76 Degree Date Night Perfection

Getting ready for take off

Boat Ride munchies

 I could not have asked for a more beautiful Saturday for this outing.  It's mid January but the sun was shining, the sky was blue and we saw just one single lonely cloud in the sky.  Last weekend was freezing but today it was a balmy and perfect 76 degrees.  I planned date night this time around and it turned out perfectly.  The Gondola Company provides the antipasti appetizer platter, we bring the wine and off we go.  I went to the gym AND did not eat.  By 2:30 pm I had created the perfect recipe for drunkenness.  Sitting in that boat with the sun shining on my face and the wine moving through my system was heaven.  I about fell asleep it was so relaxing.  The sound of the water lapping against the boat and the soft sounds of Italian music playing in the background was so soothing.  It's an hour ride and we are taken through a private marina area where boats are docked and the houses with this as their back yard must go for millions.  It was quiet, peaceful, and such a beautiful day.  A really nice way to spend some quality time together chatting and drinking wine.

Our 1st Gondola Ride, 2008.  Also our first pic together.

It brought back memories from the first time we did this.  The first time I ever went up to see him in The O.C. back in 2008 he surprised me with a gondola ride for our 3rd date.  It took us forever to find the marina where the boat was to depart.  It was a really hot day and we walked up and down this street for what felt like forever asking directions along the way.  He even gave me a piggy back ride to give my tired feet a rest.  We picked up a bottle of wine on the way and I had absolutely no idea what he had up his sleeve until we walked up to the boat.  I was 98 % sure that I really liked him or else I would not have driven all the way up there.  At the time, I really didn't go out of my way when it came to dating men but I had this feeling he was special.  I was so glad that I gave him a chance and so impressed at how thoughtful he was to come up with something so unique for us to do together.  Something that I didn't even know existed.  This time around he's my husband and it's not our 3rd date but a number that has gotten so high I actually can't count but it was just as romantic and just as fun. 

It's My Story

I meant to write this post last week.  Just like we meant to take down the Christmas tree.  At least we don't turn on the lights anymore.  It WILL come down this weekend.  For sure.

I want to take a moment to say thank you for the wonderful and kind comments I received on my blog post What A Decade It's Been.  First, let me back up and say thanks for reading my blog at all.  A lot of you commented on how honest and real that post was.  That it's brave to just put it all out there.  Me strong?  I never felt that way.  Ever.  But thank you so much for saying so and making me realize that maybe I am.  I  left some things out of course, but it's the general gist of that period in my life.  At the time I would have been way to embarrassed to discuss what I was going through but now that it's behind me I'm not afraid.   I'm not that person anymore.  Like it or not it's a part of me and what got me to where I am today.  Not exactly my proudest moments but it happened and I AM proud that I managed to overcome it.

For so long I believed that I didn't deserve happiness.  I thought it was something that only smiled upon others but that I should never expect it for myself.  The last two years have proved that theory all wrong.  The majority of the decade was pretty miserable but things really did turn around for me.  I am just so darn thrilled that things are different now.  It's my story and it just felt right that I share it on my blog, ugly details and all.

Tuesday Tidbits [01/11/11]

