What's For Dinner?

98% Fat Free Hebrew National Hot Dogs and Fat Free Pringles
I got fancy with it and toasted the bread in the oven.
The day after hubby's Birthday dinner I flat out told him.  "Don't expect me to eat today."  I pigged out the night before, I'd had a few indulgences over the week leading up to that and our vacation was just around the corner.  I felt like a stuffed pig.  I absolutely was not in the mood to have food pushed on me that day.  As soon as I said it I was totally relieved that I had the day ahead of me to eat what I wanted when I wanted and yes...how little I wanted.  I love food as much as the next person.  Maybe even more!  I am a cheese addict.  I love anything with cheese particularly Casadilla's and Pizza.  I have a major carb addiction too.  I can eat bread like nobody's business.  I have a sweet tooth.  I probably crave candy more now then I ever did as a child and my favorite dessert in the whole wide world is Molten Chocolate Lava cake.  I can and do get my grub on but sometimes I really don't want to.  I am a calorie tracker.  Using my phone app it's like a fun game to me.  I enjoy eating but I also enjoy staying within my calorie budget.  To do this I watch my portions and use a lot of low fat substitutions.  I might eat ice cream every night for dessert but it will be light ice cream and only the 1/2 cup serving size. You can eat anything in moderation.  Mj calls it an obsession with calories and weight.  I call it discipline.  It's how I am and I don't think I can totally change it so my goal is to manage it.  Which I think I've been doing a pretty good job of despite his statement of a month ago that I have gotten too thin.  I beg to differ.  I know I  should be adding fruits and vegetables on the side instead of pretzels but I am making an effort and sometimes I just want to be left alone when it comes to my eating habits.  I'm a snacker, I don't want 3 squares a day and if I eat too much one day I simply don't want much the next.  I'm an adult.  Let me eat what I want. 
Longtime fav:  PBJ.  With a side of pretzels.
Low Sodium Fat Free Ramen [280 cals].  Hot commodity.
You can't find this stuff every where.
Like a lot of women, I have a complicated relationship with food.  I love to eat it but then I bust my calorie budget and I love to hate it even more.  Every time I turn around there is some social event with food or sweet treats floating around the office that interfere with my food plans.  Sure, no one has a gun to my head but it's the only time I allow certain indulgences so I usually can't resist.  I skip my healthy snacks to compensate which I know is not good for me.  Then, I come home to Mj saying, "What are we having for dinner" and the reality of it is that I just don't care.  The structure of Breakfast and Lunch annoys me and Dinner is whatever.  I'm a snacker and I can only squeeze so much into my calorie budget.  I'll get a craving for popcorn and want to eat that instead and call it dinner.  Day to day at home I prefer light and easy meals.  Ones that are prepared in the microwave, can be eaten off of a paper towel or that don't require any heat whatsoever are fine with me.  If I get hungry later I can have a snack.  Can you tell I love my snacks?  Or if it's a "real" meal then I want Salads with chicken or Grilled Chicken Breast with Veggies.  If we grab something out my #1 go to is always Subway or a Chicken & Rice bowl.  I'm down for Pizza but reluctantly because I love it so much but sometimes have a hard time with knowing when to stop.  Well, I know when to stop, I just don't want too!   I prefer to reserve hearty meals for dining out or social gatherings.   
Albertson's Fresh Baked French Bread with Fat Free
Mozzarella Cheese.  Forgot that stuff doesn't melt.

Only $3.50 at the Grocery store.  Prep time: 1 minute. 
 With Mj out of town I've been getting a bit of a break.  I can snack the day away and I've been eating things like Fat Free Ramen, Hot Dogs, Sandwiches and bread for dinner.  Yes, bread.  I see absolutely nothing wrong with this.  Ok, so maybe I do.  Day to day nutritionally  meals snacks like that are not the best but that's what I want.  And trust me when I say my diet has improved from where it was just two years ago.  With Mj around I've had to make some changes.  When I lived alone I never cooked.  I barely even had pots and pans and food was way low on my priority list.   For Mj's sake I have stepped up my cooking game over the last year since we moved into our new house and have even started to enjoy it a little bit but the rigmarole of shopping for and preparing meals is too much for me sometimes.   I only have so many free hours after work and the gym as it is and I don't even want dinner half the time so finding the motivation to cook is hard.   I've fallen off the wagon lately and I need to start up again with that.  He gets home earlier then I do.  He is a great cook AND he loves to do it.  Neither statement particularly applies to me but he cooks for us so I will return the favor even if it's not my favorite thing to do.  He is adventurous whereas I could eat the same thing every day for months on end and be just fine with it.  I like the comfortable routine of predictable meals and it sometimes rattles me if I can't plan ahead.  Mj is a foodie so I really do try to get over myself and my own issues and participate so it is something we can enjoy together. 

I might have the palate of a 10 year old and just want to eat a sandwich every single day but it's not just about me.   It's about cooking a meal and eating it together or roasting S'mores in the back yard.  Indulging in something totally fattening just for the hell of it, experimenting with new recipes or having pancakes for dinner.   It's also about being healthy.  I have to remind myself that that food is HEALTH.  It is not just something to resist or dread.


Faith said...

seriously, that was my diet before I met Sean, haha ... i wouldn't cook ... just picked and choose whatever i could eat ... most times it was a sandwich or cereal for dinner ... i was a lot skinnier too, haha ... i am now in this point in my life where i don't live to eat but i eat to live ... i enjoy food so much ... i just have to learn that i do not have to eat sooo much of it!

i actually have gone a whole week without candy ... and this is huge for me! yesterday i was dying for a piece of candy and today i hardly had any craving for it. i am trying to see if i can go even longer!

Lil' Woman said...

I am def. a carb and cheese girl...I love love love it, but I'm trying to moderate it a bit because this lady needs to shed some lbs.

Mrs. Pancakes said...

I loved the s'mores in the backyard...cutest thing ever! it's so hard to merge two different appetites together but like you said it is important to make meals together so that you can eat and enjoy yourself as a family. Once kids come this is going to be important (at least that's whayt i keep telling myself:-) glad i can relate to your posts!

Mrs. K said...

I can so identify with most of what you wrote in this post. I have a love/hate relationship with food and I'm also trying to find a balance. I love carbs wayyy to much and I hate it when I overdo it (which happens frequently). I try not to beat myself up too much about it but it's on my mind. I'm convinced that some day I'll have a true balance and eat healthier. For now, I'll try not to OD on whole wheat toast with nutella :)

Ameena said...

I can really relate to this...I get SO sick of Ali and Maya asking me what's for lunch or dinner or can I make them a snack? Can they have dessert? Can they not tell that I have zero interest in their meal plans and times? Apparently I haven't made it clear enough.

Unlike you I am a 3 meals a day kind of person. As long as I stick to that plan and I don't snack I am good to go. The minute I start snacking I find myself unable to stop! FUnny how different things work for us, right? But as long as it works...that's all that matters.

I had no idea that you calorie count but I agree - discipline is the only way to make things happen. You look fabulous!

PS - So does your sister! I read your last post before this one and she looks great!