Vegas for the Holidays

I look forward to walking, make that running for dear life out of the office on the last day before Christmas Break more than anything else all year.  It's 10 times better than my my Birthday.  It's peace out I'm a free woman for almost two weeks, and it's pretty much the best thing ever.  This year I wasn't at home the whole time doing my normal staycation thing, but when we got back from Las Vegas I still had a week left and it was AWESOME.

take 1

take 9

I didn't even realize people were still getting pictures done at J.C. Penny's until my mom made us an appointment there to get family photos done.  I rolled my eyes a little at that, but if mom wanted us to do family pictures on Christmas Eve at Penny's in holiday color coordinated outfits then that's what we were going to do. Unfortunately, MJ didn't have red or green and the madness that is holiday travel had other plans for us so we never made it to Penny's at all.  Little sis and I were fine.  Our flights were from San Fran and San Diego just a short flight away, but big sis came all the way from North Carolina and if one thing goes wrong with your flight this time of year there is a good chance you will have a much longer layover than you planned.  She missed her connection, couldn't get a flight out until the next day and didn't arrive until late on Christmas Eve more than 24 hours later than she was scheduled to arrive.  We missed our appointment so we improvised.  On Christmas day we drove to a park with a tripod and made it work.  We did a few test shots then popped off our jackets.  MJ ran back and forth between us and the tripod until we got it right.  It was really hard to seven people to look good at the same time with the wind and cold working against us, but I think we pulled it off.  We were freezing do death through those smiles but I think hid it pretty well.

MJ got really creative with one of my gifts

My nephew is just the cutest, with his little voice and sweet face.  He's grown so much since the last time I saw him.  He is a really good listener.  If you ask him to do something he does it, and he is quite the hugger.  He hugs people at the grocery store.  He hugged the flight attendant.  Probably because he was so thrilled that they finally let him get on after sitting for hours at the airport.   Present opening that morning was crazy.  I think I went into a trance or something because I hardly even remember it.  There was trash everywhere.  The lens cap for our camera disappeared.  I think it got thrown away.  One of MJ's present was a riddle so I was engrossed in that and then I was trying to see what everyone else was getting and figure out my new fitbit.  DJ was all over the place.  My sister was setting up his new tablet. I don't know what happened, but it was fun.

Just in case you were wo

MJ helped out a lot at Christmas dinner and it's a good thing because I don't know what went wrong with me and my sisters, but we are not kitchen people.  My mom asked us all to contribute a dish.  Big sis volunteered for chips and guacamole.  Little sis did a spread for bread.  I contributed a husband who volunteered to make brussel sprouts with bacon, and two sweet potato pies.  This is him making some last minute gravy.  Just in case you were wondering pancake mix is a perfect substitute for flour in gravy.  When he went to make cookies later he discovered what he thought was the flour container was full of pancake mix.  I guess it tasted fine, because nobody noticed.

The Rents

Sisters in pea coats at Caesar's Palace

Normally I go to Vegas to party.  Well, party one night and hang out at the pool for the rest because I don't have the energy for much more than that!!  Preferably during the hot summer months when you can walk around at night in a short dress and sit outside at Fat burger shoving fries in your face at 2 am without being cold.  This time was different.  It was my first time visiting my parents since they moved.  Could I go to Vegas and not set foot on the strip at all?  The answer is no.   I have a thing for the lights and the energy of the Las Vegas strip.  It was freezing, and there would definitely be no clubbing but we were there and my older sister doesn't get out much.  We had to.     If it had been summertime I'm pretty sure I would have wanted to party a little bit because I can't help it, but with freezing temps and a pregnant person in tow all we could muster was grabbing dinner on the strip and a stroll through Caesar's Palace.  We did a little bit of shopping and after three hours we were ready to go home. Dad dropped us off and then we took an Uber back.

