Confessional Friday

Bubbling cheesy Goodness

I confess that up until a few days ago my favorite Lasagna was Lasagna Classico at Olive Garden and not even the one I ate in Rome, Italy could top it.   We had a date night on Wednesday at this cute little restaurant called Alexander's on 30th on recommendation from a friend and armed with a Groupon.  This place is popular because even on a Wednesday night it was packed when we left and now I have a new favorite lasagna.  I was soooo delicious but on top of their delicious garlic bread I could only eat half.  I also confess that I burned a hole in the top of the menu with that candle.  We were wondering what that smell was.

I confess that since it's gotten colder which for us means overnight lows in the 40's and 50's  I've broken out the granny robe to wear around the house.  You know the giant boxy full body covering one with flowers all over it?   Mine is white fleece with blue and lavender flowers.  I've had it for 10 plus years and it's still going strong.  It may not be the sexiest thing ever but it's oh so cozy.  It saves us money too because if I  bundle up enough we don't have to turn our heat on.  Sometimes you literally just need to wear a blanket.  The down comforter keeps us warm over night.

I confess that I didn't go to the gym for a whole week last month.  I blame the time change, colder weather and the holidays.  The problem surely couldn't be me and my lack of motivation.  It's dark and cold when I get off work and the only place I want to go is home to my pajamas so I took a week off.  I got back to it the next week but my motivation is still pretty low.

Link up with Leslie @A Blonde Ambition

I confess that when I went to pick up a $112,000 check at work to pay one of our vendors I wished I could switch the name on it to mine.  Oh, the things I could do with that money!  It's not enough to quit your job or anything but I can think of a few splurges I would go for.  There are a few bills that would disappear and it would do wonders for my peace of mind to have it chillin' in the bank.  If only.

I confess that Mj and I watched two seasons of Walking Dead in 7 days on Netflix.  After each episode I could hardly wait to watch the next one.  We watched 5 episodes in one single night! I love horror movies and seeing as it's about zombies it's basically a really long one and I can't believe it took me this long to realize that I should be watching it.  Luckily there was a marathon so now we have season 3 and have already watched 3 episodes of it.

Source: shop.nordstrom.com via CeCe on Pinterest

 I confess that sometimes I feel like a shopaholic.  I saw a bloggers wishlist with these shoes on it and within hours I had a pair of Tom's Desert Booties in Taupe on it's way to me from Nordstrom's.  It never even made it onto my wishlist.  I'm so glad I bought 'em though.  I'm not one to run around in high heels every day.  I need comfortable shoes.  The wedge gives me a little height and adds some style, I feel like I'm wearing flats and it fits in with my casual style.

I confess that I love it when friends or co workers come to me for money handling advice.  I've lived a fiscally responsible life since I was a teenager, got my first job and started saving money.  I didn't make a lot of the money mistakes that a lot of people do and although my shopping habit seems to be blooming lately I don't abuse credit, I know my budget, I stick to it, I feed my savings every month and people know this about me.  Not that it happens a lot or anything but it feels good when it does.

  If you are like me then this day was a long time coming.  I had to drag my lifeless body out of bed this morning.  Finally Friday.  Have a great weekend and I'll be back next week with a great giveaway!

Flat Screen Mounted

Before

Over the weekend Mj invited his friends over to participate in some unpaid labor. That's what friends are for right? He bought this 55" 3D monster of a TV about a year ago and ever since he's been talking about mounting it. I was against it because I'd heard it could cost hundreds of dollars and it just didn't seem worth it to me when it's fine just sitting there on the table.  TV's are so thin now, they really don't take up much space. I also have a fear of putting holes in our walls.  We aren't renting so we can do whatever we want but for some reason this fear has not gone away.

During

after

Well, he didn't listen to me of course and he finally did it. He found everything he needed on Amazon for about $100 and the only labor cost was burgers and beer for the guys so it actually turned out to be a pretty inexpensive project.  I thought the destruction of the wall would be much worse but only two squares of drywall were removed and they were filled in with plastic inserts.  He and his friends did a great job.  I love the way it looks. There are no cords and it just floats there ever so perfectly like a picture on the wall.  Like magic.  So yeah, Mj was right about getting hardwood floors and about mounting the TV.  It looks great and I'm just glad he didn't have to spend a lot to do it. Now, if only I could finally finish decorating and find something to put on all of those empty surfaces...but not too much otherwise dusting is a real pain in the butt.



