When My Husband is Away

I'm not one of those women who has never spent a night away from her husband.  Mj was gone for eleven months in 2008 (now that was awful) and he did a ton of traveling in 2011.  I actually consider myself lucky if he has to go somewhere and it's for a month or less because it's nothing compared to 11 months.  Back when I still watched it there was a couple on Real Housewives of Orange County who claimed to have never spent a night apart and even refused to go on any overnight trips without the other and I thought that was ridiculous.  If it's a trust issue then that seriously needs to be addressed.  I think that couple is divorced now.  Just because you are married doesn't mean that you should be joined at the hip.  Everyone needs their own space even if it's just spending a day or evening with your friends.  Even if you think you don't chances are that you actually do.  Codependency is not healthy and absence can make the heart grow fonder.  If  it's Europe, Hawaii or something big I want that trip to be with Mj and if he thinks he's going somewhere like that without me he's got another think coming.  He and his friends do long weekend biking or Vegas trips.  I miss him and I might get a little jealous about being left behind, but I think it's great to see him get out and have fun with his friends.  He wants the same thing for me.  In fact he wishes I would! I hardly ever go anywhere overnight and the one time that I did he said how cool it was having the house to himself.  I know he loves me and doesn't want me to go away forever so there is no point getting my feelings hurt about it. 

This time he was gone for a week.  I love him to pieces but there are some perks when he's gone. 

• I get to park in the middle of our two car garage and have plenty of room to get in and out on all sides.  My backing up skills are questionable and having that extra space means I don't have to worry about knocking my side view mirror off or backing over the lawn.
• The house is neat as a pin.  There isn't random stuff laying about everywhere I look.  There are no clothes on the floor, shoes strewn about or dishes piled up in the kitchen to stress me out.    
• I don't have to cook or feel bad about not cooking. I can eat whatever I want for dinner and not have to answer to anyone.  
• I get way more much needed sleep! I've been in bed by 10:00 pm every work night he's been gone because I'm not trying to stay up longer then I should waiting for him to go to bed.
• I'm willing to spend the night at my mom's.  I stayed there Saturday night and got in some good quality family time.  I do go to Mom's house without him but it's really hard for me to stay the night when I know he's at home. 

The downside:

• I have to push the trash bin out onto the street and sometimes water the plants. 
• If there are any technical difficulties with the TV or my computer I'm on my own.   Usually, I just whine to him that my computer or the TV is not doing such and such and then he'll fix it for me.
• If there is a spider I'm forced to kill it myself, trap it under a cup (yes, I really did this one time) or live in fear.  He is the designated spider killer due to phobias which are beyond my control.   
• I don't have my cuddle bear to watch TV with and sleep with.   
• I come home to an empty lonely house and I don't get to see his smiling face at the end of a long and tiring work day.  We don't do much of anything on weeknights but I love it that we are together.
• I MISS HIM!!!!! He energizes me and lifts my spirits.  Life just isn't the same without him around and I'm always glad to have him back.

Just because we enjoy time apart doesn't mean we don't love each other.  I could totally just be saying this because we had no choice in the matter which kind of forced me to get used to the idea of him being gone, but I do think it can be a good thing to have that feeling of missing your partner now and then.  I wouldn't choose it, but it does reinforce just how much I love him and makes me appreciate him that much more when he gets back.

White Skinnies

April was my Birthday month and with it came lots of Birthday coupons from places like The Limited, Express, Macy's, Victoria's Secret, DSW and Anthropology.  Pretty much all my favorite stores.  Along with the Birthday and shopping coupons galore came a sense of entitlement which caused me to spend money.  I tell myself, it's my Birthday, I deserve it.  So yeah, I've been doing a lot of shopping this month...and if I'm being honest it's kinda been more like all year so far.   It's like a disease or temporary insanity.  To my credit I did not use the Anthropology or Victoria's Secret coupon.  I can't and shouldn't use them all but I did quite a bit of damage.   I did the math and I'm a little embarrassed to admit it but I've spent about $650 bucks so far this year but if I didn't have it to spend then I wouldn't have because I don't do credit card debt.  These stores know what they are doing.  What a sucker I am.

One coupon in particular from Macy's had me interested.  $10 off anything...even the designer brands you love.  It's been a while since I bought a pair of designer jeans and I have been wanting a pair of white skinny jeans so I marched over to Impulse "just to look."  Famous last words.  The Joe's Jeans skinnies are $169 freaking dollars.  Why on earth does a pair of jeans have to be so expensive and why on earth would I even consider spending that kind of hard earned money on it?  Because when you put them on they mold to your figure like a glove and look awesome.  That's why.  I also gave Jessica Simpson's white skinnies a chance.  They were $54 but it just wasn't the same.   I shoulda never tried on the Joe's but I did and therefore could not walk out of Macy's without them.  You see, I was MEANT to have them.

Photo Source

A measly $10.00 off is a drop in the bucket but it was better then nothing.  As the saleslady rang up my jeans she says you would probably do much better off with the friends and family 25% off coupon.  A 25% off coupon that can be used on designer duds?  She scans it and the price goes down by $42 and I the jeans only cost $136 with tax.  It's still mind blowing to me that I might say the word ONLY in reference to spending over $100 bucks on a pair of jeans but there it is.  I've spent up to $150 before.  I only spent $18.99 on the tan skinny jeans I bought the month before so I guess it averages out.  That's what I'm telling myself anyways.  I've officially lost my mind but these jeans last forever, look great and they are worth it.  I'm worth it right?  Like I said, I was MEANT to have them.

