3.15.2010

2 Amazing Years

Yesterday Mj and I had a wonderful day together. Nothing big. Sleeping in. Lounging around in pajamas for a bit. Catching a matinee [Shutter Island] and running a few errands. Cooking tostadas together and eating dinner and beer in front of the TV while watching a DVD. The sun was shining, the day was relaxed and I was happy. Just happy to be in that moment. Ordinary day or not it was perfect. I'd look at Mj and think to myself "Oh my god, how I love that man." This amazing feeling of love sometimes just overwhelms me. I look at him and I cannot believe that this amazing person is mine to have and to hold. He has gotten used to me just sort of staring at him for no apparent reason with this [hopefully] dreamy look on my face by now.

Like life a relationship is composed of moments. Snapshots in time. Not always perfect or ideal and often times pretty ordinary, but snapshots just the same that create the continuum of what we do and who we are. That moment that I met Mj was life changing for me. I certainly didn't know it at the time but I was meeting the man I always wanted and needed. He completes me. How corny is that? I mean, it is best known as a Jerry McGuire quote but corny or not it is so true. There aren't better words to describe it. I cannot imagine a world in which he does not exist. I don't want to.

Sometimes I get annoyed at him when he leaves his socks on the floor, his clothes hanging haphazardly over the couch or he looses something else. There has to be a laundry list of ways that I probably annoy him with my neat freak tendencies, pessimism, and being so darn picky when it comes to food just to name a few. He is not perfect. I am not perfect. We are not perfect. But that does not matter. We are perfect together and any imperfections he may have are drowned in the love that I feel for him. Sometimes I do not feel worthy, but he loves me despite all of my flaws. There is this level of comfort in the knowledge that simply being me is enough.

2 years ago today we had our first date on a rainy Saturday night. We got set up by my friend. They were both in Arizona for some Military schooling and at a get together and she had the bright idea after meeting him that we should meet up. And meet we did. Fall in love we did. And now I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I was working a promo job that night. I was downtown and when I saw a silver SUV pull up to the designated spot outside the convention center I walked right up to it and got in. I suppose he could've been a psycho or another guy who's calls I would have to dodge but instead he turned out to be my future husband. We ate dinner at Friday's. I was dating just for the hell of it but this one stood out for me because I genuinely laughed like I had not on any other date. It wasn't that ha, ha polite kind of laugh but one from the heart. This one was different.

One date led to another. I could only describe it as a whirlwind of fun, romantic dream dates and getting to know each other better. I would tell myself one day that this guy better not expect me to spend every weekend with him and then the next thing I knew that was all I wanted. I was reluctant to take this journey because of my issues, my fears and because of my past. My sometimes very depressed and often isolated lifestyle was not healthy and often unhappy but to change anything about it would mean to lose control and that terrified me. When it was just me I could and did neglect my own emotional well being but having him in my life meant I could no longer do that. I could no longer wallow in misery. It meant I needed to do better. Not just for me but for him too. Finally, I could no longer ignore what my heart was telling me and I chose happiness. It was really hard for me to let go and let love in but when I did I fell head over heels. We missed out on eleven months of our 2 years together when he was deployed but we quickly picked up where we left off and have made up for lost time. It was a tough time for me but he was well worth the wait.

I am sitting at my desk at work when I hear a man say he is looking for me. He walks back to my desk with a package from Edible Arrangements. I am puzzled and completely surprised. This day never actually became our official anniversary because we became engaged the same year that we met and changed it to that instead for the following year. Inside are chocolate & peanut butter covered apples and a note that says "Do you remember what day today is?...I do." And of course I remember. It was only one of the best days of my life. And I smile because I am lucky and happy. And because I remember all the times it felt like there was nothing worth living for and thanks to Mj I now know without a doubt that there is.

1 comment :

Nadia said...

aww... wish you many more fun years to come....

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