Relationship and/or Technology?

-Song Lyrics: 
I Love Technology-Napolean Dynamite

Why do you love me
Why do you need me
Always and forever

We met in a chat room
Now our love can fully bloom
Sure, the World Wide Web is great
But you, you make me 'salvivate'

Yes, I love technology
But not as much as you, you see
But I still love technology
Always and forever

Our love is like a flock of doves

Anybody remember, and love Napolean Dynamite as much I did?  A classic!  For some reason when I was writing this post it made me think of that hilarious song he sang to his sweetie LaFawnduh.

Before I had my laptop I spent less time on the net.  I didn't want to be chained to my desk at work then go do the same thing at home.  Now that I have a laptop I can be in the kitchen, on the couch, and anywhere I want to be and still be connected to the Internet.  DVR has made TV time more customizable.  Now I can stockpile a bunch of shows in my play list and pretty much always have something on TV to watch when I want to.  Add to that the fact that now I have a smart phone.  My phone just became a whole lot more interesting to look at and it's literally with me 24/7.  I have apps, e mail and Facebook available to me all the time at home and away from home without even having to open a laptop.

One moment as I stood there in the kitchen watching a DVR'd House Hunters episode, cooking dinner and checking my Facebook news feed while Mj was upstairs playing play station and watching live Baseball streaming from somewhere I don't really understand on his lap top it got me to thinking.  Has technology taken over or should I say taken the place of my relationship?  This is something that I can't help but think about as my stockpile of electronic gadgets has grown and my access to them has increased. 

It's obvious that if there were no TV or Internet our time at home together would look a whole lot different.  Without any distractions all we could do is talk or read.  I don't even know what that would be like.  So clearly technology technically does detract from our interactions but not to it's detriment.   I don't ever feel ignored or disregarded in favor of an i Phone.  Mj enjoys playstation but it's not an obsession.  I've been a victim of that addiction before....and it's not pretty.  I do find that both of us often have our lap tops and/or our phones within reaching distance when we are at home but I don't think it's a bad thing as long as it doesn't become excessive.  When I do feel that I've become too engrossed in blogging or whatever else  I do make the conscious effort to say, "OK, close the lap top and put the phone down."  I really try to be aware of the time I'm spending on technology and not let it become more important then my husband.  We don't have a TV in our bedroom which I think is a good thing.  We always ask each other how was work and how was our day.  I might come home and unwind with my DVR during the busy work week but we usually come together for some cuddle time at some point by the end of the night.  We still talk and enjoy each others company.  We play scrabble, although we do it online!  We play old school Yahtzee.  We watch movies and TV shows together and it's something fun for us to do.  We get out of the house and do things together as well.  While technology time has increased I don't think it's taken away from our relationship in any way.  We still get our quality time in AND we enjoy our outlets that Internet, TV and video games provide.  Like anything else in life it's all about balance.

If I ever felt that I could no longer relate to my spouse, felt a disconnect or became totally annoyed when he needed attention that cut into my technology time there might be a problem.   If I felt that we lived two separate lives at home with each of us entwined in our own respective technologies then it would probably be high time to re evaluate priorities and work on reconnecting.  With us, this has not been an issue.  I don't think you have to choose between the quality of your relationship and technology.  A healthy relationship can balance both.

Some V Day Love

*Special Delivery:  Cookie bouquet*

I didn't expect anything thing for Valentine's Day.  Mj was out of town all weekend during the time when we might have done something.  He's not really into Valentine's day and although I used to be more so when we were first dating it doesn't matter to me as much as it used to.  I know he loves me.  We make sure to get in at least one date night a month so we already make a point to do special things together.  A lot of people are anti Valentine's because it's a holiday made up by the greeting card industry to make money and an excuse for all related industries to jack up their prices.  I totally agree, but I see nothing wrong with throwing in one extra day to show your sweetheart that you care as long as there is no pressure and high expectations for some grandiose outing and expensive gifts.  I just don't think all that is necessary.  Monday at work I received an unexpected delivery of giant festive lolly pop cookies.  What a sweet surprise, especially for a guy who isn't really into Valentine's Day!

Much needed tie rack for Mj.
Source: Bed, Bath, & Beyond. 