Our flight left at 6:00am (yikes!!), but we had five nights there and I really enjoyed it.  You realize even more how special it is to be with family for the holiday's when everyone moves away.   We didn't do much.  I think we spent the majority of the time in pajamas watching those cheesy Hallmark holiday movies that were on all day long back to back commercial free.  We also watched the first (and sadly the last) season of the Ballet drama Flesh and Bone on Starz in a single day.  We delivered cookies as a family to the neighbors (much like a Hallmark movie).  On Sunday morning while the guys went to a casino to watch football we went for a walk (minus little sis who couldn't get up).  On our last night we went to my Dad's favorite Chinese restaurant for dinner.  Just good clean family fun.  I didn't want the visit to end, but I knew it had to because otherwise we would be in our 30's living with my parents and no jobs.  We had to go home.  But I didn't want to.

A photo posted by Cece (@mahoganydrive) on Dec 31, 2015 at 8:22pm PST

We went to see Star Wars at Cinepolis the day we got back.  I took naps.  I was prepared, but alas a 10:30 pm start time is still too late for me.  It was good, but I fell asleep at the end.  New Year's Eve was really low key.  We picked up the expensive steaks we love for dinner.  We watched a movie and watched the ball drop on TV.  My retired parents were out dancing until 2am and then went to Denny's afterward while all their three kids spent NYE on the couch. 

One of the best things about my time off is that it didn't go by fast at all.  Now that I'm at work, it seems like it did because it's over, but while it was happening every day seemed to go on forever and that's just the way I like it. 

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Cheers to The New Year

It was my idea for him to teach me how to play poker.  We would be staying in for New Year's Eve and I figured it was as good a time as any.

Last year we were dancing in the streets on New Year's Eve.  Not exactly in the streets but in a bar, which is almost the same thing and it was really fun.  I officially declared that going out for New Year's Eve is not overrated.  I still believe that but you gotta be able to get your booty dressed and out into the cold frigid air first and that is the hardest part.  This year dinner and drinking at home would do.

We went to Tiramisu Trattoria because it was closer to home than downtown, the parking is plentiful and free, and the food is good.  I got the lasagna because I find it very difficult to go to an Italian restaurant and order anything else.  He got the sausage rigatoni.  After filling up on bread and salad we took home more than we ate.

Poker is harder than I thought.  I kept getting the hands confused.  Is it suit or number that makes the hand?  I think I got it; sort of and will do better next time but I had to take a break so I got out Yahtzee and proceeded to play the worst three games I have ever played in my life.  Ever.  And I've been playing Yahtzee since I was like 10 years old.  It was me and my older sister's favorite game for a long time and I used to be good but I couldn't roll anything good to save my life and had to fill in zeros for almost everything.  While we played MJ put on silly movies that nobody really wants to admit to making an effort to sit down and watch.  Scary Movie 2 was just down right ridiculous but Bad Grandpa was actually hilarious.   We switched over to countdown shows and then toasted the New Year with champagne and a smooch.

This is how I feel about the end of holiday #staycation and going back to work tomorrow.😭

A photo posted by Cece (@pinksunshine94) on Jan 1, 2015 at 2:44pm PST

Two weeks at home is plenty of time to feel refreshed, be productive and have fun and just long enough to almost make you forget that you have a job.  Which is awesome.  The holidays are over.  Food for the week has been prepped and my staycation is all but over.  I'm not exactly thrilled about that but the new year has begun and there is something to be said for being alive and well to see another one.

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Do Travel Plans Count as New Years Resolutions?

Was New Year's Eve just last week? Seriously. It already feels like it was a lifetime ago.  I went back to work on Thursday and it flew by for some odd reason.  I think that we were still in shock that we were there.  After 12 days of being off we didn't quite know what was going on.  Friday went slower.  And now it's back to Monday.

The tree came down Friday.  You can't imagine how excited I was to come home from work on  Friday to an  X Box playing husband who had already taken down the tree, put every thing away, cleaned up all the pine needles AND put together our new wine bar.  I love the tree but I really hate the mess of it and taking it down is not nearly as exciting as putting it up.  I was really thankful to him for taking care of that.  It's so nice to have a husband that takes care of business. 