• Bridalplasty is down to just a few brides!!  I'm hoping they all get together and put Jenessa in her place.  OUT!  I Can't believe I watch this show.  It's a little embarrassing actually.
• Still debating over The Bachelor.  I quit many seasons ago when it stretched to two unnecessary hours.  I half watched it while making Chili on Sunday and the new one is in my DVR.  Do I really want the time commitment?
• Hubby LOVED my Chili!  I know this because he went back for seconds AND took some for lunch the next day and said it tasted even better.
• My tenant was served eviction court documents last month the week of Christmas.  I know, way harsh-but she's the one not paying rent.  Anyhow, it's supposed to take about 6 weeks to evict.  I'm scared to see what the place looks like.
• Last Friday I went to happy hour with some friends.  I had a blast, drank a bundle and ate way too much yummy cheese.  It's the only time and place that we seem to get together.  So much fun! 
• I love hanging with my family.  Mj had drill last weekend so I went to mom's on Saturday.  My big sis did too.  We literally just "hung" out.  We went to the grocery store, picked up Subway for dinner and took turns holding DJ. 
• Poor hubby got his iPhone stolen on Saturday night.  He JUST bought the sucker too.  Without contract prices it's $500 bucks!  Nasty.  He spent about $900 in iPhones within the last two months between his, mine and the replacement.  I would have been an inconsolable wreck but he just bought the new one and moved on.  No whining or crying involved.
• Speaking of which.  Is it possible to be in love with a phone?  If so then consider me smitten.  I really didn't know what I was missing until I got it.  I love my i phone! 
• It looks like I'm "back" in the gym now.  Hopefully for good!  I went twice last week and yesterday after work.  600 calories burned last night and I'm going back for more tonight. 
• Fiber 1 is the bomb!  I've been eating just 1/2 cup of the original dry or in yogurt for only about a week now and let's just say that I feel like a "regular" girl for the first time in...well EVER!   The side perk is that it is actually filling.  I eat it at lunch and I'm not rooting around in my desks for junk to get me through the rest of the day.
• My wedding album is FINALLY done.  I kept staring at it and changing things excessively but I am going to order it from Shutterfly tonight because their current sale ends on the 12th.
• My new job is going well.  It's been about 2 1/2 months and I manged to make the transition without completely freaking out...which is what I usually do because new jobs tend to scare the hell out of me.  I guess that's what happens when you stay at your first job out of college for 7 years.  I may still get confused in meetings and there is still a lot I don't know but I think I'm right on track and that they don't regret picking me.
• I am just on week 2 after a 12 day break from work.  Why do I feel like I need the upcoming 3 day weekend so badly?

Do I Really Have To Go Back To Work?

Today is the last day of Winter Break.  I knew it was coming but somehow I have still managed to be in disbelief that I have to go to work tomorrow.  After 12 days.  The horror!  And the fact that it's supposed to rain makes it even more delightful.  I've felt bad watching Mj get up and go to work every day while I sleep in but oh how wonderful it was not to have to do it myself.  I have enjoyed each and every nano second of every TV watching, magazine reading, hanging out with family, house cleaning, and gym going day.  That's right I said gym! I went to the gym four times last week.  Not only did I enjoy it I actually looked forward to it.  This from a person who hadn't step foot in the gym in over a year!!  All I can say is that The Lady of Leisure lifestyle suits me well.  It is everything I dreamed it would be and more.  I have time for errands, for house cleaning, for relaxing, cooking and the gym.  Not once have I felt overloaded, worn out or even bored.  Granted, one might find it gets boring after a while but I'm pretty good at keeping myself occupied and it's got to be better then 40 hours a week in the office.

The only pic I got of me!!

Mj and his buddy L

New Year's Eve was fun!  One of Mj's friend L hosted a Soul Food potluck.  Mj made yams which I absolutely do not eat but it was OK because there was plenty of other fattening yummy foods to indulge in.  We had a really fun time.  Just a small group of people.  I'm usually at home in my pajamas by midnight on New Year's Eve so it was nice to do something different this year.   I only had a bit of wine and champagne.  Due to Mj's 10 beers and excessive sobriety check points I drove home. 

Saturday and Sunday has mostly just been all about relaxing.  I spent a lot of time in my jammies.  I made sure to get all of my house cleaning done on Thursday so that I could just ride out the weekend without having house work to think about.  I went to the gym, picked up a few groceries and and gassed up the car yesterday.  I'm about as ready for work as I will ever be.  I worked on our wedding album on Shutterfly for hours today.  It's finally just about done.  We're making Mexican Pizza tonight for dinner....I should probably get started on that. 

As for New Year's resolutions.  I'm not really into them so much.  There are only three things that I would like to keep up with as we roll into the new year.  I want to continue being active at the gym or otherwise.  It's so important and despite time restraints and fatigue I need to make it a priority.  I also want to take some classes at the community college and continue on with learning Spanish using Rosetta Stone.  Oh, and one more.  Just to continue to nurture the things that are important in my life.  Namely, my family, my marriage and myself.  Everything else will follow. 