When I got home Mj was in the kitchen and I could already smell dinner cooking.  I ran upstairs and grabbed his gift.  It's sort of cliche but at the same time he actually really needed a tie rack, so that's what I gave him.  Now he doesn't have to keep them crammed into a drawer anymore.  I had time for an exercise video so I did that and then we sat down to a home cooked meal of chicken, fresh asparagus, and french bread with fresh garlic.  It was delicious like everything else he makes. 

dinner for two at home

Then, he tells me I have to go upstairs while he cooks a surprise dessert.  I sit in the loft as the aroma of Cinnamon, Chocolate and some other kind of sweetness filters up the stairs but I still have no idea what he's got up his sleeve.  About 35 minutes later he tells me to come downstairs and I see my favorite dessert in the whole wide world sitting there.  Molten Chocolate Lava Cake with Vanilla ice cream!!  I love it that they are a perfect petite size and the ice cream on the side is Dreyer's light with 1/2 the fat!  Does this man know me or what?  I have only ever enjoyed this dessert in restaurants and now it's right here at home and tastes just as good.  I enjoyed every bite and finished off my glass of wine.

My all time fave dessert, perfectly plated.

He ran up to finish playing PlayStation and I finished up the last of the dishes.  Incidentally, I broke a wine glass and just got busted for it because I forgot to tell him and he found it in the trash!  We watched Heavy on A & E and then went to bed.  I couldn't have asked for anything more.  My cookie bouquet and the time he took to make me dinner made me feel so special.  No big fancy night out or diamonds needed for this lady on Valentine's Day.  We don't go all out but I'm glad that we do acknowledge this day.  It's really the little things that go a long way to showing appreciation.  Day to day gestures of love and affection matter more then any one single day ever should.  As we lay in bed that night I whispered to him that he is a good husband and that I love him.  Because he is and I do and I'm still trying to figure out how I got so lucky.

Finding "The One"

*Me and "The One" on our wedding day*

I can still remember my first crush.  Dreaming that he would like me back while listening to mixed tapes that I recorded off the radio for hours in my room.  That longing aching sensation I had inside for a boy I didn't even really know.  He was a smart, cute basketball star and I just wanted to feel his arms wrapped around me.   Along with half the other girls in our school.  At the tender age of Fifteen I felt utterly heartbroken and alone because he never gave me a second glance.  I got over it eventually, but that first crush is something I'll never forget.

I was a "late bloomer."  The glasses didn't get traded in for contacts until Junior year in high school and the much needed orthodontia did not come until my Junior year in College.  In high school I was the girl who only got invited to two high school dances and never had a boyfriend.  I wanted a boyfriend so badly but kissing still seemed sort of disgusting.  Until I finally got to do it myself with my Senior Prom date just after high school graduation.  I cursed my non existent love life back then but as a wizened adult who's been around the block I can look back and say it was a good thing.  My cautious and tentative nature when it came to boys meant that I took things slow which meant that I was very selective with who I gave a chance and didn't have to kiss too many frogs to get to my prince. 

I met my first boyfriend when I was Eighteen and ended up marrying him.  It may have taken me a while to feel comfortable enough to have a boyfriend but once I made up my mind I was all in.  It was great at first.  Isn't it always?  Then, I began to realize that we were were simply too different to make it work.  What's with three years of dating and a four year engagement?  We clearly had reservations but we had been together so long it was our duty to tie the knot so that's what we did.  I didn't even know myself at 18 when we met and 10 years later was still trying to figure it out when I found myself divorced, in my late twenties and dating for the first time in my life.  After a 9 year relationship.

I had plenty of dates but very few connections.  There was a certain feeling that I was looking for and I wasn't going to settle or pretend.  Getting taken out to dinner was fun and all but I never knew how to negotiate that moment when I realized that I didn't like the guy "that way" and I didn't see the point of leading him on.  Dating was fun and being single was OK with me but I prefer having one special person and I found myself in relationship #2 with the proverbial "bad boy" before long.  If you could call it that.  Our relationship status was always a question mark so it never really felt like one and let's just say that he wasn't as "separated" as he claimed to be.  Being so inexperienced I was too naive to see what should have been obvious.  I still considered myself lucky for having been burned only once in my life by a man.

Oh, and remember that first crush?  Right around my dating years he resurfaced.  He lived out of state but when he was back home visiting he always made a point to call me and we'd meet up.  On one such visit, like something out of a movie, he gave me his high school Basketball jersey.  The very same one that I dreamed about having Thirteen years earlier just didn't have the same effect on me now.  He never noticed me before so he wasn't the right boy for me in high school nor the right man for me over a decade later.  That jersey represented everything I ever wanted when I was in the throes of that poignant teenage crush.  I had come full circle from that awkward lonely girl just wanting to be loved, to a woman that had no problem getting dates, who had loved and lost and was now OK with being on her own.