  

Why I Blog

I've been blogging officially here since 2009 but unofficially I've been doing this since about 2003 in other places before it was even known as blogging.  You see, I'm a writer.  I don't get paid to do it.  I didn't major in it in college.  I'm writing a novel that may never get published and frankly I have no idea if I'm even any good at it.  All I know is that I love doing it and I have for as long as I can remember.  I've been keeping journals since I was 9 and I still have them all.  Something in me just always wanted to read words and write words and share words.  When I'm inspired I write.  When I'm sad I write.  When the world feels out of control and scary...you guessed it.  I write.  I write better then I speak.  I find it so much easier to articulate my thoughts in feelings with the written word rather then verbal.  Not to say that it's always easy to put my thoughts on paper.  Sometimes I draw a blank.  Sometimes I write something and I'm frustrated because it's not what I meant to say or how I meant to say it but I always feel a huge sense of satisfaction when I finally get those words arranged and out of my head the way I intended.

Aside from the writing part of it connecting with others similar to and different from myself is just one of the many reasons I love blogging so much.  At some point it wasn't just enough just to write anymore.  I found that I also wanted to share my writing and engage with other writing as well.  I'm not a journalist or an author so I blog.  I get to have my own little space with my words on it that belongs to me and anyone else that chooses to read it.  So many wonderful memories are here for me to look back on.  I think it's so cool that we all just put ourselves out there on the internet often for no other reason then just because we have this desire to do so.  I love it that there are so many of us in all different stages of life doing this thing we call blogging, connecting and learning from each other in ways that we never would have otherwise.

Blogging has changed so much in the last three years.  When I first started out it seems it was just about writing, sharing and getting a few comments along the way.  Then blog  awards with Q and A's and tagging started going around.  Back then you might see a giveaway here and there usually by one blogger at a time but now you hardly see a day when there aren't any.  There are group giveaways, linkups, sponsored posts, guest posting, blogger gift exchanges and social media linking.  Button swapping, blog sponsoring and buying and selling add space is all the rage.  If you haven't had a blog make-over yet you really should be looking into it.  The focus seems to have shifted to getting your blog noticed and increasing traffic.  Some blogs boast thousands of followers and more bloggers are generating an income.  Like everything else it's evolving and I think that's a good thing but there are lots of blogging trends I choose not to take part in.  Yes, I want people to read my blog but I don't view it as a business enterprise and I don't want generating followers to be my focus.  Blogging is truly an industry now which is great.  I'm just glad to be a part of it in some way.

Every now and then I get caught up in the numbers.  I compare myself to other bloggers and start to feel that what I do over here is pointless.   There are sooo many blogs out there with sooo many followers that I wonder how it's possible for me to stand out.  There are days I feel like I couldn't pull a blog post out my butt even if I wanted to and the next thing I know I'm inspired to do a silly confessional post or something will happen that I can't wait to write about.  I exchange some fun e mails with a fellow blogger or I see a post with this pair of shoes that I didn't know I couldn't live without.  Someone leaves a comment telling me that my post really resonated with them or a blogger writes something that tugs at my heart and makes me learn a little something about myself.  Then I'm reminded.  I do this because I love to and the way I stand out is just by being myself.  I can't be another blogger I can only be me.  I didn't start this to make money or to gain the most followers.  When I disentangle myself from blog stats and the never ending barrage of social media I remember that none of that really matters.   I do this because I want to and because I enjoy it and there doesn't need to be anything else.

 Why I Love Blogging  

Popularity and Blogging

Why I Like Being a Small Blog 

Thanksgiving Break

Mac and Cheese and Samoa Bundt Cake

Wednesday was the longest day ever as I counted down until 5pm in the ghost town that was my job.   I got home and it was time to cook.  We made artichoke dip, cranberry sauce, samoa bundt cake, and cheesecake to take to my mom's house.  I helped out a whole lot more then I thought I would.  Believe it or not I, and not my home chef husband made the artichoke dip AND the cranberry sauce.  Those are things that I would normally think to buy and not bother to make but Mj doesn't roll that way and he's in charge of the food.  He told me what to do and I did it so technically I made it!  I don't eat cranberry sauce but I heard it was good and everyone raved about the artichoke dip.  Everything was delicious.  My favorite was the dinner rolls and my mom's homemade macaroni and cheese.  Too bad I forgot to take a picture of the Turkey before my dad sliced it up.  I forgot to take a picture of mostly everything else.  Too busy eating I guess.  

