Flaws and All

Four years ago today I stood on the sidewalk outside of the downtown convention center on a cold rainy day huddled under an umbrella.  When the Silver SUV pulled up to the hotel parking lot next door I peered through the rain and paused for a second before dashing over to the car and getting in.  Hello's were exchanged and then we decided where to go for dinner.   Two weeks prior my friend gave him my number and texted me a pic she took with her cell phone so this was not only our first date but our first time ever meeting each other.  Afterward, I was asked how the date went.   I shrugged my shoulders.  It was fun.  I don't know.  He made me laugh and he was cute but I was highly independent and skeptical.  We'll see.  Four years later that man in the silver SUV is my husband and we are settling into married life.  We are adapting to each others quirks.  Learning of our strengths and weaknesses together and as individuals is an ongoing process.  The so called "honeymoon phase" of dating is different then married life.  It's the natural progression of a relationship and I embrace it just as I took delight in those early getting to know you dates.  

Four years later there are moments when I can't believe that he loves me.  I mean, I know he does it's just that some days I don't feel so lovable.  There are days when I come home from work and an exhausting work out at the gym.  I am tired.  The day has been long and I am agitated for no reason at all.  I walk in and see his wonderful face without really seeing it.  I am so caught up in my need to get in the house and begin my nightly ritual that gets me unwound and ready for bed within the next few hours.  I have had zero time to myself all day and with the night half over I know I won't be getting very much before bedtime.  I am distracted and annoyed that there aren't more hours in the day.  My husband asks me if I will cut up the strawberries and I give him the look.  Are you kidding me?  I just got home and I still have yesterday's laundry to fold.  In that moment I don't like myself.  I love my husband more then anything  but I am just too tired and sore to be bothered with Strawberries.  Cooking under the best of circumstances is a chore for me.  Martha Stewart I am not and  I have yet to unlock my Joy of Cooking so if the way to a man's heart is only through his stomach I'm in big trouble.  Sometimes I feel so undeserving.  I am the wicked witch of the west and he has a heart of gold.  I wish that I had the wherewithal to be anything and everything he needs me to be at all times and at the same time I know that it's not possible.  I am hopelessly flawed but I really do want to be better then I am.  He makes me want to be better but that is an ever evolving work in progress and I have to realize that better isn't likely to ever be perfection. I look at him and hope against hope that this wonderful love we have will survive my flaws because to not have him would be worse then anything else I could ever imagine.

At the end of the night when we cuddle together on the couch and watch a bit of TV before bed.  Not only do I see his wonderful face but I feel it resting on my cheek.  I am struck once again by just how lucky I am.  I have this wonderful person by my side.  I don't have to walk through this world alone.  He loves me when I don't even like myself.  He forgives me for my mistakes and has shown me so much love and compassion even when I am critical and selfish.  When I refuse to cut strawberries or I ask him two five times too many to do something. This realization renews my resolve to be better and do better so that I can be the best wife that I can be...flaws and all.

"Flaws and All" by Beyonce 

I'm a train wreck in the morning
I'm a bitch in the afternoon
Every now and then without warning
I can be really mean towards you
I'm a puzzle yes in deed
Ever complex in every way
And all the pieces aren't even in the box
And yet, you see the picture clear as day.
[Chorus]
I don't know why you love me
And that's why I love you
You catch me when I fall
Accept me flaws and all
And that's why I love you [3x]

I neglect you when I'm working
When I need attention I tend to nag
I'm a host of imperfection
And you see past all that
I'm a peasant by some standards
But in your eyes I'm a queen
You see potential in all my flaws
and that's exactly what I mean.
[Chorus]
I don't know why you love me
And that's why I love you
You catch me when I fall
Accept me flaws and all
and that's why I love you [3x]
[Repeat Chorus]

Our Kitchen: Basic to Bling

We did the backyard, we did the closet and so naturally it was time for the kitchen.  We are all set with our nice appliances and cabinets but the laminate counter tops had to go.

Basic Laminate Countertops

Trying to visualize it at home depot with our cabinet, granite samples and backsplash

Picking out the back splash was a little bit agonizing.  We spent at least an hour staring at glass tiles but I think we made a good choice.  We wanted a light color for the counters to contrast with our dark cabinets.  Mj found White Kashmir Granite on the internet.  It can be really hard to tell from pictures but we liked what we saw and Home Depot carries it so we got to see the samples there.  We've been watching Renovation Realities on the DIY channel and we think a more fitting name might be Renovation Nightmares.  We are not DIY people so we decided on the granite color, bought our sink and our back splash from Home Depot and then turned it over to the pros.