I had a brief but fun long distance romantic interlude with a guy from the other side of the US.  It was just what I needed to get over the two timer and get ready for the most important one yet.  Third time's a charm.  Fresh off of a quasi relationship I knew exactly how things were NOT supposed to be and was simply blown away by the difference.  The very next man who I handed my heart to and asked for love in return is the same man who I am happily married to three years after we met.  The same man who I expect to be married to the rest of my life.

I wasn't supposed to have a high school boyfriend.  I was meant to long for love in a way that would always make me remember how much I want it and just how precious it is.  I wasn't meant to have 10 boyfriends and several short lived romances.  It could have changed me and my path to "the one" in so many ways.  Instead, I was given two relationships and a time for dating in my late twenties.  Nobody plans on divorce, but I was meant to have a "starter" marriage to prepare me for the one that counts.  With each heart break I learned the lessons that I needed to learn and grew in the ways that I needed to grow.  I didn't know it yet but all along I was on the path towards "the one."  And when he came along I was ready for him.  The man I was meant to be with.

76 Degree Date Night Perfection

Getting ready for take off

Boat Ride munchies

 I could not have asked for a more beautiful Saturday for this outing.  It's mid January but the sun was shining, the sky was blue and we saw just one single lonely cloud in the sky.  Last weekend was freezing but today it was a balmy and perfect 76 degrees.  I planned date night this time around and it turned out perfectly.  The Gondola Company provides the antipasti appetizer platter, we bring the wine and off we go.  I went to the gym AND did not eat.  By 2:30 pm I had created the perfect recipe for drunkenness.  Sitting in that boat with the sun shining on my face and the wine moving through my system was heaven.  I about fell asleep it was so relaxing.  The sound of the water lapping against the boat and the soft sounds of Italian music playing in the background was so soothing.  It's an hour ride and we are taken through a private marina area where boats are docked and the houses with this as their back yard must go for millions.  It was quiet, peaceful, and such a beautiful day.  A really nice way to spend some quality time together chatting and drinking wine.

Our 1st Gondola Ride, 2008.  Also our first pic together.

It brought back memories from the first time we did this.  The first time I ever went up to see him in The O.C. back in 2008 he surprised me with a gondola ride for our 3rd date.  It took us forever to find the marina where the boat was to depart.  It was a really hot day and we walked up and down this street for what felt like forever asking directions along the way.  He even gave me a piggy back ride to give my tired feet a rest.  We picked up a bottle of wine on the way and I had absolutely no idea what he had up his sleeve until we walked up to the boat.  I was 98 % sure that I really liked him or else I would not have driven all the way up there.  At the time, I really didn't go out of my way when it came to dating men but I had this feeling he was special.  I was so glad that I gave him a chance and so impressed at how thoughtful he was to come up with something so unique for us to do together.  Something that I didn't even know existed.  This time around he's my husband and it's not our 3rd date but a number that has gotten so high I actually can't count but it was just as romantic and just as fun. 

Love & The Holidays

There is something about the holidays that makes us love being in love.  The chilly air makes you want to cuddle close.  The pretty twinkly lights beckon for someone special to share them with.  The beautiful Christmas songs suggest love and togetherness with lyrics like, "I'll be home for Christmas" and "All I want for Christmas is you."  We see it on TV too.  The Lexus commercial that shows the beautiful wife come out of her equally beautiful home to find a brand new Lexus with a bright red bow wrapped around it.  A gift from her loving husband.  In the Zale's commercial we see the guy dangling a sparkly diamond necklace outside the window for one lucky woman.  This may or may not cause us to turn and smile expectantly at the man sitting beside us.  And we all know that "Every kiss begins with Kay."  How many women have hoped upon hope to find that diamond engagement ring underneath the tree?  A lot of them do because come January newly engaged couples come out in droves to nail down that wedding venue. 

The Christmas tree, holiday decorating, chilly weather, sounds of the season, family bonding and ongoing festivities causes some kind of chemical reaction in our brain that makes us want to love and be loved.  We want someone to get all dressed up for and go to holiday parties with.  Someone to take home to our family.  We take such delight in shopping for our significant other and receiving something special in return.  When the clock strikes 12 am on New Year’s Eve it's just not the same without a date.  Even better if that date is your partner in life and that kiss represents the hope and promise of a fresh new year that you will share and look forward to together.  The holidays are a magical time.  Love and festivities are in the air and we all want someone special to hold onto as we enjoy everything going on around us.