I used to make resolutions every year but I've definitely lost my resolution making mojo.  I didn't make any New Year's resolutions this year, I didn't make any last year either and two years ago I only had three.  Finishing my novel is a given.  It's something I plan to do and I'm actively working on it.  No need to list that. There are some non tangible things I want to work on within myself and as much as I like lists I'm just not compelled to list it.  Not right now anyways.  It kind of makes me feel like a slacker not to march into the New Year armed with a list of intentions but I just don't have it in me to do it.

Do travel plans count?  I resolve to travel next year.  Apparently we can't function without having a vacation booked so 6 days into the new year we've already locked that down.  In June we will be heading down to the Cancun area to stay at an all inclusive resort for 8 days.  I have done the all inclusive cruise thing but never at a resort so I'm really excited.  Did I say that drinks including alcoholic beverages are also included?  In September we are going to New York City.  Neither one of us has been there in a really long time.  so I'm super excited about that too.  There will probably be a long weekend getaway or two thrown in there somewhere also.  Las Vegas and/or Sedona most likely.

MJ made these yummy cinnamon rolls from scratch.  See the un frosted one in the corner specially for me?  He had cream cheese that would have expired if he didn't use it up so it was the only logical solution.  As if anyone needs more sweets right now.  Hopefully our co workers will gobble them up so we don't have to bring home any left overs.

This post really has no point just like this picture really has nothing to do with this post and I'm totally aware of that.  I've been blogging for a while now and written about a plethora of topics primarily myself.  Do you ever feel like you've said everything that there is to say?  Well, sometimes I feel like that.  My life is not the exciting crazy train that it was in 2010 when there were major life changes happening.  Wedding, new house, new job, honeymoon.  Now that was an exciting year.  Life lately is more settled and I'm very content.  Sometimes my mind just feels like a blank slate.  I may not have a picture or a profound particularly interesting or funny thought but I might still want to pop in and say hello.  The writer in me finds it very difficult to hit publish without structure, rhyme and reason.  I would never post randomly just to post five days a week but I love to write and this is my space to do so after all.  I'm trying to allow myself the freedom to just write and be okay with hitting publish even if it doesn't feel "important" enough to warrant a blog post rather then not writing at all.  If this were my journal that's what I'd do. And this kind of is; except that I have readers and I don't share all of my deepest darkest secrets here.  I hope that's okay.

So here goes.  Publish. And that makes 2 sort of non resolutions.
 

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Going out for NYE is not Overrated

I had no intention of going out for New Year's Eve.  I'm content to spend it on the couch watching countdowns and struggling to stay awake until midnight.  Braving the crowds, drunk drivers and the cold was never the plan and I probably wouldn't have unless I was tricked.  What had happened was that we were supposed to go to an ugly sweater party but it got cancelled.  MJ tells me the couple that was hosting it wanted to know if we want to go to San Diego Beer Co instead.  It's a restaurant so I assumed that meant dinner.  Sure.  I like hanging out with this couple.  Dinner out will be nice and low key.  Then the next day MJ tells me he bought tickets.  Tickets to what?  You don't buy tickets to dinner.  So that's how I found out we were going out for New Years eve.  Another communication fail.

We went to dinner downtown at Nicky Rotten's at 7pm.  I opted for the Mac and Cheese instead of my usual salad.  I'll order salads for the next month and be happy about it but I wanted to indulge for NYE so I did.  We walked over to San Diego Beer Company at 9 and we didn't leave there until about 2 am. 

MJ and I have been together for five years and the most we've ever done is go to a friends house.  I can't remember the last time I was out partying on New Years Eve...if ever.  Turns out going out for New Years Eve is a lot of fun.  I mean, I figured it would be once I got past the whole figuring out what to wear, putting on make up and dragging myself out of the house part.  Everyone is in such a festive mood.  There is a lot of sequins and cardboard tiaras.  People going out for NYE are ready to par-tay and they mean business.  The bar was was packed with people trying to get the bartenders attention.  The place was crowded but not too crowded and we had a table to sit at for the night.  At midnight we did a group tequila shot toast.  Yes, tequila not champagne...and shared a  big old sloppy kiss.  Major PDA overload.  We gave up our table after that so we could hit the dance floor.  More PDA.  I had so much fun that I might not even need to be tricked into it next time.  Well, maybe I will.  The thought of going out is just soooo exhausting.  I'd almost rather that I don't have a choice because 9/10 I'll pick the couch even though once I'm "forced" out I have a good time.

