Why I Blog

I've been blogging officially here since 2009 but unofficially I've been doing this since about 2003 in other places before it was even known as blogging.  You see, I'm a writer.  I don't get paid to do it.  I didn't major in it in college.  I'm writing a novel that may never get published and frankly I have no idea if I'm even any good at it.  All I know is that I love doing it and I have for as long as I can remember.  I've been keeping journals since I was 9 and I still have them all.  Something in me just always wanted to read words and write words and share words.  When I'm inspired I write.  When I'm sad I write.  When the world feels out of control and scary...you guessed it.  I write.  I write better then I speak.  I find it so much easier to articulate my thoughts in feelings with the written word rather then verbal.  Not to say that it's always easy to put my thoughts on paper.  Sometimes I draw a blank.  Sometimes I write something and I'm frustrated because it's not what I meant to say or how I meant to say it but I always feel a huge sense of satisfaction when I finally get those words arranged and out of my head the way I intended.

Aside from the writing part of it connecting with others similar to and different from myself is just one of the many reasons I love blogging so much.  At some point it wasn't just enough just to write anymore.  I found that I also wanted to share my writing and engage with other writing as well.  I'm not a journalist or an author so I blog.  I get to have my own little space with my words on it that belongs to me and anyone else that chooses to read it.  So many wonderful memories are here for me to look back on.  I think it's so cool that we all just put ourselves out there on the internet often for no other reason then just because we have this desire to do so.  I love it that there are so many of us in all different stages of life doing this thing we call blogging, connecting and learning from each other in ways that we never would have otherwise.

Blogging has changed so much in the last three years.  When I first started out it seems it was just about writing, sharing and getting a few comments along the way.  Then blog  awards with Q and A's and tagging started going around.  Back then you might see a giveaway here and there usually by one blogger at a time but now you hardly see a day when there aren't any.  There are group giveaways, linkups, sponsored posts, guest posting, blogger gift exchanges and social media linking.  Button swapping, blog sponsoring and buying and selling add space is all the rage.  If you haven't had a blog make-over yet you really should be looking into it.  The focus seems to have shifted to getting your blog noticed and increasing traffic.  Some blogs boast thousands of followers and more bloggers are generating an income.  Like everything else it's evolving and I think that's a good thing but there are lots of blogging trends I choose not to take part in.  Yes, I want people to read my blog but I don't view it as a business enterprise and I don't want generating followers to be my focus.  Blogging is truly an industry now which is great.  I'm just glad to be a part of it in some way.

Every now and then I get caught up in the numbers.  I compare myself to other bloggers and start to feel that what I do over here is pointless.   There are sooo many blogs out there with sooo many followers that I wonder how it's possible for me to stand out.  There are days I feel like I couldn't pull a blog post out my butt even if I wanted to and the next thing I know I'm inspired to do a silly confessional post or something will happen that I can't wait to write about.  I exchange some fun e mails with a fellow blogger or I see a post with this pair of shoes that I didn't know I couldn't live without.  Someone leaves a comment telling me that my post really resonated with them or a blogger writes something that tugs at my heart and makes me learn a little something about myself.  Then I'm reminded.  I do this because I love to and the way I stand out is just by being myself.  I can't be another blogger I can only be me.  I didn't start this to make money or to gain the most followers.  When I disentangle myself from blog stats and the never ending barrage of social media I remember that none of that really matters.   I do this because I want to and because I enjoy it and there doesn't need to be anything else.

 Why I Love Blogging  

Popularity and Blogging

Why I Like Being a Small Blog 

Thanksgiving Break

Mac and Cheese and Samoa Bundt Cake
Wednesday was the longest day ever as I counted down until 5pm in the ghost town that was my job.   I got home and it was time to cook.  We made artichoke dip, cranberry sauce, samoa bundt cake, and cheesecake to take to my mom's house.  I helped out a whole lot more then I thought I would.  Believe it or not I, and not my home chef husband made the artichoke dip AND the cranberry sauce.  Those are things that I would normally think to buy and not bother to make but Mj doesn't roll that way and he's in charge of the food.  He told me what to do and I did it so technically I made it!  I don't eat cranberry sauce but I heard it was good and everyone raved about the artichoke dip.  Everything was delicious.  My favorite was the dinner rolls and my mom's homemade macaroni and cheese.  Too bad I forgot to take a picture of the Turkey before my dad sliced it up.  I forgot to take a picture of mostly everything else.  Too busy eating I guess.  
My nephew

