Babies Are More Then Just A Cute Picture

My nephew DJ gets cuter every day

Looking at those little arms flailing about, that joyful little baby expression and those bright eyes makes my heart melt.  Literally.  It's in a puddle on the floor right now so I don't even know how I am typing this!  If this pic doesn't make you want one of these I don't know what will.  That's just the thing though.  Babies are more then just a cute picture.  I am not a kid person.  Never have been.  I absolutely did NOT expect to be this enamored by my little nephew.  I can't stop talking and thinking about this precious little boy and that kind of scares me.  I don't want children.  At least I don't think I do.  Until I hold him and look at his pictures and feel those maternal instincts tugging at my heart like never before.  Babies are so full of life.  Sometimes a little too much of it at 2:00 am when my sister would kill for another hour of sleep but still.  When you look at their little faces you just see so much hope and possibilities.  They are so innocent and have so much living ahead of them.  It really is a beautiful thing. And as a parent you get to be a part of that.

But they will not always be babies.  They grow into terrible two's and angry adolescents.  I have to wonder.  Do I just want that cute little baby to call my own and not everything else that goes along with it?  There is so much time, energy and money that will go into making that little boy a man.  Is that something I want to take on for myself?  I am determined to think logically here and not be swayed by emotion.  My head says "Hell no I don't want any kids," and my heart says "Yes." But only some of the time.  Having a baby changes EVERYTHING and I'm not so sure that I want everything to change.  I actually kind of like things the way they are.  Mj and I are free to do or not do whatever it is we please.  We can travel or just go to he movies without thinking twice.  The house is quiet and the only person I have to pick up after is him! What effect might it have on our relationship? I think I'm tired when I get home from work now?  Well, the work never ends when you have a little one.  Being a stay at home mom likely would not be an option.  Going back to work would be so hard and of course there are astronomical child care expenses.  Any extra money right can go towards savings, retirement or just ourselves right now but that would not be the case with a child in the mix.  I can't even afford ballet lessons for myself so how am I supposed to feed, clothe, support a child AND pay for their extracurricular activities?  They want and need so much and I would want to give it to them.  Sometimes people jump in without considering these things.  People just assume that having a child is what they are "supposed" to do without really considering the option of doing the cost benefit analysis and simply deciding not to.  That it might not be the right thing for them.   People worry, me included-that a life is incomplete without a child but I don't want to do something just because that's what everybody does and I THINK I might be missing out.  I wish I just KNEW for sure either way what I really wanted.  I'm not getting any younger here.

I need to baby sit this little guy to see what it feels like but even still I will never know the full enormity of what it is to have a child of my own unless I actually had one.  That's the tricky part.  It's natural for any woman to have doubts and fears about having a baby but because I am not a woman who has always wanted to be a mother I have to be very careful here. I have to think with my head and not my emotions.  It can't be a passing fancy or just a moment.  It has to be a desire and a need in order for me to move past those normal doubts.  And then there is Mj of course.  It has to be a joint decision.  He is still at "HELL NO" and despite those maternal feelings I didn't even know I had, most of me is still there too.  So for now the answer to the baby question is still no.  Whether or not that changes remains to be seen and in the meantime I'll just have to direct all of that revved up maternal energy towards my sweet little nephew.  Which won't be too hard-I mean...just look at him!

Wedding Wednesday: Processional/Meet the Bridesmaids

I got to watch everything unfold from the back without anyone knowing.  When I took my first peak at the scene that was my wedding ceremony I had my second cry of the day.  All of those RSVP's sitting in my shoe box at home had translated into all of these people sitting in one place at our wedding.  It was so surreal.  It was finally happening.  The six months of planning and a hectic morning had finally come down to this.  I watched Mj walk his grandma then our mom's down the aisle.  Then our bridal party walked down the aisle to take their places at the front. 

Mj and Grandma.  He went back and got my mom and his mom. 
I got them both to wear PINK!

Our bridal party.  The girls-Eb, Fe, Jan, Lil' sis.



Eb is one of my closest friends and the only one of my bridesmaids who lives here and actually got to come to my bridal shower.  We met about five years ago when we both used to work for the same company.  She is as forgetful and fun as she is sweet and giving.  I love having her as a friend.  Fe is the one friend I made in college and actually stayed in touch with.  She lives in Atlanta but she told me from the start that she would make it for my wedding.  She was only here for one night.  I wish I had been able to spend more time with her.  Jan is my oldest and closest friend.  We met in 8th grade English class.  We are such opposites it's a wonder that we were even friends.  I was always the quiet conservative one and she was the wild outspoken one who dated older guys when I had never even been on a date.  We did cheerleading and gymnastics together in high school and stayed in touch through college even with all the craziness going on in our lives.  She is in No. Cal finishing out her time in the Army AND getting her Master's degree.  She drove for hours here and back to be at my wedding for just the one night and I barely even got a chance to talk to her.  Without her this wedding would not even be happening since she is THE WOMAN who introduced us.  Thank goodness she did!  Last but not least is little sis and MOH.  My how this young lady has grown up.  She is 10 years younger then me and I used to change her diapers.  She used to be painfully shy but now she is a beautiful well spoken young woman about to graduate from college in San Francisco.  The only person not up there that I wanted to be was my big sis.  She got pregnant and didn't know if she was even going to be able to come.  Then she found out she could and I was just happy to have her there. 

I didn't have a bachelorette party.  I don't have a lot of friends.  I'm kind of over "going out" and so the idea going to party downtown just to say I did for my bachelorette party was not appealing.  After reading about some of these awesome girls weekends that other bride's had I kinda wished I'd been able to have that.  How amazing it would have been to spend a weekend or even a day with all of these ladies.

   

Mj watching me approach.  Our officiant
may have been nervous the night before
but looks confident here.
He is my bridesmaid Eb's husband.

