Love & The Holidays

There is something about the holidays that makes us love being in love.  The chilly air makes you want to cuddle close.  The pretty twinkly lights beckon for someone special to share them with.  The beautiful Christmas songs suggest love and togetherness with lyrics like, "I'll be home for Christmas" and "All I want for Christmas is you."  We see it on TV too.  The Lexus commercial that shows the beautiful wife come out of her equally beautiful home to find a brand new Lexus with a bright red bow wrapped around it.  A gift from her loving husband.  In the Zale's commercial we see the guy dangling a sparkly diamond necklace outside the window for one lucky woman.  This may or may not cause us to turn and smile expectantly at the man sitting beside us.  And we all know that "Every kiss begins with Kay."  How many women have hoped upon hope to find that diamond engagement ring underneath the tree?  A lot of them do because come January newly engaged couples come out in droves to nail down that wedding venue. 

The Christmas tree, holiday decorating, chilly weather, sounds of the season, family bonding and ongoing festivities causes some kind of chemical reaction in our brain that makes us want to love and be loved.  We want someone to get all dressed up for and go to holiday parties with.  Someone to take home to our family.  We take such delight in shopping for our significant other and receiving something special in return.  When the clock strikes 12 am on New Year’s Eve it's just not the same without a date.  Even better if that date is your partner in life and that kiss represents the hope and promise of a fresh new year that you will share and look forward to together.  The holidays are a magical time.  Love and festivities are in the air and we all want someone special to hold onto as we enjoy everything going on around us.

Six years ago right after Thanksgiving I found myself suddenly single after nine years.  It was difficult enough without having it coincide with the full swing of the holidays.  I really wanted to be happy during this time but my life was literally falling apart and I was too busy trying to figure out how to pick up the pieces to be festive.  I took my big sis to the holiday party that year.  It was a blessing in disguise that the relationship ended and I embraced being single and starting fresh.  I love my family but something about the holidays still made me long for companionship and feel like something was missing.  I had a happily single but open to the perfect man attitude all year long but when the holidays rolled around being single suddenly felt depressing and lonely.  The only thing worse was Valentine's day.  My perfect man did come along four holiday seasons later and I now relish the opportunity to share traditions and festivities of such a fun time with my husband.  He was deployed for most of last year but he made it back just in time for Thanksgiving thank goodness because it just wouldn't have been the same without him.   

There are a lot of break ups just prior to Thanksgiving or Christmas.  I'm sure I'm not the only one who has experienced this phenomenon.  Sometimes it's just to avoid spending money on a gift for someone you're not really sure if you like all that much and what could be awkward family meet and greets.  For some, being alone is preferable to the false and empty feeling of being mismatched for the holidays and feeling obligated to go through the motions.  There is also the opposite effect.  Engagements and heartfelt proclamations of love when people realize they don't want to spend another holiday without this amazing person in their life.  The holiday season is powerful.  It serves as a lens through which we view our life and our loved ones taking stock of where we are where we have been and where we are going in the new year.  It is a time of reflection, fun, giving and family.  The holidays may not be about falling in love but there is something about this time of year that makes us want that all the same.

I Love A Good Holiday Party

When Mj was interviewing for his current job in January among other questions regarding pay, benefits, location etc one of the first things I asked was, "Do they have a holiday party?"  You see, I have a thing for holiday parties.  I love it that they are during such a fun and festive time of year.  I love it that they give me an opportunity to dress up and go out on a fabulous free date.  Throughout the year it is rare that a dress up occasion comes up aside from something like this. When I worked in insurance I may have hated my job but I loved the holiday party.  I saw it as my reward for the pain and suffering of working there and I never missed a single one.  My current job does a holiday luncheon during the work day which doesn't really count so I was excited that his job goes all out and does the full shebang.

This tree was probably a good 30 ft tall

The party was at the Hyatt Hotel and we decided to get a room for the night so we could party as long and as hard as we wanted and not have to worry about driving home.  We don't live that far and it's really not necessary but I love staying the night.  It totally rounds out the full "holiday party experience."   I recycled a dress from who knows how many years ago and I was so glad to have a chance to wear it again.  Hubby looked so fine in his suit. 