taking a walk

Me, sister and Mom
No sale on earth could drag me out on Thursday night or Friday for Black Friday.  I was still in food coma holiday relaxation mode and that did not include fighting crowds and traffic to shop.  I didn't do a whole lot over the break and that's what I wanted.  I didn't even leave the house Friday.  Saturday night we went to a lobster boil at a friends house.  I don't eat Lobster but everyone else tore it up; literally and it was gross.   Sunday we went and picked up my i phone 5.  I got the white one.  My contract is up in two weeks but I wasn't going to get a new one because I love the 4 plus I didn't want to buy a new case.  Mj sold our 4's for $200 each on glyde.com which makes the i phone 5 upgrade basically free so I went for it.  His phone sold in 2 hours and mine literally sold overnight.  I even found a new Pink case on Groupon Goods for $9 bucks! We also jumped on the Walking Dead bandwagon.  I love scary movies and I kept hearing how good it is so I figured it's something I should be watching.  We finished season 1 in 2 days on Netflix and we're working on season 2 now.  We both love it and I like having another show we watch together.

I'm thankful for my husband and family, my health and my job.  Not that I'm thrilled to be going back to work or anything but it's necessary.  Thanksgiving break was great.   

Love and Glasses

When I first met my husband I had just finished a modeling job so I was in heavy full on make up.  I'm talking totally airbrushed and with hair styled to perfection.  After that there is really nowhere else to go but down!  I remember hoping that he would still think I looked okay when he saw me on our next date in my usual minimalist make up look.  He did.  I've always hated my toes and I remember not really wanting him to see them.  Will he still like me after he sees my toes?  He did.  I remember feeling nervous the first time he ever saw me in my glasses and with my hair all wrapped up for bed.  There is that moment where you are like, okay it's about to get real right now and if he really likes you nothing will change.  And it didn't.  So why is it that four years later after he's seen me at my best AND absolute worst did I ever doubt him?
The Glasses
I got new glasses August.  It's probably been about 3 years since I had a new pair.  I mostly wear contacts when I'm going out and keep the glasses at home so it's not something I want to spend money on every year.   Typically I end up with a pair that looks exactly like the ones before so this time I really tried to get something different.  I found some with Brown square just slightly larger frames instead of the usual Black.  They looked really cute when I tried them on at the optometrist that day but when MY pair came in MY prescription it was another story.  I've been wearing glasses since 4th grade and my eyes are really bad.  I'm talking -10 Rx bad; and if you wear glasses or contacts then you probably know just how bad that is.  I had a detached retina in my right eye that occurred out of the blue for no apparent reason other then poor vision.  It normally takes a blow to the eye to detach a retina so that should give you some idea of how terrible my vision is.  Nothing ever seems to look too cute in my prescription even with the super high index lenses to thin them out.  As I've gotten older I am not as self conscious about wearing my glasses in public now and then but when I saw myself in these new glasses it set me back about 15 years.  They looked awful, I felt hideous and I just wanted to hide.  Mj was out of the country and when I skyped with him I refused to wear them.  Even though the suckers cost me about $300 bucks I put them back in the case and refused to wear them for about a week.  I came to my senses and realized I can't waste money like that and started wearing them again but I brought my old glasses when I met Mj in Europe for our vacation.  I couldn't bear to have him see me in the new ones until we got back.  All these irrational thoughts ran through my head about how Mj would take one look at me and wonder how it is that he ended up married to such an unsightly woman.  Just one look and he'd be ready to file for divorce.  I know, I know; very extreme conclusions to jump to over a pair of glasses but when you are feeling really down on yourself and insecure sometimes you can't help such irrational thoughts from crossing your mind and when they do you even start to believe them no matter how crazy they may seem.

Mj and I were relaxing on the couch over the weekend and he said "See...you're wearing the new ones.  You look cute in your glasses.  And I like it that I can look at you first thing in the morning when you wake up and still think you're cute."  I smiled and got all warm and glowy inside.  It was one of those moments that I said to my self, God I love this man.  My heart even melted just a little because somehow he knew that I needed to hear those words and not only did he say them to me on that night but he's said it to me before.  Sometimes I still have to pinch myself to believe that I have such a wonderful husband but it's true and I should have known that he loves me enough to see beyond a pair of nerdy glasses. 