One of my favorite moments of that day was walking down the aisle with my dad.  He just so happens to have been the target of my only bridezilla moment of the day but I put that behind me as we walked arm in arm.  I drank in everything around me.  The melody of the beautiful music we chose.  The vibrant colors all around me.  All of our friends and family seated together.  The beautiful stark white arch and my handsome man standing there in his tux waiting for me.  Sometimes when people are nervous they rush but my nerves were gone and for the first time all day I felt no need to hurry.  I wanted to take my time and savor the moment.  I need that moment because everything before and after was truly a blur. 

I couldn't stop smiling!

I love it how this pic caught my mom in the background between Mj and Dad.

A great start to the festivities.

You May Kiss the Bride......

Let Her Eat Cake

Having a baby is no joke.  You first must host this child inside your body for 9 months and watch your stomach get bigger then you ever thought possible.  Your body goes through all kinds of changes, hormonal and everything else in between, and then you have to either push it out or have it surgically removed.  The miracle of life is beautiful and all but still-I shudder at the thought.  My poor big sis went through a lot to bring her little man into this world.  She had a hard time getting pregnant in the first place, had a miscarriage, then had fibroids removed to try getting pregnant again.  Once she did get pregnant again those fibroids grew right back with a vengeance causing her painful early contractions.  Then on top of that-gestational diabetes.  Not just the kind that requires diet modification.  She had to actually do daily insulin injections.  She LOVES to eat and HATES needles so this was very hard for her.   But she did it so she could have her healthy baby boy.

The Pastry Chef goes to work

Mj volunteered to make her a sweet sugar filled cake after she had the baby.  He doesn't make the kind that comes out of the box.  He makes the whole darn thing from scratch including the frosting.  The last one he made in June was one of the best cakes I've ever had.  He is very serious about his cakes.  He does research to come up with just the right recipe and he wants it to be just right.  Big sis requested double chocolate so he spent Friday evening making it so we could bring it to her on Saturday.  It turned out just lovely!

Double Chocolate Cake 100% from scratch

We drove to mom's house where big sis is staying on Saturday afternoon.  We all oohed and ahhed over this cake and my mom went out to get ice cream and milk to go with it.  The three of us went to a late lunch and when we got back it was CAKE time and this cake did not disappoint.  The bad news is that she might still have diabetes even though it is supposed to go away after mom delivers.  She is waiting on her test results right now.  The good news is this little guy gets cuter by the day.  We do plenty of oohing and aahing over him too.

He is so sweet!  Four weeks old.

DJ hates his pacifier.  He eats and then his eyes get all droopy as he falls asleep.  His yawns are so big and he makes the most adorable funny faces.  Even Mj finally broke down and wanted to hold him.  As cute as he is he is a lot of work but big sis is embracing her new role as a stay at home mom and I know she will be a good one.

New mom and baby.  Two weeks after C section.

As for that cake.  As good as it was I'm glad it's not in our house because I already know I would eat way too much of it.  I already have my birthday cake request in for April and have already decided that I don't care how much of that one I eat.

The Name Change Shuffle

I changed my last name at the Social Security office and the DMV and it wasn't until after that I felt an unexpected twinge of loss, sadness even-and I can't quite seem to put my finger on why.   After my first marriage I changed my name and never questioned it at any point.  Maybe it's because I'm older now?  After the divorce I didn't want to go through the trouble of changing it back so I never requested that as part of the divorce decree.  I didn't think it would be a big deal to do it later but was shocked and angry to find out that the court wanted to charge me $300 dollars to change it back!  I didn't want the hassle at first but it wasn't long before I felt sort of icky having the ex's last name.  I needed a fresh start.  Fortunately, they eliminated that fee and I felt such sheer relief at getting my own name back that I hardly minded all the phone calls to switch everything out. Again.  I vowed never to change it again.  It's just too much work and I truly believed I would never marry again anyways.  That icky feeling and need to reclaim my maiden name alone tells me that there's something in a name....even though I don't quite know what that something is.

I didn't consider not changing anything.  We are married now.  I want my name merged with his.  Now, if I didn't like his last name I might feel differently.  I have a Bachelor's degree in my maiden name but I haven't done anything awesome like write a book or win a Pulitzer prize with it, unless you count winning the Sectional gymnastics championships in high school.  Which you don't.  Nor have  I established any kind of "career reputation" with it.  You'd actually have to have a career in order to do that.  I don't feel attached to my maiden name for feminist reasons.  The basically chauvinistic concept that it is women who are expected to change their names and not men is not lost on me but I accept it.  It's certainly not about the principal of it for me.  I considered hyphenating but I couldn't really come up with a real reason why I wanted that other then that I felt it would make the transition easier. If I kept both last names then I could interchange between the two seamlessly as needed.  I started reading up about how the hyphen can be a problem during name searches and how no matter what you need to use only one official name anyways to prevent any issues down the road.  I guess just don't feel adamant enough about retaining my maiden name to go the hyphenated route.

It's hard being two people at once.  I don't know who anyone has me on file as.  I carried both drivers licenses just in case because all my credit cards didn't match the new license yet and they punched a hole through the expiration date on the old one.  The last step was putting in the paperwork at my job-which I still don't think has gone through.  Now that I have officially made the change I am actually three people.  There are certain things that I don't want to bother with and/or don't even know how to go about switching.  What do you do about real estate and property titles?  My condo and timeshare are in my old married name.  My car title is in my maiden name.  I will need to change my passport which will then have a 3rd name amendment added to it.  Unfortunately, I don't have any international trips planned so I suppose I can take my time on that one.

Verbally identifying myself as myself with my new last name still feels strange.  When they called my name at the doctor's office it was almost like they were calling someone else and when I see it in print it almost takes me by surprise for a second.  So what's in a name?  I'm still not sure.  My maiden name is me.  I like it.  It's who I have always been.  It sounds natural to say it and it's what I am used to.  On the other hand, I am honored to take Mj's  last name.  It feels special for us to share that and it's new but I already like it.  I'm sure that I will come to own my new last name and take comfort in it as I do our relationship itself.  The reality is that I don't even  think I want to be the person I was before I met him.  He changed my life for the better and there is no me without him so despite any conflicting feelings and brief sense of identity crisis I might feel as a result I know that it's the right choice for me.