2010 Was Amazing

Feb 2010-Valentine's Day

As we begin a new year I think back to what a magical year 2010 was.  I had orchestrated my little life into a tiny neat little box that was my condo where I had re built my life for the last five years.  I had my independence, my budget, and my habits.  I knew what was what and it was safe.  I had finally managed to form some semblance of happiness and now everything was about to change and fast.

We lived together for the first time in my condo for 6 months.

We went through the house hunting roller coaster.

We booked a wedding venue in December 09 and went under contract for our new house in January.

We waited 6 months for our house to be built and finally got to move in on May 26th. 

We started out with dirt.......

And ended up with our first house

I actually made an effort to start cooking. 

The Cabbage, Rice & Turkey sausage turned out pretty good
except for the crunchy rice.

We settled in, organized, painted, and started to make our house into our home.

painting was harder then we thought

I rented out my condo.
Something I was (and still am) terrified of and NEVER EVER wanted to have to do.

My condo became a rental property

At the end of May my big sis moves back home for good at least the next five years.

After months of planning we got married on July 10-the most  magical day of my life. 

I do!

 In August my adorable baby nephew is born.  The first grandchild in the family. 

DJ.  Just a few hours old

At the end of October we jetted off for our perfect 8 day Hawaiian Honeymoon. 

Hiking Diamond Head

As soon as we got back from our honeymoon I started a new position at work in November after getting promoted.

In December Little sis' will take her last college final and finishes up college.

We enjoyed our first Christmas tree and Christmas in our new house.

The only thing left to is to have a baby and I do believe we are out of time on that one which is just fine with us!!

2010 in a word was amazing.  In two words, it was amazing and expensive!  So many good things happened.  Life changing things.  From January until July our lives were a whirlwind of house hunting and wedding plans.  There was stress, anxiety, pure joy and everything else in between.   Then, once things calmed down we got the chance to relax and just BE without a million things going on at once.   My big sis came home to stay and I love having her nearby and being able to see my nephew.  The wedding was wonderful and our honeymoon was our reward and celebration for everything that we had accomplished together.  I will always remember it as the year that my life changed for the better in ways that I never dreamed possible for me.  The year that I conquered my fears again and didn't let them overpower me as they had before.  The year that I truly believed for the first time in a long time that life is good.  It feels so good to be happy and it makes me sad to think of all the years I spent in misery hating life and hating myself even more.  I loved 2010 and there is a possibility it can't be topped this coming year but that's fine.  I'll gladly settle for happy.  It really is a new chapter for me.  I am looking forward to many more happy years in 2011 and beyond with my husband and wishing only good things for my family and yours.

What A Decade It's Been

With the end of 2010 comes the end of a decade and the starting of a new one.   The majority of this decade wasn't the happiest for me.  Let's re cap shall we:

• 2000-I am two years post college graduation and working in claims.  I dislike my job but in the years to come I will grow to HATE it.  I'm living with my fiance who also happens to have been my first boyfriend in our 2nd tiny apartment in as many years.
• 2002- After 4 years dating and 3 years engaged we finally make the mistake of getting married.  The seven years spent procrastinating on said action should have been a hint of things to come. 
• 2003-I am miserable and become very depressed.  My marriage sucks.  We don't communicate and we don't even like each other anymore.  I'm still working in claims and hating life more and more with each passing day.  The job is killing me but I would be taking a huge pay cut if I left and I had no idea what else I could do.
• 2004-Right before Christmas we separate.  I am too thin and he accuses me of having an eating disorder.  My weight hits an all time low.  We agree the relationship has run it's course.  I am on anti depressants, going to therapy and am sad and exhausted all the time.  We actually had a deposit down on a condo but I had to call and cancel everything. 

I spent a lot of nights at home alone

My cozy condo

• 2005-I buy a condo on my own and move into my own place in February and start to rebuild my life.  I'm living alone for the first time and I like it.  I can't take the stress anymore so I walk into work one day and quit my claims job of 6 years with no gig lined up and no plans.  What was I thinking?  I am too broke to buy a single Christmas present for anyone.  This is also the year I meet MT and we begin a sort of relationship.  I am still often sad and isolate myself alone a lot in my condo.   The divorce is finalized.