Six years ago right after Thanksgiving I found myself suddenly single after nine years.  It was difficult enough without having it coincide with the full swing of the holidays.  I really wanted to be happy during this time but my life was literally falling apart and I was too busy trying to figure out how to pick up the pieces to be festive.  I took my big sis to the holiday party that year.  It was a blessing in disguise that the relationship ended and I embraced being single and starting fresh.  I love my family but something about the holidays still made me long for companionship and feel like something was missing.  I had a happily single but open to the perfect man attitude all year long but when the holidays rolled around being single suddenly felt depressing and lonely.  The only thing worse was Valentine's day.  My perfect man did come along four holiday seasons later and I now relish the opportunity to share traditions and festivities of such a fun time with my husband.  He was deployed for most of last year but he made it back just in time for Thanksgiving thank goodness because it just wouldn't have been the same without him.   

There are a lot of break ups just prior to Thanksgiving or Christmas.  I'm sure I'm not the only one who has experienced this phenomenon.  Sometimes it's just to avoid spending money on a gift for someone you're not really sure if you like all that much and what could be awkward family meet and greets.  For some, being alone is preferable to the false and empty feeling of being mismatched for the holidays and feeling obligated to go through the motions.  There is also the opposite effect.  Engagements and heartfelt proclamations of love when people realize they don't want to spend another holiday without this amazing person in their life.  The holiday season is powerful.  It serves as a lens through which we view our life and our loved ones taking stock of where we are where we have been and where we are going in the new year.  It is a time of reflection, fun, giving and family.  The holidays may not be about falling in love but there is something about this time of year that makes us want that all the same.

Relationships are so Hard

I was reading a friend's facebook status.  She posted "Relationships are so hard."   It's almost a no brainer to me as to why.  She sort of signed up for hard.  She is a 20 something who has shouldered the burden of being the main provider for herself and her 40 something year old boyfriend.  Not only can her boyfriend not fully take care of himself he is also unable to take care of his eight year old daughter so guess who supports her too?  Not only that but there is a crazy baby mama in the mix.  Then she tells me that she is actually the instigator in a lot of their fights.  I guess they deserve each other.  No wonder her relationship is hard but it got me thinking....are relationships really that hard?  Is my relationship "hard?"

My two previous relationships were in fact very hard but I have since come to realize the reason for that is because I was with the wrong person.  With both relationships they either started out hard or got there pretty quick which was clearly a sign even though I didn't want to see it.  Thank goodness those days are over.  My relationship with Mj has been smooth sailing from the start.  We met, we clicked and we were together.  No trust issues, no petty arguments and no ridiculous miscommunication blunders.  No drama.  We compliment each other and are on the same page.  When I am in a bad mood and feeling like a total bitch I just tell him not take it out on him.  He let's me get through my "mood" and to this day we have never had an argument.  We also keep the lines of communication open.  Our relationship is still young but the same is true of my friend and her boyfriend.  If you can't manage to get along and find a solid level of bliss early on do you really think it's magically just going to come later?  If it's "hard" now then what will it be in five years?  People who struggle and remain in difficult relationships are mostly kidding themselves.  I know because I did it myself.  If he doesn't call you, if you can't trust him, if you argue a lot for no reason or if every other day feels like a new battle then consider the possibility that this is not the person for you.  Unless some major things change the relationship certainly is not going to improve and if you can see that there are no changes taking place then it's probably best to move on.

Find someone who is right for you and eliminate the struggle.  Someone you don't have to question or wonder about. Someone who doesn't add stress to your life.  Everyone says relationships are hard work and I believe it but am happy to say that thus far mine has not been hard or work at all in any way. Unless you count having to be apart for 11 months which was indeed hard but had nothing to do with flaws in our relationship or how we interact with each other.  That separation presented many challenges but we dealt with them well.  Together.  Given time we may find that things become harder and we have to put in some of that work I keep hearing about to stay strong but I'm really glad to say that at least we didn't have to start out that way.  This reconfirms for me just how right for each other we are.  We have an amazing foundation and when the going gets rough we can draw on that to get through it.  In the meantime I will enjoy my not hard relationship and continue to tell my friend that unless they can change the dynamics of their relationship she needs to move on.  Chances are she will continue to not listen to me and I can only hope that one day she wakes up and realizes it doesn't have to be that way.  Like I did.