Top Model Girls Are Back

Top Model Hopefuls [photo credit: CWTV.com]

America's Next Top Model is back and the girls are skinnier then ever.  Just looking at these girls makes me feel fat.  The prizes for the Cycle 15 winner are better then they have ever been.  In addition to the $100,000 Cover Girl contract the winner will also receive an IMG modeling contract and a high fashion layout in Italian Vogue.  Normally Tyra throws a plus size model or two in there to shake things up a bit and so far they have made it pretty far with Whitney being the first plus size model ever to win on Cycle 10.  This time around there is no plus size model among this gaggle of skinnie minnies.  My guess is that Italian Vogue has something to do with that.  Glamour Magazine may have gotten on board with size acceptance for their models but I doubt that Italian Vogue is even close to making that leap.

There is already drama going on of course.  One girl read the diary of another then soon after admitting that she blatantly invaded her privacy accused her of being a racist.  The show features the tallest contestant ever at 6'2" who also has the smallest waist ever.  I can only describe this girl as a walking skeleton.  Not only might she be too tall for modeling she also might be too skinny.  The usual group of characters showed up for their shot as official Top Model cast members.  The diva.  The shy weird one.  The girl with an attitude that won't quit and another who is way too cocky.  There are a few small town girls sprinkled in there and even an Ivy League rich girl.  There are two mom's and neither one with a single stretch mark to speak of and stomachs that don't look like they ever held a child.  Two of the girls are sisters.   This cycle also sees the biggest bra size ever with one girl at a 34G.  I can't wait to see who cries during the make over episode.  There is always at least one.

The season premiere was just last week and the final girls chosen from last week will move into what is sure to be a killer house mansion on tonight's episode so there is still time to tune in and watch the drama unfold.  I love this show!  I've been watching since Cycle 1.  I've got it programmed into my DVR and will be posted up on the couch every Wednesday at 8:00 pm watching from now until the very last photo shoot and runway stomp to the death.  A new show called Hell Cats about a College competitive cheer squad comes on right after on the same channel that I can feel myself getting sucked into but the jury is still out on that one.

Like A Woman Possessed

Like a woman possessed I got into my car on my lunch break and drove to DSW.  A couple weeks ago it was The Limited to update my work pants and about a week later I went to Express with a coupon and got some really cute cotton fashion tees.  And now this.  I don't know what's gotten into me but I'd be lying if I said I'm not enjoying it.  I am not typically a habitual shopper but for the third time this month I found myself doing just that.  I LOVE DSW shoes and I walked out with not one, not two, but three pairs!  What initially brought me in there was the desire need to replace a pair of my tan wedge slides that Mj sort of teases me about wearing because quite frankly, they are ugly.  There was a day I thought they were cute but that day has long since been done and gone.  It is not uncommon for me to wear ugly items of clothing hanging around my wardrobe simply because I need to wear them with certain outfits and have nothing else to replace it.  Terrible I know, but due to financial considerations sometimes budget trumps fashion and like it or not that's just the way it goes.

My shoe shopping haul-all on clearance at DSW

So, getting back to my DSW trip.  I checked out the regular priced area and didn't see much so I went back to the clearance section and instead of two rows of last season's rejects I was pleasantly surprised at the huge selection they had in big foot size.  Which is a 10.  I found a perfect replacement for my ugly tan shoes in a 9.5 for $35.98.  Thank goodness they fit and they are so comfortable.  The heel height is perfect for me.  I can wear them to work and I'll even want to wear them on the weekends.  Then, I also found a pair of basic Guess black flip flops for $14.96 which I also feel justified in purchasing because I need a pair for my honeymoon.  Now the third pair.  Well, the only justification I can come up for those is that comfort is very important to me.  There was no way I could pass up these comfortable soft leather moccasin like yet extremely adorable flats.  I have lusted after similar flats before.  These are B Makowki's and apparently they use really fine leather which must be why they are so comfortable.  They were originally $89.94 but like the other two, 40% off so I got them for $59.94.   I have a pair of bronze flats that I will likely chuck in favor of these.  They aren't very comfortable but I wore them anyhow because it's the only pair I had in that color.

The lady in line before me insisted on removing all shoes from the boxes so she could place them discreetly in a bag to hide her shopping from her husband.  I thought that was funny.  I know she isn't the only woman out there shopping on the down low.  I on the other hand excitedly rush into the house and share my purchases with my husband.  He actually gets excited for me when I shop because he knows how often I deny myself things that I want and/or need.

This is new territory for someone who used to make a sport of denying myself simple pleasures and I have to say it feels good.   Almost exactly a year ago I went shopping and practically had a nervous breakdown.  I became filled with dread over what I had done.  My friend and I wore our new boots out of the store so I couldn't take them back.  Mj was overseas at the time and when I told him I bought a pair of Uggs I was so upset I burst into tears.  I smashed every bit of joy out of getting something nice for myself.  Which is ridiculous because I save religiously and have been since I was 16.  In lean times it may not have been much but saving has always been a top priority and I certainly know how to do without when the money isn't there.  I don't have credit card debt and I take care of bills first.  I work hard dammit!  I need to allow myself to enjoy things.  Within reason of course.  Which it is because I am still under the monthly budget that I set for myself.  I will not be buying a Louis Vuitton Purse and Anthropologie is still mostly out of the question but a trip to Macy's where I buy a few things or heaven forbid a $140 pair of boots should never feel like the end of the world.  I know when to stop.

Budget is the determining factor for everything.  I may not like it but I accept that I must live within my means weather I like those means or not.  It's been an expensive year.  Planning a wedding, turning my condo into a rental property, and buying a house took priority over everything else.  We still have our honeymoon and next thing you know it'll be Christmas.  After years of shopping with anxiety, many moons of being on total shopping lock down, and more recently shopping just for the house I am finally shopping for me AND enjoying it.  It's about time and I love it!!

