10.08.2009

Sleeping Is Not My Strong Point

There are quite a few things I am bad at. I suck at parallel parking, I can't sing and I am horrible when it comes to math and numbers. But, of all the things there are to be bad at I never thought sleeping would be one of them. I have suffered from insomnia on and off over the years and lately it has definitely been more on then off. My ability to sleep has been severely hindered for about the last 5 months. I was taking OTC sleeping pills and Benadryl. I finally went ahead and got a prescription sleeping pill and it has helped although not consistently.

Up until about two weeks ago my problem was that it took me a long time to fall asleep, if at all. I'd lay there all night waiting for sleep and probably getting some but not long enough or deep enough to feel rested in the morning. I haven't needed my alarm clock to actually wake up in over two weeks. I need it to know when to get out of bed but I have been waking up hours before my alarm clock and not because I have gotten all of the sleep I need. I seem to be OK on nights that I don't have to wake up early in the morning. I can stay up as late as I want and sleep in as late as I need to-though not usually past 9 am. Even if I didn't sleep all that well I am waking up late enough and on my "own" time so it compensates for any fatigue I might feel.

Sleep deprivation has simply become a part of my daily life, like it or not. I wake up tired. I go to work tired. I come home tired. I go to bed tired. And it just doesn't end. It takes its toll after a while. I am so worn out that I have no energy to do anything but drag my body through the motions. I come home too tired to even sit and watch a movie and forget about going anywhere after work. No errands, no happy hour-nothing. I am just too tired. I won't ever take a nap though, because by the time I get home it's 5:30 and I know that will only make sleeping even harder later.

Even if I am feeling rested enough on the weekends I still don't want to do anything because I've gotta recoup mentally from being so exhausted and fried all week long.

Monday was another rough one, but every day starting on Tuesday I've been feeling progressively more refreshed and rested then have in a long time. My eyes aren't glazed over and burning with fatigue. My head isn't aching and heavy. So, I am hoping that this is a continued trend and that my sleeping skills are improving. I just ordered a refill for another 30 day supply of Restoril but it would be really nice if I didn't need it.

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