This whole weekend has been great.  Fri-Sun we mostly just hung out, watched movies and watched TV together with just a few little errands and outings and some housework thrown in here and there.  Today was yet another example of a wonderful day with hubby.  We were practically attached at the hip all day as we lounged around, cuddled and watched football all day enjoying our last day of the long weekend.  I love being with him.  There is nothing hard about that.

Wedding Wednesday: The Reception

We've arrived!  Let's get this party started

My little do it yourself centerpieces turned out OK

[July 10, 2010] The reception was truly the funnest part of the whole day.  By the time we were standing outside the doors waiting for our "grand entrance" I was so ready.  We danced into the room after our bridal party to the tunes of "I Gotta Feeling" and it just got better and better as the night went on.

Greeting our guests

We both sat down and ate dinner.   I wouldn't have it any other way as we did in fact pay for it!  I loved sitting there at the front and watching everyone eating and chatting and enjoying themselves.  Then we went around the room to every single table and greeted our guests while everyone was finishing up dinner which was really fun.  I am not normally a social butterfly so I can't believe I did this!  On your wedding night you kinda have to be social and I actually found that it came naturally and I enjoyed it.

Cheers to US

After dinner we went right into open mic for toasts. Often times only designated people make speeches during the reception and for some reason it didn't really cross my mind to do that.  I just told the DJ to open it up to anyone who wanted to speak which could go really badly....but in our case it worked out fine.  It went on longer then we expected but it was really special to hear what people had to say.  And the tears just kept on flowing. I absolutely did not realize just how emotional this would be.  Having people you know and love stand up there and share there well wishes on your wedding day is awesome.  You know people care about you but how often do those words actually come out? Not very often, so it was just awesome to give everyone that chance here.

Toast time was emotional.  I was sobbing!

After that we went straight into the cake cutting.  I simply had to ignore the fact that my cake was the wrong color or else I would have been mad and I did not want that emotion to invade my wonderful time.  No cake shoving allowed but we did have fun feeding each other.

That's not my cake!

Nice and easy

One of my favorite moments of the entire reception was our dance. I felt like we were in our own little world even though everyone was watching. We whispered, laughed, kissed and hugged through most of it and enjoyed it to the very last note.  The words from "I Turn To You" (Whitney Houston) were PERFECT!!

 Savoring The Moment

After that I danced with my dad to "Can You Feel The Love Tonight."  Mj and his mom joined in about 1/3 of the way through the song.  Then, we opened the dance floor up to everyone and boogied the night away.  It was the most magical night of my life and I didn't want it to ever end.

Our Wedding Day Story: The Beginning........

Wedding Wednesday: Bridal Party & Family Shots

[July 10, 2010]  We walked down the aisle as husband and wife and right into a little private room stocked with champagne, cheese and crackers.  The cocktail hour came to us so I wasn't as upset about having to use this time for pics.  I wanted my cheese and crackers too!  We had about 10 minutes to ourselves to laugh, kiss, drink champagne, munch on cheese n crackers and revel in the huge moment that just took place.  Eb came in and brought me a mirror and some lipstick so I could touch up my make up and it was time to head out for group shots.

The only thing missing was the red carpet!

 We started out with family shots and then moved into bridal party shots.  Isn't it funny how the photog wanted solo shots of  the bride but not the groom? Yes it's a shared wedding but as the bride I kinda get to be the star of the show.  And why not?  The groom is handsome in his tux and all but it can't compare to that cascading pretty white dress. 

Me and my family

Mj and family

This part was really fun.  Everyone was talking, laughing and getting their drinks.  The sun had come out, I was just starting to get a little tipsy and I could hear the cocktail CD with our favorite songs playing over the sound system. 

Handsome Groomsmen

Lovely Bridesmaids

Time continued to march on quicker then I ever thought possible and before I knew it our guests were being ushered inside for the reception.  We lingered a bit before heading to the double doors leading inside our ballroom and all lined up for our grand entrance.  I was so anxious to get inside and see everything and everyone.

The Reception........

Wedding Wednesday: You May Kiss the Bride

Our wedding was short, sweet and simple.  No sand ceremonies or poetry readings.  I didn't want a big production.  Just us saying our vows to one another and exchanging our rings.  The officiant started out with a brief introduction and a paragraph about love and marriage and then I started first with reading my vows. 