Cinnamon Biscuits

They taste even better then they look

Whenever the topic of Cinnamon biscuits comes up my sister always reminds me of how crazy I was for claiming that I didn't like them...even though I had never even tasted them.  She'd make them and go on and on about how good they were and beg me to try but I refused.  I'd wrinkle my nose in disgust and say "I don't like 'em."  Probably for something silly like that they had butter on them and I don't like butter.  I have no idea how I resisted that cinnamon aroma.  I have a tendency to dismiss foods without trying them and as a result I didn't start eating pineapples until this year and I've only been eating strawberries now for about the last 4 years.  I didn't like the way they looked.  I know...crazy right?

Cinnamon biscuits was a childhood breakfast favorite for me and my big sis.  Once I finally gave in and decided to try them that is.  I don't know where the recipe came from but we really loved them as kids.  Many Saturday mornings we would get in the kitchen and make and devour them together.  I don't think I've eaten them since I moved out of my parents house.  It's been a long time.  Over the last few years I've mentioned to Mj how good they are.  "If they're so good then why don't you make 'em for me?"  So, I finally did this morning.  I introduced this yummy childhood favorite to my husband and needless to say he's a fan too.  They are so delicious.  It's like this warm buttery cinnamony sugar explosion in your mouth.  You definitely won't find it on the weight watchers menu so don't even try.

This just so happens to be the only thing I can make without a recipe.  They are just that simple and quick.  I measure out the butter, cinnamon and sugar just by eye balling it.  Here is how you make it in case anyone wants to give it a try.  We've always made them for breakfast but they really could be dessert too.

Ingredients:

• Pre cut Biscuit dough-1 Can Pilsbury
• Butter  2 Tbsp
• Sugar 2/3 Cup
• Cinnamon 1 1/2 Tbsp

Cooking Directions:  Mix the Sugar and Cinnamon together in one small bowl.  Melt the butter in a different bowl inside the microwave.  With a fork dip one biscuit at a time into the melted butter so that it's totally covered then  dip it into the cinnamon sugar mixture until the entire biscuit is covered. Place each biscuit in the cake tin so that they slightly overlap. Repeat until all biscuits have been dipped and bake on 400 for 10-13 minutes.  Remove and enjoy.  That's what I did.

I used I can't believe it's Not Butter but there is no sugar coating it-excuse the pun.  Even that can't detract from the fact that I am eating biscuits coated in butter, sugar and Cinnamon.  They are definitely a guilty pleasure and means I can eat....uh not much else for the rest of the day! It was definitely worth it though.  I am certain that I should work out after such decadence to burn it off but I'm not really in the mood for it....when am I ever? With my bikini filled honeymoon coming up..... lets just say I won't be making a habit out of this.

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Wedding Wednesday: Pro Pics in The Park

[July 10, 2010] So, without further ado I will start with the pro pics we took in the park before the ceremony.  When I first saw Mj in his tux walking towards me outside the hotel I started to cry.  He looked so handsome.  This was the first of many unexpected tears of joy throughout the day.  Originally we weren't going to go to this park even though they have some of the most beautiful backdrops in our city.  This park is huge and always bustling with activity.  There is always something going on there and I didn't think we had time to deal with traffic or parking.  I told the photographer we'd meet him at a less grand but closer to our hotel park.  "Do you trust me?"  Mj asked.  "Don't worry.  Schedule the shoot at the park and I will arrange the transportation."  And arrange it he did.  We were whisked away in a shiny black limo.

I felt like a star stepping out of the limo

We were supposed to meet the photographer at 2:00 pm but after such a rushed and crazy morning we were just making our way into the park at 2:30pm.  Our photographers tracked us down and started snapping pics as soon as we got out.  I had to force myself to calm down and stop being frazzled and worried about the time so we could just relax and take some good pics. It was actually fun walking around the park as bride and groom.  Every few steps we'd get a "congratulations" by some passersby and definitely attracted attention. This is a very popular photo destination.  So many times I have seen pretty young girls in elaborate quinceanera dresses and glowing brides with their dashing grooms in tow at this very park.  It was so exciting that this time it was us.  We were that couple and it was OUR wedding day.  I really wish we'd had more time but I glad we got to do it at all.  We didn't do engagement photos.  And why not have as many pics as possible in our wedding day finery?  It's not like we get to dress like this very often ever.

Such gorgeous architecture in the background

I am really pleased with the pictures.  We look happy and the backgrounds are amazing.  We guzzled some champagne in the limo on the way back and got ready for the next part of our day.  The Ceremony.

Processional: Meet the Bridal Party

Labor Day Weekend Fun

The plan was to do something fun every day this weekend and that's exactly what I did starting with Friday when I met a girlfriend for happy hour.  It took exactly one glass of wine for me to feel it. I'm such a light weight! Eb and I had a great time chatting and catching up.

Delicious.  I think we will call again.

Saturday started out with some errands, a mani/pedi and something I always love to do.  Shop!  I was lured to Express by coupons.  Those marketing manipulators know what they're doing because I've been falling for it quite a bit lately.   I got 5 very cute cotton tees with my $30.00 off coupon.  The average cost per top was only $16.60!  These tops are casual yet still fashionable which is just my style. We haven't been to a movie in a while so we went to see Inception with Leonardo DiCaprio.  I have a tendency to get lost on overly complicated plots so I was a little reluctant to see it.  I had no idea what the whole first 15 minutes was about but I did better then I thought I would.  I enjoyed it and managed not to be totally annoyed by a lot of it not really making sense to me.  After the movie we got some groceries and by the time we finished we were starving.  Cooking was out of the question! Mj had a craving for some good Chinese food.  There are Mexican taco shops on every corner but hardly any chinese food places right where we live.  He got a suggestion from a co worker via text and we went and got take out.  I normally go to generic places like Panda Express where what I order comes in a bowl and was so excited to order food that comes in those cute little Chinese food boxes they always have on TV.  My beef and broccoli was delicious...and so was Mj's Pork fried rice!  We watched Paranormal Activity that night.  It starts out pretty slow but builds at the end causing me to scream really, really loud.  So freaky!!!

