Swimming With the Fishes and Bikini Bull Riding

So here's the part where I tell you why I may never go into the ocean ever again.

The second day there we went into the ocean on the Azul Fives side.  There was a lot of rock to get through that was kind of painful on the feet before you got to the soft sandy part but once you got there it was fine.  Water shoes would have totally solved that problem.  The water feels like room temperature bath water.  It was perfect.  The next day we went out in front of the neighboring resort because there was a nice cut out of water with soft sand and no rocks to get past.  I had a ball frolicking in the water with MJ until I learned the truth.  There are fish in the sea.  This is a big deal for me because I'm scared of fish.  Not because I think they will bite me or hurt me but because like spiders or bugs, they gross me out even though MJ says they won't touch me.  I believe him but I'm still scared.  It's a phobia and I can't help it.  Those first two days I didn't see any and I've always been under the impression that they don't hang out much in shallow waters so I usually don't worry about it too much.  MJ tried to tell me there were fish but I told him to shut up because I didn't see any, I was having fun and I figured he was just trying to scare me.  Ignorance was bliss.  After we had our fun on the 2nd day I noticed a flash of silver in the water.  "Are those fish?" I asked MJ pointing.  When he said yes I immediately took off for land because I was surrounded by a giant school of fish.  I chipped my pedicure and almost fell down running through them trying to get out of there.  Oh my gosh, it was awful.  I was so creeped out that I didn't go back in until Friday and only because we wanted to get some pictures in the water.

I tip toed ever so cautiously step by step until I got to waist deep but I wouldn't go any further and I was constantly on alert looking for fish.  Then MJ has to go and make things even worse by telling me that we were swimming with fish every time we we went in the water.  At home in Coronado, Oahu, Maui.  He says he saw them with his own eyes.  I'm not sure why I didn't, but I really wish he hadn't said that. I kind of wish he had just lied so I would think this was an isolated incident.

GROSS

We walked on one of the piers and I shuddered when I saw this school of fish.  The water here is further out and deeper but that's what I was surrounded by that day I ran off.  Then we saw a crab on the beach missing it's front legs and I got even more freaked out.  I know it sounds silly to say I didn't know there are fish in the sea.  I know it's their water not mine so it's my problem but beach vacations may never be the same for me again.  Who knows what will happen when we go to Kauai next year.  MJ plans to break me of this phobia but I'm not so sure.  So that's my sad fish story.  My innocence is lost.  I feel like a child who just found out something scary; like that mom and dad have sex or something and now I don't know how I'm going to handle the information.

MJ got up super early to get a beach bed that day.  Like, 6am early because it's first come first serve and that's how early people show up.  He said he'd be back but around 7am when he still hadn't shown up I felt bad and got up to get dressed so he wouldn't be by himself.  We can always sleep more on the beach.  He ended up coming back just as I was leaving so we put out more stuff to hold our spot, went to breakfast and then we got to enjoy the beach bed all day. 

Our last day there was also the Fourth of July.   They had a Bar B Q set up on the beach, red white and blue decorations and the staff running around in patriotic costumes.  For obvious reasons I spent most of my time in the Pool.  It was my very first time at a swim up bar.  It's just like a regular one except nobody asked me for any money.  They even put out mixed nuts when you sat down.  I'm that person who can go through ten plus napkins eating pizza.  If I even take a bite of MJ's food I'll probably need a napkin even though he won't need one for that entire meal.  I wanted one to wipe my hands every time I grabbed some nuts but it would have felt weird asking for one while sitting in a body of water so I didn't.    

They also had a mechanical bull for the 4th.  Every time I see one of these suckers in a bar I want to ride but it's never the right time.  I'm either wearing a skirt, I haven't had enough to drink or I'm just too scared of looking like a fool.  If you can't ride a bull in a bikini on a Mexico vacation then when can you?  So I said to hell with it and gave it a try.  I have really strong thighs and I was doing pretty good at staying on until the guy increased the speed trying to kick me off.  My only injury was from my left knee digging into the hard plastic around the horns.  It bled a little but it didn't hurt much.  I can't sue because I signed a liability release waiver that probably said I couldn't sue even if I broke my neck.

His last volleyball game

Lazy Pool River

We went to dinner at Flavours and then watched the fire dancer show that night.  I didn't want our time there to end!  We had sooooo much fun.  It was one of the most relaxing vacations of my life.  Every day we'd see the same people.  The Steve Klubek look alike and his blonde family (In case anybody wants to know he's the Diamond Resort owner who went on the Apprentice twice and the dad looked like a buff version of him).  The two volleyball girls and their friends.  The family with the two tall skinny teens that took family pictures on the beach and the sixteen year old girl on vacation with her Nana (who incidentally killed it at Karaoke.  The girl, not the Nana). Alex and the rest of the activity guys running around all day convincing people that they need to play Bocce Ball or do cooking lessons.  People we didn't know had become part of the landscape of our day to day routine while we were there.  One by one we watched them disappear and then one day so did we because as much as we wish vacation could go on forever it doesn't and we all have to go home.

We can't stay but we get to keep the memories and as always I have this blog to remind me when they start to fade; which they will because I have the worst memory.  The traveling part sucked there and back.  We did an overnight flight there and a super early morning flight on the way back with two lay overs both ways so I felt like death warmed over.  MJ was fine of course, but as I mentioned earlier I don't do suffering very well.  I also managed to get a UTI which luckily didn't present itself until we landed in LA.  I spent the next hour googling my symptoms and then had to go to urgent care the next day so that was fun.

And getting back to the whole fish debacle.  Since then I've had two people tell me that they got nicked or bitten by a fish so if anybody wants to lie or reassure me that it would probably never happen to me feel free to do so.  The success of my next beach vacation depends on it.

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