Our new Christmas tree ornaments

The party set up was a very elegant winter wonderland.  Every couple got four drink tickets, though we managed to get our hands on more, and each employee was entered into a raffle.  There were 10 really great prizes including an iPad, wine country tour and $75 Nordstrom gift certificate.  Unfortunately, Mj didn't win any of them.  We didn't win the actual centerpiece either but we did score 3 additional ornaments for our tree by taking the parts surrounding it.  It was pretty cool to meet his co workers and very surprising that with a few of them it was like they already knew me.  Apparently, I'm just so awesome that Mj talks about me at work-even if it is just to tell them that I fell down the stairs or cut my finger chopping vegetables.  The food was really good and buffet style so we could get as much as we wanted of whatever we wanted-not a good thing for me!   They had the obligatory hokey band doing cover songs from the 80's and beyond.  Why do people insist on bands?   Bands look cool and all and do add to ambiance but for dancing...not so much.  When the DJ was spinning the floor was packed and we got out there too.  The last time we danced together was at our wedding and we had a special song just for us.  Not this time!  We got no special attention which is fine with me since we weren't picking up the tab. 

On the dance floor

Acting Silly

I've been looking forward to this party ever since I found out about it and it did not disappoint.  Mj got tired first.  He may have done a 14 mile bike ride that day but I cleaned the house so I happily took advantage of the the chance to call him an old man.  I cannot say enough about my sexy, strappy, high black heels.  No foot pain whatsoever at the end of a long night.  We both had a blast and then strolled up to our hotel room and slept like rocks.  I love a good holiday party.

Our First Tree

I HATE errands.  There are so many other things I would rather be doing on my precious Saturday off then run around to place after place dropping off money getting the car washed, buying groceries, or picking up this or that.  I start out with my list of places to go and it's not uncommon for me to chop of the last stop or two and just get the hell home.  Saturday was different because Mj came along.  Running errands with him is actually fun because we are spending time together.  He sort of got stuck with me for the whole day because his morning flag football game and evening poker game got canceled.  "Sorry baby," I said but inside I was happy that I'd get him all to myself for the whole day.

blank canvas

add lights

The only thing worse then errands is errands on an empty stomach so our first stop was out to breakfast.  Then we headed to Walmart and got ornaments.  At Pier One we got some more goodies for the house then Cost Plus World Market where I spotted an adorable bench that would be perfect for our hallway entry.  Then it was off to the grocery store to pick up a few things.  I decided to chop JC Penny's off and get onto the stop we'd been waiting for all day.  Christmas tree shopping!  There was a bit of a debate over size.  I wanted to get a smaller one but Mj insisted it at least be taller then him.  No Charlie Brown Christmas tree for him.  It just seemed so darn huge.  I've never had space for a tree at all let alone one this size so what do I know?  After getting it into the house I could see that he was right and I love it.

I played Christmas songs and with a glass of wine nearby had a lot of fun decorating it.  Mj did the lights and I put on the rest of the bulbs while he started dinner.  Mj already had the lights and all the non edible ornaments are from Walmart and Big Lots costing us a grand total of $19 bucks.  I love using real candy canes.  It's like having a candy tree in my own house but since those candy canes don't actually grow I'll probably be buying more to replenish the supply since I plan to eat them right off the tree whenever I want.

Add ornaments...and there you have it.  Our pretty tree

 I've lived on my own for eleven years and this is the first time I have ever had a tree!!  For mostly the same reasons I'd never had a party.  The studio was too small.  My former apartments were pretty small too not to mention drab.  I just didn't care .  Bah Humbug!  But times have changed.  I have a house and a great husband that makes me want to do things I was too miserable to care about before.  I received some Christmas ornaments here and there over the years as gifts.  It looked everywhere for them but I couldn't find them.  They may show up some day but I suspect I may have gotten rid of them.  I probably figured that I would never be happy enough to want a tree.  I'm so grateful that life is different now.  Real trees can get messy but it's worth it just to have that wonderful pine smell in our house.  It smells like Christmas.

Cyber Monday Shopping

Our new bedding
Macys.com-Calvin Klein

Mj has been saying for a while that we need a duvet cover for our King down comforter we got as a wedding gift.  When he says we need a duvet cover or anything else housewares related that usually means that I need to find it.  Not in a huge rush to spend more money I kept forgetting to check it out but it has been getting colder so I finally remembered last night.  I browsed a few websites and then it dawned on me.  It's Cyber Monday!  Anyone who has ever bought bedding knows how ridiculously expensive it can be. King sized bed sets can cost $300 or more!  The way it usually works is, I scroll through the inventory and when I find something I like I ask Mj if he likes it.  If he says no then I keep looking until I find something he says yes to. 

I'm not really into the whole holiday shopping craze. I haven't seen anything I want or don't even know what I want.  I'm just not motivated to expend the energy it takes to get out there this time of year.  Sometimes it's even hard to know if you are really getting a special deal or not.  I  mean, it's probably going to be on sale for the same old price tomorrow and this whole Cyber Monday or Black Friday thing is just the store's way of increasing urgency to bring customers in.  Well, I guess this Cyber Monday thing is for real.  At least for what I got at Macy's.com.  Mj finally said yes to this bedding set so I ran out to my car where I keep all my coupons and dug out a $50 off coupon on $200 + purchase. I resisted the urge to buy those cute little decorative pillows that match.  We only have two with our other bedroom set and they spend most of the time in the corner on the floor.  So this is what I got. 

