morning.  I'll just be laying there in bed not doing much of anything except feeling like a lazy slug so I think to myself; I might as well go to the gym or do a work out video.  When he's good, he's very good but when he's bad he's very, very bad and he corrupts me with donuts and pizza when I'm trying to be good but for the most part we are both really into eating healthy.  We've been eating chicken breast and veggies for dinner like it's going out of style and we haven't cooked any dinners at home involving pasta all year.  If I constantly had someone waving fast food french fries or cookies in front of my face all the time and laying around on the couch all day it would make it so much harder to maintain a healthy lifestyle.  I was so stubborn before.  I refused to work out.  I didn't need to lose weight and I watch what I eat so I felt like I could get away with it but our bodies always need exercise.  Fitting exercise into my life felt impossible and I didn't have the motivation to even try but I'm so glad I changed my ways so we can be fit and healthy together.  It's important that we do it for ourselves AND each other.

Our Fridge is Outta Control

Our refrigerator had gotten out of control.  Mj is basically unstoppable when it comes to the way he throws things back in the fridge without regard to where they came from after he takes them out.  Accordingly, I gave up on asking him to try to put stuff back where he found it.  The freezer is fine because stuff that comes out of there usually stays out.  Turns out there is a reason for putting the cheese, lunch meat and the vegetables back where you found them and it wasn't just me being an OCD naggy wife.  After a while I couldn't find anything.  I'd open the doors to look and then say forget it and just ask Mj if he knew if we had anymore egg beaters or whatever else I was looking for because I'd given up on trying to dig through the mess that had become our fridge.  Nothing seemed to fit and everything was crammed everywhere into every nook and cranny.   

After a good cleaning and organization

I got really annoyed every time I needed to get something and told Mj he needs to organize this fridge.  Not because I didn't want to.  I've done it before...and look how that turned out.  I just thought it might be something that he'd maintain if it was his project and he did it himself.  Well, not surprisingly that didn't happen and I finally had enough.  I got tired of cramming things in, wrenching things out and digging around whenever I needed something.  Our refrigerator is a good size, we don't even have THAT much food and there is no reason that everything shouldn't fit.  I announced that I was fed up and couldn't take it anymore. Not only was this refrigerator getting re organized but it's dirty and it needs a good cleaning.  I took everything out including the one removable shelf and the drawers.  Mj washed those out while I went about scrubbing down the shelves.  One by one I put every single item back and a miracle happened.  Everything fit with room to spare.  We'd only removed a few items and trashed them so basically the same amount of food that was crammed in there before now fit with no problem.

That very night Mj threw an onion in the door after he used it.  "Why did you do that?"  I asked.  "I don't know."  He moved it.  Then, he caught himself as he was about to put the lunch meat in some random place.  Progress.  I'm hoping that actually seeing how non functional our refrigerator had become will get him to see how the simple act of putting stuff back where you got it can make a big difference over the long term.  I can always hope right?

Low Carb Diet Experiment

Pizza is my favorite food in the whole wide world, I'm a calorie tracker, I have a sweet tooth and I rarely taste a bread I don't like.  I watch my calories and fat so as long as I stay where I want there I don't worry about the rest of it so much.  I have pretty much accepted that I am powerless when it comes to carbs. Being a fat and calorie counting carbohydrate junkie is totally at odds with a low carb diet.  Which is why I never ever considered in a million years ever ever trying it.  EVER.  You want me to give up carbs for even one single day?  I simply can't do it.  My daily breakfast alone has about 30 and I like it that way.  I'm very stubborn about what I like to eat and Carbs are in darn near everything so it didn't seem possible.  Mj decided to try the low carb thing last week and at first I didn't even think about it but I changed my mind.  I always wondered what the heck I was supposed to eat on a low carb diet so for three days I found out.

Day 1 Breakfast:  Egg Beaters with Jack Cheese and Bacon (0 carbs)

Day 1 Lunch:  Almonds (6 carbs), Cheese (0)

Day 1 Dinner:  Lo Sodium Ham (1 carb) , lettuce (8), Cabbage (1) and Cheese (0)

What I Ate
When some people think of cutting carbs they think about cutting out bread and pasta.  But on an extreme low carb diet of 50 grams per day you quickly realize that actually won't cut it because just about everything has carbs.   Even a nice low calorie healthy Yoplait yogurt or an Apple might not really be an option because 23 carbs is a lot when you can only have 50 in a day.  Incidentally, that yogurt is more then my double fiber bread which is 19.  Go figure.  For breakfast I did egg beaters or a hard boiled egg.  I microwaved the egg beaters in a mug at work and with a slice of bacon mixed in it was really good.  For the eggs I'd eat one whole hard boiled and only the egg whites of the second to avoid all that cholesterol.  I still wanted my morning coffee and I need my creamer so I had to give up 5 precious carbs for that.  For lunch it was string cheese, almonds or a pickle.  Dinner was lunch meat (ham), cheese and lettuce wraps and roasted cabbage and snack time was more cheese.   And another slice of ham if I felt my stomach grumbling.  It was cool to realize that I really didn't miss the bread all that much when I ate the lettuce wraps.  I never ever thought I'd say that.  We have a bi weekly meeting that we order cookies for and I have never ever NOT eaten one, or two, or three.  But on day two I simply couldn't spend 19 calories on a cookie so as delicious as they looked and smelled I had to pass.  On Day 3 I managed to limit my carbs to just 8 during the work day so I could come home and eat two Carne Asada Tacos from one of our favorite Mexican Food Restaurants. The very thought of those tacos is what literally kept me going all day. 