Mj wipes his eyes and I can barely get the words out as my voice wavers

I love to write so I was really excited about writing my own vows.  It really felt like I'd waited so long to say in front of everyone just how much I loved him and I was finally getting my chance.   I pretty much cried my way through them.  It was such a release saying those words in front of all of those people.  I didn't realize just how emotional it would be for me or for Mj.  I have never seen him cry.  I could hardly believe it when I saw him tearing up as I looked through tear filled eyes of my own and it made me cry even more.  I later discovered in pics that my make up was streaming beneath the trail of tears down my face.  Not a good look.  But at the moment that was the last thing I was thinking about.  A tissue would have been nice!    I turned around and mouthed to my little sis "tissue" and she just shook her head.  She probably had to use the tissue I gave her for herself!  We weren't the only ones that cried.  I think everyone was really moved.

Mj, ever the procrastinator was up the night before trying to figure his out.  I'd say he did it justice and the words he spoke to me were perfect.  Then, we moved onto the ring exchange.  The officiant made a statement and we each repeated after him as we put the rings on each other.  Then, it was time to kiss the bride.

Smooches!!!

At the rehearsal the evening before kissing in front of a group of people felt so awkward.  Our wedding coordinator didn't help any by making us kiss over and over just for kicks.  I started to get nervous about having to do it in front of even more people at the wedding.  Turns out I had nothing to worry about.  I was so in the moment and so excited that I happily went for it.  Mj went for it and the kiss was as natural as could be.  Which is a good thing because that kiss was just the beginning of more kissing with all eyes on us as the night went on.

Our officiant did so good!  Our midnight rehearsal the night before really paid off and everything went perfectly.  He is my bridesmaid Eb's husband.  He probably never thought in a million years that he would be officiating a wedding.  I wrote the script, we practiced, and he pulled it off like a pro. 

So happy!!!

Another kiss for good measure

I LOVE the song that we  played as we walked down that aisle after being pronounced man and wife.   Hearing the opening melody of that song start right when it was supposed to couldn't have been more perfect as we faced our guests and walked down the aisle together.  It Feels Like Home by Chantal Kreviazuk [Listen to it here].  Every time I hear it now it makes me smile and I think of our wedding day. 

Bridal Party // Group Shots.....

Wedding Wednesday: Processional/Meet the Bridesmaids

I got to watch everything unfold from the back without anyone knowing.  When I took my first peak at the scene that was my wedding ceremony I had my second cry of the day.  All of those RSVP's sitting in my shoe box at home had translated into all of these people sitting in one place at our wedding.  It was so surreal.  It was finally happening.  The six months of planning and a hectic morning had finally come down to this.  I watched Mj walk his grandma then our mom's down the aisle.  Then our bridal party walked down the aisle to take their places at the front. 

Mj and Grandma.  He went back and got my mom and his mom. 
I got them both to wear PINK!

Our bridal party.  The girls-Eb, Fe, Jan, Lil' sis.



Eb is one of my closest friends and the only one of my bridesmaids who lives here and actually got to come to my bridal shower.  We met about five years ago when we both used to work for the same company.  She is as forgetful and fun as she is sweet and giving.  I love having her as a friend.  Fe is the one friend I made in college and actually stayed in touch with.  She lives in Atlanta but she told me from the start that she would make it for my wedding.  She was only here for one night.  I wish I had been able to spend more time with her.  Jan is my oldest and closest friend.  We met in 8th grade English class.  We are such opposites it's a wonder that we were even friends.  I was always the quiet conservative one and she was the wild outspoken one who dated older guys when I had never even been on a date.  We did cheerleading and gymnastics together in high school and stayed in touch through college even with all the craziness going on in our lives.  She is in No. Cal finishing out her time in the Army AND getting her Master's degree.  She drove for hours here and back to be at my wedding for just the one night and I barely even got a chance to talk to her.  Without her this wedding would not even be happening since she is THE WOMAN who introduced us.  Thank goodness she did!  Last but not least is little sis and MOH.  My how this young lady has grown up.  She is 10 years younger then me and I used to change her diapers.  She used to be painfully shy but now she is a beautiful well spoken young woman about to graduate from college in San Francisco.  The only person not up there that I wanted to be was my big sis.  She got pregnant and didn't know if she was even going to be able to come.  Then she found out she could and I was just happy to have her there. 

I didn't have a bachelorette party.  I don't have a lot of friends.  I'm kind of over "going out" and so the idea going to party downtown just to say I did for my bachelorette party was not appealing.  After reading about some of these awesome girls weekends that other bride's had I kinda wished I'd been able to have that.  How amazing it would have been to spend a weekend or even a day with all of these ladies.