First portfolio shoot 2006




• 2006-I finally had the time to pursue modeling, which I'd been wanting to do for a while.  Turns out I was so beloved at my claims job they didn't want to let me go.  They offered me a part time position temporarily that stretched into a whole year.  I make so much that my hourly rate is still enough to keep me going along with modeling gigs.  I call the shots.  I work 24 hours a week for the next year and model.  Uh...working part time is awesome!  I'm so glad I had a chance to do that.  My big sis and I get out and do a lot of fun things together.  I didn't have a lot of friends so it was great having her as a best friend.  She moved out of state for a boy at the end of the year.  I smiled on the outside but no one really knew the extent of my sadness.  I was (and still am) so hard on myself.  I felt like a bit of a loser for wasting so much time in claims, not having a career, and for not really doing as well in modeling and acting as I'd have liked.  It felt like nothing I did was ever good enough. 

From Top Left Clockwise:  Vegas, Cruise with big sis 2006

• 2007-The money is running out and my part time position has ended-I stayed there for 7 years in all!  I haven't hit the big time and I need health insurance.  It's time to go back to full time work.  I find an office job at a college making about $12,000 a year less then I did working full time in Claims.   I am bummed out to have to quit modeling and lingering depression still haunts me.  After two years of sort of dating MT I find out he is totally married, and I totally end it with him.  He is only the second guy I have ever dated in my life so I really just didn't know any better.  There is a phone conversation with yelling and hanging up.  Such drama.  He helped me through a hard time and is still a friend to this day but I am not the home wrecker type.  End of story.  I meet a hot guy from Atlanta on My Space.  We meet up in Vegas for the first time and he flies me out to visit him in Atlanta.  Potentially scary and creepy but it actually turned out ok.  He was not "the one" but he helped me get over Married guy and was a big confidence booster.  My big sis got married and had a small wedding in Vegas.

Clockwise from Top Left:  2008-Camping Trip, Casino Weekend Getaway,
 Las Vegas, County Fair

• 2008-I meet the love of my life in March.  The man who would change my life.  He spoiled me.  We went camping, we went to Vegas, and he bought me things.  I was having the the best time ever getting to know him but even still I tried to push him away.  I still don't like myself enough to believe that I am worthy.  We find out he will be deployed and Eight months after meeting he leaves for a year overseas.  We had already decided we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.  The guy gave me a giant promise/engagement ring after four months!  Smitten much?  Well so was I!  And the happiness that has eluded me for so many years is finally mine for the taking.  After Christmas he's gone.  All of our plans have come to a screeching halt.  I won't see him again for 7 months. 

Christmas 2008

• 2009-I basically spent this year missing Mj, trying to keep busy and missing Mj.  I'm beginning to hate my job again so I  transfer to a new office.  I keep myself occupied by starting this blog.  I wrote away happily even though I had no followers and I worked on learning Spanish with Rosetta Stone.  I visit my big sis in NC, I hang out with friends and family.  My illustrious modeling career is capped off with a Top 5 Finish in the Joe's Next Model contest.  A memorable experience and a welcome distraction.  Mj comes home for a visit in July and then onto the home stretch until he is home for good in November.  I turned in my 2nd leased Jeep and bought a Honda in cash causing a near nervous breakdown.   I am overcome with anxiety and I'm not sure if it's because I've been without Mj so long, I'm afraid of all the changes that happen when he gets back or both.  What if I can't shake these awful feelings?  How are we going to accomplish everything we want to in the coming year? When he finally came home he made everything ok.  He moved in with me and talked me down from the ledge.  We went to Delaware in December where I met his parents for the first time and we set about building our life together.  

My B day with the 'rents  April 09.

Visit with Big Sis N. Carolina May 2009

We meet up with J who also lives in NC. 
She's the one who hooked up me and hubby.

July 2009 Visit.  We go to Vegas and enjoy every day we have together

My baby is home for good!!  Nov 2009

If you are still reading you now know everything you wanted to know about the last decade of my life and more.  I am a totally different person today then I was 10 years ago.  I beat my depression, and still err on the side of thin but I feel much better about myself and my life in general and I finally know what it's like to be happy.  What a freaking concept!  2010 clearly deserves it's own post so I won't touch on that here but suffice it to say that since 2008 things just got better and better for me.