We spent $60 in cab fare but for four that's not too bad.  And it's cheaper then a DUI.  The restaurant for dinner was reasonably priced but the cost of drinks do add up.  MJ spent $30 on our tickets that we now realize we didn't need to.  It was free before 10pm.  Lesson learned there.  I don't think we spent more because it was NYE then we might have on any other night.  It was basically a double date; dinner and out to a bar that turned into a club after 10pm. Nothing too extravagant.  And I'm excited that we'll be hanging out with this couple again in a few weeks for MJ's company holiday party.  I'm just a regular party animal over here!!

I'm a homebody by nature.  I like the couch and I love my pajamas but along the way I'm realizing that going out is just one more way to keep you feeling young and keep your relationship young.  You know, keep it fresh.  And you are never too old to do it; even if your sore hips and inability to stay up past 10pm on most nights tell you otherwise.  My parents who are in their 60's and have been married for 40 years went out.  I enjoy going out and acting like I'm in my 20's minus the whole I'll never drink again hangover from hell routine.  That part is NEVER fun and if it happens on a regular basis when you are in your 30's you probably have some serious  issues.  I like flirting and dirty dancing with my husband.  I like for him to see me all dolled up and I think I have more fun going out as a married couple then I did as a single girl.  It happens a handful of times a year which is plenty and when it does we have a lot of fun with it.

We have a good time whether were are watching TV on the couch or dancing at a club.  I don't really care so much where we celebrate or how we celebrate as long as we're doing it together.  

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Resolutions Revisited

Wishing everyone a healthy, happy, prosperous New Year [Pic Source]

Last year I was not very ambitious when it came to making New Year's resolutions.  I had an amazing 2010 where I had the wedding I always wanted, bought a house, went to Hawaii for my honeymoon and got a promotion at work.  I was still basking in the joy of 2010 and settling into everything by the time the end of 2011 rolled around!  I was rebounding from a very expensive and financially stressful 2010 but by then I was feeling good about finances as an individual and as a couple.  I had stuck with the gym marking a year of consistency after going through a pretty long I refuse to work out phase.  I was in such a good place that I wasn't wanting for much more then I already had so I only focused on three.  Having so few can either better my odds of success since there weren't that many to begin with or make me look like a total fail if I don't complete every single one.

2012 Resolutions:
1. Write a book!  SUCCESS
Well sort of.   I had never told anyone that I wanted to write a book so I put it out into the universe for the first time last year with the goal of writing 15 pages per month for the entire year.  How did I do?  There were 3 months out of the year where I failed miserably and wrote nothing because of school and then because my brain was still in la la land after we got back from Europe.  Other then that I almost met my goal.  I went from 27 pages and 6,800 words to 188 pages and 45,104 words over the course of the year.  When you do the math that's about 13 pages per month.  I consider it a success because I've come so far with it.  If I keep up the pace I will finish it by the end of 2013.  I'll probably still have a lot of fine tuning and editing to do but the bulk of it will be done.

2. Learn Spanish with Rosetta Stone. TOTAL FAIL
I planned to pick it up again after I finished my classes but that never happened.  I found that when I had extra time I wanted to devote it to writing and there just didn't seem like there was too much extra time after that.  I got far enough before to earn a certificate and I actually liked it so I know I can do it again once I really set my mind to it.  I'm filing this away as something I definitely plan to do but just haven't decided on when!