They actually had to build extra wall to raise the bar

It took five days when we initially planned for three.  We did decide to get back splash at the last minute so I think that did add on the few additional days.  They only work through the week so Mj and I had to juggle our work schedules.  On Thursday they got to our house at 8:00am and didn't leave until 8pm then were back Friday for a couple hours to finish up.  I can only imagine how long it would have taken us if we tried to do it ourselves.  Being without a kitchen was inconvenient and they had to shave some granite inside which caused a lot of dust but it was all worth it in the end.

It took about 20 sheets of back splash tile which was way more then I thought it would be for a small kitchen.  At about $17.99 per sheet it adds up but when we were choosing it I focused on what we wanted and not the price.  If we're going to do it we might as well get what we want.

This sink is deep enough to hide dirty dishes

The sink was $375 but once you put it under granite it's not getting changed out so I'm glad we got what we really wanted here too.  Slowly but surely I'm learning that while budget is important sometimes you really do just need to get what you want.  This is our house, it's permanent and we are already spending the money so why not?  Within reason of course.

Now we need to find bar height stools

Now that we have raised the counter to bar height we moved the two counter height chairs back to our dining room table and I am looking for two bar height stools to replace them.   I'm also planning on putting some floating shelves in that blank space next to the window.  Raising the bar height somehow made the kitchen feel larger and has given us a little bit more counter space.  Lighter counters has brightened up the space.   Thank goodness we found this contractor.  He did our crown molding and painting for us last year and he's also doing our floors.  He only charged us $2,600 for this entire project; that includes granite and labor.  I cannot believe I'm saying the word only in front of thousands of dollars but compared to what others are charging out there this is extremely reasonable.   This transformation happened in our own house and I still have no idea how they did it.  How did they cut the granite?  How do they make it fit perfectly around the sink?  How did he build that wall?  What a difference new counter tops can make!!  Our kitchen went from basic to bling and I'm so happy with how it turned out.

Next Project: Hardwood Floors

Navy Blue Chucks

Last Thursday night it occurred to me that I needed a pair of casual shoes that would look cute with skinny jeans.  I've got so many of them now.  I have plenty of casual flat boots and I love that look but sometimes you just need a casual not quite tennis shoe that looks good and doesn't make you feel like you gave up on your outfit.

Friday morning I checked out DSW online.  Nothing.  Then I stumbled onto Converse.  Not really my style....but cute and reasonably priced.  Nordstrom's had them in the perfect color.  Navy Blue is a versatile and will go great with jeans.  I called and made sure they had my size, they put them on hold for me,  and on my lunch break I went and tried them on.  I liked them, I bought them and that was that.  These shoes will never go out of style since they've been around for oh, forever and they are classics.  I got them home and Mj echoed my earlier sentiment.  Chucks?, that's not your style.  But when I put them on he liked them and said they were cool lookin' on me.  They kind of have a throw back edge to them and I wasn't really sure if I could pull it off but I put them on and it just worked.

Photo Source

Sometime between Thursday night and Friday morning I decided that I needed a pair of Navy Blue low top Chuck Taylor's and I had them by lunch time.  It's funny how it happens that way.  I may be indecisive at times but when I decide I want something.  I WANT it and I want it yesterday.  What struck me the most aside from my ridiculous tendency for impulse shopping is the fact that I COULD buy them.  There have been very lean times where I might have wanted to spend $20 bucks on something I really needed and just didn't have the money to do it.  I've scraped pennies out of my car cup holder just to be able to afford a $1 coffee.  

I live within my means and if my means tell me that I cannot shop or that I cannot have this or that like it or not I accept it.  I've always been very conservative with my money.  I don't make a whole heck of a lot of it but I know how to manage what I've got.   I did not have a melt down, because sadly buying shoes has caused this in the past.  I did not berate myself for spending money unnecessarily.  

My means told me I could have a pair of Chucks if I wanted them and I happily obliged.

The Amazing Quest

Our team dressed up for the costume contest

Mj's job hired a company to come in and organize what is called The Amazing Quest.  I'd never done anything like it and I was really excited.  We couldn't have asked for nicer weather.  It was a warm but not too warm 78 degrees.  We met up at a bar where everything kicked off with a team costume contest.  Then we were instructed to open our first clue and were on our way.  