My nephew

taking a walk

Me, sister and Mom

No sale on earth could drag me out on Thursday night or Friday for Black Friday.  I was still in food coma holiday relaxation mode and that did not include fighting crowds and traffic to shop.  I didn't do a whole lot over the break and that's what I wanted.  I didn't even leave the house Friday.  Saturday night we went to a lobster boil at a friends house.  I don't eat Lobster but everyone else tore it up; literally and it was gross.   Sunday we went and picked up my i phone 5.  I got the white one.  My contract is up in two weeks but I wasn't going to get a new one because I love the 4 plus I didn't want to buy a new case.  Mj sold our 4's for $200 each on glyde.com which makes the i phone 5 upgrade basically free so I went for it.  His phone sold in 2 hours and mine literally sold overnight.  I even found a new Pink case on Groupon Goods for $9 bucks! We also jumped on the Walking Dead bandwagon.  I love scary movies and I kept hearing how good it is so I figured it's something I should be watching.  We finished season 1 in 2 days on Netflix and we're working on season 2 now.  We both love it and I like having another show we watch together.

I'm thankful for my husband and family, my health and my job.  Not that I'm thrilled to be going back to work or anything but it's necessary.  Thanksgiving break was great.   

Love and Glasses

When I first met my husband I had just finished a modeling job so I was in heavy full on make up.  I'm talking totally airbrushed and with hair styled to perfection.  After that there is really nowhere else to go but down!  I remember hoping that he would still think I looked okay when he saw me on our next date in my usual minimalist make up look.  He did.  I've always hated my toes and I remember not really wanting him to see them.  Will he still like me after he sees my toes?  He did.  I remember feeling nervous the first time he ever saw me in my glasses and with my hair all wrapped up for bed.  There is that moment where you are like, okay it's about to get real right now and if he really likes you nothing will change.  And it didn't.  So why is it that four years later after he's seen me at my best AND absolute worst did I ever doubt him?

The Glasses

I got new glasses August.  It's probably been about 3 years since I had a new pair.  I mostly wear contacts when I'm going out and keep the glasses at home so it's not something I want to spend money on every year.   Typically I end up with a pair that looks exactly like the ones before so this time I really tried to get something different.  I found some with Brown square just slightly larger frames instead of the usual Black.  They looked really cute when I tried them on at the optometrist that day but when MY pair came in MY prescription it was another story.  I've been wearing glasses since 4th grade and my eyes are really bad.  I'm talking -10 Rx bad; and if you wear glasses or contacts then you probably know just how bad that is.  I had a detached retina in my right eye that occurred out of the blue for no apparent reason other then poor vision.  It normally takes a blow to the eye to detach a retina so that should give you some idea of how terrible my vision is.  Nothing ever seems to look too cute in my prescription even with the super high index lenses to thin them out.  As I've gotten older I am not as self conscious about wearing my glasses in public now and then but when I saw myself in these new glasses it set me back about 15 years.  They looked awful, I felt hideous and I just wanted to hide.  Mj was out of the country and when I skyped with him I refused to wear them.  Even though the suckers cost me about $300 bucks I put them back in the case and refused to wear them for about a week.  I came to my senses and realized I can't waste money like that and started wearing them again but I brought my old glasses when I met Mj in Europe for our vacation.  I couldn't bear to have him see me in the new ones until we got back.  All these irrational thoughts ran through my head about how Mj would take one look at me and wonder how it is that he ended up married to such an unsightly woman.  Just one look and he'd be ready to file for divorce.  I know, I know; very extreme conclusions to jump to over a pair of glasses but when you are feeling really down on yourself and insecure sometimes you can't help such irrational thoughts from crossing your mind and when they do you even start to believe them no matter how crazy they may seem.

Mj and I were relaxing on the couch over the weekend and he said "See...you're wearing the new ones.  You look cute in your glasses.  And I like it that I can look at you first thing in the morning when you wake up and still think you're cute."  I smiled and got all warm and glowy inside.  It was one of those moments that I said to my self, God I love this man.  My heart even melted just a little because somehow he knew that I needed to hear those words and not only did he say them to me on that night but he's said it to me before.  Sometimes I still have to pinch myself to believe that I have such a wonderful husband but it's true and I should have known that he loves me enough to see beyond a pair of nerdy glasses. 

And that's the goal ladies when it comes to relationships; or at least one of them.  Not to be cute in the morning or look good in glasses necessarily, but to have a man who believes that you do and makes you feel good about yourself no matter what.  Someone with whom you can truly be yourself without judgement or fear of rejection and still feel loved and wanted.  Bump around the house with messy hair and wear the same comfy pajamas all week.  Say what you think, act how you are and look like yourself.  If he is the "one" you can be who you are it won't matter and he will love you for it because you are YOU.   I hear about women who have husbands that have never seen them without make up or without their hair fully "done".  They probably feel about being bare faced and natural the way I initially felt in those new glasses but ultimately I couldn't keep them hidden forever no matter how unattractive I felt.  Our relationship is way more then the sum of my glasses wearing, sloppy T-shirt, messy haired no make up days and I should never have thought anything different.