3. Get cooking.  SUCCESS
My goal was to keep it on my radar as something I need to do and get in there and do it.  I made no commitment about how often.  I'm going to count this as a success because that's exactly what I did.  I made an effort and I got in the kitchen and cooked.  Not with any regularity and there were some major gaps in between at times but for me that is better then not doing anything at all.  I think I've also come to  a realization about cooking.  It's not me and it may never be me.  My husband enjoys it and he's a hell of a lot better at it then me so why not just let that be his thing?  Whey beat myself up over it and feel like a terrible wife just because it's not something that I'm going to do that often?  We each bring something different to the table.  I clean and do laundry, he cooks and maybe that's okay.  I'm still going to make the effort to get in there because I think it's a nice thing to do for him but I need to stop feeling so guilty about not doing it a lot.

Two out of three is 66%.  Bleh!  So what about this year?  I'm not making any resolutions!  I just want to finish my book and that will be good enough for me.  And it's not like there aren't other things I want to do but even being the list maker that I am I'm not feeling the need to list them out this year.

Our NYE was very low key as usual.  We went to a gathering at friends house for dinner and then came back home a few hours before midnight.  We watched a countdown show, shared a big smootch and promptly fell asleep on the couch until about 2am.  I'm spending New Year's day relaxing at home and doing laundry.   I'm currently watching a Catfish marathon on MTV.  I DO NOT want to go back to work!  These 12 days off and getting to spend so much time with Mj have been great.  Pity it has to end.

Link up here!

Low Key New Year's Eve

If I told you that for New Year's Eve I ate fast food and donuts and drank champagne straight from the bottle you might think; how sad.  It actually is kind of a borderline pathetic New Year's Eve but we're OK with that.  I made dinner reservations one day but then decided to cancel them the next.  I checked Yelp and the only good review it got were for those who went to happy hour.  Everyone else said the place was overpriced, had really bad service and the food was just OK.  Guess I should have read the reviews before 5:00 pm on New Year's Eve.  It was too late to get reservations anywhere else and I wasn't really feeling Applebee's or On The Border.

I haven't had Taco Bell in a long time so we made a fast food run.  I love their soft tacos.  I had a craving for a Cinnamon roll so that was desert.  Healthy I know, but I'll work it off in the New Year.  In fact, it's one of my resolutions.  Can you believe McD's had the nerve to be closed at 8:30 pm?  Mj was one some kind of feeding frenzy before he starts his diet and exercise regime and wanted it for a 2nd time that day!  He had to settle for his left over KFC.  It was just the two of us so I said why bother with a glass?   Let's live on the edge and drink straight from the bottle.  So maybe I'm at home in my pj's watching a NYE countdown show but that's what makes it so edgy.  Right?  That's what I told myself anyways and Mj just thought I was crazy.

We spent a quiet low key night watching Friends With Benefits and then Dick Clark's New Year's Eve countdown with Ryan Seacrest cuddled up in the corner of our sectional.  If I had done this alone or with anyone else I probably would have considered it a pretty crappy New Year's Eve but since I was with Mj it was just fine with me.  We have fun together no matter what we do or where we go.  I wasn't out freezing somewhere in the middle of a crowd or spending too much money and I still got my midnight kiss.  I do resolve that next year we will definitely do something for NYE.  Anything at all would be a step up!

Happy New Year everyone!

Do I Really Have To Go Back To Work?

Today is the last day of Winter Break.  I knew it was coming but somehow I have still managed to be in disbelief that I have to go to work tomorrow.  After 12 days.  The horror!  And the fact that it's supposed to rain makes it even more delightful.  I've felt bad watching Mj get up and go to work every day while I sleep in but oh how wonderful it was not to have to do it myself.  I have enjoyed each and every nano second of every TV watching, magazine reading, hanging out with family, house cleaning, and gym going day.  That's right I said gym! I went to the gym four times last week.  Not only did I enjoy it I actually looked forward to it.  This from a person who hadn't step foot in the gym in over a year!!  All I can say is that The Lady of Leisure lifestyle suits me well.  It is everything I dreamed it would be and more.  I have time for errands, for house cleaning, for relaxing, cooking and the gym.  Not once have I felt overloaded, worn out or even bored.  Granted, one might find it gets boring after a while but I'm pretty good at keeping myself occupied and it's got to be better then 40 hours a week in the office.