What is the most you will spend or have spent on a pair of jeans?

Good Old Fashioned Diet & Exercise

Photo Source:  Grosvenor and Smolin; Visualizing Nutrition.  

I'm a big one for TV munching!! Behavior modification is ongoing

Isn't it funny how we know exactly what we should do but often find it so hard to do it? The formula is simple and yet we search for all kinds of gimmicks, extreme diets and other ways to get out of it.  Eat less, exercise more.  Eat anything in moderation.  Do not overindulge in high sugar and high fat foods.   That's it.  That pic is from my Nutrition book but it doesn't take a nutrition class to figure this out.

Mj lost 20 lbs in 90 days on his Beach Body Challenge doing just that.  Plain old fashioned diet and exercise.  The first three months it was mainly about eating healthy, drinking Shakeology for breakfast and doing P90X2.   There were times when he was so exhausted and sore but he kept up with his work out plan.  I felt bad because I didn't really notice the results so much; probably because I see him everyday.  I couldn't figure out where this 20 lbs even came from because I didn't think he needed to lose any weight in the first place.  Then he showed me his before and after pics.  I was shocked!!  How did this happen right before my eyes without me noticing?  Bad wife.  He lost inches all over his body but the most improved area is his chest, stomach and upper body.    He looks great but he wants to keep going.  I thought he'd about lost his mind when he decided to do another cycle for 60 days.  He had a splurge week after his first 90 days but then he started right back in on his regimen.  Now that he's just trying to maintain and continue toning he's started mixing in other exercise with the P90X2.  He is increasing his protein intake and he does allow himself more splurges then before.  I'm so proud of him for sticking to it.  He's busy going to school full time and working but he made time for this and didn't make any excuses.  Loosing weight is hard but he set his mind to it and he did it.  My husband was already hot but now he's even hotter!  Lucky me.

I've been sticking with my work outs too.  I discovered that (surprise surprise) I can actually live without carbs when I experimented with an extreme Low Carb Diet.   It made me more aware of just how much carbs and sugar I typically eat and I've actually cut down on both a lot.  Not that I'm ever gonna give 'em up altogether.  No way.

It's so much easier to work on being fit and healthy when both partners are on board.  There are times when I don't really plan on going to the gym but Mj will get up and go on one of his 8:30am 40 mile bike rides on Saturday or go play basketball Sunday morning.  I'll just be laying there in bed not doing much of anything except feeling like a lazy slug so I think to myself; I might as well go to the gym or do a work out video.  When he's good, he's very good but when he's bad he's very, very bad and he corrupts me with donuts and pizza when I'm trying to be good but for the most part we are both really into eating healthy.  We've been eating chicken breast and veggies for dinner like it's going out of style and we haven't cooked any dinners at home involving pasta all year.  If I constantly had someone waving fast food french fries or cookies in front of my face all the time and laying around on the couch all day it would make it so much harder to maintain a healthy lifestyle.  I was so stubborn before.  I refused to work out.  I didn't need to lose weight and I watch what I eat so I felt like I could get away with it but our bodies always need exercise.  Fitting exercise into my life felt impossible and I didn't have the motivation to even try but I'm so glad I changed my ways so we can be fit and healthy together.  It's important that we do it for ourselves AND each other.

Our Fridge is Outta Control

Our refrigerator had gotten out of control.  Mj is basically unstoppable when it comes to the way he throws things back in the fridge without regard to where they came from after he takes them out.  Accordingly, I gave up on asking him to try to put stuff back where he found it.  The freezer is fine because stuff that comes out of there usually stays out.  Turns out there is a reason for putting the cheese, lunch meat and the vegetables back where you found them and it wasn't just me being an OCD naggy wife.  After a while I couldn't find anything.  I'd open the doors to look and then say forget it and just ask Mj if he knew if we had anymore egg beaters or whatever else I was looking for because I'd given up on trying to dig through the mess that had become our fridge.  Nothing seemed to fit and everything was crammed everywhere into every nook and cranny.   

After a good cleaning and organization

I got really annoyed every time I needed to get something and told Mj he needs to organize this fridge.  Not because I didn't want to.  I've done it before...and look how that turned out.  I just thought it might be something that he'd maintain if it was his project and he did it himself.  Well, not surprisingly that didn't happen and I finally had enough.  I got tired of cramming things in, wrenching things out and digging around whenever I needed something.  Our refrigerator is a good size, we don't even have THAT much food and there is no reason that everything shouldn't fit.  I announced that I was fed up and couldn't take it anymore. Not only was this refrigerator getting re organized but it's dirty and it needs a good cleaning.  I took everything out including the one removable shelf and the drawers.  Mj washed those out while I went about scrubbing down the shelves.  One by one I put every single item back and a miracle happened.  Everything fit with room to spare.  We'd only removed a few items and trashed them so basically the same amount of food that was crammed in there before now fit with no problem.

That very night Mj threw an onion in the door after he used it.  "Why did you do that?"  I asked.  "I don't know."  He moved it.  Then, he caught himself as he was about to put the lunch meat in some random place.  Progress.  I'm hoping that actually seeing how non functional our refrigerator had become will get him to see how the simple act of putting stuff back where you got it can make a big difference over the long term.  I can always hope right?