RSVP Angst

I have to admit I am feeling pretty outdone by this whole RSVP process right now. It was so delightful when the first batch started rolling in.  It made it real that we were actually having a wedding.  We had guests!!  But now it's become a source of angst.  A couple weeks ago I came home and saw that someone RSVP’d for 4 when I sent the invitation out clearly indicating two names. They decided they wanted to bring their 12 year old daughter and someone else. I don’t even know who that someone else is because they didn’t write in the name to inform me who was coming to my party.   I’m not sure why someone would assume they can bring whoever they want.  

Any party cost money and people invite not only who they want to be there but also who they can afford to be there. Not to mention space limitations.  Imagine if everyone just brought even one more person to a Bar B Q without telling the host? Then imagine it’s a wedding where the cost per person is counted and a lot higher then any other party you will ever throw in your life.

I don’t see anyone offering to pay for additional guests. Even if they did the answer would be no.  If your name was written on the invitation come and if not don’t come.  If you feel you must bring an additional guest please ask.  End of story.   Some have weddings where they invite everyone to the ceremony and then exclude a bunch for the Reception. The ceremony is really what its all about but the reception is where the money is. I'd feel totally uncomfortable doing this because it just seems so exclusive and those not invited must feel a bit like a B list D list celebrity who couldn’t get into the VIP party. Way harsh.  I couldn’t do it but I understand the concept and those that do. The bottom line is that weddings are not cheap and sometimes you have to make those kinds of tough decisions.

Since it is her friend I am enlisting mom to inform the 2 invited/4 RSVP group that there is only room at the Inn for 2. When I got an RSVP from my cousin, husband, and little girl I was like uh, oh.  This is gonna be awkward.  Mj and I for the most part invited friends/family + their significant other if they had one but decided on no children. This is partly for budget reasons. When you count up all the potential kids it adds up and we didn’t want to open the flood gates on that. Our reception is preceded by a cocktail hour. To me that means screams adult party and chances are that a child won’t appreciate or enjoy it so it doesn't make sense to pay to have them attend.  Even if we could afford it.  The ceremony starts at 4:00pm, dinner doesn’t start until 6 ish and people aren’t likely going to hit the dance floor until around 8:00pm. It takes about 4 hours just to make it through ceremony, dinner and cake.  It’s a long time for a kid and it’s a party. With alcohol. There will probably be drunken people there at some point. I just don’t see why anyone would plan on bringing a child but then again I don’t have children myself so perhaps I just don’t understand. Anyhow, very politely I sent her a message that we had decided no children would be at the reception and she promptly responded that her and her husband would only be able to attend the ceremony then. I love my cousin. She is the sweetest and most wonderful girl and I want her to be there. I am not here to be mean and create hard feelings among family so I took the higher road and told her that if she didn’t feel comfortable leaving her daughter with someone then it would be OK to bring her and meant it.

Looking down to next year and years to come she is always going to be my cousin and this is just one day. It’s just not worth it to me to take a hard line like that and risk hurt feelings. When it comes down to it it’s really not going to matter that much. Even so I am annoyed because it IS just one day. My day and it kind of bums me out that I can’t make a decision and have that be respected by others. I don’t enjoy being in this position one bit. It bothers me that I have to play guest police and that I feel like the bad guy here when in reality I am just trying to have the kind of atmosphere that I want and keep it in the price range that I need.

It's probably not over yet.  As it gets closer I will inevitably have to track people down to get them to reply at all or be irritated by those rude enough to say they will come and then not show up or not RSVP and be right there as if they did. Sigh. Whatever. That’s really all I can say for right now. I can’t let it get to me. This is supposed to be fun and it’s about family and good things so I won't let these petty little issues get me down for too long.


Steph said...

Thanks for coming by my blog and following me.

Weddings are so stressful. We had a very small ceremony and a rock-star reception. People were made but in the end, its what makes you and yours happy that matters.

Anonymous said...

Girrrrrl! I've had to call folks and tell them, sorry but you can't invite people to the wedding who I actually didn't invite. And don't even get me started on folks who won't RSVP. Hmmmpft! We invited 160 and have gotten about half of the people to reply and the date is May 7th, so let's see how many people Imma have to track down.

Why won't people just do right?!