The only pic I got of me!!

Mj and his buddy L

New Year's Eve was fun!  One of Mj's friend L hosted a Soul Food potluck.  Mj made yams which I absolutely do not eat but it was OK because there was plenty of other fattening yummy foods to indulge in.  We had a really fun time.  Just a small group of people.  I'm usually at home in my pajamas by midnight on New Year's Eve so it was nice to do something different this year.   I only had a bit of wine and champagne.  Due to Mj's 10 beers and excessive sobriety check points I drove home. 

Saturday and Sunday has mostly just been all about relaxing.  I spent a lot of time in my jammies.  I made sure to get all of my house cleaning done on Thursday so that I could just ride out the weekend without having house work to think about.  I went to the gym, picked up a few groceries and and gassed up the car yesterday.  I'm about as ready for work as I will ever be.  I worked on our wedding album on Shutterfly for hours today.  It's finally just about done.  We're making Mexican Pizza tonight for dinner....I should probably get started on that. 

As for New Year's resolutions.  I'm not really into them so much.  There are only three things that I would like to keep up with as we roll into the new year.  I want to continue being active at the gym or otherwise.  It's so important and despite time restraints and fatigue I need to make it a priority.  I also want to take some classes at the community college and continue on with learning Spanish using Rosetta Stone.  Oh, and one more.  Just to continue to nurture the things that are important in my life.  Namely, my family, my marriage and myself.  Everything else will follow. 

2010 Was Amazing

Feb 2010-Valentine's Day

As we begin a new year I think back to what a magical year 2010 was.  I had orchestrated my little life into a tiny neat little box that was my condo where I had re built my life for the last five years.  I had my independence, my budget, and my habits.  I knew what was what and it was safe.  I had finally managed to form some semblance of happiness and now everything was about to change and fast.

We lived together for the first time in my condo for 6 months.

We went through the house hunting roller coaster.

We booked a wedding venue in December 09 and went under contract for our new house in January.

We waited 6 months for our house to be built and finally got to move in on May 26th. 

We started out with dirt.......

And ended up with our first house

I actually made an effort to start cooking. 

The Cabbage, Rice & Turkey sausage turned out pretty good
except for the crunchy rice.

We settled in, organized, painted, and started to make our house into our home.

painting was harder then we thought

I rented out my condo.
Something I was (and still am) terrified of and NEVER EVER wanted to have to do.

My condo became a rental property

At the end of May my big sis moves back home for good at least the next five years.

After months of planning we got married on July 10-the most  magical day of my life. 

I do!

 In August my adorable baby nephew is born.  The first grandchild in the family. 

DJ.  Just a few hours old

At the end of October we jetted off for our perfect 8 day Hawaiian Honeymoon. 

Hiking Diamond Head

As soon as we got back from our honeymoon I started a new position at work in November after getting promoted.

In December Little sis' will take her last college final and finishes up college.

We enjoyed our first Christmas tree and Christmas in our new house.

The only thing left to is to have a baby and I do believe we are out of time on that one which is just fine with us!!

2010 in a word was amazing.  In two words, it was amazing and expensive!  So many good things happened.  Life changing things.  From January until July our lives were a whirlwind of house hunting and wedding plans.  There was stress, anxiety, pure joy and everything else in between.   Then, once things calmed down we got the chance to relax and just BE without a million things going on at once.   My big sis came home to stay and I love having her nearby and being able to see my nephew.  The wedding was wonderful and our honeymoon was our reward and celebration for everything that we had accomplished together.  I will always remember it as the year that my life changed for the better in ways that I never dreamed possible for me.  The year that I conquered my fears again and didn't let them overpower me as they had before.  The year that I truly believed for the first time in a long time that life is good.  It feels so good to be happy and it makes me sad to think of all the years I spent in misery hating life and hating myself even more.  I loved 2010 and there is a possibility it can't be topped this coming year but that's fine.  I'll gladly settle for happy.  It really is a new chapter for me.  I am looking forward to many more happy years in 2011 and beyond with my husband and wishing only good things for my family and yours.