And that's the goal ladies when it comes to relationships; or at least one of them.  Not to be cute in the morning or look good in glasses necessarily, but to have a man who believes that you do and makes you feel good about yourself no matter what.  Someone with whom you can truly be yourself without judgement or fear of rejection and still feel loved and wanted.  Bump around the house with messy hair and wear the same comfy pajamas all week.  Say what you think, act how you are and look like yourself.  If he is the "one" you can be who you are it won't matter and he will love you for it because you are YOU.   I hear about women who have husbands that have never seen them without make up or without their hair fully "done".  They probably feel about being bare faced and natural the way I initially felt in those new glasses but ultimately I couldn't keep them hidden forever no matter how unattractive I felt.  Our relationship is way more then the sum of my glasses wearing, sloppy T-shirt, messy haired no make up days and I should never have thought anything different.

Confessions Much

I confess that I've been snacking a delightful mix of Carmel and Cheese popcorn every day on my lunch break.  Our office was gifted with one of those giant 3 way popcorn tins and we are all pretty much obsessed with it.

I confess that my husband sent me this comic and I hate to say it but at least in my case sometimes it's true!!  Obviously he thinks so too and that's why he sent it to me.

I confess that I just barely signed up for a Twitter account this week.  I'm a little late to the party and I still haven't quite figured it out but if anyone wants to follow me my links are up.  3 Tweets, 5 followers, holla!!!  I confess that I'm also also kinda new to Pinterest.  I've already started following some of you on both so follow back!!

I confess that losing and/or misplacing any thing, even the smallest little insignificant item unnerves me to no end.  A sock.  A claw clip.  An earring.  It doesn't matter what it is but to have lost something means that there was a lapse in execution of my perfectly organized life and it pisses me off.  I retrace my steps.  I rack my brain trying to figure out where it disappeared to and if I can't find it I'm upset and then my husband has to listen to me whine about it for a day or two...or three until I'm finally able to let it go.  This time around it was a flash drive so my annoyance is totally justified.  It disappeared on Tuesday morning, I haven't seen it since and I'm still trying to get over it.  Thank goodness I had my novel saved elsewhere also or else I'd be having a nervous breakdown right now.

Link up with Leslie on Friday's @A Blonde Ambition
I confess that I felt like quite the underachiever after reading a story in my Marie Claire magazine.  It was about a girl who grew up with mentally ill parents in a storage unit and taught herself to read in a public library because she wasn't allowed to go to school.  She's written a book and currently makes a six figure salary as a writer.  I grew up in a house with two loving parents.  I went to school.  College even.  What's my excuse?  If you want to check out the story you can find it here at MarieClaire.com.

I confess that a couple of times I was so tired that I did the Elliptical with my eyes closed.  I can still go full power without losing my balance.  I know I must have looked really bizarre but I could barely keep my eyes open and it was the only way I could get through the hour. It's the closest I'll ever come to burning 600 calories in my sleep.

Okay, so this one is not very lady like and may very well fall into the TMI category, but here goes.  I confess that in the last six months I got serious about upping my water intake every single day and as a result have gone from from lady like misting to sweating bullets during my hour long cardio sessions.  All this time I thought I was either in really good shape or just glandularly blessed but it turns out that I just had a case of long term chronic dehydration.

I confess that I had no idea it was Thanksgiving next week!  Wow.  It seriously snuck up on me.

Gone Bananas

Adrienne Vittadini Jalya printed leopard flats [Source:  DSW]
I did a little shopping over the weekend.  Ok, well let me backtrack.  I actually bought these adorable leopard flats before my vacation when I actually wasn't even supposed to be shopping.  But you know how sometimes these things happen?  They are super comfortable.  I have no regrets about it now.  They are perfect and they are mine.  What's done is done.