This race was not easy!  The puzzles and challenges were well....challenging

Trudging through the city

There were brainteasers, puzzles, and challenges throughout the entire quest and it took as all over the city.  It was really well planned out.  Each team had to stick together and complete one task before getting the next clue that would send us racing off to the next location for our next challenge.  I lost count of how many clues that we got along the way.   It was way more rigorous then any of us expected.  Everyone contributed something to the team; even the pregnant one who couldn't run much.  Okay well, maybe all of us except the drunkard.  Mj killed it all over the place with his quick thinking brain.  My shining moment was balancing six dice on a tongue depressor in my mouth in less then a minute on my first try.  I also had to be blindfolded for about 45 minutes walking through the city and then on the trolley.  Very bizarre experience and a little scary.  I held onto Mj's arm really tight and trusted that he wouldn't let me fall off of a cliff...or a curb.

Mj made 5 baskets in Bub's bar so that we could get our next clue

We had to stop for a break right??  No.  This has nothing to do with why we didn't win.

I couldn't see a thing but I could hear everyone asking what the heck we were doing

More brain teasers to complete

Almost there!!!!!

We knew we weren't in last place as we approached the home stretch.  We also knew there was no way we were going to win but at that point I didn't care.  It was more about finishing what we started and that's exactly what we did.    It took us 3 1/2 hours to get back!  There were about thirteen teams and we finished somewhere in the middle.  We were supposed to be back at our starting point by 5:15 pm but I think there were only a few teams that made it.  The challenges were hard!  With all the stuff we had to do I have no idea how they did it so we all just assumed they cheated!!  My legs were killing me by the end.  We were all exhausted but we had such a blast.  Just the experience alone was worth the effort....and the fact that they fed us!  Cheesy Quesadilla's....yes please!!  We were served Mexican food appetizers buffet style for us at the end and we got our drink on so even though we didn't win the costume contest or the race itself that was reward enough for me. 

Friday Randoms

The last time I can remember using a stamp was in 2010 when I mailed out my wedding Thank You cards.  I just used up my last one last week because I had an actual bill that I needed to write out an actual check for and put in the actual mailbox.  Good thing it was a forever stamp because it literally took me forever to use up that one book of stamps.  We just don't use them anymore.  Remember when you used to use your debit card and write out your checks and track each transaction in the cute little check register?  Those days are done.  Now we track everything online and all my bills are paid through online bill pay.  I might write two maybe three checks a year if that for random situations that come up.  Which is good because I think they are at 45 cents a piece now.  I can still vaguely remember when they were 0.29.  Do you still use stamps or checks for that matter?

Ours is the top left

We are getting our counter tops replaced next week!  I'm so excited about the finished product but oh how I dread the process.  I can't stand seeing my house turned upside down and having people marching all through it making a mess.  We bought our sink last week.  The one we have now is an over mount and we needed an under mount.  It cost us $375 bucks!  Just another thing that you don't realize the expense of until you need one.  Home Depot does give a 10% military discount though...that's something at least.  It's 9" deep and a stainless steel grade that's not supposed to spot or stain.  We love farm house sinks but those can cost anywhere from $600 to $900 bucks.  Not happening.  We are still trying to figure out what we want to do for back splash. 

Pain at the pump

I got gas this morning.  Ouch!  The average price in our city is $4.39 so apparently paying $4.29 I actually got myself a deal but it sure didn't feel like it.  It cost me $47 bucks!  Thank goodness my Honda has pretty good gas mileage so I can go about 10 days between fill ups with my normal routine.  In my Jeep Liberty it would have cost me about $80 something and I would be right back there before too long filling up again.  When is this gas price madness going to end?  I can still remember 99 cent days.  I realize that is a thing of the past but can we at least stay in the $3 range?



Jordan Wieber in Podium Training for American Cup
This USA Gymnastics You Tube link shows different gymnasts one after another.

Gymnastics will be on tomorrow morning!  I'm so excited.  It's the most prestigious international competition held in the US every year and the first big competition of the year that will pave the way to the Summer Olympic Games in London. The AT&T American Cup is being held in Madison Square Garden NYC and will be broadcast live on NBC at 1pm EST.   My DVR is set.

I hate our gas prices but I love our weather.  It's supposed to be sunny and in the 70's and 80's this weekend.  Tomorrow Mj and I are participating in a mini Amazing Race competition sponsored by his job.  He recruited me to be on a team with his co workers and we'll be running around downtown on some sort of scavenger hunt searching for clues.  I've never done anything like it and I think it's gonna be fun.

Have a good weekend everyone!!!