What A Decade It's Been

With the end of 2010 comes the end of a decade and the starting of a new one.   The majority of this decade wasn't the happiest for me.  Let's re cap shall we:

• 2000-I am two years post college graduation and working in claims.  I dislike my job but in the years to come I will grow to HATE it.  I'm living with my fiance who also happens to have been my first boyfriend in our 2nd tiny apartment in as many years.
• 2002- After 4 years dating and 3 years engaged we finally make the mistake of getting married.  The seven years spent procrastinating on said action should have been a hint of things to come. 
• 2003-I am miserable and become very depressed.  My marriage sucks.  We don't communicate and we don't even like each other anymore.  I'm still working in claims and hating life more and more with each passing day.  The job is killing me but I would be taking a huge pay cut if I left and I had no idea what else I could do.
• 2004-Right before Christmas we separate.  I am too thin and he accuses me of having an eating disorder.  My weight hits an all time low.  We agree the relationship has run it's course.  I am on anti depressants, going to therapy and am sad and exhausted all the time.  We actually had a deposit down on a condo but I had to call and cancel everything. 

I spent a lot of nights at home alone

My cozy condo

• 2005-I buy a condo on my own and move into my own place in February and start to rebuild my life.  I'm living alone for the first time and I like it.  I can't take the stress anymore so I walk into work one day and quit my claims job of 6 years with no gig lined up and no plans.  What was I thinking?  I am too broke to buy a single Christmas present for anyone.  This is also the year I meet MT and we begin a sort of relationship.  I am still often sad and isolate myself alone a lot in my condo.   The divorce is finalized.

First portfolio shoot 2006




• 2006-I finally had the time to pursue modeling, which I'd been wanting to do for a while.  Turns out I was so beloved at my claims job they didn't want to let me go.  They offered me a part time position temporarily that stretched into a whole year.  I make so much that my hourly rate is still enough to keep me going along with modeling gigs.  I call the shots.  I work 24 hours a week for the next year and model.  Uh...working part time is awesome!  I'm so glad I had a chance to do that.  My big sis and I get out and do a lot of fun things together.  I didn't have a lot of friends so it was great having her as a best friend.  She moved out of state for a boy at the end of the year.  I smiled on the outside but no one really knew the extent of my sadness.  I was (and still am) so hard on myself.  I felt like a bit of a loser for wasting so much time in claims, not having a career, and for not really doing as well in modeling and acting as I'd have liked.  It felt like nothing I did was ever good enough. 

From Top Left Clockwise:  Vegas, Cruise with big sis 2006

• 2007-The money is running out and my part time position has ended-I stayed there for 7 years in all!  I haven't hit the big time and I need health insurance.  It's time to go back to full time work.  I find an office job at a college making about $12,000 a year less then I did working full time in Claims.   I am bummed out to have to quit modeling and lingering depression still haunts me.  After two years of sort of dating MT I find out he is totally married, and I totally end it with him.  He is only the second guy I have ever dated in my life so I really just didn't know any better.  There is a phone conversation with yelling and hanging up.  Such drama.  He helped me through a hard time and is still a friend to this day but I am not the home wrecker type.  End of story.  I meet a hot guy from Atlanta on My Space.  We meet up in Vegas for the first time and he flies me out to visit him in Atlanta.  Potentially scary and creepy but it actually turned out ok.  He was not "the one" but he helped me get over Married guy and was a big confidence booster.  My big sis got married and had a small wedding in Vegas.

Clockwise from Top Left:  2008-Camping Trip, Casino Weekend Getaway,
 Las Vegas, County Fair

• 2008-I meet the love of my life in March.  The man who would change my life.  He spoiled me.  We went camping, we went to Vegas, and he bought me things.  I was having the the best time ever getting to know him but even still I tried to push him away.  I still don't like myself enough to believe that I am worthy.  We find out he will be deployed and Eight months after meeting he leaves for a year overseas.  We had already decided we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.  The guy gave me a giant promise/engagement ring after four months!  Smitten much?  Well so was I!  And the happiness that has eluded me for so many years is finally mine for the taking.  After Christmas he's gone.  All of our plans have come to a screeching halt.  I won't see him again for 7 months. 