   

Mj watching me approach.  Our officiant
may have been nervous the night before
but looks confident here.
He is my bridesmaid Eb's husband.

One of my favorite moments of that day was walking down the aisle with my dad.  He just so happens to have been the target of my only bridezilla moment of the day but I put that behind me as we walked arm in arm.  I drank in everything around me.  The melody of the beautiful music we chose.  The vibrant colors all around me.  All of our friends and family seated together.  The beautiful stark white arch and my handsome man standing there in his tux waiting for me.  Sometimes when people are nervous they rush but my nerves were gone and for the first time all day I felt no need to hurry.  I wanted to take my time and savor the moment.  I need that moment because everything before and after was truly a blur. 

I couldn't stop smiling!

I love it how this pic caught my mom in the background between Mj and Dad.

A great start to the festivities.

You May Kiss the Bride......

The Name Change Shuffle

I changed my last name at the Social Security office and the DMV and it wasn't until after that I felt an unexpected twinge of loss, sadness even-and I can't quite seem to put my finger on why.   After my first marriage I changed my name and never questioned it at any point.  Maybe it's because I'm older now?  After the divorce I didn't want to go through the trouble of changing it back so I never requested that as part of the divorce decree.  I didn't think it would be a big deal to do it later but was shocked and angry to find out that the court wanted to charge me $300 dollars to change it back!  I didn't want the hassle at first but it wasn't long before I felt sort of icky having the ex's last name.  I needed a fresh start.  Fortunately, they eliminated that fee and I felt such sheer relief at getting my own name back that I hardly minded all the phone calls to switch everything out. Again.  I vowed never to change it again.  It's just too much work and I truly believed I would never marry again anyways.  That icky feeling and need to reclaim my maiden name alone tells me that there's something in a name....even though I don't quite know what that something is.

I didn't consider not changing anything.  We are married now.  I want my name merged with his.  Now, if I didn't like his last name I might feel differently.  I have a Bachelor's degree in my maiden name but I haven't done anything awesome like write a book or win a Pulitzer prize with it, unless you count winning the Sectional gymnastics championships in high school.  Which you don't.  Nor have  I established any kind of "career reputation" with it.  You'd actually have to have a career in order to do that.  I don't feel attached to my maiden name for feminist reasons.  The basically chauvinistic concept that it is women who are expected to change their names and not men is not lost on me but I accept it.  It's certainly not about the principal of it for me.  I considered hyphenating but I couldn't really come up with a real reason why I wanted that other then that I felt it would make the transition easier. If I kept both last names then I could interchange between the two seamlessly as needed.  I started reading up about how the hyphen can be a problem during name searches and how no matter what you need to use only one official name anyways to prevent any issues down the road.  I guess just don't feel adamant enough about retaining my maiden name to go the hyphenated route.

It's hard being two people at once.  I don't know who anyone has me on file as.  I carried both drivers licenses just in case because all my credit cards didn't match the new license yet and they punched a hole through the expiration date on the old one.  The last step was putting in the paperwork at my job-which I still don't think has gone through.  Now that I have officially made the change I am actually three people.  There are certain things that I don't want to bother with and/or don't even know how to go about switching.  What do you do about real estate and property titles?  My condo and timeshare are in my old married name.  My car title is in my maiden name.  I will need to change my passport which will then have a 3rd name amendment added to it.  Unfortunately, I don't have any international trips planned so I suppose I can take my time on that one.

Verbally identifying myself as myself with my new last name still feels strange.  When they called my name at the doctor's office it was almost like they were calling someone else and when I see it in print it almost takes me by surprise for a second.  So what's in a name?  I'm still not sure.  My maiden name is me.  I like it.  It's who I have always been.  It sounds natural to say it and it's what I am used to.  On the other hand, I am honored to take Mj's  last name.  It feels special for us to share that and it's new but I already like it.  I'm sure that I will come to own my new last name and take comfort in it as I do our relationship itself.  The reality is that I don't even  think I want to be the person I was before I met him.  He changed my life for the better and there is no me without him so despite any conflicting feelings and brief sense of identity crisis I might feel as a result I know that it's the right choice for me.