Sunday morning Mj woke up early and went for a 40 mile bike ride with his friends.  I was sitting at home on my butt doing nothing so I figured if he can do 40 miles on a bike then I can at least do 45 minutes on a Pilates video.  Then when he got back we were off to our picnic.  We finally got to use one of our favorite wedding gifts-this easy to pack picnic backpack.  I couldn't have asked for a more perfect day. The sky was such a pretty blue and the sun was reflecting off of the bay.  Our picnics are pretty simple.  We had wine, cheese, crackers, french bread, ham, grapes and cookies.

Everything you need for a great picnic

Perfect day for a picnic

Monday was spent at mom and dad's house where we ate hot dogs, burgers, and other holiday food goodies.  I got to change my nephews diapers.  He has gained a couple pounds in his whole two weeks of life and is so precious.  I had a great three day weekend but as always it went way too fast for my liking. The inevitable return to work always happens but at least it's a short week.

Get To Know Me-Pass It On

Jacin-who happens to be getting married in less then a month-over at She Said Yes honored my blog with a mention and a tag to answer eight questions of hers then create eight  more to pass on to eight of my favorite blogs.  I've been meaning to do a get to know you post like this so the timing couldn't be better.  I never feel like I have any "good" or interesting answers so I normally don't like this sort of thing but here goes!  Thanks Jacin and here are my answers to your eight questions.

1. if one song were to describe your life, what song would it be? Wild Horses, by Natasha Bedingfield.  I don't have nor do I want a horse although I do find them beautiful.  I find the lyrics very meaningful and relevant to my life and the journey I have taken. 



2. if you could be another person for a day, who would you be? Nastia Liukin!  I have to wonder what it would be like to be a person determined and talented enough to be an Olympian.  To have the guts to do gymnastics at the Elite level just boggles my mind.  Now that she won her gold medal she gets to do all kinds of cool stuff.  Stuff that I would much rather be doing then sitting here in my cubicle.

3. what has been your favorite aspect of wedding planning?  Almost everything!  It was so, so much fun!  Getting to have control and pick everything was awesome!  When you plan a wedding it really is your party and it's so much fun to have a chance to pick what you like and put it all together.  Who knows when or if I will ever throw a party again?  I lived it up!

4. if you had one wish, what would it be? To be wealthy.  I know money doesn't by happiness but neither does poverty.  I always say it can certainly help.  And I know the question said ONE but I would also like to eat whatever I want and not gain a pound.  It's really a toss up between those two.

5. what is your favorite movie?  There are so many.  One that just really sticks out in my head right now is Black Snake Moan with Christina Ricci, Samuel L Jackson and Justin Timberlake.  It just spoke to me.  She and her love were so emotionally damaged yet they wanted and deserved love like just anybody else.   The story line was so unconventional-risque even.  The acting was great for all three including JT and Christina managed to look hot in a pair of plain white cotton panties.



6. what is your guilty pleasure? (not thinking in the gutter here, girls)  French fries and molten chocolate lava cake.  If I order either one of those I am splurging big time!! Can't happen very often.

7. if the whole world were listening, what would you say?  Uhh....no clue.  I try not to say too much in front of too many people so this is hard!  Ummm....

8. what's the best piece of advice you've ever been given?  "Let yourself be happy."  It didn't come naturally or easily for me at all.  It was such a long hard struggle but to finally be able to do that has made all the difference in the world for me.

Now, for eight of my favorite bloggers.  I can count-I did 9 instead of 8 because I wanted to mention Dancy even though I know she will not be playing along because of the whole getting married any day now thing!

Faith at Life, Love & Marriage

Chelsea at A Colorado Cupcake

Silly Girl at Notes From The Voices

Leslie, A Blonde Ambition

Dawn at Happy Nappy Bride

Natalie, Miss Brightside

Ameena at Fancy That...Fancy This

Steph at Watching Airplanes
Dancy at Beer Budget Bride Musings 

My eight questions that I lovingly pass on to you are below.  No pressure if you don't want to do the questions.  Just consider yourself tagged.

1.  If you could have one wish granted what would it be?

2.  Do people in your real life know about your blog or do you keep it to yourself?

3.  If you could change one part of your body or appearance what would it be?

4.  If you became a billionaire would you quit your current job?

5.  What do you like best about your body or appearance?

6.  What is something that people might be surprised to know about you?

7.  If you were forced to give up one of your 5 senses which one would it be?

8.  If you could have any superhuman power what would it be?

Thank goodness it's a 3 day weekend.  The cleaning and laundry got done last weekend and we are having the best weather right now which we didn't really get during the Summer.  I plan on doing something fun every day.

Enjoy your Labor Day weekend everyone!!!!

Old Pants Die Hard

My two pairs of black pants must be about 10 years old.  I'm not exaggerating.  They are from Express and so old that they don't even use the same clothing labels anymore.  One of them has little white elastics busting through the material in the butt area.  I figure no one else is getting close enough to my butt to actually see it, at least they shouldn't be, so I've continued to wear them because I didn't have anything else.   On one of the legs on the other pair the hem is actually held up by safety pins.  How embarrassing is that?  Not only are they old but they are both way too big for me now.  Too much extra fabric hanging around is so not flattering.

Nice dress pants are not cheap.  I like to buy them from Express or the Limited because I love the fit and they are long enough for my legs but I'm on a budget so they tend get pushed to the bottom of my list whenever I do have money to shop with.

The time is just never right to spend bucks on black pants.  Yeah, in 10 years.  When I get coupons or have extra money to spend the last thing I wanted to get is a pair of work pants.  I would rather get something fun.  Something to wear someplace other then to go sit in a cubicle all day and at $60 bucks a pop I would much rather get two of something else instead of one pair of pants.  I like to look professional but my job doesn't even technically have a dress code.  Needless to say, my work wardrobe tends to suffer due to this overall attitude.   I did buy some new work pants in Navy and Brown the last time I had The Limited coupons but I didn't get black.  I was trying to expand the variety of colors I had to wear and old as they were I still had black.