The Cost of Food

Sometimes there's nothing like a good salad

Friday just before I got off work I got a text from my husband insisting that I feed him.  He's quick to tell me he's not eating carbs.  Normally I'd tell him to go jump in a lake (he likes fish) but since I am making an effort to cook now I agreed.  Hmmm...what to do.  I've been craving salads lately and it's technically not really cooking.  Sounds good to me.  As I walked around Fresh & Easy picking out my ingredients I started thinking that this seemed like quite a bit of work just for a salad....and it felt like I was spending a lot of money for it too.  They had some small pre packaged ones for about $3.50 each.  That would have taken me 1 minute to grab and would be just as quick to open up and eat.  They say that you save money by grocery shopping and cooking food yourself instead of eating out but when we can spend $300 in one shopping trip somehow it just doesn't feel that way.  So, I decided to do the math.  I divided each product as needed to estimate 1 serving per item.

The Cost of Salad  

• Balsamic Vinaigrette dressing ($2.79):  .47
• Lettuce ($1.79):  .44
• Tortilla Strips ($1.99):  .33
• Fully cooked Bacon (12):  ($3.49)  .58
• Pre-Cooked Chicken Breast ($4.99):  $1.25
• Cucumber (2) ($1.96):  .49
• Dozen Eggs ($1.89):  .15
• Onion ($0.89):  .22
• Shredded Cheese ($3.69):  .61
• Total Spent:  ($23.48)  $4.21 Per Salad

It  actually is cheaper to spend the time and money making the darn salad.  My homemade salad had a lot more in it then the $3.50 option at Fresh & Easy and if I'd bought one at McD's or Wendy's it would have been at least $2 more expensive.  A Cobb salad at an average restaurant can be anywhere from $10-15 bucks each.  I might spend less money on that particular day for two salads but I get more bang for my buck buying the groceries instead.  Those ingredients last beyond that one day.

These turned out pretty tasty.  We have left over stuffing for wraps.

Then Saturday while we were at the grocery store I was shopping for my Stuffed Green Peppers recipe and I saw that I could literally buy them frozen pre made and stuffed at 4 for $6.99 on sale for $4.99.  Why make them myself when I can just buy them I thought?

The Cost of Stuffed Green Peppers with Rice

• Ground Beef  1 lb ($3.34):  $3.34
• Green Peppers (6@.49 ea):  $2.94
• Brown Rice 16 oz ($2.19):  .55
• Diced Tomatoes 14.5 oz:  .69
• Onion (.89@1/2):  .44                     
• Garlic (3 for $1.00):  .33
• Total:  $8.29 =$1.38 per Stuffed Green Pepper

My recipe makes 6 so that's $1.38 each as compared to the grocery store price of $1.23 each (on sale) which in this example is actually a tad more expensive at home BUT depending on how much you pay for ground beef that could make a big difference.  Meat is much cheaper on base but I've paid much more for low fat ground beef.  Also, I got more then 6 servings out of that meat.  Sometimes I moan and groan about spending $11.49 on 6 chicken breasts but when you do the math on it that's only $1.91 per breast and think of how much you pay when you buy a chicken breast entree with veggies at a restaurant?

Time, Money or Health?
Bottom line is that in most cases eating out and buying frozen and  pre packaged meals will be more expensive.  So the next step is deciding how much your time is worth.  Do you want to pay restaurant and fast food labor for cooking the food or do it yourself?  For some it's worth it to spend a little more money and save time but for others the extra savings is well worth time spent in the kitchen.  And it's win win especially if you really enjoy cooking.  There are some really great value meal deals going on at places like Applebee's and Chili's but overall I think that dining out meal prices and the tip you have to shell out can be a waste of money.  The super cheap fast food option can only take you so far health wise unless you spend more money to choose healthier options.  The sodium content of all restaurants and pre made food in the frozen foods section is generally way higher so even if you find good deals it's just not something you should do all the time.

What would be the cheapest way I could think of to eat out every day without developing cardiovascular disease?  I'm a huge fan of $5 foot longs at Subway and I seriously think I could eat it every day although Mj absolutely could not.  If we ate one every day for lunch and dinner and spent $3.00 for their breakfast which is typically and egg sandwich type deal and coffee it would cost us about $56.00 for a week which is $224 for a month.  Then, I'd have to double that because it would be for both of us.  That's $448 per month provided we spent no money on any other food whatsoever which is more then we normally spend on groceries in a month.  That's about as cheap is it could get but it leaves no room for extras and you are pretty limited in your food choices.  It's also a lot of carbs, not that I don't do major carb damage anyways!  So, yeah as much as I wish it actually were cheaper to buy food out instead of spending the time making it that is not the case so the joy of grocery shopping and cooking is here to stay.