Day 3 Breakfast:  Hard Boiled Eggs (1 carb)

[Not Pictured because I was so darn hungry I forgot to take a pic]
Day 3 Lunch:  Pickle (2 carbs), string cheese (0)

Day 3 Dinner:  Carne Asada Tacos with Corn Tortilla (46 carbs)

Pros and Cons
The best thing about eating low carbs is that it lowered my Sugar intake.  I just couldn't waste carbs on sweets at 19-20 carbs a pop.   If  I can't eat sweets then I gotta have something and that something was cheese which I love just about as much as I love carbs.  Eating cheese with abandon was the second best part.  The bad part about the diet is that it raised my Calories, Fat, Sodium and Cholesterol intake which is definitely not good for the long term.  Anything high in protein is typically going to be low in carbs so I could eat it but high protein often means high sodium and high cholesterol.  I can't believe how much sodium cheese has.  I kind of did this on the fly but if I'd been more prepared and not too lazy to cook I would have eaten chicken breast to add variety and beef up my skimpy lunches.  It would also keep my sodium intake down because even the low sodium lunch meat is higher then regular meat.  Fiber intake suffers too because you can't eat breads or grains.  On Day 1 I tried to still get my usual 1/2 cup of Fiber 1 cereal in and it used up 25 carbs which didn't seem worth it when I could eat cheese instead for 0 so I ditched it on day 2 and 3. I also missed eating fruit.

Nutrients:  Typical Diet Day
Fat	19g	18%
Saturated Fat	8g
Cholesterol	17mg
Sodium	1064mg
Carbohydrates	172g	72%
Fiber	25g
Sugars	85g
Protein	24g	10%

Nutrients:  Low Carb Diet Day
Fat	72g	58%
Saturated Fat	23g
Cholesterol	120mg
Sodium	2051mg
Carbohydrates	53g	19%
Fiber	8g
Sugars	13g
Protein	65g	23%

This diet had me running to the bathroom all day.  When you restrict your carbs to less then 50 grams your body goes into ketosis when it burns fat for energy instead of carbohydrate reserves.  This produces ketones in the body some of which are eliminated in urine.  I was just fine on Day 1-2 but by the end of the night on day 3 I did have a slight headache.  Even after the tacos I still felt hungry and there just wasn't anything else for me to snack on.  I should have gotten pork rinds.  I love those but never let myself eat them so this would have been my chance; they are 0 carbs.  I lost 3.5 lbs in 3 days.  I did gain back 1 pound of it.  They say you actually lose water weight first so I can only imagine if I'd kept it up.  I'm stubborn and tend to think that calorie count is the end all be all so I guess I really didn't want to believe it but not all calories are created equal.  Duh.  Cutting carbs really does work.  I felt like some kind of science experiment as I read about the side effects I was experiencing and why it was happening.

 Focusing on carbs totally changed what I eat.  I discovered I really like sandwiches with no bread aka lettuce wraps and I'll probably start mixing egg beaters in with my usual morning breakfast.  Turns out that I am not totally powerless when it comes to carbs; it's just so much easier to give in.  I don't see it as a long term lifestyle diet for me.  Fifty is just way to extreme to stick with and I find it way harder to eat low carb then low cal.   I'd probably get better at figuring out what to eat to keep the Fat and Sodium levels down but overall I just think it would be too hard to maintain and keep those numbers low enough to not be bad for my heart.  Plus, I'd be pretty darn miserable.  I could see limiting them to 100 if I've overindulged and want to cut back but 50 may not ever happen again.  It's interesting to see how focusing on a different number dictates a whole different diet. And that's just the thing.  You can't focus on just carbs or just calories and fat because the body actually needs it all.

You Are Enough

I didn't realize how much it would mean or that I even needed to hear it at all until I did.  As I sat in my car outside work and finished listening these powerful words brought tears to my eyes and touched a place deep within my heart.
  
You are beautiful.  You are enough.  The world we live in is twisted and broken and for your entire life you will be subjected to all kinds of lies that tell you that you are not enough.  You are not thin enough.  You are not tan enough.  You are not smooth, soft, shiny, firm, tight, fit, silky, blonde, hairless enough.  Your teeth are not white enough.  Your legs are not long enough.  Your clothes are not stylish enough.  You are not educated enough.  You don’t have enough experience.  You are not creative enough.

There is a beauty industry, a fashion industry, a television industry, (and most unfortunately) a pornography industry: and all of these have unique ways of communicating to bright young women: you are not beautiful, sexy, smart or valuable enough.

You must have the clarity and common sense to know that none of that is true. None of it.

You were created for a purpose, exactly so.  You have innate value.  You are loved more than you could ever comprehend; it is mind-boggling how much you are adored.  There has never been, and there will never be another you.  Therefore, you have unique thoughts to offer the world.  They are only yours, and we all lose out if you are too fearful to share them.

You are beautiful.  You are valuable.  You are enough.

I'm smiling up at my husband

I know how it feels to be that girl who feels worthless and does not believe she is good enough.  I never believed in myself and felt I had nothing to offer.  I've come such a long way towards accepting and finding the good in myself after spending so many years tearing myself down.  I am not the same person I was in my teens and 20's and that's a good thing. Some measure of peace and acceptance has come with age, life experiences and a wonderful husband and for that I am grateful.  Had I heard these same words back then they would have made me cry but I probably wouldn't have believed them for even a second.  Today they not only made me cry but I actually believe them to be true.  I cried for the sad and depressed teenage girl I used to be but then I smiled at the more confident and happy woman I have become.

This is #10.  You can find the rest of Ten Things I Want to Tell Teenage Girls on Kate Connor's blog Lilly Pads.  Thank you Kate for writing this and thank you AJ of from Star 94.1 for seeing the value in this and sharing it on the radio.  I'm sure I'm not the only girl who needed to hear it.  I'm not a teenager anymore but I can still relate.  It applies to women of all ages.