When I got some Limited coupons in the mail I told myself once and for all I WILL get a new pair of black pants. According to me the time is never right but the wear and tear on those pants tell a whole different story and I have clearly gotten my money's worth.  It's time to move on.  The coupon was for 25% off and after finding out that all their pants are on sale for $39.90 right now I decided to get grey and black 'cause my grey Express pants are also 10 years old too!  I got The Limited Exact Stretch Boot Cut pant and I love the material.  Mostly something called Viscose, Nylon and about 2% spandex so they have that perfect amount of stretch with a nice classic look that makes your legs look long and lean.  The rise hits my hips perfectly and they have cool textured pin stripes.  I spent a total of $65.00 for two pairs of nice pants that normally cost $59.50 each. 

Oh, I didn't even mention my Express khaki pants. They are part of the 10 year old pant club too but the fit isn't as loose and they are not falling apart.  Yet.  Maybe I'll see if I can get those to last for 20 and if The Limited pants last even 1/2 as long as The Express ones did I won't have to do this again for awhile.

Make It Or Break It: Gotta Love It

Poor Underdog Emily,
Rich Mean Girl Lauren,
Talented Payson, and
Determined Kaylie

Make It Or Break It is so over the top fake.  They probably hire various gymnastics insiders to consult with and then do the opposite.  No one has died and come back yet but it's drama is on par with any daytime TV soap opera.  It follows four teenage Elite gymnasts as they vie for an Olympic berth in the 2012 Olympics.   Their fictitious journey is filled with bizarre gymnastics politics and sub par level 10 skills.  The constant back stabbing, secret romances and affairs among athletes, coaches and parents is nothing like the real gymnastics world.  No elite gymnast would have time to work at a pizza place to help her flaky mom pay the bills at home.  And really, how much money could Emily be contributing anyways with a part time minimum wage job?  You can't be considered an Olympic contender with a only a full twisting yurchenko or handpring front pike as your vault or a double twist for your beam dismount.  You also would never have the president of the National Committee appoint herself as your club coach on the spot in a dramatic show of power in front of everyone.  Oh, and late night training sessions alone without coach supervision is probably no no at most Elite gyms across the nation.  I also doubt anyone's coach would ever ask them to do their floor ex dance in the parking lot on a huge tarp with paint bottles in hand to see what kind of pretty art results as a tool for improving dance.  I could go on and on.  That being said.  I LOVE this show. 

I am a gymnastics fan so if there is a TV show based on gymnastics no matter how loosely, or even if it's geared for people 15 years younger then me I'm going to watch it.  The story lines can be downright aggravating and roll your eyes dramatic but I still look forward to each and every episode.  If it were any other kind of show I would not even like it.  But this is Make It Or Break It and it's about gymnastics and therefore I love it.  They have already had Nastia Liukin and several past gymnastics greats guest star as themselves.  The season finale will feature legendary coach Bela Karolyi playing the role of The Rock team coach Sasha's dad. There are some glimmers of reality. Like Payson's dad working out of state while the rest of the family stays in Boulder for her training.  It also gives you a glimpse of the dedication and sacrifice that is required to be an Elite gymnast.  The tricks are watered down but the awesomeness that is gymnastics is still on full display. It's such a beautiful sport.


As a longtime lover of gymnastics I was super excited that there was going to be a show about my favorite and little publicized sport.  I didn't realize it was going to be this unrealistic but what can I expect?  Television and movies are notorious for distorting the truth and adding drama to increase ratings and entertainment value. The acting is good, it is well produced and I love checking out their cool leo's and warm ups so as long as it's on I plan to watch it in all of it's over dramatized glory.

The Hunt For Drapes

We put blinds or shutters on all but two windows in our house.  We left the downstairs sliding glass door and the kitchen windows open to add some texture and color to our decor with curtains.  It took us forever...well about 1 1/2 months to find curtains for the sliding door.  I didn't want a solid.  I wanted something bright and with a modern print but it turns out that is virtually impossible to find.  Contempocurtains.com has some really cute prints but none of them were quite right and unless I absolutely LOVED them for our house I couldn't justify spending that much.  We finally ended up with a neutral striped curtain we found at Bed Bath & Beyond two days after our wedding.  The greens, tans, and golds match the walls and our couches and will go with everything.  I also love the grommets.  Underneath we layered white sheer panels with gold circles.  I really like them but am now even more determined to add some color into the kitchen window treatment. 

There are a lot of really ugly kitchen tiers out there.  Garish plaids, funky fruits and tacky teapots is what I came across most often and unless I am decorating grandma's kitchen that is just not going to work for us.

Really?  Do people actually buy these?

It is becoming increasingly clear that the kitchen tiers I want do not exist.  I have scoured countless websites and catalogs only to find nothing.  The closest I came was Countryporch.com.    This place is awesome!  If you are interested in totally color coordinating your life look no further.  You can match your bible book cover, to your place mats, to your curtains, to your oven mitts and rugs.  They've got their share of really awful prints but I found a few striped ones that incorporated some of the colors we want-namely red.  Good thing I sent away for fabric swatch samples.  They were way darker and kinda drab in person unlike how they appeared online.  Back to the drawing board.

A new pattern popped up on Bed Bath & Beyond in my latest search that I thought might work.  But the more and more I look at them the less and less I am so sure that it's what I want.  There is definitely red but I don't want anymore stripes.  At only $19.99 for the valance and $19.99 for the tier pair the price is certainly right.

I like the bright colors but.....

I would really like the option of being naked in my kitchen if I want to but I can't do that without curtains.  Kitchen tiers require a lot less fabric then full drapes so we explored the custom option. Last Saturday I had JC Penny's over to see about custom tiers.  These are the top picks.  I'm really trying to envision the way they will look as curtains in our window.

A modern bright floral print

Nice bright red and a modern floral print

Has the variety of colors we want.  A pastel rainbow

I went for the design basics.  No fancy swags.  The price started out at around $400 for tiers and valance but I told her I needed to be in the $200's.  By cutting down on the fullness and using less fabric we can get a 14" Valance and a 24" tier pair for about $220 plus our hardware.  Never in a million years did I think I would feel the need to buy custom curtains.  That's just for rich people in their big fancy houses right?  Well, I'm not rich and my house isn't huge but I am trying to make it fancy so if what I want doesn't exist then I guess I gotta get someone to make 'em.

what we picked and how they turned out.....