Christmas 2008

• 2009-I basically spent this year missing Mj, trying to keep busy and missing Mj.  I'm beginning to hate my job again so I  transfer to a new office.  I keep myself occupied by starting this blog.  I wrote away happily even though I had no followers and I worked on learning Spanish with Rosetta Stone.  I visit my big sis in NC, I hang out with friends and family.  My illustrious modeling career is capped off with a Top 5 Finish in the Joe's Next Model contest.  A memorable experience and a welcome distraction.  Mj comes home for a visit in July and then onto the home stretch until he is home for good in November.  I turned in my 2nd leased Jeep and bought a Honda in cash causing a near nervous breakdown.   I am overcome with anxiety and I'm not sure if it's because I've been without Mj so long, I'm afraid of all the changes that happen when he gets back or both.  What if I can't shake these awful feelings?  How are we going to accomplish everything we want to in the coming year? When he finally came home he made everything ok.  He moved in with me and talked me down from the ledge.  We went to Delaware in December where I met his parents for the first time and we set about building our life together.  

My B day with the 'rents  April 09.

Visit with Big Sis N. Carolina May 2009

We meet up with J who also lives in NC. 
She's the one who hooked up me and hubby.

July 2009 Visit.  We go to Vegas and enjoy every day we have together

My baby is home for good!!  Nov 2009

If you are still reading you now know everything you wanted to know about the last decade of my life and more.  I am a totally different person today then I was 10 years ago.  I beat my depression, and still err on the side of thin but I feel much better about myself and my life in general and I finally know what it's like to be happy.  What a freaking concept!  2010 clearly deserves it's own post so I won't touch on that here but suffice it to say that since 2008 things just got better and better for me.  

New Year's Eve Nap

Our New Year's Eve plans basically consisted of going out to dinner. Mj is not that into the whole New Years Eve party scene and I am not into the cost and the crowds so dinner was just fine for both of us. We went to a nice restaurant and enjoyed a good steak dinner. As if I needed to stuff my face full of any more food then I already have what with the holidays and traveling. But, it's New Years Eve and it will be my last indulgence for a while so I can cleanse my body of all of this ridiculous over eating. I enjoyed my meal and even ordered dessert. I can undo the damage next year right? At the restaurant I saw some girls in their chilly party dresses and unforgiving party shoes and was so glad not to be in their shoes. I was warm and comfortable in Uggs and jeans. I didn't have to try to look all cute just to go out and eat some steak.

We were so tired from traveling that we actually didn't make it until New Years. About an hour before midnight Mj turned the TV to one of the countdown shows. We promptly dozed off within minutes. I woke up to Britney Spears performing. My goodness she is looking better then ever and I really wanted to watch it but I couldn't even stay awake for that and the next thing I know it's 12:32 am and Mj and I are both knocked out.

"Oh no, we missed it. Do you still want champagne?" I said nope and off we went back to sleep.

New Years Day was spent watching movies and relaxing. That is all either of us wanted to do. We did have some champagne and toast to the New Years. A day late, but oh well. Oh, we did toast at dinner too-so technically that should cover it!

It's been a while since I made any New Years resolutions, but here are a few things I want for the New Year:

• Get back to my normal eating [non pigging out] routine.
• Get better at cooking.
• Start all over with Rosetta Stone and move forward with learning Spanish.
• Reduce my anxiety and stress. Be happy. Bad things in life happen-just deal with it.
• Spend little to no money on wants. There is no room in the budget for anything but the wedding.
• Buy a house, plan and enjoy and amazing wedding, and go to Europe for my honeymoon.
• Earn more money. No plan whatsoever.......
• Exercise. Doesn't have to be at the gym.