• Calvin Klein Cut Flowers Duvet set (Duvet + 2 shams) $99.99
• Calvin Klein Cut Flowers King Sheet Set ( 1 flat/fitted, 2 cases) $59.99
• Calvin Klein European Sham $24.99 ea X 2 $49.98 

Total: $209.96.  I paid $182.53 total with tax including $17.95 for shipping.

I log onto Macy's.com today to check out prices and these are the post Cyber Monday prices I found:

• Cut Flowers Duvet $162.99
• King Sheet Set $89.99
• European Sham $32.99 X 2 $65.98

Total:  $318.96

It was the real deal!  I saved a whopping $109 with Cyber Monday prices and another $50 on top of that with the coupon I had.  Not bad for someone who wasn't even planning on buying anything.  So I'm loving that I got such an awesome deal on an amazing 300 thread count complete bedding set but a little bit disgruntled over the fact that I just spent almost two hundred bucks on our second set of bedding when there are still so many other things we need for the house.  We STILL have mostly blank walls and have hardly any decorating done.  I still need to get that darn patio furniture set I want from Walmart!  Jeez....maybe I should have checked out the Cyber Monday prices on that.

It's so strange how I was totally shopped out feeling broke and didn't really have any desire or sense of urgency to do any more shopping (even though the house still needs work) but with this one purchase my shopping juices got flowing a little bit and now I want to stop at Pier 1 TODAY to get something I saw online.  Le sigh.

Relationships are so Hard

I was reading a friend's facebook status.  She posted "Relationships are so hard."   It's almost a no brainer to me as to why.  She sort of signed up for hard.  She is a 20 something who has shouldered the burden of being the main provider for herself and her 40 something year old boyfriend.  Not only can her boyfriend not fully take care of himself he is also unable to take care of his eight year old daughter so guess who supports her too?  Not only that but there is a crazy baby mama in the mix.  Then she tells me that she is actually the instigator in a lot of their fights.  I guess they deserve each other.  No wonder her relationship is hard but it got me thinking....are relationships really that hard?  Is my relationship "hard?"

My two previous relationships were in fact very hard but I have since come to realize the reason for that is because I was with the wrong person.  With both relationships they either started out hard or got there pretty quick which was clearly a sign even though I didn't want to see it.  Thank goodness those days are over.  My relationship with Mj has been smooth sailing from the start.  We met, we clicked and we were together.  No trust issues, no petty arguments and no ridiculous miscommunication blunders.  No drama.  We compliment each other and are on the same page.  When I am in a bad mood and feeling like a total bitch I just tell him not take it out on him.  He let's me get through my "mood" and to this day we have never had an argument.  We also keep the lines of communication open.  Our relationship is still young but the same is true of my friend and her boyfriend.  If you can't manage to get along and find a solid level of bliss early on do you really think it's magically just going to come later?  If it's "hard" now then what will it be in five years?  People who struggle and remain in difficult relationships are mostly kidding themselves.  I know because I did it myself.  If he doesn't call you, if you can't trust him, if you argue a lot for no reason or if every other day feels like a new battle then consider the possibility that this is not the person for you.  Unless some major things change the relationship certainly is not going to improve and if you can see that there are no changes taking place then it's probably best to move on.

Find someone who is right for you and eliminate the struggle.  Someone you don't have to question or wonder about. Someone who doesn't add stress to your life.  Everyone says relationships are hard work and I believe it but am happy to say that thus far mine has not been hard or work at all in any way. Unless you count having to be apart for 11 months which was indeed hard but had nothing to do with flaws in our relationship or how we interact with each other.  That separation presented many challenges but we dealt with them well.  Together.  Given time we may find that things become harder and we have to put in some of that work I keep hearing about to stay strong but I'm really glad to say that at least we didn't have to start out that way.  This reconfirms for me just how right for each other we are.  We have an amazing foundation and when the going gets rough we can draw on that to get through it.  In the meantime I will enjoy my not hard relationship and continue to tell my friend that unless they can change the dynamics of their relationship she needs to move on.  Chances are she will continue to not listen to me and I can only hope that one day she wakes up and realizes it doesn't have to be that way.  Like I did.

This whole weekend has been great.  Fri-Sun we mostly just hung out, watched movies and watched TV together with just a few little errands and outings and some housework thrown in here and there.  Today was yet another example of a wonderful day with hubby.  We were practically attached at the hip all day as we lounged around, cuddled and watched football all day enjoying our last day of the long weekend.  I love being with him.  There is nothing hard about that.