Tuesday Night Ball Game

Perfect View

We went to the ball game last night.  On a Tuesday night of all nights.  If Mj gets the tickets for free from work then we go and if it just so happens to be on a Tuesday at 7:00 pm then so be it.  This is our 3rd game this season.  We went in April to see his Braves and in June with my parents.  Aside from the fact that the trolley ride back to our cars took way longer then usual I enjoyed this one more then the others for the following reasons:

1. I wasn't freezing my butt off.  It's really hard to focus on the sometimes anti climatic game of baseball when your nose feels like an ice block and the breeze feels like it's biting through your clothes.  I am always amazed when I see people wearing tanks and shorts and trying to look all cute while I am wearing gloves and a double layer of shirts. I get cold easy and being cold sucks. It's a form of torture for me and if I am being tortured I am likely to care more about how soon I can leave then what is actually going on in the game. 
2. Our seats were awesome.  Our April seats were close but these were close, at the perfect height and right beside home plate.  We had a nice view of the entire stadium and the field.  The guys didn't look like tiny little figurines that I should just ignore and I felt so close to the action that I really wanted to become interested in what was going on and follow the game. I even learned a little bit more about some of the rules.
3. The game was actually exciting!  Someone got out while trying to steal a base and the home team scored two home runs.  One of which I missed while in the restroom changing into a warmer top.  The chronically cold have to be prepared.  The score actually got up to five which means there were five times in the game that there was some real action going on which is not often the case with baseball where it can go on and on forever and finish 1 to 0 with not much in between.

You will never catch me watching baseball on TV.  It's just way too boring for me.   But I really enjoy the experience of going to a live game.  You get to watch people make a fool of themselves on the jumbo tron and at this game they even had a croquet demonstration before the game started.  You can actually order food right from your seats in this section but we chose to use our own legs instead to save us the 15% service charge.  The food is already expensive enough.  I didn't get my usual beer and a giant over sized hot dog this time.  I enjoyed my $8.00 turkey wrap while Mj ate his $6.00 hot dogs and we shared his his $4.00 water. 

Good thing the tickets were free.

A Look Back: Bride Getting Ready

[July 10, 2010] So, it's taken me quite awhile to finally get to pro pic posting. First it was because we didn't get the disc as quickly as we were supposed to and then it was because I was simply overwhelmed. Our photographers took over 1300 pics and I didn't know where to start! We had to find the time to go through them together to weed them out a bit. Then from there it was up to me to get them organized and sorted into something manageable so we could decide which ones to order. We get 10 5 X 7 and 4 8 X 10 prints. I had all of these sheets of papers full of numbers scribbled all over the place.  It was a mess.  I finally was able to translate that madness into organized folders on my flash drive. Jeez...who thought organizing pics would be so darn complicated?  Then, after all of that it took me a while to get to posting.

It would have been nice to get some of those nice classic getting ready shots taken by our photographer.  The dress hanging beautifully in the window with the light filtering through and all that.  But, we wanted shots pre ceremony and I was afraid we would run out of time at the end.  In lieu of that I pieced together the shots I did manage to get from other cameras.  Not my mom's because her photos are still inside her camera and she hasn't gotten around to finding the cord that is necessary to get them OUT!  Incidentally, she has photos dating back to two Christmases ago still in her camera so chances are it wouldn't be any time soon.  Mj's aunt took a lot of pics though and he somehow got them out of her camera for me so between those and Facebook steals from friend's pics this is what I got.  These are not pro pics but I'm starting with these because the OCD person in me wants to do this in order. 

The before shot.  Pre make up magic.

Getting ready was a blur like everything else.  I didn't get to sip champagne, munch hor's deourves and chat with my bridesmaids.  I drank a glass of wine, knocked over half the other one by accident and shoved some street tacos down my throat that the hotel was kind enough to arrange for me since I starved myself all day.  I did not get to leisurely put on my dress, giggle in delight with my mother-ok maybe there was some giggling- or gaze serenely into the mirror.  It was make up, take down my pin curls, get into the dress, throw on the jewelry, get last minute touch ups and GO....FAST!

Last minute touch ups

I rushed through the entire process which I wasn't really aware of at the time but in retrospect it was kind of a bummer.  But, I got myself together with help from everyone else and in the end I was happy with the finished product.  The necklace and earrings were given to me by Mj's grandma.  I had the hair.  My stylist is also a friend so she was right there to take down my curls and style my hair.  The make up artist was fabulous.  My nails and toes were perfection and of course the dress-which was the very first one I tried on.  I have never felt so glamorous.  This must be what celebrities feel like every time they go out.  Must be nice!  I planned on enjoying every last minute in that white dress.  And I did!!!

Mom and I.  It's show time.

Did you think I was done talking about my wedding? Not just yet. Next wedding Post.....PRO PICS!!! 

Pro Pics in the Park

Grocery Shopping Is No Fun

I've been spoiled.  So far Mj and I have always done our major grocery shopping trip together.  We are miserably low on food since we haven't done a major trip in almost 3 months!  He's been out of town for work all week and will be again next weekend.  He'd be too tired tomorrow.  There isn't time to drag him along this time so I had to go solo.

Going to the commissary on base saves us money on sales tax and lower prices but it is does not necessarily save us on time since it's about 16 miles away.   Like going to Walmart on a Saturday you have to mentally prepare yourself for it.  The aisles are ridiculously crowded so you have to maneuver your way through that but they actually hire enough people to work there so they get you checked out pretty quick.  Because it's not so close we do our big grocery shopping trip there then run down the street to Ralph's or Sprout's for anything else we need in between.  Which has been quite a bit because we haven't done the greatest job of planning our shopping around specific recipes so when it comes time to cook we never have everything we need.  This time was different!  I went alone AND I was armed with a shopping list that includes grocery items for 4, count 'em FOUR recipes.