                                                                                         Source: bananarepublic.gap.com via CeCe on Pinterest
                                                                                      Source: bananarepublic.gap.com via CeCe on Pinterest

                                                                                      Source: bananarepublic.gap.com via CeCe on Pinterest

Mj heard from a friend that Banana Republic was offering 50% off of regular priced items to veterans in honor of Veteran's Day.  He knew he had better tell me because if I found out later that I could have saved 50% off at Banana and he didn't bother to let me know I would have been mad.  Not that I ever shop there.  I'm more of Old Navy then Banana.  It's way too pricey but for 50% off of course I had to check it out.  I got the Merino V neck sweater in a brighter Red.  It's so soft and it looks really cute layered over the plaid top.  The plaid top is part of their Soft Wash collection of shirts.  What is soft wash?  According to the website:  Our Soft-Wash shirts undergo a delicate wash cycle for 60 minutes followed by an enzyme wash, giving the shirt a softer and more lived-in finish.  That enzyme wash must do the trick because it really is soft.  It feels so good on.  It's loose and casual but it still has somewhat of a structured fit so it doesn't feel too boxy.  When I was in high school we used to just call them flannels.  They were all the rage back then and now they are back like so many other things.  The sweater was originally $64.50 and the button up was $59.50 but I ended up paying $62 for both with the discount.  I would have never paid those original prices.  They both feel very expensive (because they are) and I like it!!  The V neck top was on clearance for $19.97.



                                                             Source: bananarepublic.gap.com via CeCe on Pinterest

I really wanted this denim chambray shirt as well but they didn't have it in my size.  I hate it when that happens.  I'm hoping Santa will bring it to me for Christmas.  If he happens to be reading this; XS please.   

Friday Confessions

I confess that I didn't write a single page of my novel last month.  I kind of figured that would happen because I didn't get back from vacation until the 11th and I was physically back but my brain stayed in Europe for the rest of the month.  But that's okay.  I've written 6 pages so far this month and I WILL write more.

I confess that even though my modeling days are over I still get a kick out of it when my pics are spotted by friends and family.  Mj stumbled upon this one last week in google images while searching for something for work.  Random!!
She looks way too happy to be in the hospital!
I confess that I'm not sad that it took so long for Fall to finally hit Southern California.  It's been mostly in the 80's since July and it finally dipped into the 60's yesterday.  I love sunshine and warmth and that's just one reason I love it here, so even though it takes much longer for me to get into my boots around these parts I'm not complaining.

I confess that I'm really glad I wrote my vacation recaps but I'm also glad to be finished.  Ten posts!  It was very time consuming and by the time I got to Amsterdam I'm pretty sure I bored most of my readers to tears but it was worth it to preserve that amazing experience forever right here on my blog. 

I confess that I just barely figured out that all those cute little outfit boards I see all over the blogosphere come from Polyvore.  I love 'em.  Now I wonder how long it'll take me to get around to making one of my own.

I confess that I'm super excited that I got a new follower this week.  It's been a while since that happened and each one is precious.  Thank you Tammy

Link up with Leslie on Friday's @A Blonde Ambition
I confess that I left the refrigerator open all day long Monday while we were at work.  Oops.  The incessant beeping that is triggered when the door is left open is supposed to make it dummy proof but when you grab something out of the refrigerator, rush out the door and no one is home to hear it then it doesn't work.  It was still beeping when Mj got home and discovered my mistake.

I confess that I ate a warm homemade cinnamon roll with just a dab of reduced fat vanilla ice cream on the side for dinner Wednesday night.  Yes, the husband made them AGAIN.  I didn't get home until close to 7pm after a long day of work and Pilates reformer torture class.  That's what I wanted so that's what I ate.

I confess that aside from when I had my girls get together in September Tuesday was the first time I cooked anything in about 4 months...probably longer!  Mj left for Europe mid August, I joined him at the end of September but the main reason is that I just totally lost my cooking mojo.  What little I had.  When my mom wants to organize Thanksgiving dinner she texts him not me.  Yes, I'm still married.  Which brings me to my next confession.

I confess that sometimes I seriously can't believe that I have such an awesome husband.  I'm just not that girl that usually gets what she wants but when it came to him I hit the jackpot.  I have beautiful, great, successful friends who are either in not so good relationships or single and looking.  Why me and not them?  Sometimes I still can't figure out how I got so lucky.

And those are my confessions for today folks.  This was a looooong tiring week for me.  I'm so glad it's Friday.  I really need this three day weekend.  Happy Friday everyone!