Wedding Wednesday: Pro Pics in The Park

[July 10, 2010] So, without further ado I will start with the pro pics we took in the park before the ceremony.  When I first saw Mj in his tux walking towards me outside the hotel I started to cry.  He looked so handsome.  This was the first of many unexpected tears of joy throughout the day.  Originally we weren't going to go to this park even though they have some of the most beautiful backdrops in our city.  This park is huge and always bustling with activity.  There is always something going on there and I didn't think we had time to deal with traffic or parking.  I told the photographer we'd meet him at a less grand but closer to our hotel park.  "Do you trust me?"  Mj asked.  "Don't worry.  Schedule the shoot at the park and I will arrange the transportation."  And arrange it he did.  We were whisked away in a shiny black limo.

I felt like a star stepping out of the limo

We were supposed to meet the photographer at 2:00 pm but after such a rushed and crazy morning we were just making our way into the park at 2:30pm.  Our photographers tracked us down and started snapping pics as soon as we got out.  I had to force myself to calm down and stop being frazzled and worried about the time so we could just relax and take some good pics. It was actually fun walking around the park as bride and groom.  Every few steps we'd get a "congratulations" by some passersby and definitely attracted attention. This is a very popular photo destination.  So many times I have seen pretty young girls in elaborate quinceanera dresses and glowing brides with their dashing grooms in tow at this very park.  It was so exciting that this time it was us.  We were that couple and it was OUR wedding day.  I really wish we'd had more time but I glad we got to do it at all.  We didn't do engagement photos.  And why not have as many pics as possible in our wedding day finery?  It's not like we get to dress like this very often ever.

Such gorgeous architecture in the background

I am really pleased with the pictures.  We look happy and the backgrounds are amazing.  We guzzled some champagne in the limo on the way back and got ready for the next part of our day.  The Ceremony.

Processional: Meet the Bridal Party

A Look Back: Bride Getting Ready

[July 10, 2010] So, it's taken me quite awhile to finally get to pro pic posting. First it was because we didn't get the disc as quickly as we were supposed to and then it was because I was simply overwhelmed. Our photographers took over 1300 pics and I didn't know where to start! We had to find the time to go through them together to weed them out a bit. Then from there it was up to me to get them organized and sorted into something manageable so we could decide which ones to order. We get 10 5 X 7 and 4 8 X 10 prints. I had all of these sheets of papers full of numbers scribbled all over the place.  It was a mess.  I finally was able to translate that madness into organized folders on my flash drive. Jeez...who thought organizing pics would be so darn complicated?  Then, after all of that it took me a while to get to posting.

It would have been nice to get some of those nice classic getting ready shots taken by our photographer.  The dress hanging beautifully in the window with the light filtering through and all that.  But, we wanted shots pre ceremony and I was afraid we would run out of time at the end.  In lieu of that I pieced together the shots I did manage to get from other cameras.  Not my mom's because her photos are still inside her camera and she hasn't gotten around to finding the cord that is necessary to get them OUT!  Incidentally, she has photos dating back to two Christmases ago still in her camera so chances are it wouldn't be any time soon.  Mj's aunt took a lot of pics though and he somehow got them out of her camera for me so between those and Facebook steals from friend's pics this is what I got.  These are not pro pics but I'm starting with these because the OCD person in me wants to do this in order. 

The before shot.  Pre make up magic.

Getting ready was a blur like everything else.  I didn't get to sip champagne, munch hor's deourves and chat with my bridesmaids.  I drank a glass of wine, knocked over half the other one by accident and shoved some street tacos down my throat that the hotel was kind enough to arrange for me since I starved myself all day.  I did not get to leisurely put on my dress, giggle in delight with my mother-ok maybe there was some giggling- or gaze serenely into the mirror.  It was make up, take down my pin curls, get into the dress, throw on the jewelry, get last minute touch ups and GO....FAST!

Last minute touch ups

I rushed through the entire process which I wasn't really aware of at the time but in retrospect it was kind of a bummer.  But, I got myself together with help from everyone else and in the end I was happy with the finished product.  The necklace and earrings were given to me by Mj's grandma.  I had the hair.  My stylist is also a friend so she was right there to take down my curls and style my hair.  The make up artist was fabulous.  My nails and toes were perfection and of course the dress-which was the very first one I tried on.  I have never felt so glamorous.  This must be what celebrities feel like every time they go out.  Must be nice!  I planned on enjoying every last minute in that white dress.  And I did!!!

Mom and I.  It's show time.

Did you think I was done talking about my wedding? Not just yet. Next wedding Post.....PRO PICS!!! 

Pro Pics in the Park