Grocery shopping is this exhausting process of transferring items from one place to another over and over again.  You put the items from the shelf into your cart and push it around as it gets heavier and heavier.  Then you load it onto the check out counter.  Then, the baggers put it all right back into your cart.  You get to take the stuff out of the cart for the second time and load it into the car.  Then, finally after all of that you get to stock your shelves at home.  Not fun and so much easier to do with two.  At least I don't have to lug them through a gate and up a flight of stairs from street parking anymore like when I lived in the condo.

My single gal fridge in 2006

What a difference 4 years makes.  This was the normal state of my fridge when I lived alone.  I didn't have too many visitors but when I did they always marveled at just how little I had in my fridge.  That turned to down right shock when they insisted that I must eat out all the time and found out that I did not.  Everything I needed was actually right there and in two small cabinets.  Needless to say my diet was pretty minimal.  There was no cooking and dinner was mostly canned soup or a deli sandwich.  Every single day.  Oh, and lots of pretzels.  And that was just normal for me.  Not only was it great for my waistline it was definitely easy on the budget.  I think I only spent about $45 per month max on groceries!

Our fully stocked fridge

Mj isn't exactly down for that.  Like most people he needs a little bit more variety and quantity so this is what our fridge looks like now and the pantry is full.  I spent about $160 but that will probably last us for close to 2 months aside from little things here and there.  When it comes time to cook we will actually have the ingredients to do it and there are plenty of healthy snacks to munch on.  Mj got lucky this time.  He got to skip the shopping trip AND I plan to have dinner on the table for him when he gets back home tomorrow.  I've spent this entire 3 day weekend alone.  No plans, no nothing.  Just me.  Relaxing, sleeping in and getting some errands done.  I'm definitely ready for some company tomorrow.

I'm An Auntie

Two new aunties!  Me and lil' sis

Isn't he just the cutest?  I am in love already! 7lbs 9 oz

Apparently there is nothing predictable about child birth.  Even when you schedule it to be induced.  My sister got to the hospital around 8:30am as she was told.  She didn't get her first round of inducing drugs until sometime after 10:00am and by 11:30pm that night was not dilated at all!  No contractions.  No nothin'.  We were all expecting this thing to get going but it was going very slowly and she was only going to be allowed liquids until after she has the baby.  She was uncomfortable, exhausted, starving and beyond ready to get this boy OUT!!

We left the hospital around 11:30pm when it was clear that nothing was going to happen any time soon.  So we thought.  We went home to get some sleep and about two hours after we went to bed we get a call from her husband that they are doing a C section.  Like NOW!  She had finally dilated to about 1" and was having some contractions after we left.  DJ was showing some signs of distress so without further delay they sent her into surgery.  We tiredly got dressed again and headed back to the hospital to wait.  We got some snacks from the vending machine to keep us occupied then proceeded to fall asleep in our chairs.  They took him out at 2:45 am.  They checked him out and one by one we got to see him.  And he is just precious.  He looks just like his daddy.  My sister is just fine and DJ is healthy and adorable.  It's just amazing.  I'm so happy for them.

We finally got to see our sister around 4:30am.  She was groggy and still high on pain killers.  We went home to get some rest around 6:00 am finally.  Then, went back to the hospital around 3:30pm so we could see him again and finally hold him.  So far he doesn't cry at all and right now he would rather sleep then eat.  I changed his diaper.  The last diaper I changed was probably about 20 years ago when my Lil sis was still a baby.  I left the hospital to go back home around 7:45pm.  I slept a little but my body did not appreciate going to bed at 6 in the morning when the sun is coming up so I was exhausted by the time I climbed into bed.  I took yesterday off but had to be at work at 7:00 am this morning. Thank goodness I am off tomorrow.

My sister gets to go home on Friday.  She slept here and there but she says she really needs about 8 hours of sleep to recover.  I don't think she's going to get it.  She is breast feeding so she has months and months of sleep deprivation ahead of her.  I'm sure it's so worth it to her when she looks at that sweet little face.  It's so great that she will be close enough to benefit from the support of her family.  We can't breast feed but there are plenty of other things we can do to help.

Limbo Champ

The Thrill of Victory

We went to Mj's company picnic today.  It was a Hawaiian Luau theme.  I did my exercise video in the morning and hadn't eaten a thing all day so by 1:30 pm I was starving and there was plenty of good food to be had once we got there.  The sun finally pushed through the gloomy skies and warmed me up as we were sitting there relaxing and eating.

I am kinda shy.  I am never going to be the first one up to volunteer to participate in a contest if at all.  It didn't look like we were going to win any of the raffle ticket prizes so we had to take matters into our own hand.  Mj couldn't get me to go so he walked up there and got in the limbo line himself.   I paused for a few seconds and then went on up there too.  As that bar got lower and lower I couldn't quite figure out how I was supposed to get my body under there.  Not too many adults participated and when it got down to 4 they said whoever makes it under is the winner.  The first guy made it under but fell at the end.  Mj went right before me and did pretty good until he collapsed at the end. When it was my turn I took my time and arched back as far as I could and inched forward until all but my head had made it underneath.  I was sort of suspended in this backwards position taking my time so I wouldn't fall.  I turned my head to the side and made it.  The last person made it under but fell also so I won-and not some janky prize either.  It was a $50 gift card to Walmart.  Who can't use that? Guess my old gymnastics flexibility, what little I have left that is, came in handy.

The Agony of defeat

Speaking of gymnastics, it's coming on tonight.  USA Nationals!!  Rebecca Bross is poised to take the title this year and Alicia Sacramone begins her comeback.  It's my favorite sport in the whole wide world and gets way less TV time then it deserves.  It is the premier sport of the Olympic games and obviously way more impressive then football but is only televised about 3X per year max so when it's on I get really excited.  I get two wonderful hours of it tonight.  When I'm watching gymnastics I have eyes and ears for nothing else.  The laptop stays shut and I don't want to miss a single minute. You can expect to be totally ignored when I'm watching it.  Don't bother me, I'm watching gymnastics.  Come to think of it, I'm actually way worse then Mj is when my sport is on.  I can justify it though for a couple times a year unlike Baseball and Football which is on practically year round.  If he ignored me every time a game was on...well let's just say there would be trouble but I can totally get away with it.  Right?